In the near future a homeless man is brutally murdered and subsequently reborn as a super-human cyborg, he stumbles into battle like a drunken fool, do not underestimate this facade, for under his trash can armor, HOBOCOP is a ruthless vigilante armed with the latest in hobo technology.
vs.
A small, bright orange triangular flag, hanging from a fiberglass pole attached to the rear wheel of a bicycle. Not only is it safe, but it's cool too.
He was once a normal man... a man who lost his way. After losing his job, home and wife this man began to live on the streets, he became a hobo. He was just like any other hobo, he wore a long green tramp-coat and kept all his belongings in a stolen shopping trolley. This man was leading a pretty standard hobo life, until one day he was attacked by some guys who had houses - fucking non-hobos. The non-hobos beat the hobo to death... but he didn't die. He was later reborn as HOBOCOP - DEFENDER OF THE HOMELESS.
HOBOCOP was on his daily patrol of arresting non-hoboes when he noticed a young girl riding her bicycle, an orange flag waving high in the air, looking extremely cool and keeping her extremely safe. This girl infuriated HOBOCOP, she made him remember his old bicycle, his old orange flag. The orange even reminded him of the ginger hair of the Irishmen who killed him..... HOBOCOP couldn't let her live.
HOBOCOP drew his greatest weapon, a putter he stole from the local driving range. He charged the girl, banging on his bin armour, making a very loud noise. HOBOCOP prepared to strike the girl down with his putter, but the noise had warned her. She turned around quickly and the sight of the bearded, metallic, crazy-eyed HOBOCOP scared the hell out of her, causing her to fall off her bike into the road.
Just as the girl fell a car was fast approaching. The car was about to hit the girl, but luckily the driver noticed the small, bright orange triangular flag. This warned him, and he swerved away at the last minute and he crashed straight into... HOBOCOP. HOBOCOP's trash can armour could not withstand blows from a car, and he was crushed under its might. HOBOCOP's honourable crime-fighting career ended that day, as he died for a second time.
Winner: A small, bright orange triangular flag, hanging from a fiberglass pole attached to the rear wheel of a bicycle. Not only is it safe, but it's cool too.
~~~~~~~~~~
Michael Jackson (when he was black), Flavor Flav (when he was sane), and David "The Hoff" Hasslehoff (when he was stunningly handsome) collaborating together on a secret Pop CD.
vs.
The Metric System
M.J., Flavour Flav and The Hoff were sitting in the recording studio, working on the first song of their new CD, "I Ain't Scared Billie Jean, Get In My Car" It was all going good, this was bound to be a number one hit. Anyway M.J. was doing the moonwalk and the Hoff bet him, "Hey M.J. i bet you cant moonwalk for 3 and half metres straight"
"You betcha I can" replied M.J. and he began to moonwalk. After three and half metres he grinned paedophilicly at The Hoff, proud of of his victory.
"Well, I bet you cant tell me the current temperature... in Celsius"
"BOOM"
The great neglect of the Imperial System had exploded the head of Flavour Flav. He just could not cope with The Metric System. Metres was already bad enough, but Celsius took it to far. Flav is used to Fahrenheit damnit.
With the death of Flavour Flav the secret pop CD was cancelled, and the Metric System then took over the USA, one square kilometre at a time.
Winner: The Metric System
