Smogon VGC: Smocon 2011

[DM]

THERE AND BACK AGAIN
Episode V: The Mullet Strikes Back
by Adam Bojak

PROLOGUE:

There were a lot of storylines leading up to Nats 2011. First of all, I had a pimple on my lip that was the fucking be-all, end-all of lip pimples. It happens to me every half a year or so: I will feel something underneath the skin, kinda like a mineral deposit or something, and over the course of a couple weeks it will slowly rise to the surface and become an incredibly painful bump. It looks like a zit, but it’s not really, and I still have no clue its true origin. And, as you may have guessed from this huge setup, I began to feel one coming on the week before Indy. I was super pissed, because I knew it was going to be huge and angry and noticeable for the entire weekend, so I tried to hide it in every picture I was in. I did a decent job, and the rest of the time I was tearing it open trying to make it go away, so… yeah, fucking hated it.

Also, bunch of us had NO plans for Indy accommodations about three weeks or so before the trip. I went into #ducks one night and brought up the fact that I didn't know where I would be staying. Synre and evan both said the same thing, so we all agreed right then and there to get a room together. Naturally, the whole weekend was booked EVERYWHERE (thank you black fraternity) except for one or two places... but we couldn't get all the nights we wanted in a row, so we booked one hotel for Friday-Sunday nights and another one for Thursday. It would be Synre, Synre's friend Caleb, evan, and me. Already a pretty diesel room, I know.

As time passed, Synre told us Caleb was no longer going, so we scrambled for a new fourth. Phids mentioned he was interested, so he and I made plans for him to take a bus down to Buffalo and then ride down to Indy with me. Everything seemed hunky dory… until CARLOS came along.

I was in the chat one night when I was notified by evan that we would have a fifth person staying with us in our room. On top of that, none of us knew who the fuck it was: Fishy was coming with a friend named Carlos, and she needed us to take him in like an animal shelter. We were all pretty steamed about it because the room would be way too full, so we all told her it wasn’t going to happen and that we would not bend on that decision. At one point, I was chatting with the guys and said something like: “Just wait, I bet Carlos turns out to be a super awesome dude, and we’re just being huge dicks about all this.” (Hint: I was right. Carlos fucking rules at life.)

Last, and most important of all… I couldn’t find the Red Corvette. After Indy the previous year, I had put it together with the Go Fish and Nicolas Gazin pins in a place where I could find them again, except I couldn’t. I turned my apartment upside down and inside out; I must’ve looked through the suitcase I used 3 times. I then had my parents look for it in their house, and up in their attic, and turned up absolutely nothing.

I was despondent; I could barely contain my sadness. I had lost a Smogon relic. I went into #smogon and told everyone with a heavy heart that it was gone forever, and it killed me inside. Finally, right before the trip, I was over at my parents’ house and I went up in the attic where they have some boxes of my crap stored. In one last effort, I went through everything that was there, box by box, until I got down to the final box. My last chance. And I opened it up, looked inside… AND THERE THEY WERE. Holy fuck, that was a great feeling.

At that point, I knew the Pokegods were smiling upon me, upon Smogon, and upon Smocon 2011. And off we go! (EDITOR’S NOTE: Sorry, but I just can’t be arsed to write a description for every single person yet again. If you want to read them, look at last year’s. Be happy I even finished this piece of crap at all.)

Once again, the Hero of our story!

Adam "DoomMullet" Bojak

Occupation: Protagonist
Description: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

And again, the Men of Room 3360!

Jason "Articuno64" Wynja

Jason "Fish" Fisher-Short

More reappearing characters!

Mike “Atlas” Dupuis

Paul “zerowing” Hornak

Mike "skarm" Papagianis

Ian “EeveeTrainer” Garvey

Stephen "Imawario" Shotwell

Evan “evan” Evandon Evanski

Alison “Fishy” McDonald

Robbie “Biffster” Miles

Danny “TTS” Zollner

Scott “Synre” Glaza

Huy “Huy” Ha

Duy “commi$$ioner” Ha

Luke “tad38” Swenson

Mike “OmegaDonut” Suleski

Andrea “andrea” Shaffer

Alan “Dubs” Sutterlin

Bill “mingot” Young

Len “Alaka” Deuel

Tyler “tyler” Hagan

Joseph “Ninahaza” Ninahaza

Kamaal “Sixonesix” Harris

Daniel “dtrain” Levinson

??? “Nekusagi” ???

Others that our Heroes met on this journey:

Geoff “Phiddlesticks” Hamilton

Description: My driving buddy! I had always followed him on the forums, ever since he caught my eye with that Homestar Runner gif avatar. A great poster, a great user, a great passenger for an interstate drive.

Malison Young

Description: I missed meeting Mal the previous year (which isn’t surprising; I’m double her age, we don’t exactly run with the same crews.). Nice girl, I see a bright future for her in Pokemon battling. First female world champ?????

Carlos Fuentes

Description: This guy was everything I could have hoped for and more. Awesome to hang out with, and I’ve kept in touch with him since the trip and his art is INCREDIBLE. Pretty soon, we’ll all be walking around with t-shirts sporting his drawings.

Ernest “Giga-Punch” Tokenblackguy

Description: the Token Black Guy. (Ninahaza is just the Jesus.) A strange but good kid. Somehow survives in black jeans in 95 degree heat.

Justin “JabbaTheGriffin” Strausser

Description: MAH NIGGA. I truly see a lot of myself in him. I may have hung with him while drinking 5 years ago, but alas, the padawan has now become the master.

Rushan “Firestorm” Shekar

Description: My brown brother from another mother. We’ve grown closer as friends through our shared commiseration about our hockey teams.

Chad Skoch

Description: andrea’s man. For a guy who doesn’t play Pokemon like me, he sure did represent the shit outta Smogon in the LCQ.

Ray “BlueCookies” Rizzo

Description: Da Champ. We actually had met briefly the year before, but for some reason never talked at length. I’m glad I got to know him better this time around, awesome guy.

Joel “CaptKirby” Moore

Description: The pictures did the beard justice. Pretty close in real life to how he is on the internet, except he really is a big softie on the inside. Also a plushie and Pokemon card magnate.

Edward “iss” Fan

Description: One of the young Smogoners. Part of this site’s great future.

Catherine “caffwin” Yadon

Description: I had seen her in Arti’s/Firestorm’s photos for a while, and I knew the name caffwin, so it was nice finally to connect a face with a name. Cool girl, an understated internet female.

Tom “TeeJ” Vehlewald

Description: Another true old schooler. It’s so cool to meet people that have been in the community longer than some of them have been alive.

