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Other ROCK PAPER SCISSORS INFINITY

Discussion in 'Circus Maximus' started by RODAN, Aug 28, 2012.

  1. gookie

    gookie Adominnustrata
    is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus

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    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.

    As Birkal sat at his computer desk, making chocolate cupcakes, charming multiple bitches, and drinking grape soda, something flickered at the bottom of the screen. Slightly alarmed, Birkal withdrew from the three ladies simultaneously and looked to see his IRC PM window flashing in its custom fluorescent pink colour scheme, it's a PM.

    Patamon: ^_^ birkal there's a spambot!
    Birkal: okay, Patamon, I'm on it ^_^
    Birkal: hahahahaha
    Birkal: n.n

    Birkal followed the hastily pasted link and was greeted by a surprise -

    [​IMG]

    Now, Birkal was not a stupid man, he knew something was up! But the personal address made him dubious, he was drawn in...

    Birkal whipped off his love-making gloves, sopping wet, and began furiously typing a tl;dr -

    [​IMG]

    Birkal soon realized he has gone completely off-topic, but then his PM window flashed again. Who could it be?

    xXXILoveBirkalXXx: please buy scarves at our great site www.woodlandscarves99.com
    Birkal: i'm not so sure. do you need me to redirect you to smogon metagames and our great Q&A thread?
    xXXILoveBirkalXXx: please buy hats and shoes at our great site www.woodlandscarves99.com
    Birkal: i'm going to go make chocolate cookies and be adorable.

    Elsewhere, a lonely tiger by the name Corky, deformed from birth, having too many rows of teeth for his mouth, and an extremely cumbersome pair of raptor wings incapable of flight, prepares for his first day at college. A lost child since conception, he has always been oblivious and depressed, his physical aberrations making the other tigers stay well away from him. Also, his raptor wings proved far too long to maintain and have the permanent stank of tiger BO.

    Corky slowly padded through the campus, apathetic and lugubrious. He came across his lecture building, class: Philosophy 101. He immediately became sentinent and lamented life, death, and spambots.

    Corky got home as quickly as he could, flicked on his computer and went on IRC. He was completely apoplectic, he hunted down spambots faster than diarrhoea out a lubricated asshole.

    Corky: fuck you spambot
    wildislandposters01: check out our great selection of premium black fountain pens
    Corky: fuck you spambot
    wildislandposters01: visit our great site www.livejasmin.com

    Hours pass, Corky was weary, but still determined. He had hunted down every last spambot on SynIRC... except one

    Corky: fuck you spambot
    xXXILoveBirkalXXx: i am not a spambot. i love birkal
    Birkal: that's right

    Corky recoiled from the screen, what was 'Birkal' doing in his PM? Corky's sentinence went into overdrive and he became more and more self-aware..

    [​IMG]

    Corky: fuck you birkal
    Corky: fuck you spambot
    xXXILoveBirkalXXx: /me huggles birkal
    Birkal: /me pet xXXILoveBirkalXXx
    Birkal: this guy can't be a spambot
    Corky: ???????????

    Winner: a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.


    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    Earthworm grunted, his breath is heavy with exertion, his forehead lined with the sweat of a man who has massive pecs. A low baritone emerged from what seemed to be his chest cavity, veins popped, bones creaked, the floorboards bent beneath his massive weight.

    "Dude! Nice lift, bro."

    ".........." Earthworm grunted and muttered, the way a man with massive pecs should do.

    "What was that, like, 350?"

    "3.14159265359*10^3." Earthworm shrugged, showing modesty beyond his man-tits. The man of the Earth sauntered off, knocking gym equipment over with his heaving breasts. He picked up a towel and patted himself down, paying special attention to his nipples because they tended to chafe. Earthworm would shower at the gym, but the cubicles were too small to house him.

    The street smelled of toast. Burned toast and laser beams. Earthworm sniffed the air, his animalistic instincts going into hyperdrive. His nips went super-hard, his pecs began to do the dance of death. Left one up, right one down, left one down, right one up.

    A slow, calm, crackled voice swam around the corner.

    "You can get anything in here, if you know where to look."

    The smell of toast grew stronger. Earthworm's nips cut through his deep v-neck shirt that he liked to wear.

    "Old Red can hook you up."

    A single ring of a bell, a spring unloading, a bright light. Earthworm whipped his head back, snapped out of the reverie of perhaps the most soothing voice in existence.

