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rpsi doubles, round 2

Discussion in 'Circus Maximus' started by aamto, May 1, 2009.

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  1. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    I promised it would be here and so it is (I am no doomsday!!!)

    once again, my sexy hand-drawn and updated bracket

    it is now
    BIG GALLS BUDDHA (Brain/shiv) vs PROIBIDO MERGULHAR (Doomers/misaki-chi)

    technicolour creamfloats (matamato/fishin) vs Hipmonlee/DP-Crobat

    anyways, same rules as before. Hip/crobat and me and fishin will send to the Captain to preserve fairness, you others pm to me.

    Best of luck, lets hope to see a better round of submissions, yeah?

    edit: Lets look to get these in by the end of Sunday (EST)
  2. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    dude its BIG BALLS BUDDHA not big balls buddha.
  3. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    what the fuck is a BIG GALL is this about majin buu? ? ?
  4. Jackal

    Jackal I'm not retarded I'm Canadian it's different
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    dont worry i fixed the OP
  5. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    still lookin for submissions from many users. cmon guys!

    edit: well just 2. not sure how many the captain has gotten though.
  6. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    oh man i totally forgot about this, i'll just do something
  7. Hipmonlee

    Hipmonlee Have a rice day
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    I swear its not me this time.

    Have a nice day.
  8. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    still waiting on shiv and the mysterious other person

    jesus christ people how hard is it take 5 minutes out of your lives

    edit: now just one.
  9. CaptKirby

    CaptKirby

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    I have four submissions sent to me now.
  10. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    round 2

    Sorry for the wait, but some people apparently cannot be arsed to take 5-15 seconds out of their lives.

    Fight 1
    A Merit Badge for Knot Tying.
    +
    [​IMG]
    this guy with a BAC of 1.22

    vs

    Hurricane Mulan, a storm
    -as swift as the coursing river
    -with all the force of a great typhoon
    -(with) all the strength of a raging fire
    -(as) mysterious as the dark side of the moon
    +
    Sandpaper cleverly disguised as toilet paper

    and

    Fight 2
    An extra small bowling ball, with a carrot sticking out one hole, a solar powered light in another, and a washing up pouch suttly stuffed into the last.
    +
    a Zombie with life insurance

    vs

    A killer ping-pong racket. The racket is irresistible and every being strives to hold it. The racket is indestructible and has not lost a game of ping-pong ever. It has the ability to shoot lasers from its sides while simultaneously playing back balls along with being able to play any ball back effortlessly! Once it gains victory, it murders the referee.
    +
    [​IMG]
    ^

    Note that Misaki-chi has been subbed out due to inexcusable inactivity (don't join if you're just gonna ignore every plea to submit). Her replacement is a mysterious contender named young Twash.

    Good hunting with the judgings.
  11. CaptKirby

    CaptKirby

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    The monster was born, created from twisted science and an eye fetish. As a child, the mad scientist wanted to train the monster to be the perfect being, adept in all facets of life. The monster was especially adept at tying and untying knots, able to untangle any tangle. Unfortunately, as he grew older and ventured into society, the monster grew more and more disillusioned and became a heavy drinker, killing the scientist one night and stealing his money.

    George Bush, meanwhile, in his quest to rid the world of black people had all of his "best" people working around the clock for a cure to the disease. George Bush, as a man who is not a big fan of admitting he was wrong, figured that if one hurricane was not enough, he could get an even better one to do the job. One of his aids solemnly bowed to him and offered up a videotape of Mulan transforming in order to eradicate another race, the Huns. George Bush knew he had his answer. This was the way to kill all black people.

    The monster, having disappeared to France and then Germany in a quest to escape persecution in the wilderness, where many people look this odd, was caught in the midst of Bush's test hurricane, outsourced to Europe. He knew that this was his chance to become a hero to the world and not just the monster...but first he had to survive this storm. In the German underground scene, he had taken his expertise of knot tying to the next level, becoming a superstar bondage attraction. There was just one problem: as a dominatrix, he had only tied up other people before. It was a harrowing time for a test run, but he had to do his best.

