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Rock, Paper, Scissors, INFINITY! - Round 1

Discussion in 'Circus Maximus' started by Doomsday, Oct 27, 2008.

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  1. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    The first round of RPSI is here - prepare your clever witticisms, because there is NO. MERCY. Refer back to the original thread for the list of competitors and general rules.
    Note that this tournament is forum-based. Weapons should be pmed to me with the title "Round 1 - Vs. [user]" (obviously you type in the user you are competing against). It's really no big deal if you forget about that, but it just makes things easier for me. After the deadline, all the weapons will be posted and they will be awaiting judging.

    ALSO: Brain had a great idea; if you aren't a judge, or even if you aren't playing, feel free to post your story if you feel it is a good one. That way we can choose the next judges more accurately. Note that this doesn't count as an official judging on this tournament. The 'official' 5 judges are: Doomsday, Brain, cookie, thunda and Isy.

    ROUND 1 MATCHES

    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger

    ---

    The deadline is in 48 hours (ie. wednesday 29th October)
    Have fun and duke it out.
  2. Toothache

    Toothache Let the music play!
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    Posting my predictions for R1:

    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger
  3. monkfish

    monkfish what are birds?
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    god fucking dammit why does everyone post fun tournaments at the weekend when im not at home
    edit: at least i can post stories if there are good ones i guess

    ALSO doomsday if you werent going to then i suggest you post the answers anonymously (as opposed to how its done on irc)
  4. GTS

    GTS

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    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger
  5. cookie

    cookie Adominnustrata
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    this isn't a bad idea if we have a mini-tournament voting for the best submission it would be good. but tbh our writing styles are pretty distinct so it wouldn't be too hard to tell who's who
  6. moot

    moot

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    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato
    vs. Gormenghast gogo aamto (: underdog underdog underdog
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger hahahahaha ck is out early
  7. Swaggersaurus

    Swaggersaurus I DON'T NEED A MAN
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    Man the odds are against me.

    That's okay though, that makes me the underdog, right?
  8. CaptKirby

    CaptKirby

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    You guys have no idea how incredible my answer is :)
  9. Hipmonlee

    Hipmonlee Have a rice day
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    I have submitted.

    Try to match me if you dare Az. But.. Heh.. If I were you I'd be changing my name and fleeing to Venezuela..

    Have a nice day.
  10. Swaggersaurus

    Swaggersaurus I DON'T NEED A MAN
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    Man I am genuinely intimidated by that post, especially since I too have submitted, and am having second thoughts about the versatility of my submission :(

    shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
  11. StrangerDanger

    StrangerDanger RETURN TO COMPETITIVE POKEMON ISLAND
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    These predicts don't really matter, as it's the judges who count
    anyways,

    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato
    vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
  12. Morm

    Morm

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    Mekkah vs. Jackal - going with my boy on this one
    WER vs. dak - who the fuck is dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM - sorry GTS
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid - modesty is for the weak
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger -sorry SD, vulgarity wins the day


    Also I just wanna say how nice the judges all look today
  13. Swaggersaurus

    Swaggersaurus I DON'T NEED A MAN
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    Okay I'm over it let's do this.

    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger

    Yeah I don't know how matamato vs gorm is gonna work.
  14. StrangerDanger

    StrangerDanger RETURN TO COMPETITIVE POKEMON ISLAND
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    i'm loling
  15. Jackal

    Jackal I'm not retarded I'm Canadian it's different
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    so basically if my weapon is a haircut i beat mekkah right???

    o its on
  16. Kumar

    Kumar
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    who the fuck is dak hahahaha
    anyway, predictions:

    Mekkah vs. Jackal
    WER vs. dak
    zerowing vs. gmax
    Az vs. Hipmonlee
    GTS vs. DM
    matamato vs. Gormenghast
    Batpig vs. Mormoopid
    CaptKirby vs. StrangerDanger

    tourney winner: siddesh13
  17. Mekkah

    Mekkah
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    I submitted and oh boy
  18. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    GTS vs. DM

    just because no one else is giving him a chance
  19. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    missing like 6 pms niggers, you know who you are, get your weapons on.
  20. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    Weapon GET!