    Morgan Freeman had a toaster at his hip, a trail of breadcrumbs marked the path of destruction he had left.

    "Oh, Miss Daisy is going to love this."

    Laser began to fill the air, a deadly disco had begun.

    Earthworm's reactions were top-notch, due to all the Pokemon he played. Yet, with pecs that big it was inevitable that something was going to go wrong. A laser seared the tip of his nip. Earthworm roared in pain, but didn't slow down, his face began to glow a deep red, his pants burst at their seems, his cock went from flaccid to semi-erect.

    Earthworm was within 10 meters of Freeman when a laser managed to strike him straight between his pecs, it erupted out the back, but Earthworm was unphased. His pecs had taken worse. Earthworm descended upon him, smothering the smaller man in his massive musculature, diamond-sharp nips cutting into flesh. The toaster crumbled, its metallic gleam gone.

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18

    Nicky awoke, her head pounding. Where was she? The last she remembered was celebrating her birthday, but she could not remember which.

    She adjusted her 34DD bra, and got off her tight, rosy bottom. She was in a storeroom full to the brim with ancient weaponry. Her strawberry blonde hair whipped around as she stood up.

    "Damn, I'm extremely attractive." Nicky thought to herself.

    In the control room a t-rex, with arms long enough to be capable of wielding a shotgun surveyed his store room of ancient weaponry, his reptilian jaw was pursed in concentration. His brothers and sisters had not gone far in life, courtesy of their ridiculously short arms, he had to support his family the only way he knew how - by keeping guard of the best goddamn store room in the whole of South Hampton.

    Upon a second eye-over of the surveillance cameras something caught the t-rex's eye. A blonde lady was using all manners of ancient weaponry to pleasure herself. The t-rex dropped his shotgun and thumped his chest in fury.

    "Bitch, what yo' ass doing in mah storeroom?"

    "Oooh, ahhh, you're sooooo sharp." Nicky stroked the length of the machete with her delicate, long lady-fingers.

    "Ow, I nicked myself."

    "Ohhhh mister dinosaur sir, won't you help me fix my boo boo."

    The t-rex then blew her head off with his shotgun, completely unphased by her rockin' body and sweet buns.

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18


    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs

    The army of rampaging RODANs were restless, they had not done any rampaging in a good 20 minutes.

    "Dude, we gotta rampage."

    "Let me consult the atlas. I think we pretty much exhausted Japan, man."

    "Europe looks good."

    "That looks like a tight joint."

    "Chill."

    The RODANs mounted one another and flew to Europe, their bonds of bro-ship preventing the often-associated discomfort of flying on top of another dude.

    A disembodied leg hopped around, its numerous hairs wafting gently in the breeze. A faint scent of vomit and bubonic plague permeated the air around it. It was not a shapely leg, it was scarred and blubbery, with all the definition of a blank dictionary. Yet, inexplicably, it donned an amazing pair of 12 inch red heels.

    Its life thus far had been defined by the fact that it was a goddamned sentient disembodied leg.

    The RODANs squawked overhead, they had spotted a landmass, and the curious smell of rotting flesh. Neither was particularly appealing but RODANs are not known to be fussy. They were going to get their rampage on.

    The RODANs descended rapidly, dismounting off one another upon setting foot on the fresh green grass. The smell of rotting flesh grew stronger, now with a hint of black death. The RODANs sniffed the air with disdain, a few even tried farting to clear the air up, to no avail. A crunching noise came from the woodlands to their left, then another, then another. The crunching grew louder, leaves rustled, twigs collapsed. A glimpse of something bright red came from the brush; the RODANs looked at each other.

    "Let's go shit on whatever is hiding in there."

    The RODANs began sprinting over towards the woods, their sharp talons pounding numerous small creatures into amorphous blobs of flesh, fur, and exoskeleton in their wake. One RODAN got particularly excited and prematurely unleashed a long stream of white from his rear.

    "Squaaaaaaaaaaawk!!! Squaaaaaaaaaawk!" The terrifying cry of several dozen RODANs filled the air. The unshaven, disembodied, stinky leg rose up from the depths of its leaf camouflage, wielding several long spokes shoved into its greasy carapace.