Nick McCord

Description: The Man, the Myth, the Mystery. The best event host I have ever seen, just a freaking hilarious guy. I was so jealous when I heard people hung out with him at a bar the year before, so I made sure I spent more time getting to know him this time.

Aaron “Cybertron” Zheng

Description: One half of the newest craze, the Zheng Dynasty. Rising to prominence when he placed 17th the previous year, he quickly rose through the Pokemon ranks.

Brandon “Babbytron” Zheng

Description: The littlest human I’ve ever seen, but he battles like Shaq. Cannot be stopped, can only be contained.

Enosh “Human” Shachar

Description: Another young Smogoner. Represented the website well.

Jimmy “Team Rocket Elite” Kwa

Description: I only spoke with him a couple times, but he was a real nice guy, just super quiet.

Randy "R Inanimate" Kwa

Description: TRE’s brother. The Kwa Dynasty had a pretty good showing itself. Randy was even quieter than TRE, probably because he knew none of us.

Dillon “Alphabet123” O'Donovan

Description: The VGC troll. Fucking FISSURE, bro.

Vince “HitmonRocker” Taylor

Description: An awesome kid, one of the next great Smogon battlers.

Matt “Deagle” Sybeldon

Description: Oh, uh, I mean, “bearsfan092”! Super funny guy, I hadn’t talked to him much on the forums but he’s a pretty cool dude.

Syed Kamran

Description: Friend of bearsfan. Only got to hang out with him briefly at Scotty’s, cool guy though.

CHAPTER ONE: Wednesday, July 6th

So there I was, on my way to the local Megabus station to pick up Phiddlesticks. He had decided to come down from Hamilton, Ontario to hitch a ride down to Indianapolis with me. On the way there, I figured it would be an appropriate time to officially start the trip:

[youtube]FBcrHy-zlKY[/youtube]

There was so much Buffalo cuisine that I wanted to share with Phids, but for his first visit I settled on the best and obvious choice: pizza and chicken wings. We went to a local place down the street from my house for the food, and ordered two 2-liters with it. Turns out they don't have Cherry Coke up in Hamilton, so Phids was excited to get some. I chose Loganberry, another Buffalo local favorite.

After munching on dinner (we worked on it for an hour at least, it's so hard to stop eating pizza and wings), we booted up the Wii and started gaming. After he mopped the floor with me 1v1 in Brawl (I think I got one KO in 3 matches), we teamed up and destroyed some level 9s together. I can't take a level 9 by myself, but he and I made a bombtastic team.

He had noticed the Guitar Hero guitar in the back, so he wanted to play. He had told me he could beat everything on expert, so I pretty much demanded he rock out (all cocks were kept in).

After a little bit more gaming, I pulled out the couch bed for him and we decided to call it a night in order to get up early and prepare for the long drive in the morning.

CHAPTER TWO: Thursday, July 7th

We got up bright and early, excited about the coming trip. We both showered and got ready, and right before we walked out the door, I presented Phiddlesticks with the Red Corvette for his official picture.

We got on the road shortly after that and made our way slowly down through the states. As anyone who has talked to me knows, the drive from Buffalo to Indianapolis is bordering on unbearable; having a co-pilot this time around made things SOOOOO much better. We chatted about Smogon, music, hockey, and whatever else came up. We traded music-playing duties back and forth; I ended up playing almost exclusively post-rock (namely GY!BE), and Phids would respond with awesome mashups. Normally, I'm not a fan of mashups, but there is just something inherently awesome about someone rapping over songs from the N64's Goldeneye soundtrack. Also, he introduced me to an old school rap group called the Pharcyde, and it was funny, because during the early songs from the album I said, "Man, this guy's voice sounds just like this one song from an old rollerblading game I used to play on the PS2." I tried to describe the song I knew to him, but couldn't remember it right. Lo and behold, that very song was on his album, so I was delighted to finally find out who sang it.

The trip down wasn't SUPER noteworthy; it was mostly us talking about how much fun the weekend was going to be. The trip did have a recurring theme, as did the trip home: Phids CANNOT take a picture with his cell phone. He would try to snap pictures of every sign welcoming us to a new state, and every time his poor Virgin Mobile phonecam would fail extravagantly.

I did snap one picture that we felt was necessary for posterity's sake.

Naturally, I decided to take a video during the drive. It's much better with someone else helping, that way I'm not just talking to nobody all by myself.

[youtube]cVUbx3_77g4[/youtube]

At long last, we made it into Indiana. We made a couple calls to people who were already there just to tell them we were rolling in, and we also touched base with Synre. My GPS led us directly to the hotel, and here is where I need to give a little backstory:

About a week before we were leaving, I happened to be chatting with Synre about our reservations (because I check everything incessantly, I don't trust anything these days) and when he looked at his confirmation email, the date it gave... was the DATE HE MADE THE RESERVATION. Meaning, we had nothing for Thursday night. He scrambled and did some detective work and came up with some hotel that had a room available Thursday night for a very reasonable price, except there was only supposed to be two people. Yeah, right, sure.

Back to the present... the GPS takes us off the highway, and we drove right by all the areas I recognized from last year and took us into a really posh, lush, upper-class neighborhood. We were a bit confused at first, and actually drove by the place once before circling back to check house numbers... and there it was. A goddamned HOUSE.

Yes indeed, we were about to spend a night in a bona fide bed and breakfast. We called up Synre and told him about this strange turn of events and found out he was on his way from the airport in a taxi. Phids and I stretched our legs and stood in the shade, admiring the house across the street from the hotel and its wonderful, lush side lawn. Bigass house, I really liked it.

Finally, Synre arrived. We said our hellos/greetings, then grabbed their bags and went to the front door. (I left my bags in the car to make it look like only two people were staying.) Upon getting to the porch we found the door locked, but there was a doorbell so Synre rang it. We waited, and were eventually answered by a nice, young woman who turned out to be the part owner with her husband. She welcomed us in (SUPER air conditioned, it was awesome, like a meat locker) and told us the rules of the house: quiet hours at 9, breakfast at 8, take anything you want in the snack room upstairs, etc. She also mentioned she had two daughters, which made my ears perk up (sadly, we never met them).

She took us upstairs to the room (sumbitch was called the "Rose Room") and let us in and... good lord. I had heard bed and breakfasts were nice, but I had no idea HOW nice. I mean, we were completely blown away by the quality of the room.

[youtube]UK3-VfF8ZeE[/youtube]

There was a book on the table next to the window where people had left input on the room going back to about 2007. Phids read through it, and I did later, and we noticed that basically the only thing that ever happened in the room was people banging. Having been there for a night, I can safely say that place is a guaranteed panty-dropper. In one comment, the guy even said "thank you for letting me enjoy my wife like this again." I mean, seriously...