    Here are the match-ups; the owners of each weapon will be revealed after judging.

    MATCHES

    A flask filled with potato vodka
    versus...
    A mystical maroon molecular-morphing monocle

    --

    User StrangerDanger with a working chainsaw for his right hand
    versus...
    E. Honda carrying a ghettoblaster and weilding a whip made out of barbed wire

    --

    Blackheart's trenchantly lurid heart as it pumps calmly yet powerfully in the froth of battle with Dark Akuma to decide the fate of the world.
    versus...
    Gary Oak's girth

    --

    Ballsack-Fu as featured in the film Pom Poko performed by the man (or beast??) with the largest ballsack in the world.
    versus...
    A sign which says "Do not press under any circumstances ever", which is located above a single bright red button, hidden underground in a top secret research facility. (The user responsible for this submittal wrote a pretty amusing/eloquent text introducing his weapon, so I'd advise you to check it out as well)

    --

    A boxing kangaroo doped up on weed
    versus...
    User Kristy Haruka's 'Minge'.

    --

    Snoop Doggy Dogg wearing the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
    versus...
    User Junior, having just consumed a CK sized portion of sugar.

    --

    SHOERIKEN. You know those ninja stars? This is the shoe version. First, you kick someone in the face, then a star flies out with blades on all sides, turning everyone into a dirty pile of blood. It can be programmed into three different modes: slices, pieces or invisible bits. After using it, please clean it before putting it back in your shoe. It has a rechargable battery that gets its energy out of walking with the shoe it's in.
    versus...
    Big Sausage Pizza.

    --

    A scarecrow made of tin straws wearing a fur coat made of lion's mane hair, silver heels and emerald shades.
    versus...
    The Robot Mafia

    --

    Judges should begin judging ASAP, awesome stuff everyone this is gonna be brilliant.
  21. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    These are two amazing matchups, rofl.

    And I am SOOOO going to lose. :cloud:
  22. gorm

    gorm
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    aamto is a worthy opponent but i hope the judges see the light and declare me the rightful winner :D


    also lol robot mafia
  23. cookie

    cookie Adominnustrata
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    A flask filled with potato vodka
    versus...
    A mystical maroon molecular-morphing monocle
    The monocle focuses sunlight boosted bya alliteration and sets fire to the flask of vodka.
    The monocle wins.


    User StrangerDanger with a working chainsaw for his right hand
    versus...
    E. Honda carrying a ghettoblaster and weilding a whip made out of barbed wire
    StrangerDanger eyes up E. Honda, appreciating his great bulk. E. Honda does the same, equally in awe of StrangerDanger's beard. 'How shall we settle this?' they wonder; eventually they agree to a tree-felling contest: most trees felled wins. StrangerDanger looks smug, thinking 'I am a lumberjack! This is no contest!', but no sooner did he think that did E. Honda start sawing through multiple trees using barbed wire. StrangerDanger gives up using the now-obsolete chainsaw and starts bellowing 'TIMBERRRRR', each syllable infused with centuries of lumberjacking experience and amplified by the ghettoblaster (looks like that backfired!). The entire forest collapses and he is declared the victor.
    StrangerDanger wins.

    Blackheart's trenchantly lurid heart as it pumps calmly yet powerfully in the froth of battle with Dark Akuma to decide the fate of the world.
    versus...
    Gary Oak's girth
    Gary Oak's girth, by definition, cannot be ignored and given Blackheart is an omnipotent being he appreciates all sexuality and Gary's member gets his heart racing. It's all good until Professor Oak comes over and stands shocked having seen his grandson in the altogether. After staring in shock for a minute, he mutters: 'You're not as big as Ash.'. Gary Oak gets dressed and Blackheart's heart is spared.
    Blackheart wins.