    The RODANs descended upon the leg, their talons eviscerating the disease-hardened skin and releasing the sickness within. The RODANs continued their beatdown, but the smell grew stronger and stronger. One RODAN could no longer bear it and collapsed, its nose twitching furiously, buttocks stained in the shit of its kind. One by one the RODANs collapsed, unable to tolerate the stench that is an unshaven leg of a sickly European lady.

    The leg arose from the massacre, battered, beaten, and bloody, but, it was victorious. It slowly hopped away, back to town, where it was shot upon sight for being fucking gross.

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs


    BONUS: a bran muffin encased in a block of ice VS a largely ignored legal drinking age

    The inert bran muffin encased in a block of ice sat there, slowly melting, as a largely ignored legal drinking age continued to be ignored, and reciprocatively ignored the bran muffin.

    Eventually the block of ice melted completely and the bran muffin flopped to the ground, its bran thoroughly ruined, and its flavour forever lost.

    BONUS: a bran muffin encased in a block of ice VS a largely ignored legal drinking age
  2. bojangles

    bojangles IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE,
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    If any single post deserved Community Contributor, that would be it.

    A+

    Why can't you put this much effort into the Ubers forum?
  3. Alchemator

    Alchemator my god if you don't have an iced tea for me when i
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    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.

    A fierce battle is about to unfold, featuring something from Pokémon generation IX and something from far into the future -- and what a sight it is to behold the two combatants! On one side, a tiger armed to and/or with the teeth, though without any kind of spelling capability. Fortunately, the spambot it faces can hardly string a sentence together, though it does have the help of GPer Birkal!

    Suddenly, the spambot leaps into the air, aided by the updraught of Birkal's Smogon success. Growing a full set of teeth in response, the dyslexic tiger also takes flight: it seems this will be a battle between avians! The raptor-winged tiger bursts forward in a flurry of teeth, though it's hindered by its out-of-proportion wings -- fuckin' genetics! The spambot seems unperturbed, however, as it puts hyperlinks in its signature while Birkal nominates it for a Ladybug.

    The tiger's shark teeth grinds against the spambot's metal exterior -- in response it merely offers the creature a selection of pine-wood furniture. In its rage, the tiger breaks its 'n' key, becoming sentient! It retreats to the ground to formulate a better plan.

    Unfortunately, however, the spambot finally unleashes its strongest attack -- :happybrain::happybrain:Viagra:happybrain:! The sentient tiger attempts to grow another set of teeth in defense, but sadly ends up a crumpled heap of mutated disarray.

    The spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help wins.

    ---

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    [​IMG]
    An amicable chat before combat: "G'day!"

    Their contestant numbers have been checked and verified. Morgan Freeman, pictured left, is wearing his protective glove -- after all, laserbeam-firing toasters can get pretty hot. Pictured right is Earthworm, who needs no weapon beyond his massive pecs.

    The crowd falls silent.

    Even iDunno.

    No, seriously.

    Earthworm winks at his friend sandshrewz before readying himself for the fight ahead, but Morgan Freeman has already taken aim, and is ready to roast Earthworm on the barbie. But wait, what's this? Morgan Freeman wasn't supplied with any toast with which to produce the laserbeams! He seems entirely at Earthworm's mercy in this battle.

    Knowing this is his chance, Earthworm steps forward, and begins to unbutton his shirt. His chest glints in the evening sun -- he had been recently working out. His shirt is entirely unbuttoned now. He casts it aside, and kisses his guns, before looking down with a smile on his face -- it was time for his pecs to bring the hurt.

    Reaching into his pocket, Earthworm brings out a tiny little circuit board, and places it on the ground.

    "This is my P.E.C.S.: a Player Ego-stroking Computer System!"

    The little chip on the board whirrs into life, before a tiny voice rises out of the speaker.

    "Earthworm is the best. Earthworm is the greatest. Earthworm: better than your average garden wildlife."

    Then Morgan Freeman hits him over the head with his toaster.

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams wins.

    ---

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18


    The jungle is abuzz with excitement, and not because there's a T-Rex armed with a shotgun.

    Actually, yeah. It is.

    This shotgun-wielding monstrosity is conducting its usual hunting sequence -- pacing quietly through the greenage (aside from the occasional shriek of talon-on-bear). Around its waist hangs a can of shot and some gunpowder, and due to its long arms these are actually accessible! It searches for a tasty, defenseless meal -- something like Rick Santorum, for example -- in its quest to be the best darn tootinest shot in town top predator of the jungle.