Anyway, we eventually brought my bags in as well and got ready to go out for the evening. We had been in contact with others who already were gathering at Scotty's Brewhouse. Phids noticed the high def TV had a damned DVD player built right into it; on the way out, I noticed there was a whole collection of movies for the guests to watch while banging.

We also checked out the snack room, in which there was free coffee, cookies, crackers, chips, pop, and water bottles. Just a really damned classy place.

The three of us hopped into my car and drove over the Brewhouse, parking in an alleyway right near the bar for (what we thought was) VIP parking. We walked up to the outside part and met up with everyone that was already there, mostly people I had already met the year previous. While I got reacquainted with everyone, I realized that I didn't really meet Mal the year before because she had been off doing other things the day mingot hung out at the hotel with us. It was then that I pulled the Red Corvette out of my pocket, surprising everyone. There were shouts of glee and jubilation at the recovery of such an important Smogon artifact. Mal had no idea what was going on, but I got the pic anyway.

We got comfy and started ordering food and drinks (Me? Drinks? Weird). It was a pretty low-key night at first, with everyone still shaking off whatever travel they had just completed.

Shortly thereafter, Fishy arrived with Giga Punch and Carlos. Carlos is, in fact, a super cool dude, and took one of the best Red Corvette pics ever.

After that, it was GP's turn.

Synre, being the big gay that he is, ordered a big gay drink. Seriously, you can't get more "Synre in a nutshell" than this pic.

ET arrived a little after that as well. When he expressed his disappointment at me losing the Red Corvette, I pulled it out of my pocket to show him it wasn't lost after all. He got super happy to see it, and then pulled out of his bag another Smogon relic: A NICOLAS GAZIN PIN. Two relics together.

People started pouring in then. Before long, I was meeting new Smogoners left and right, and I took a video just to show how rollicking of a time we were having.

[youtube]Ksfrr2AZsDQ[/youtube]

The Red Corvette really worked overtime that night. Next was JabbaTheGriffin.

Then, at long last, my buddy Firestorm.

When he found out that stupid zerowing (you will never be makiri to me) had bunny-eared him, he asked for another one.

Andrea had arrived as well with her boyfriend Chad, as well as BlueCookies and dtrain. I explained the Red Corvette to Chad, and he was all about it.

The couches were really beginning to fill in around then. I have to imagine Scotty's loves our group, because all we do is show up in droves and drink and eat everything.

As I was talking to BlueCookies, we both suddenly realized that I only spoke with him briefly the year before and never got a Red Corvette pic. We remedied that quickly.

Jabba and I got to talking, and one of the first things he wanted to do was buy me a shot. Oh come on, as if I would say no!

Fishy got a pic right after it went down. I know our faces look pained and disgusted, but trust me, that GrandMa went down smooth as SILK.

Ninahaza was already starting to doze off, visions of Jigglypuff dancing in his head. (Don't worry, he got right up and got back in the party.)

As the night wore on, Jabba and I talked more of our drinking skills. Eventually, he challenged me to a chugging contest, and as you might imagine, I'm not one to back down.

I will say that I don't chug as much as I used to, but he still flat out beat me. I had heard about his alkie prowess, and I was not disappointed.

Shortly after, GP thought he could take Jabba on as well.

Ummmm, yeah, it wasn't even close. GP = noob chugger. STICK TO BURGERS.

By this time, it was pretty late and our party had gotten quite large. It was awesome to meet so many new people while getting back together with all the great oldies.

Atlas was there as well, which was great. I hadn't seen him since Las Vegas in 2008, so I gave him a proper welcome.

Just to give you an idea of how large (and diverse, heh) our group was, this is about HALF of us.

This is the point in the night where the beer got to me a little and I stopped taking pictures of actual events or people.

Well, that's not ENTIRELY accurate. Indie evan finally showed up after his facemelting band's show ended, so he got into the picture mood.

It was getting pretty late and people were getting tired, so we decided to call it a night. We walked back to my car, which wasn't very far, and upon getting there found I had a fucking parking ticket. Why, you might ask? Because apparently, in that alleyway, you can't park in front of the curb that is painted. There was no goddamned sign saying that, and I parked behind a row of cars and figured I was okay, but NOOOOOOOOOO. $35 out of my pocket. Bastards.

The four of us (now including evan, ROOM AWESOME ASSEMBLED) got back to the hotel and went to sleep. Well, kinda. I was on the floor, and do you remember when I said it was like a meat locker? Yeah, in the middle of the night when the beer wore off, I was shivering myself awake every 10 minutes. It got to the point where I finally pulled the blanket off the bed a little bit and rolled underneath it, basically laying underneath the bed. Hell, it's not like I needed the rest for LCQs or anything.

 

[DM]

CHAPTER THREE: Friday, July 8th

OH MY GOD IT WAS FINALLY TIME. Not only was VGC starting, but I was actually going to participate! I can't explain how excited I was, even though I knew fuckall about what I was doing. I didn't even know what my team was, as Huy (who had my team) didn't get in until that morning. UGH. How am I supposed to learn the strategy and pwn n00bs if I don't have a team?

Of course, since they moved Masters LCQ from 8am to 1pm, we took our time getting up and COMPLETELY missed breakfast. We got up one by one and did some showering before getting dressed in our SWAG. For those who didn't know, Fishy came up with the idea for everyone to wear suits and ties for LCQ and generally just look awesome. (Synre didn't, because he's a big jerk.) After we were all ready, we filed out and down to my car, but not before I left a note in room book below Phids's from the day before.

We drove down to our new hotel and parked in the lot. It was too early to check in, so we just decided to leave our bags in the cars and get them later. Room Awesome was ready to head to the Convention Center, but not before taking a swag pic.

Phids apparently couldn't keep his eyes open, so we had to take another one.

As you can see, not much better, so we just said fuck it and left. The walk up to the CC was not bad, about 10 minutes, but wearing a suit in the muggy heat didn't really help matters much. (Especially later on, when it got up to 95.) We went in the first door we saw, figuring it was an entrance, only to find ourselves in some sort of backstage area. evan asked one of the workers where our thing was and he pointed us through the area where the VGC had been the year before. How strange to think that only a year previous, that room had been bustling with all the shenanigans and nonsense, and was now completely empty.

Yeah, we kinda took the back way in. See, that was hall A. Turns out VGC had dropped all the way down to I. Talk about irrelevance.

But it's not all their fault. The reason for the drop, as well as the difficult accommodations for everyone, was immediately evident when we got out into the hallway: BLACK PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. Grown black men filling the hallway by the thousands, all wearing Greek letters. Obviously a fraternity reunion of some sort, and they had booked most of the CC for it.