    Ballsack-Fu as featured in the film Pom Poko performed by the man (or beast??) with the largest ballsack in the world.
    versus...
    A sign which says "Do not press under any circumstances ever", which is located above a single bright red button, hidden underground in a top secret research facility.
    When you're as well-endowed as the Ballsack-Fu you think you're top dog of everything you don't really appreciate the danger that the red button poses. He breezes past the impressive security checks with his jism, getting to the button in a mere 12 hours. By now the virile raccoon is so totally exhausted he cannot even reach up to press the red button, so he just goes to sleep. However, while sleeping he has a wet dream which hits the button, followed by the message: 'Saving the Universe.....DO NOT TURN OFF THE POW-'. And then there was nothing.
    Button wins.

    A boxing kangaroo doped up on weed
    versus...
    User Kristy Haruka's 'Minge'.
    Since nobody has seen Kristy Haruka in real life we cannot determine whether she is a man or a woman, and given the uncertainty principle we can say s/he is both at the same time until we observe her in real life. Therefore, Kristy Haruka has a vagina and a penis at the same time so her vagina's power is weakened somewhat - not looking good so far. The kangaroo observes his/her nether regions and sees...BOTH. Confused and dazed, he lunges forth at Kristy Haruka with fists travelling at relativistic speeds because of the time dilation effects of the weed. The kangaroo gives him/her the one-two and eliminates the living paradox from the universe.
    Kangaroo wins.

    Snoop Doggy Dogg wearing the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
    versus...
    User Junior, having just consumed a CK sized portion of sugar.
    Junior is unfortunately not blessed with the gargantuan insulin levels CaptKirby has to enable him to consume so much sugar, so he falls into a semi-comatose state. In the meantime Snoop Doggy Dogg, wearing the Dreamcoat, declares himself '(BAN ME PLEASE) joseph' and begins to interpret Junior's semi-conscious muttering and portrays them through a rap musical. 'There will be seven days of good threads in Firebot, followed by seven days of bad ones', he says. The moderators of Firebot heed his advice and put him in charge, letting him do whatever is necessary to live through the onslaught of shitty posts and quickly became the most powerful person in Smogon.
    Snoop Dogg wins.

    SHOERIKEN.
    versus...
    Big Sausage Pizza.
    The SHOERIKEN is like 'fuck i'm fucked all i can do is slice shit up and this is a fucking SAUSAGE PIZZA i'm up against' and begins to fear his impending defeat. The Big Sausage Pizza is thinking that he's got this in the bag, pizzas are even more delicious in slices. Then a complication arises: the pizza gets excited and a big sausage appears from the middle. The SHOERIKEN looks on, slightly confused and thinking, 'a sausage that DOESN'T want to be sliced?'. The Big Sausage Pizza is all like 'FUCK'. He sees his opportunity and starts spinning wildly towards the engorged sausage, proceeding to make salami sandwiches of it.
    SHOERIKEN wins.

    A scarecrow made of tin straws wearing a fur coat made of lion's mane hair, silver heels and emerald shades.
    versus...
    The Robot Mafia
    Since both combatants are without heart the scarcrow successfully infiltrates the Robot Mafia, who long ago broke free of their inferior human masters who were so bad at lying about being innocent. They took the scarecrow under their collective electronic wing, having watched the Wizard of Oz and realising the potential of the scarecrow if they imbued him with the personal qualities it sought. Of course, all this time the scarecrow was really working with the Dorothy faction to take down the Robot Mafia from the inside, but unfortunately Toto was thunda and divulged their plans to the Robot Mafia, who proceeded the electronically vote out the scarecrow.
    Robot Mafia wins.
  24. Thunda

    Thunda

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    There was once a man. His name was Baron Baron Jones. Yeah Baron was his title and his first name. He would always be seen about town wearing the finest suits, complete with a top hat and walking cane. A real gentleman. Everyone admired and adored him. He may have been 100 times richer than the common folk, but damn, he was gracious about it. He even gave a sixpence to the town beggars whenever he saw them. Everyone loved the Baron, until he changed. Until he was corrupted.

    Everyone wondered the source of the Baron's corruption? Why did such a fine gentlemen turn so evil, so quickly? It happened the day his Grandfather's (who was also called Baron Baron Jones) lost will was found. It should have stayed lost. That day the Baron inherited a family treasure from his deceased Grandfather, the Mystical Maroon Molecular-morphing Monocle.