    Then it hears a voice. A beautiful, soft voice.

    "Oh, how lovely it is to be eighteen! I can be independent! I can be with whomever I want to be!"

    I know little of dinosaur genitalia, but it was a very beautiful voice, if y'know what I mean...

    The dinosaur frantically searches for the source of the voice, pushing aside the canopy with its long arms. And then. There. She was. [She was probably on her period.]

    Long, luscious hair; deep emerald eyes; a nose of which Michael Jackson could only have dreamed. She looked a lot like Emma Stone, except she was pretty. The dinosaur was dumbfounded with love for her, and lowered his gun as well as his jaw!!

    "Wait, I might be seventeen, I'm not sure."
    "Ah. How don't you know?"
    "I have a chronic case of-- of-- whatever it's called."
    "Are you more sure of being seventeen or eighteen?"
    "I honestly have no idea which it is."
    "Ah. You are a high-maintenance girl."

    So the dinosaur blew her brains out.

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun wins.

    ---

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs

    [​IMG]
    So, imagine this, but hairier. And in lederhosen.

    Now, the main issue here is that its opponent is an army of rampaging RODANs. However, as we all know, RODANs are not prone to rampaging. Rather, they enjoy leisurely rolling around fields, breathing in the fresh air and receiving cuddles from passers-by. That makes "rampaging RODAN" and oxymoron. Perhaps that is even more powerful????????question?? Well, they certainly aren't up for a fight.

    Then again, there's no indication that this sickly lady's leg is actually attached to the lady. That means there is no form of propulsion for the leg, save for its initial bounce -- then it would simply roll around on the ground, unable to do a thing. Even said initial bounce would simply be deflected by RODAN's sturdy exterior.

    Now we return to the subject of the RODAN army. The act of rampaging being in antithesis to the general nature of a RODAN, this creates an oxymoron, which is a safe way of saying "minor tear in the fabric of space and time". Now imagine thousands of these rifts: caused by a whole army of RODANs. No doubt this would create some sort of wormhole which would destroy the leg, and hopefully give it a shave in the process. I guess that's how the winner is decided.

    an army of rampaging RODANs wins.

    ---

    I'll do the bonus match soon.
  4. v

    v I'm on your six
    is a Forum Moderatoris a Site Staff Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a CAP Contributor Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
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    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.

    It was a calm day like any other on the banks of the Euphrates. Well, other than the shark fin poking conspicuously out of the river. The silence is broken by a spambot beaming out of the internet, making a crackling noise not unlike a cat chewing on a Ziploc baggie of weed he happened to find under your bed.

    “My husband wants me to use it. My husband is a psychopath. He bought a suit. I do not want, I feel ashamed. How can I do?,” the spambot slurred, whirring and buzzing like a fizzing whizbee. After a brief moment of silence, the spambot shrieked in a voice so monotonal it would make autists jealous, “why no respond ?”

    Several thousand miles away, Birkal typed a response to placate his newfound companion.

    As it turned out, spambots are not very durable, and the tigersharkhawk could sense weakness with his super electrosenses and excellent vision. With a swooshing song, the mythical, mystical creature elegantly rips the spambot’s head off in a single bite.

    Several thousand miles away, Birkal shed a single tear onto the wooden keyboard he built at camp that morning.

    But today is not for Birkals or others of his ilk. Today belongs to the hunter.

    [​IMG]
    -

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    He is the one.

    No amount of pectoral power could possibly surpass the peerless potential of Morgan Freeman, plus I like lasers more than nips.

    -

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18


    It is a calm, balmy summer day sometime in the mid-Cretaceous period. Among its cousins, the Tyrannosaurus Rex, the newly-evolved and evidently superior Tyrannosaurus Deus struts proudly, showing off its opposable digits when, quite to its and the other dinosaurs’ surprise, it encounters a young, attractive teenaged girl. Overage or underage seems irrelevant when it comes to giant reptiles, though.

    The Tyrannosaurus fires off three rounds from its pump-action shotgun as quickly as it can, blasting holes in the ground. However, the Tyrannosaurus soon learns it cannot aim properly with a shotgun because its head is way too big. The girl escapes into the woods and, many years later, returns with a pterodactyl legion and rains fiery hell down on the herd of Tyrannosaurus.