We weaved our way through the CC, passing by room after room full of the fraternity guys. It got to the point where we were wondering if we were even in the right place when we finally saw a tiny little sign letting us know there was pokemon somewhere ahead. We finally found the VGC rooms all the way at the end of the CC and walked in to basically the same setup as the year before.

We walked through and found the table full of Smogoners. Most of them had their DSes out and already were gaming, so I felt a little stupid standing there in my suit watching people battle each other. There was one random lady sitting at the table that obviously was a little put off at being surrounded by a bunch of weird kids.

Somebody mentioned that CaptKirby was in the house, so Phids and I had to go say hi and meet him. He was over at a table trading cards with some kid (he did this all weekend), so we popped over and made it official.

When we went back to the table, some kid started talking to me, obviously knowing who I was. I felt dumb to ask who he was, but it turned out to be iss, and I recognized the name immediately and didn't feel bad anymore. He was all about the Red Corvette too.

Not much going on at this point, just a nerdy table of nerdy people doing nerdy things.

The Red Corvette had not even begun its work yet, because shortly thereafter I was introduced to caffwin.

Additionally, I had seen another sharp-dressed man wandering around the Smogon table, and I had no idea who it was. Turned out to be old school dude TeeJ, who it was great to meet finally.

At long last, the heroes of Room 3360 had been reunited! It's just too bad Fish passed on the swag, it kinda looks like he's a superstar pokemon battler and Arti and I are his bodyguards.

It was getting close to time to register for LCQ, so a group of us headed out to grab a quick bite to eat. On the way in, we noticed that the Pizza was closed, so we figured we'd head back and it would be open for lunch. We passed by Nick McCord and instantly struck up a conversation. I swear, I barely got to talk or hang out with him last year but he still remembered me, such an awesome guy. I figured it was only appropriate for Nick to have his own Red Corvette pic.

PIZZA WAS CLOSED. PIZZA. WAS. CLOSED. We were flabbergasted, completely perplexed, no idea what to do next. The one enduring image that had driven us all to Indianapolis was Pizza pizza, yet there we were, REJECTED. Oh well, we figured maybe it was only open on weekends, so we went to the mall and grabbed a bite before heading back.

By the time we got back, the line for LCQ was already quite long. I walked toward the end of it with a group of guys, but by the time I got there I was alone and no one was in sight. I sat there behind two huge smelly people and some kid who looked cool but turned out to be one of those super socially awkward people that you wish would stop talking. Eventually I saw Imawario, so I yelled him over and said hi. It's funny, Imawario has been at more of these events than most people, but he pointed out he still didn't have a Red Corvette pic. NO LONGER TRUE.

Man, that car has sat on a lot of heads. I suppose it's getting to the point where it's nearly impossible to come up with a new pose. (Unless you're Ripchord (see upcoming Toronto story).) The line got longer and longer behind me as I stood there with Imawario, another LCQ guy.

Everybody found me pretty soon and we got together in a group and chatted about strategy.

[youtube]Sj2wBHfbh5A[/youtube]

Half of the people there weren't in LCQs, but were helping those of us who were. Finally, Huy came up to me and handed me the Pokemon Chalice: his 2009 Worlds DS. I instantly felt like a badass, about 300% more confident in my abilities (even though 300 x 0 = still 0). He and evan began to explain my team to me, and let me tell you, their advice was SPOT ON. It basically went like this:

Huy: Okay, so you're going to want to lead with the fetus and the alligator...
evan: No, he should lead with the fetus and the dog...
DM: JUST TELL ME THE DAMN NAMES
evan: What you want to do with the fetus is Helping Hand. It will make this animation: (slowly claps his hands three times). That will boost the power of the other pokemon’s move. With the alligator, you want to rock slide.
DM: Okay, then what?
evan: No, that’s it. Just spam Helping Hand and Rock Slide.

Quite the strategy, I assure you. There obviously was more to it, but those were the basics. I was told not to worry about types because I was just going to spam moves that hit everything, and that came back to haunt me.

Around then, they announced the registration was starting and the line started moving. I started to get a little excited at the prospect of playing competitive pokemon for real, FOR KEEPS. I was getting close to the registration table, knowing I’d soon be in the competition area.

When I finally got up to the registration table, I was greeted warmly and asked why I was wearing a suit. Because real pokemon trainers swag it up, OBVIOUSLY. I was given my card, my free pokemon bag, and I went and sat down and waited for my first opponent. Looking around, I could see a bunch of Smogoners at the tables around me. I made sure to be in line away from them in order to avoid playing them. Then… my opponent showed up.

OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY GET TO WRITE A REAL WARSTORY

(EDITOR’S NOTE: On March 27th, 2012, I went to #ducks to gather information to finish this story. I know war stories have the team listed, so I asked Huy what my team was, and this is what transpired:

<&Huy> musharna/terrakion/eelektross/krookodile/vanilluxe
<&Huy> amoonguss
<indievan> VANILLUXE
<indievan> lol
<+DM> sounds about right
<&Huy> lol
<+DM> why not
<&Huy> it sounds like alot of other teams
<&Huy> so it must be right
<+DM> lol
<&Huy> i remember giving you rock dog
<&Huy> and ice cream
<+DM> yup
<&Huy> and electric eel
<+Fishy> lol rock dog
<@evan> definitely had musharna
<+DM> hmmm, that's not right
<+DM> I definitely had a fetus
<@evan> because hand clappining was one of the hand motions
<@evan> musharna was the fetus probably

So, there you have it. My team was those six, with… some stats… and probably some items. I dunno.)

Round 1: Katie L.

So there I was, sitting across the table from a girl who doesn’t look a day over 14. I felt confident, which was foolish, but against an opponent half my age, I felt as if I had an advantage right away. She didn’t look as if she was a seasoned player or anything. But then she spoke.

Katie: Aren’t you one of those pros?
DM: What do you mean?
Katie: Aren’t you a Psyduck?
DM: Oh. Uhhhh, yeah.
Katie (super sad look on her face): You’re going to KILL me, aren’t you?

I tried to tell her I wasn’t that good, but she didn’t believe me. I felt like a douche. I don’t know how she even knew, she must have seen me talking to people in Duck shirts (or probably heard me quacking at people), but I scared her already. She told me that her brother was in the competition and she was giving LCQ a shot. A couple spots down from us I saw a guy ask the person across from him if he could take a picture of him to show his son. I learned later that this was JRank’s dad.

Nick McCord, emcee extraordinaire, got everyone wound up to get started. Once we counted down and cheered something indecipherable, the battle got underway.