    The Baron put the monocle on. He did it both to honour his dead Grandfather, and as it was quite a gentlemanly accessory. The Monocle was bound to his face, providing him with new powers and abilities. Those powers included: the speed of a panther, the strength of a bear and the alcohol resistance level of an elephant. Despite these new powers, the Baron could not resist the monocles evil maroon corruption. Since he put it on he was dedicated to one cause: destroying anything that wasn't maroon.

    The people in the Baron's town objected heavily to this. Their town was not maroon in the slightest! It would be destroyed... unless a brave hero stepped forth. And so he did. The landlord of the local pub, the Cyan Duck (cyan is maroons greatest enemy) came up with an answer. He brewed the most potent beverage known to man: Potato vodka. This has been proven to be a very strong drink by many films, such as The Great Escape.

    The landlord dressed himself in a cape of maroon, and approached the Baron (who was currently destroying a well made of yellow brick.) He offered the drink to the Baron, who gladly accepted. After all, he had been destroying all day, and this maroon wearing stranger appeared to be pretty friendly. Baron Jones downed the drink in one, and, like an elephant, he resisted its deadly pull. He wasn't even tipsy. The Baron then casually threw the flask to the bottom of the half destroyed well, and moved on to his next target: a book-shop painted blue.

    The landlord fell to his knees in despair. He had failed. His town would be destroyed. They say that flask is still at the bottom of that yellow brick well. It could be.

    A mystical maroon molecular-morphing monocle wins


    -


    BOOOOM... BOOOOOOOM... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM... That was the sound of the great warrior E. Honda entering the ring. He, this champion of warriors, had joined a "RPSI Tournament." Honda didn't know what this was. He didn't care. He just wanted to prove his might. With him he had brought his two greatest weapons: A ghetto-blaster and a whip made of barbed wire. Honda stood at the side of the ring, awaiting his opponent.

    VRRRRR VRRRRRRRRRR VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMM. E. Honda stared at the source of the strange noise. From the other side of the arena approached a bearded man... the famed moderator StrangerDanger. He had a rage in his eyes, as if a forest was burning inside his head. His right arm... it was different. It was spinning around furiously, and it shone, reflecting light from the Sun into E. Honda's eyes. His arm was a working chainsaw.

    The two fighters began to circle around the ring, staring each other in the eyes. StrangerDanger revved his chainsaw furiously, and the fumes given off began to blot out the sun. These brave warriors shall fight in the shade.

    As StrangerDanger revved his chainsaw, E. Honda placed his ghetto-blaster on the ground and turned on his theme tune. The song that would inspire him to victory.. the song that would end the world.

    "BABY YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANT
    WHEN YOU'RE LYING HERE IN MY ARMS"


    StrangerDanger ignored this new distraction, and charged wildly at E. Honda, his chainsaw revving manically. Just as SD was about to make contact Honda leapt to the side, avoiding a blow which would have surely severed his arm. "Hehhhhh" laughed Honda, with a heavy Japanese accent. As he laughed he cracked his whip fiercely, catching StrangerDanger on the cheek, tearing the skin. One inch higher and SD would be blind in one eye.

    "I'M FINDING IT HARD TO BELIEVE
    WE'RE IN HEAVEN"


    The wound infuriated StrangerDanger... "You will regret this... Edmond Honda." SD revved his chainsaw violently and lunged for Honda's face. Expecting a gush of blood, he was greeted with only a single lock of thick, black hair. Honda had ducked, in the last second.

    "OH THINKING ABOUT ALL OUR YOUNGER YEARS
    THERE WAS ONLY YOU AND ME
    WE WERE YOUNG AND WILD AND FREEE"


    As Honda knelt on the floor he lashed his whip towards StrangerDanger's face, but this time his foe was prepared. Catching the whip in left hand, SD ignored the pain of a thousand barbs piercing his palm as he pulled E. Honda towards him. As Honda was pulled up, he was wrapped up in his own whip by the quick hands of SD. He couldn't move... StrangerDanger began to rev his chainsaw again, readying himself for the kill.