    -

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs


    the fate of all who face the stampede (open)
    [​IMG]


    bonus round later...
  5. Mekkah

    Mekkah
    is a Super Moderatoris a Tutor Alumnusis a Site Staff Alumnusis a CAP Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis an Administrator Alumnus
    Super Moderator

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    the day one of these finishes with its original judge cast is the day ln posts postgame
  6. shade

    shade sweet like sugar
    is a Forum Moderator
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    i have been drafted in to judge

    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.

    MrE, known spambot, logs in for his daily round of being a greetbot.
    *** CaptKirby joined #warau
    <MrE> combee
    <CaptKirby> piss off you superfluous simpleton

    Carelessly, Birkal mistakes MrE for a new user being picked on by the grotesque owl Joel Moore

    <Birkal> hi MrE, are you new here?
    <MrE> birdkal
    <Birkal> no its Birkal :) do you have an account on the forums?

    Completely unaware, Birkal continues to talk to MrE without realising that all MrE can do is greet users with random nicknames.

    <Birkal> hello?
    <Birkal> I only want to help :)

    And so Birkal is caught in the trap of MrE, fruitlessly trying to assist the automated creature in all things smogon. Meanwhile, in the dark recesses of hell, Hades is creating plots to defeat his great nemesis Birkal - the embodiment of all things good. He creates the most disgusting combination the world has ever seen and lets it loose on Birkal's residence. Luckily for Birkal, he was not in whilst this rampaging tiger-beast was in his house, as he was still at university on his laptop trying to help MrE. The slapstick beast crashed around in Birkal's house till it knocked through the foundations, bringing Birkal's house down on its head.

    Thus ending the story of MrE's only notable contribution to smogon in 6 years.

    Winner: A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.


    -

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    With a heave, Earthworm ripped the door to his shower off for no particularly reason. Earthworm's anger had grown massively since he first started taking steriods and the size of his penis had gone the other way. This incensed Earthworm even more. Now he had the physical stature to go pork loads of Australian vagin, he didn't have the package to deliver anymore! How else was he supposed to make jumpluff jealous? Earthworm knew that he needed a plan and he needed one fast. So, Earthworm set about work on the only meaningful possession he had - wormbot. Originally meant to cater for the gaming and calculating needs or #warau, wormbot was now going to be a killer. If Earthworm couldn't have jumpluff, noone could. He spent years creating this beast (in between incline benching 3000 kilograms) and finally perfected it. He had creating a look-a-like of Morgan Freeman, but who was armed with a laser toaster. Earthworm knew jumpluff would have to let a negro gentleman who just wanted some electricity to power his toaster into her house. And so it began.

    Morganbot knocked on jumpluff's door, but there was no reply. However hard he tried to knock, jumpluff would not come. It was later learned that jumpluff was again too sick to answer her door. Enraged, Morganbot turned on its creator and ran straight at Earthworm's massive pecs. Earthworm had just finished sanding his nipples, so did not even notice when Morganbot ended up skewered on his left nipple.

    Winner: Earthworm's massive pecs

    -

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18

    Rex was not happy. He had not been fed in days and a T-Rex needed to eat. Being stuck in Jurassic Park was no life for the largest predator around, Rex knew he could what he wanted when he wanted. Finally, a cow was being lowered in to Rex's cage. Rex noticed that the cow appeared to have a raging boner. Unperturbed, Rex decimated his meal within seconds. Suddenly, a strange sensation tingled down Rex's bones, but he thought nothing of it.

    His concentration was on proving a point to this tiny humans. Rex picked up his shotgun and blasted through his cage as screams erupted around him. Rex trampled on the girl's toilets and felt things squish beneath him. Satisfied that he had rampaged enough, he dropped his shotgun and returned to his cage. 'That'll show them', Rex mused.

    Hours later, a girl emerged from the rubble. She had been saved from the impact by her massive tits, which bounced the roof back off her. She stumbled around the park for a while and unknowingly entered Rex's cage. Rex had not had a good few hours either, he had been sitting around with a massive dino-boner. A package that could do some serious pelvis crushing. The cow Rex had eaten must've been slipped some viagra, there was no other explanation. Nevertheless, Rex had to rampage some muff before it was too late.

    As the girl walked in, Rex couldn't believe his luck. She was hot, real hot. Rex simply asked "How old are you?". The girl looked dazzled and took a while to reply, "Erm, 18 I think". That was all Rex needed to hear and with an instant he was brutally fingering the girl. Rex noticed that she was really tight, but thought nothing of it.