I was told once by Fish or zerowing or maybe TTS that you only remember the matches you lose. That is completely true here as well, I remember nothing from this match because I FUCKING WON. But honestly, it was incredibly close. I followed the plan to the letter and ended up getting an early edge on her. I figured I was doing well, because it was down to 2-1 and she was kinda groaning. We both had Krookodile with about the same health, but I had OTHER POKE that took hers down a bit before she took OTHER POKE down. That left my Krook with one MOVE to finish hers off. We shook hands and she was very cool about the loss and wished me luck. I felt bad for knocking her out, but I ended up seeing her the next day (watching her brother) and we waved, so it’s all good. I hope she enjoyed the rest of her weekend.

I got up from my seat and looked over to the crowd to find my cheering section. I saw a couple people looking at me giving me the “thumbs up/thumbs down” question, and I replied with a confident thumbs up. They seemed obviously surprised and burst into cheering, but I was JUST GETTING STARTED.

Round 2: Brian S.

We didn’t really talk, but I heard JRank’s dad nearby ask another person if he could take a picture. I looked over and it was that Ray guy.

I was told afterward by a bunch of different people that they recognized the kid from regionals and nats the year before. I remember even less of this match because I sliced through his team like a hot knife through butter and won 3-0. I’m pretty sure I had it won from the first turn, because I know there was some flinching involved. Throughout the battle he kept sighing and groaning, apparently he took it a little hard. We shook hands and I stood up, and when I told everyone watching that I had won again they erupted in cheers. But then…

Round 3: Noah T.

FUCKING NOAH

I led my normal Musharna/Terrakion, and he came out with one of the genies and an Amoonguss. Not knowing any better, I opened with my usual Helping Hand/Rock Slide, which was pretty worthless. He Spored the Musharna, and the battle (as I realized afterward) was immediately over. I left the Musharna in there and continually tried to make it wake up while he slowly took out my Terrakion after Sporing it as well. When I put in my OTHER POKE he switched the genie out and put something else in that I basically couldn’t hurt. I kept going after the Amoonguss and had it down to below 10% HP, but the sumbitch kept Giga Draining my guys to barely stay alive. It seemed like every turn he would recover the exact same amount of HP that I took away, it was the most ridiculous effort in futility.

The match was taking forever for some reason; it was almost as if he was toying with me. I knew I was going to lose and had resigned myself to my fate, but then I looked up and saw Fish. He asked me how I was doing and I gave him a headshake and a big thumbs down. He seemed incredulous, as if I couldn’t lose, but then I yelled “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME HOW TO BEAT THE MUSHROOM!”

He replied with “DON’T DO” and then mimed the Helping Hand animation. I yelled back, “DOESN’T MATTER” and mimed sleep. He understood right away at that point.

The Musharna eventually woke up, but it was swiftly defeated a turn later. At long last, he took down my Krookodile to finish me off for a 4-0 victory. I shook his hand and got up, sadly telling my cheering section that I had lost. On my way out of the competitor area, the lady who had checked me in said she was really sorry because she had been rooting for me to win: “You look like you came to compete on your lunch break.”

It was a good game, both teams played hard. I really enjoyed my first actual competition, and I certainly plan on trying again some other day. It was stupid, because the second I walked out to meet everyone I already was going over the battle in my head, and I immediately remembered that Amoonguss is Grass/Poison, and then realized my Musharna had GODDAMNED PSYCHIC AND I COULD HAVE WON BECAUSE IT WENT FIRST. Ugh.

PROPS:
MY TEAM. Those pokes stuck with me through thick and thin, and I owe them everything. I just feel awful for letting them down when I know I could have won.
BATPIG/ANDREA/CASSIE/ANYONE ELSE: For making my team and giving me the opportunity to play. Much love.
BATPIG/EVAN/FISH: For teaching me what the hell to do, essentially winning me two matches.

SLOPS:
ME. I blew it.
AMOONGUSS. Fucking broken.

(NOTE TO ALL READERS: I started writing this story on my trip to Europe with Fish back at the end of August. This is the point where I left off, and now start again… in March. If any of my details are foggy or incorrect, I apologize in advance. Also, for any of you who were there and have any corrections, let me know asap!

Now, let’s FINISH THIS BITCH.)

I went over to the rest of the spectating group and took stock of who was left in the LCQ. It was with absolute horror that I discovered just about EVERYONE else had been knocked out of the LCQ, most way before me! Phids, skarm, Arti, etc... all out. The only people we had left to root for were Imawario, Dubs, caffwin, and Chad, and Dubs and caffwin pulled some pretty unfortunate opponents.

Yes, Dubs got match up against Brianna, and caffwin took on Greysong. Imawario won his match and secured his spot in the tournament, but before long, both Dubs and caffwin had fallen in battle. It was bittersweet to come so far and yet fall short, but we still had Chad to root for.

His battle lasted a very long time. Everyone had grouped around where he sat, waiting on pins and needles to hear the outcome. His was one of the last battles to finish, and it was close, but he lost. We were all a bit disheartened, but it really was a good game, and both teams played hard.

In order to raise our spirits, we decided to swag out. Nobody pulls it off like Ninahaza.

We got the whole group of suited up guys together for a bunch of pictures. Whoever had my camera took a bunch, I’ll just throw them all up because there are different poses in each one. (Except Jabba, TeeJ, and me, we’re like goddamned GQ statues.)

Naturally, Omega “Photobomber” Donut jumped in.

He then did his best DM impression. It’s not too bad but… this just isn’t a beauty that can be replicated.

Interracial swank.

As we were milling around, figuring out what to do next, I noticed that OD and Fish were twinsies.

We were hungry, so a few people and I went on our way back to the cafeteria area… and the fucking Pizza Pizza was STILL closed. ET and I were afraid we wouldn’t get a chance to eat there, so we snapped a quick picture in front.

Done at the Convention Center for the day, a group of us headed back to our hotel to hang out. (Atlas had a badass room upstairs from ours.) Naturally, since we brought about an EBGames worth of systems, gaming happened.

We had made plans to meet up with a bunch of the others for dinner, so after getting out of the sweltering hot suits (it was 95 degrees that day), we started on our walk. Our hotel was right next to the Colts’ stadium, which I thought was pretty cool.

I had hoped to wait to go to TGI Fridays until I was mentally prepared for the Vanilla Bean Cheesecake, but that’s what everyone chose, so there I went.

Arti and evan got some crazy-ass mojitos. I tried a sip of each, they were sugary but wonderful.

TeeJ got a nice, tall Guinness to join the drinkfest.

As I looked through the menu for a drink, I was kinda stumped until… WHAT. NO WAY. This exists??? I MUST have it.