    "WE'VE BEEN DOWN THAT ROAD BEFORE
    BUTS THAT'S OVER NOW
    YOU KEEP ME COMING BACK FOR MORE"


    StrangerDanger raised his deadly blade above Honda's head, and looked the Japanese sumo straight in the eye and said, "Tonight you dine in-"

    "SUUUUPER HEADBUTT!"

    E. Honda had taken his chance to perform his special attack, the Super Zutsuki, and it had had devastating effect. As StrangerDanger had taunted his foe, he had been unprepared for a final, desperate, move, and he was met with a clash of foreheads. Honda's thick skull was left undamaged, and SD was left concussed, lying helpless on the floor of the arena.

    E. Honda unravelled himself from his barbed wire whip and tied StrangerDanger up in it. Honda wouldn't kill him this man. He would leave him for the vultures.

    "AND LOVE IS ALL THAT I NEED
    AND I FOUND IT HERE IN YOUR HEART
    IT ISN'T TOO HARD TO SEE
    WE'RE IN HEAVENNN"


    E. Honda carrying a ghetto-blaster and wielding a whip made out of barbed wire wins


    -


    You walk in to a room and you are met with darkness. Confused, and a little worried, you reach around and eventually find a light switch. You press the switch and the room is suddenly filled with a blinding, piercing light. You realise how small this room is... And how bad it smells.

    Then you turn your attention to a table, bag in the centre of the room. It was a standard wooden table, but what was on it made you throw up. Twice. A heart. And a penis.

    The heart was clearly from Blackheart, son of the demon lord Mephisto. Created from centurys of accumalated evil, Blackheart is pure sin. His heart, as his name implies, was as black as the night (almost as black as Isy). As it lay beating on the table, dark purple blood was spewed everywhere. The veins were a lighter purple, and they told a tale of destruction and despair (and an overly descriptive submitter).

    Next to the table was a penis, which had been severed from the Pokémon master Gary Oak. Gary Oak was a true pokémon trainer. He had a fucking Nidoking (I think?) His penis' girth, to put it simply... was incredible. You just couldn't ignore it. So... fascinated... you just had to pick it up. And it felt... odd. Not just odd, it felt fricking disgusting, who picks a penis up off a table anyway? Appalled at yourself you threw it out the window, which then immediately sealed itself (power of Blackheart heh).

    You then sit in the corner, left to spend the rest of your days with the pulsing heart of the worlds greatest evil, Blackheart. Who knows, maybe one day one of your organs will lay on that very same table. You can only hope so.

    Blackheart's trenchantly lurid heart as it pumps calmly yet powerfully in the froth of battle with Dark Akuma to decide the fate of the world wins


    -


    "TESTICLE-HA!!" The cry of the Tanuki echoed across the dark cave in which he was trudging through slowly, held back by his huge balls. Tanuki were usually friendly animals, but this one was... angry. He was putting his practice of Ballsack-Fu to good use. His friends had been captured by a top secret scientific research. Their DNA was apparently vital in the production of a new bomb to be used on the Arabs: testicle enlarging missiles (TSMs). This lone Tanuki wouldn't stand for that. "TESTICLE-HA!!" he cried, as he shattered a locked security door, with a single swipe of his left nut.

    As the Tanuki ventured through the dark caverns, he encountered many enemies. He had bigger balls than all of them. Fights nowadays are determined by the size of your balls, and his were like damn watermelons.

    Eventually the Tanuki reached the 16th level of the research facility. As he strode into the room he swung his balls around, preparing for battle. When he found his foe... he was surprised! He expected a crazy scientist with many weapons... but instead there was a sign above a red button. Signs and buttons don't even have balls! This will be an easy fight... or so he thought.

    The Tanuki, ignoring the sign's warning, pressed the red button with his balls. He was then granted entrance into the holding cell of his fellow Tanuki. But first... he must be X-rayed.

    As he was X-rayed, the radiation got into his balls... and destroyed them. The Tanuki developed testicular cancer, and his greatest weapons were instantly rendered useless. Depressed and distraught, he tried to crush himself under the weight of his balls. But it wouldn't work! The balls would never crush anything again. He released his friends, but his life was ruined. The Tanuki lived out the rest of his life an outcast, a poison-balled outcast.