    "Actually I think I might be 17," the girl said.

    "WHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Rex roared, and quickly pulled out. But it was too late. The dinosaur police were swift with these things, and Rex was immediately arrested by D.I Plodocus

    Winner: an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18

    -

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs

    the result of this fight is simple. The species Homo RODANus is so large that it needs to spend 100% of its waking hours foraging for food and thus cannot rampage.

    Winner: the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady

    -

    BONUS: a bran muffin encased in a block of ice VS a largely ignored legal drinking age

    im 1 of these so cant do it
  7. zorbees

    zorbees
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    I lost all respect for you shade
  8. shade

    shade sweet like sugar
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    i picked the best ones, earthworm's massive pecs is probably the best i m o
  9. jumpluff

    jumpluff *red Admiral
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    omg lol

    the judgments are really good this time, and many of the submissions too

    great job, guys :3
  10. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    yeti is subbing in for xenu
  11. Yeti

    Yeti

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    i have been summoned to replace xenu.

    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings VS A spambot who has successfully convinced Birkal that it is a new user in need of help.

    Once upon a time, there was a cheery little spambot. This spambot went by the name of "pookar" and was always asking for Joronchi and any attention at all it could get.

    Meanwhile in a third world country, existed a fearsome tiger. This tiger was vastly more intelligent than "pookar" even though they had the same jagged, uneven, mammoth, unbrushed shark teeth. These teeth looked more proper on the tiger, of course, because he had a large mouth for intelligent conversation, unlike "pookar". He also had wings, allowing him to clear many distances, much more than a wheelchair-bound spambot could ever hope to.

    This spambot quested into #smogon one day, desperate to get human recognition. It pleaded for Joronchi to answer its cries, but to no avail. Finally, Birkal took pity on this limp-dicked loser, asking what it was in need of, thoroughly confused as to who Joronchi was.

    "pookar" questioned Birkal, unable to process his friendly input, and instead of replying coherently, stated WINDOWS FAILURE. SgtWoodsy immediately took offense, thinking the spambot was actually capable of conversing with humanity properly, under the impression the bot was calling him a Windowsy.

    "pookar" was swiftly banned and Birkal shrugged, going to find something better to do with his time.

    The tiger, however, upon being surrounded by rich British hunters who sought to mount his face upon the wall of their mighty hunting club, was able to chomp through one's gun with his gargantuan teeth, scaring the hunters into a frenzy before flying off to safety. While "pookar" lived the rest of its sad life in isolation, the tiger went on to meet a nice female tiger and have more raptor winged tigers.

    a sentinent tiger with shark teeth and giant raptor wings

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams VS Earthworm's massive pecs

    ?

    I am uncertain if the second competitor in this round refers to Earthworm's pecs as massive because he works out and has built upper body strength and muscle definition, or massive because he is the bulbous size of this RPSI's host. Anyone's pecs could be massive when your chest sprawls the length of a Dodge truck.

    As such, I feel like the potential of Morgan Freeman to overcome the more likely scenario of a wide-spread Earthworm's flabby, out-of-shape but still-expansive pecs is stronger than the slim chance Earthworm has actually ever lifted a one pound weight ever in his life.

    morgan freeman armed with a toaster that shoots laser beams

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun VS an extremely attractive girl who can't remember whether she's 17 or 18

    Though the T-Rex is a genetic anomaly, due to his lengthy forelimbs, he already has a leg up on the girl in that he probably can remember his age. This girl may be attractive but if she cannot recall her own age, she's not too bright.

    Who's to say this T-Rex is heterosexual? Or even into cross-species relationships? Perhaps he just wants to settle down with his T-Roxy instead of venturing into a sleazy club with a bouncer who can be paid off by offering him a feel in exchange for not checking your id. Maybe he's just a teacher at this girl's school and has no interest in trading sexual favors for grades.

    Frankly I don't support these bestial tendancies, and there's a slim chance this girl could charm T-Rex when he is quite plainly not interested. He just wants to make use of his odd genetics, which are rather conventient for him, and shoot his gun.