Yes indeed, ladies and gents: a Guinness milkshake.

We then asked our waitress to take a couple group pictures for us, and she did a great job.

Just fyi, I love these people.

Seeing how much I was enjoying my majestic, malted goodness, TeeJ, Fish, and Biffster got Guinness shakes as well. And I have no problem speaking for them in saying: those were out of this damned world.

At some point, I had the brilliant idea of having a room party back at our hotel that night. The other roomies seemed to be down with it, so we started spreading the word around to everyone and gathering money for… party favors. On the way back to the hotel, I grabbed my car and a few of us legal-aged people found a liquor store on my iPhone, went there and stocked up. The following is what our previously empty fridge looked like after this acquisition excursion.

Something for everyone! A couple people had already showed up, but it was then that I found out CK was coming in from his hotel by the airport and needed someone to meet him. I hopped in my car and went to the other hotel up the street where people were staying and waited for him… only to be told he was already there. I called him on the phone and asked him where he was, and he kept saying he was out front, and we yelled back and forth at each other and I was pissed because I was missing my own room party… when we realized we were at different hotels. Apparently, downtown Indianapolis has two different Marriott hotels, and CK was at a completely different one. He grabbed a taxi over to where I was, and finally we met up and headed back to my hotel.

When we got back to my room, the party was already in full swing.

It’s quite a thing to leave an empty hotel room and return to 20 people being all rowdy. As you can see, the hipsters had already jumped into the PBR, and others had begun to make mixed drinks in every glass and coffee mug we had available. Seating was limited, as you might imagine.

One thing about this party I forgot to mention: it was a pool party. Our hotel had a pool, so all 275 of us went down and went swimming and sat on the deck outside, scaring away any other patrons that had been there and having a grand old time.

It was around this time that I dragged Fishy back upstairs. See, when I bought my Ducks shirt off zerowing’s website, I noticed you could get a stuffed bear with the logo on it, so I bought it. I didn’t know who I would give it to, but I figured it’d be fun to do. We went into the room and I pulled it out of my pack and presented it to her. Yes, she gushed, but look at this guy, who wouldn’t?

It was at this EXACT toughing moment that tad came stumbling into the room, mumbling incoherently about getting another drink. I hadn’t realized that he somehow snuck himself a ton of booze and got hammered in the course of 30 minutes, but I turned him down. I found out from him the next day that he had never drank before that… perfect. Uncle DM, law student, getting people hammered!

We kept an eye on tad as people started to trickle back upstairs to find out why we didn’t come back. evan got his first look at Frank (as he would later be named).

So cute. (I told GP distinctly, “DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMERA. LOOK AT THE BEAR.” Failure.)

Too goofy to hold it all together.

We eventually went back down to the pool, but a bunch of people had headed back to their own hotel, so our little party was winding down. We hung out a bit longer and finished as much of the booze as we could, then called it a night ourselves. We had a big day ahead of us.

 

[DM]

CHAPTER FOUR: Saturday, July 9th

That morning was uneventful. We got up and got ready, grabbed a quick breakfast and headed over to the CC. The masters division wasn’t until later in the day, but some of us wanted to get there early and watch the littler Smogoners compete, people like Cybertron and mingot’s daughter Mal. We found them pretty quickly and went over and said hi. I had only met Cybertron briefly the year before, so I got a Red Corvette pic.

Then I met Human for the first time, a pretty cool kid.

Then, a guy walked up to me and introduced himself. (So many people know me way before I know them.) It turned out to be Team Rocket Elite and his brother Randy, and I snapped a RC pic with them.

A bunch of Ducks had brought duck quackers/callers to cheer on their teammates. Arti modeled one for me.

The competition for the younger age groups got underway with vigor. We watched Alphabet123’s televised match and got to see the Fissure-trolling in action.

Around then, Ninahaza showed up with his Ducks outfit for the day. I took one look and my jaw dropped. I mean, he was DECKED out in amazing Ducks gear. It’s hard to imagine, but he was even more swagged out than the previous day.

[youtube]ZPi7I-PuVek[/youtube]

Shortly after that, Jabba showed up… wearing the same clothes he had on the night before. Well, some of them.

Turns out the night before, after going swimming he had left his clothes in our hotel room and then slept elsewhere. We left for the CC early, locking him out without his clothes, so he had to walk to the CC hungover, get a key from us, go all the way back, get his clothes… you get the picture. Let’s just say he had a long morning.

We all hung around while the juniors and seniors played. TTS looked over his team one last time (the plushie does some nice foreshadowing).

The action.

In between matches, I met the VGC troll himself, Alphabet123.

This kid was hilarious. He put an OHKO on one of his pokes and spammed it all day in all his matches, and actually ended up with a 3-4 (4-3?) record at the end of the day.

While watching the matches, I struck up a conversation with a tiger mother next to me who was downright fierce in her support for her son. Turns out she was HitmonRocker’s mom, and her and I had a great conversation about sportsmanship and how awesome her son was. I ended up meeting him after his match ended. He was confused by the Red Corvette.

Then I explained it to him and his mom, and he was all about it.

Finally, the juniors and seniors had finished all of their matches and the final rankings were posted.

[youtube]z9czFPCoJqE[/youtube]

We had a bunch of Smogoners go through to the Sunday 16: Human, Cybertron, HitmonRocker, and David Arnold went through. If I remember correctly, Mal ended with a 4-3 record, very respectable. Of course, in the juniors, Babbytron represented like a sumbitch.

At about this time, most if not all of the masters had arrived. Now that the youth were done, it was time for the real trainers to bring the ruckus. We bumped into a friend of ours from the previous year, Nekusagi, so Huy and mingot got a pic with her.

We wanted to get a quick bite to eat before the masters started, so I went with a group of people to the far end of the CC to get to the outside world when we stumbled upon a second cafeteria area that none of us knew existed and we saw HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE WAS ANOTHER PIZZA AND IT WAS OPEN

We promptly got in line and overpaid for tasty yet average pizza. But hey, it was Pizza pizza, so the trip was officially complete.

Back in the main area, the competitors huddled together, nervousness and anxiousness setting in.

At long last, they lined up to get signed up for the tournament. I gave Biffster one last good luck before he went in.

From far and wide the trainers had come to show their battling prowess, in the hopes that one of them would be crown USA CHAMPION.

Being one of the first registered, indievan wasted no time fighting the establishment once seated.

One of my fellow LCQ losers joining me to watch the action.

No, I can’t explain this one. It just is.