    He should have read the sign.

    A sign which says "Do not press under any circumstances ever", which is located above a single bright red button, hidden underground in a top secret research facility wins


    -


    All was calm in Australia. There had been no major catastrophes in a while. The people had recovered from the rodent problem and Steve Irwin's death, but then... but then... Kristy Haruka got off her flight. Exiled from the USA she had chosen to live in Britain's prison: Australia.

    Kristy, at the time, carried about seven different STDs. US government had informed the Australians about this, and they had to take her out.. permanently. Knowing what was at stake, the Australian Secret Services dispatched their most lethal agent to Sydney International Airport.

    Kristy got into her hired taxi and asked the man to drive her to a rented flat in Sydney. He drove her far into the outback, and threw her out into the desert. At first Kristy was confused then she just ^__^;; ~~'d it off, and began to walk on.

    THUMP THUMP GA THUMP. Kristy turned around and she was face to face with a seven foot tall Kangaroo wearing a suit. This was the Australians secret weapon, a doped up boxing Kangaroo. In his mouth was a spliff, and he took a deep puff and then blew smoke into her face. Coughing, Kristy smiled at the Kangaroo and said, "Hiyaaa.. whatcha doing here anyway? ^___S;"

    The Kangaroo had been warned of this. She would try and tempt him with her 'minge.' What that meant the Kangaroo did not know, but he checked www.dictionary.com and he was disgusted. The Kangaroo leant back, and gave Kristy a right hook to the jaw. She fell to the ground, dead. Her face changed from ^__^;; to %__% and she breathed her final breath.

    A boxing kangaroo doped up on weed wins


    -


    "Yo dawgs wassup... the Snoops got some new threads y'all heard me?!" You see a black man walking onto a stage, wearing an amazing coat. You know this guy, he is Snoop Doggy Dogg and oh shit he is wearing Joseph's Amazing technicolour dreamcoat. This (BAN ME PLEASE) be chillin...

    Snoop walked to the front of the stage, and to the screams of fans began to rap...

    "SNOOOOOOOOOOOP
    SNOOOOOOOOOOOP"


    Snoop walked to the edge of the stage, the beats pulsing out...

    "WHEN DA PIMP'S IN DA CRIB MA
    DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT
    DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT
    DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT


    Snoop Dogg continued to rap, and the fans loved him. One of them... a bit too much. All the crowd stopped as they saw a young boy climb on to the stage and run towards Snoop Dogg screaming "I LOVE YOU SNOOOOOOOP!" This boy was Junior and he had found CaptKirby's sugar stash. Thankfully he left the cheese where it was. Bad breath and a sugar high isn't cool. Snoop ignored him and continued his song...

    "WHEN THE PIGS TRY TO GET YA
    DROP IT LIKES ITS HOT
    DROP IT LIKES IT HOT
    DROP IT LIKES IT HOT"


    On the greatest sugar rush ever, Junior ran towards Snoop, trying to grab him, almost ripping the coat. Snoop wouldn't take that shit. He just paid top dollar for that coat. Snoop stepped back and pulled a gun out his pocket and he shouted at the boy...

    "THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU JUNIOR... THIS IS ABOUT THE COAT... SORRY DAWG."

    Snoop fired and Juniors body hit the stage floor like a sack of potatoes. Security took him backstage, Snoop stepped forward again and...

    "AND IF A NIGGA GETS ATTITUDE
    POP IT LIKES ITS HOT
    POP IT LIKES ITS HOT
    POP IT LIKES IT HOT"


    Snoop Doggy Dogg wearing the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat wins.


    -


    Despite changing their name to Pasta Hut, Pizza Hut still sells big unhealthy pizzas. One of these is the Big Sausage Pizza (we will act like it is a normal pizza food porn is dumb). The Big Sausage Pizza is pretty big. Probably too big for a human man to eat. That's exactly what Jones was thinking. He bought this damn pizza for £19.99, and he cannot even eat it! His best knife wasn't strong enough to cut the pizza. It was so... big! If only he had something sharp to cut it with...