    The monster found the greatest tree that he could, ready to tie himself. Deadly drunk, he was not in fact sure it was a tree, but he had to hope for the best. Even ravingly drunk, he successfully tied himself to whatever the object was (turned out to be Michael Moore investigating the evils of socialism), enduring the blistering water and winds buffeting its face. It finally passed out from the intense pain to its hundreds of eyes, but when it awoke it knew that it just had to wait for someone to come untie it to save the world..if only it would happen in time.

    The monster's plan came to no fruition, however, as George Bush killed himself with what he thought was toilet paper and was in fact cleverly disguised sandpaper. Everyone in the white house knew not to disturb him in the restroom, and he had already bled to death, stubbornly refusing to admit it was not toilet paper and continuing to rub until blood gushed out by the milliliter. With Bush dead, a black president emerged, and in his fury over the plot had every tape and dvd concerning Mulan ever created eradicated.

    Fight 1 Winner: Merit Badge and the shitty monster
  12. Hipmonlee

    Hipmonlee Have a rice day
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    So Akuchi was crossing the street one day, when suddenly out of nowhere came a pizza truck. Her death was more than Toothache could take, so he decided he would use all of his druidical powers to bring akuchi back.

    The ritual was not flawless however, aside from the stench of her still rotting flesh, it also didnt resolve the legal issues surrounded the hefty life insurance pay out Akuchi had recieved.

    The insurance company sent their best man, Felix Merriweather to investigate whether they could claim their money back. But Felix found this case was utterly unprecedented, and as a result required an unprecedented resolution. He proposed a table tennis match, if he won the insurance company could have their money back, and if Akuchi won, she would be permitted to eat Felix's brain.

    Akuchi quickly agreed to this, because she planned to cheat, she had a bowling ball that was the size of a table tennis ball, that she would switch for the game ball. When Felix went to serve he would break his paddle in half, allowing Akuchi to keep the money and have a pleasant brunch. But Felix was too cunning, he saw through Akuchi's trickery and decided to use his unbreakable paddle.

    Akuchi was extremely nervous as Felix was throwing the ball in the air to serve, and she started sweat. However her sweat glands were no longer functioning effectively, filled as they were with emblaming fluid, the pressure buildup caused her breasts to fall off her chest and onto the table. Felix, having never seen a female breast before in his life, became instantly aroused. Blood rushed to his patch-enhanced penis, which swelled to gargantuan proportions, blocking his view of the table. He could no longer see where the ball was, and it was too late for him to pull out of his serving action. He swung blind, and managed only to send the bowling ball crashing into the net. Zombie + bowling ball wins!

    Have a nice day.
  13. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    Chin-Wa had a dream of being the best Asian ever. He was already the greatest ping pong player ever, the Asian national sport, so he was feeling pretty good. He was so good, in fact, that his racket was deemed magical. He devised a plan that would fix the Asian man's 1 weakness. Everyone knows Asians are smarter, faster, and stronger than all other races (they are part robots after all). But, it's also well known that Asian peni are very small. By applying a penis enlargement patch, Chin-Wa became what ever man fears: a smart, athletic Asian man that's nasty at ping pong, complete with a weiner that's larger than yours.

    News of Chin-Wa's accomplishments spread far and wide, so that zombie man Alberto had gotten wind. Alberto was a magical kind of Zombie -- not only was he undead, he also had a sizeable life insurance policy taken out just before his death (and subsequent undeath). After spending years in court arguing through loopholes, life insurance policy was paid out, and with it, Alberto manufactured an amazing bowling ball. The idea behind the bowling ball was to give it to unsuspecting men during a bowling match and then eat their brains when they started to investigate the ball -- Alberto felt he got smarter and better with every brain he ate.