It was then that a rumor starting spreading about someone taking Deagle’s place in the tournament. For whatever reasons, Deagle himself had qualified but was unable to attend nats, so someone posed as him and sat down in his place. Only one problem: Deagle’s brother, Metabou, WAS there. So, when word got to Mike Liesik that there was an imposter, he was none too happy about it, and he confirmed the fraud with Metabou.

The imposter was promptly thrown out and told never to try it again, or he’d be banned for life. It got back to me that he was a Smogoner too, which, I admit, had me really steamed. Those of us who were at JAA in 2006 know how Smogon got a terrible reputation as a bunch of asshole cheaters, and we had gone through a lot to change that image. And then, now, there was this guy making us all look like a bunch of douchebags.

The imposter came over to our group and started talking with everyone else, who apparently knew him. I introduced myself and realized it was bearsfan092. After talking with him about it, I didn’t feel so angry, for two reasons: 1) he asked Metabou beforehand if he could try the prank, and Metabou said it was okay, but that if he got caught Metabou would disavow all knowledge, and 2) bearsfan was a really chill guy. Oh well, no harm, no foul, I guess. RC pic!

Once everyone got seated and settled, it was time to begin. Cue the Nick McCord Countdown©!

[youtube]fDp_uLBrj3c[/youtube]

Once the first battles were underway, Nick continued to keep the crowd involved and excited.

[youtube]PuKTWcFotlY[/youtube]

The non-competing Smogoners hung on every move in every battle.

I dunno, I took a lot of pictures of us while we were watching the battles. To be honest, it can get boring and there isn’t much else to do.

Nick, as always, was a fantastic host, and would come watch the more exciting battles on the screen with us and narrate the action.

Want to know just how bullshit the VGC “random” battling is? Look no further than this picture.

zerowing v. Alaka, Synre v. Jabba. It happened all day, and I lost most of my voice screaming obscenities at these so-called “random” matchups. It only solidified my belief that VGC hates Smogon.

I continued tweeting throughout the day after each round, letting the world know who won and lost. Finally, it got to the last round of the day, and the so-called “loser match” between the two worst records ended up being OD and Huy, two seemingly favorites to win the whole thing. Eh, who knows, there are good days, and there are hax-y days. Pokemon is a harsh mistress.

Little did we know, though, the fucking comedy gold that was about to unfold. Nick decided he’d have a good time and come over and not only narrate the match, but continually berate both players to let them know how awful at pokemon they were.

[youtube]tXR1qUSEkzo[/youtube]

I had to stop recording video numerous times, both because I was laughing so hard and I was tweeting and doing other things simultaneously. bearsfan has a full video of the match, albeit focused solely on the screen.

[youtube]FuvRmO_W49g[/youtube]

It quickly got pretty ridiculous. It started when Huy decided to give OD some advice.

[youtube]qwh1yUwNyoQ[/youtube]

Then, they decided, what the hell: our teams are so bad, let’s just switch and see what happens.

They eventually switched back when that proved fruitless. But, alas, the match still dragged on interminably, so Huy decided to tag out his new partner.

Yes, ladies and gents, that is Marriland getting in on the action, and at this point we were all losing our shit watching Marriland v. OD. Marriland eventually went back to judging the rest of the matches, but nobody gave a shit about any of those because the entire crowd had made their way to our side of the room, transfixed by the shitshow unfolding before us. OD ended up completely switching jobs with Nick, offering his own battle commentary.

Nick then took the microphone back in order to ask the crowd for advice, and to let us all know his each and every move. But it was far from over, as eventually Huy got Mike Liesik to sit in for him. But then OD got tapped out for Darrell, and all hell was breaking loose as Nick came out and joined us watching the rest of the battle onscreen.

[youtube]s9ENmYRuSnQ[/youtube]

At long last, the battle was over. The team of OD/Nick/Darrell had won, but it didn’t matter, because really, we all did.

Eventually, they posted the final rankings… and our collective hearts sank. Making it through to the Sunday 16 were Zerowing, Duy, TTS, Mr. Arnold and Greysong… but Fish and zerowing had placed perfectly so that they’d play each other in the first round. That meant only one would be top 8 and get an automatic invite to Worlds. A huge blow, really sucked for both of them. And on top of it all, Synre had finished at 5-2, but in 17th place. The only 5-2 record NOT to make it to the Sunday 16.

A bunch of us decided we should do a huge group dinner, so we started telling everyone to meet at Scotty’s Brewhouse again. I went over with the huge first group, and they gave us a nice, long table to accommodate all of us. That place is known for their burgers, and trust me, they didn’t disappoint.

Someone pointed out the giant burger challenge on the menu, and GP wasted no time accepting the challenge. It was something ridiculous like for $25 you got a stupid huge burger and fries, and if you finished everything you got a t-shirt. Well, CHALENG ACCEPT.

Charmander wanted to give GP a little headstart.

It took him a while, and it was pretty funny to watch him go through the meat sweats, but GP finally finished the whole damn thing. Here is the last bite going down.

We got the server to take another huge group pic. The table was so long that the people at the far end didn’t stand a chance to be in the picture.

We were done eating, so I started to wander around to all the other tables that had arrived. Group by group we had filled in, taking over the whole place.

One by one we made our way outside to enjoy the beautiful day. There were a couple boards set up for Cornhole, so we started to get the gaming going.

We immediately decided to make a bracket tournament. I matched up with Fishy as my partner, because I figured who better as a cornhole partner than a true hayseed. We easily dominated our first match against bearsfan and his buddy Syed.

I all of a sudden realized how substantial our group had become. There were over 30 Smogoners at Scotty’s for dinner, and I knew such a gathering may never happen again, so I rounded up all the kids on the wall and got the hostess to take a huge group picture. In essence, this is the yearly composite photograph for Smogon University.

And now, we’ve come to it. My favorite part of the story: CRAZY POKEMON GUITAR GUY. A little earlier, a guy had shown up carrying a guitar, and he took it out and walked around the Scotty’s patio playing for people for money. Naturally, the Scotty’s people told him he wasn’t allowed to do that, so he came outside the fenced area to where we were and continued to walk around with the guitar. He was your average panhandler, playing songs for $1. skarm was playing cornhole at the time (a game that would singlehandedly go on for about a half hour, ruining the entire tourney. And it only ended because we lowered the point threshold from 21 to 7 so they could end it), and the only time he made a point was when the guy was playing the guitar near him. He also noticed the guy had a GSC pokemon sticker on his bag.

Now, in skarm’s defense, he’s from a peaceful Canadian city, and had no knowledge of an urban crazy person. Also, he had had a few beers and was a little tipsy. Last, he thought the pokemon sticker meant the guy was cool. Unfortunately, this was a volatile combination.

skarm asked the guy to play guitar for him so he could score again. The guy did briefly, then asked for a dollar. skarm told him he didn’t have a dollar, thinking nothing of it. Well, let me tell you, crazy guy was none too happy about being led on, and started to let skarm know it. skarm, unaware of the trouble he had just started, just kept playing cornhole.