    In the event he did use his weapon against this attractive girl, presuming her amorous but clueless attempts to seduce him failed because he is T'Rex not a Jersey Shore star, it is highly unlikely she would have the wit or reflexes to dodge. Perhaps she would be limber enough from her flexible sexual experimentations with men who were willing to say "she told me she was 18" to a judge, but her reaction time surely would be much too slow. As such, I must find in favor of the weapon-wielding dinosaur.

    a tyrannosaurus rex with long arms carrying a shotgun

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady VS an army of rampaging RODANs

    The question must be raised: how is this European woman sickly? Does she have AIDS, is she down with a case of the flu, just a cold, food poisoning - to what degree is she ill? Perhaps just a poor immune system. Or maybe it's Fishy's cross-continental counterpart and she has contracted at least seven different STDs.

    For this, we will assume whatever she has is dehabiliting to the point of possibly being terminal.

    The army of rampaging RODANs is rampaging for one reason only - their RODATcave has run out of food and they want more. Storming through the countryside of Europe, slicing through every field they come across where food is being grown, the RODANs roll their way across the land, flattening anyone unfortunate enough to block their path.

    In the ensuing confusion, chaos, and havoc caused by the horrific sight of angry, foaming, starving RODANs flopping toward you, a car spun out, striking this poor, sickly woman as she walked down the side of a once-pleasant country road. It severed her leg from her, and the car promptly raced off, leaving her to crawl away and try to hide from the RODANs, leg abandoned in the road.

    The RODANs would spot her limb, however, and disregard the hair, thinking it was fine feathering on a juicy, giant chicken leg. They bite in, tearing at the leg together, quickly decimating it.

    And then they feel weak. Everyone knows that something as gargantuan as a rampaging RODAN must have horrid arteries, clots everywhere, clogged bloodflow, and this, my friends, marks their downfall. The terminal illness this lady harbored is concentrated in the bloodstream of the RODANs, leeching from their intestines into their other organs and shutting them down.

    Slowly but surely, the RODANs all collapse, flattening and losing the cohesion holding them together. The lady is saved by virtue of incredible new medical research and innovative, trial-by-fire surgery. She gains a new, artifical leg, one that she does not have to shave and leave coated in hair, which in fact, choked one RODAN to death because he could not clear the hairball out of his tiny throat, puffed in by the fat surrounding it on his neck.

    the unshaven leg of a sickly european lady

    ok.
  12. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    ibo 3
    dle 2
    zorb 3
    rodan 3
    walrein 3
    aska 2
    solace 2
    kitten 2

    the scores

    this means that zorbees/walrein/ibojangles/ME will be moving on to r2

    walrein vs ibojangles
    zorbees vs RODAN

    submit asap
  13. jumpluff

    jumpluff *red Admiral
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    RODAN, will you be revealing who submitted each weapon after their respective rounds at any point? :x
  14. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    i guess i can do that

    i was the leg/walrein was morgan freeman/zorbees was the t-rex/ibo was birkal

    the rest were their respective opponents
  15. askaninjask

    askaninjask [FLAIL ARMS]
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  16. Da Letter El

    Da Letter El Officially internet famous
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    How did I lose

    This is bullshit
  17. Walrein

    Walrein

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    i dunno i think it made perfect sense
  18. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    i discounted itchnis judgings because he never finished
  19. Birkal

    Birkal Caw.
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    I was halfway through finishing mine, but I guess I didn't make the timeline; I wasn't aware there was one, lol

    Here's a .gif of Earthworm's massive pecs:

    [​IMG]
  20. Itchni

    Itchni

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    Seriously, next time make a deadline so i know when i have to be done. (I was waiting on birkal to do his response :/)
  21. shade

    shade sweet like sugar
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    why do you need to wait for anyone? judging is easy as vaders mum

    ps: earthworm's massive pecs not winning is a joke, poor dle

    edit: hahahahaha top gif birkal
  22. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    from now on the deadline will be 48 hours
  23. RODAN

    RODAN big black dick of fate
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    Deck Knight, having woken up in Vegas covered in blood and semen, lying in bed next to the corpse of Ronald Reagan. vs a diet coke disguised as a regular coke

    and

    the corpses of john wayne gacy, jeffrey dahmer and ted bundy actively seeking out a 4th member for their beach volleyball team vs a pb&j sandwich that is unnoticably poisoned
  24. Da Letter El

    Da Letter El Officially internet famous
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    hahahaha worth submitting that just for this gif
  25. jumpluff

    jumpluff *red Admiral
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    WTF THIS IS THE SAME MATCH TWICE OVER

    THINK ABOUT IT

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