    So he invited Chin-Wa to a bowling match, which Chin vehemently refused to go to, as he plays ping-pong. But Alberto played to his ego and convinced him that if he could beat Alberto, the champion of bowling, than Chin-Wa would be the greatest human ever. Chin-Wa grasped the bowling ball and put his fingers in, and he noticed the carrot. Alberto was already crouched, sneaking up on Chin, who immediately turns around and takes off Alberto's head with a raging megahuge boner -- apparently Chin-Wa had been using it to deal with his ed and now he had an erection lasting longer than 4 hours. Confused, and seeing as how Alberto was unable to play anymore, the judges named Chin-Wa the winner and best bowler in the land.

    Alberto's head was knocked off and heads are the weakness of all zombies. Meanwhile, Chin-Wa became the greatest bowler and ping pong player ever, not to mention also became a sponsor of Enzyte. Life was good for the asian man.

    Winner: The penis enlargement patch and paddle
  14. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    don't let this die guys :(
  15. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    matamato... it's the curse of the RPSI....
  16. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    i'm beginning to believe in the curse. but i did my part (unlike you).

    all of you are LAZY.
  17. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    you guys suck, time to call for reinforcements.
  18. Swaggersaurus

    Swaggersaurus I DON'T NEED A MAN
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    SUBSTITUTE RPSI JUDGE #AZ ENTERING THE SCENE

    fight 1

    HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    man i sure was drunk. spittle and phlegm crowned the crusty toilet bowl that i clung to desperately, fingers struggling for purchase on piss-stained porcelain. the name of this particular dump i had chosen to be mildly narcaleptic in was the rainbow curtain, though when i pulled up my horribly blurred vision was just enough to make out the state the neon sign had been left in, the r dangling on its hinges at a dangerous angle and all of the letters past the t inactive.

    i'd waltzed into the rainbow cunt on two feet, and neither of those worked now. it was a metaphor for this inescapble k-hole of my life, nothing but a merit badge for knot tying to my name from the last year of adult scouts, and even that served only as a bitter reminder of my ex-wife; "you're too busy tying knots that you won't tie me!" were her last words, or something to that effect. the wretching ceased momentarily, the acidic burning in my gut subsiding for but a moment, and i was able to raise my head. i caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mix of toilet water and puke. eyes so far apart i could barely see them both in the bowl at the same time lest i moved my head back, and when i tried that i immediately regretted it. a shot of pain filled my head like a leaden weight, and i settled with resting a grotty cheek on the bowl's edge like a makeshift pillow and let unconsciousness seize me.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    when i awoke bleary-eyed, it was definitely worse. the pain in my entrails had gone, but the poison had transferred wholesale to my head, and i felt like only my toes to my shoulders were my own; the mass above (and what a fucking great mass it was! shit, i never paid attention to those high school dipshit nerds spouting tired facts about it being the heaviest part of the body before, but christ did i know it now) a timebomb with a counter glitched constantly at 0:01 and 0:00. i didn't know now whether i wanted it to go off or not.

    there was a heavy knocking at the door. i opened my mouth to speak but sick had glued my jaw fast and the exertion caused me to topple over backwards. i lay in the wake of that mistake a moment longer, and it was clear my unidentified guests had heard it too. the irate knocking had stopped, and a muffled discussion took place outside. as i lay there - barely sentient - it occurred to me that whomever was outside that door and trying to get in was probably somebody that i didn't want doing so. i genuinely couldn't recall anything about my journey back to the motel before careening into the car park, and as such couldn't confirm that i hadn't killed anybody on my way back. or beforehand. i was a hideous power rangers-esque monster, after all.

    my thoughts were arrested by a jarring crash. the proximity of the sound of hurried footsteps suggested they'd broken down the door to my hole for the night, though considering the condition of the door that wasn't saying much. i lolled my head a little further back and gazed through the coloured spots and stars infesting my vision at the crack between the bathroom floor and its door, the singular, undisturbed ray of light there broken by the shadows of my would-be-could-be(probably-should-be) assailants. yes. they were inside.