    Then Jones remembered the Shoeriken, a sharp star launcher built into a shoe. He got it as a gift from his uncle, Baron Jones. This was before the Baron got possessed by a monocle. What was that all about even? No! No time to think about the Baron. Jones forced his uncle out his mind, and focused on the problem at hand. He then rushed upstairs, and put on his Shoeriken. He walked clumsily downstairs (one foot has nothing and one has a huge metal boot heh) and goes into the kitchen, where the Big Sausage Pizza is lying on the table.

    Jones picked up the pizza, threw it into the air and kicked it. His Shoeriken was set to "slices" mode. When the pizza landed back on the table it was in eight slices, each perfectly edible. Jones would not go hungry after all! Jones threw the Shoeriken into the corner, and began to eat the Big Sausage Pizza.

    When he finished Jones though to himself, "Fucking extra large I will buy two mediums next time; fuck the Shoeriken." Jones then discarded the Shoeriken, as he would never need it again. Medium Sausage Pizza can be sliced with a knife.

    Big Sausage Pizza wins.


    -


    It was a cold, rainy day in New New York. And this Wizard of Oz hybrid was a long, long way from home. "There's no place like home, theres no place like home... THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!" The strange man repeated this again and again, clicking his heels together, but nothing happened. "Oh well" he thought, "I have the brains of the scarecrow, the heart of the tinman, the courage of the lion and the goddamn shades of the Wizard. Oh, and Dorothy's shoes. Heh. I'll manage." The man then walked down the street.

    "Well lookee here Clamps. We got a new robot in town. Boss ain't gonna like this, thats for sure," said an Italian, slightly mechanic voice, who was watching from the distance. This was Joey Mousepad, of the Robot Mafia.

    "Forget the boss, lets nail him ourselves. I'm a' itching for some clampin'" replied his accomplice, Clamps.

    "No Clamps, the boss may wanna... speak to him hisself. If you know what I mean" said Joey Mousepad, sounding worried.

    "Of course I know what you mean you clampin' idiot. Come on lets go, or ill give you the goddamn clamps."

    The two robots headed back to their headquarters where they met the godfather of organised robotic crime, the Donbot. He was sat down on an armchair, wearing his standard brown hat and coat. "Whatcha got for me boys?" the Donbot asked.

    "Wells boss.. we got some new robot in town... wearing green shades, thinks hes slick stuff... want me to give him the clamps? I'll give him the clamps, I'll do it."

    "Clamps, Clamps, take it easy. We don't gotta be givin no one the clamps. Not yet. This guy could be a friend. Bring him to me" the Donbot replied.

    "Sure thing boss. Just leave it to us" said Joey. Him and Clamps then left the Boss' headquarters, ready to bring in the new boy in town.

    It didn't take long for Joey and Clamps to find the Robot in shades. He was in the town centre, clicking his heels again. Still wearing his shades, he infuriated Clamps. He clearly thought he ran the place. The Robot Mafia runs the place. Clamps and Joey also noticed he wasn't even a robot. He was a damn SCARECROW!"

    "Screw the boss. This guy is getting the CLAMPS" Clamps screamed, as he dived towards the Wizard of Oz hybrid. Despite all his good qualities, nothing can stop Clamps when he wants to clamp you. The mans arms were battered and bruised from repetitive clamping, and he ran away, sobbing. The heart from the lion did nothing.

    However, when Clamps and Joey Mousepad returned to the boss, he was mad.

    "I told you numbskulls to BRING the guy to me, not clamp him and scare him off! We coulda recruited him damnit!"

    "But.... the shades.... he was askin for the clamps, he 'ad it coming Boss, he did" said Clamps.

    "Enough excuses. Get out my sight boys. I dunno if I can work with you two again."

    And only two blocks away, using a comibation of the Wizards intelligence and the Scarecrows brain, the tin scarecrow was plotting his revenge... He would punish the mafia who humiliated him...

    A scarecrow made of tin straws wearing a fur coat made of lion's mane hair, silver heels and emerald shades wins
  25. Chill Murray

    Chill Murray get well soon jacoby..

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,453
    Hahaha, thunda. I want to have arguments with you over whose turn it is to feed the baby.
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