    had i been able to move i can't say that i would have, but at that moment the honest truth was that i could not. i lay there, spread-eagled at the base of my puke-filled toilet and stared up at the ceiling (at the operative word, as the state of my vision was deteriorating) as i listened to the sound of their rummaging. i was sure at any moment they would blast in overhead, and what would kill me would not be their kicks and gouges but the sudden violent disturbance eviscerating my brain from within. i was also aware that there was a possibilty i would die without them even finding me, my consciousness swimming in an endless toxic sea of ethanol.

    but i didn't.

    and they did not enter, either. the banter between the hyperactive and squealy black and the woman - as i had now discerned - stretched on and on, but not once did the attempt to enter the bathroom. and then, finally, miraculously, the sounds faded. the voices became quiet, and then eventually silent.

    i had escaped death.

    narrowly, but it was an escape.

    in my glee a surge of excitement fueled my wretched state. i found myself able to rise. the sudden shift of weight sent my hangover squealing back into my bowels and i scrambled to my feet, ready to squat (i did not want to set my cheeks in the grimy mess i had left) over the bowl and release a barrage worse than napalm, but horror seized my many bodily eyes as i saw the toilet paper dispenser.

    empty.

    i bolted for the door and cannoned out of the bathroom, eyes darting to and fro. memories of my journey home flooded my brain. i had bought some, hadn't i? it was not rare for me to be so shitfaced as to need to use all of the toilet roll in a stingy joint like this, and so i had learnt the hard way to become accustomed to "providing" for myself.

    there!

    there!

    i grasped for the plastic covered tubes of pearly salvation, nestled snugly on the roach-riddled bed and half-ran half-jamboled back into the bathroom. tobacco-encrusted fingernails tore through the packaging as i fell backwards onto the toilet bowl, no longer concerned about the mess. i had paper! it would all be okay! i had paper!

    in actuality it was not napalm, after all.

    it was hiroshima.

    for some time i sat, recuperating. i had shat the shit of shits. i had exorcised myself of the foulest demon. and i felt better for it. i realised now that with my body's needs sated, fatigue was overtaking me. with a smile now upon my dopey, grotesque features i set to work cleaning my rectum. vigorously. without a though. i was intent upon getting the job done. i was sore from the expulsion, and the sooner i could be done with the ordeal, the better. it was in this flurry of rubbing that from where i half-sat half-hovered on the toilet seat with the bathroom door still ajar i spied something most terrible.

    a pristine, unopened, untouched pack of toilet paper, placed not on my bed, but on the dresser opposite.

    this wasn't my toilet paper after all, was it?






    Winner:

    Hurricane Mulan, a storm
    -as swift as the coursing river
    -with all the force of a great typhoon
    -(with) all the strength of a raging fire
    -(as) mysterious as the dark side of the moon
    +
    Sandpaper cleverly disguised as toilet paper

    fight 2 soon to come
  19. twash

    twash
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    Dead? :((
  20. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    kumar said he'll do these by today.
  21. CaptKirby

    CaptKirby

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    Well, if it helps, I am voting for Zombie with Life Insurance, I just did not want to write a story for something so horrible (the other three weapons) and thus said I was only going to write it if a tiebreaker was needed.
  22. RBG

    RBG But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop grooving.
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    dead is this game?
  23. Doomsday

    Doomsday
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    oh man

    matamato the ruiner
  24. Shiv

    Shiv mostly harmless
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    oh wow aamto pulled a doomsday.

    banned from hosting games list:

    aamto
    doomsday
  25. aamto

    aamto on whom the three Fates smile

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    uh no. if you check, i did my judging. where is everyone else? i can't judge my own match, you know.

    let's be real, interest in this was way low to begin with. i had to replace 2 players, i had to wait days for some submissions EVEN AFTER telling them to submit (you're guilty of this, shiv). so don't tell me i pulled a Doomsday. judging stopped and i tried to get it going again.

    go blame yourself. or god.
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