The following is the video Ninahaza took during the incident. I’ll link it, then describe what happened from my point of view.

[youtube]5D4l9eRvV7E[/youtube]

As he continued to yell things at skarm, mingot tried to defuse the situation by giving the guy a dollar, hoping he’d take it and go away. He didn’t. He continued to shout things at skarm, and eventually said something about skarm “getting seriously hurt” or something like that. By that time, he had wandered over to my side and was standing right in front of me when I said, innocently enough, “That wouldn’t be good.”

The second I said that, he forgot about skarm and turned his full attention to me. (You can see this in the video at :40.) And when I first looked into his eyes, I immediately saw the full, unbridled crazy that was contained within. When you’ve dealt with crazy people in your life as I have, you recognize it right away. And this dude was BRIMMING with it. Just full on, batshit insane.

He began to get in my face and mumble some incoherent bullshit, but the basic gist was I was going to die. He said something in some incoherent, fake foreign language and said: “You know what that means? In Singapore, that means you’d be DEAD already.” He said I was nothing more than just another stupid, ignorant American, to which I replied, “I’m actually Canadian.” But it was too late. I knew that we had not only whacked the beehive with a stick, we had knocked it off the tree branch and smashed it open on the ground. I could feel bearsfan get up and stand behind me for backup just in case the guy tried something, but he kinda wandered away.

Still, at this point, it was a little amusing. In the video, you can see Jabba lose his shit laughing. But the guy wasn’t done. He came back at me and starting physically threatening me this time, and by then mingot had had enough. He had tolerated the guy long enough, and with his young teenaged daughter sitting nearby, he was going to put an end to the bullshit. The second crazy guy saw papa bear coming he retreated, but he turned his full attention on mingot, telling him he knew where he lived, he was going to burn his house down, he was going to go home and come back and shoot him, etc. The hostess from Scotty’s kept coming out and trying to get him to leave, but it took him forever to but his guitar back in its bag and get on his bike and leave. All the while, he continued to hurl threats at mingot, and then when he got down to the sidewalk he started yelling at, basically, anyone that walked by.

Finally, he was gone, and we all got settled down again. After that whole ordeal, I had a new respect for mingot. I had always liked the guy, even when we butted heads on the forums, but the way he stepped up and handled the situation just took it to a whole new level. I also appreciated bearsfan and Jabba having my back in case anything happened; after the guy came back, Jabba came around to the front of the fence and stood right beside me. As if I needed any reassurance of the love Smogoners show each other, that solidified the depth of the friendships here and how much we’d go to battle for each other.

After hanging out with Syed all evening, I wanted a Red Corvette pic.

Eventually, the Cornhole tourney finished. Fishy had wandered off with Fish shortly after our first-round win, so I drafted Dubs to be my new partner because he had lost in the first round. We quickly formed the most lethal tandem since Tango and Cash and swept through the rest of the tournament almost effortlessly.

At that point, we had lost a bunch of people to their own plans, but Fish and Fishy had returned, so we decided it was time for Vanilla Bean Cheesecake. A few others were interested, and some were heading that way anyway, so we headed off. ET immediately took his usual spot way out in front of the group, leading us on, and I documented my amusement.

Some monument downtown. I dunno, I thought it was cool.

I also have a strange habit of holding my camera up and taking pictures of the groups of people I’m walking with.

This needs no explanation.

It took forever to get seated, but we finally got thrown in a back corner and were promptly forgotten for about 30 minutes. No, dead serious, we didn’t get a server to come around forfuckingever, so when she came we just told her to bring a shitton of cheesecake. AND SHE DID.

At long last, the magic was recreated.

Only… it wasn’t. Things like Vanilla Bean Cheesecake are special the first time they happen, but it’s always hard to recapture that feeling. We both agreed that the cheesecake didn’t taste as good this time around. But hey, we ate it, and it was still delicious.

After that, people went back to their hotels to get ready because, surprise surprise… another pool party! We had plenty of booze and mixers left over from the night before that we wanted to finish off, so we invited everyone back over again. tad promised me he would behave, so I was put at ease. (Silly me.)

We went swimming again, sat on the patio again, and generally had a grand old time. Fish, Fishy and I went upstairs briefly to have a shot together. I’m especially proud of this picture because I set the camera up inside the open microwave and took the picture with the timer.

This time, though, we eventually got kicked out of the pool/patio area on threat of calling the police. I thought that was a little extreme for the first time they said anything to us, but whatever. Eventually, we all ended up back in the room, hanging out and behaving ourselves.

During the course of the evening’s activities, we noticed Ninahaza getting drunker. We were around the TV, and he would come over and tell us how drunk he was. Then he’d disappear for a while, return and tell us in an even more incoherent manner how drunk he was. It got to the point where I started to get worried about him, and when I talked to Carlos he told me Ninahaza had been mixing his own drinks. (Uh oh.) Knowing that Ninahaza wasn’t a drinker, I told him he was done for the night, and he agreed. He then disappeared into the bathroom.

He didn’t come back for a while, and I started to get worried. Being no stranger to those drunken nights, I went and knocked on the door. No answer. I continued knocking and calling his name until I got a response: “I’m taking a shit.” I knew he was puking, but I let him take care of his business. After a little longer, though, I knew he needed some help, so I made him come out. He had, uh, soiled his yellow Simpsons t-shirt, but he had done a decent job of keeping all the puke in the tub. I asked Atlas if Ninahaza could stay on the couch in his room (he was in a suite all alone), and he graciously said yes. By the way, Atlas is a super awesome dude for doing that, and I owe him a huge favor for this!

We took Ninahaza upstairs and put him to sleep. He was surprisingly coherent the whole time; I’m pretty sure he drank so much so quickly that he puked most of it back up. I went back downstairs to the room, feeling my age. The night’s events, couple with the events of the previous night, began to settle on me and weigh on my conscience a bit. It was then that I decided to throw in the towel on being Smogon’s resident drunk. I knew the only way to do it properly was to pass the responsibility on to someone else; and who else for that responsibility but a younger, lady-killing law student in whom I saw much of myself?

[youtube]kWb9GeYMZ2E[/youtube]

The rest of the night was much more low-key. Fishy and I traded a head massage for a back massage and I somehow got tricked into playing Mario Party. But only after I mopped the floor with everyone in Goldeneye. Again. CANNOT BE FUCKED WITH

 

[DM]

CHAPTER FIVE: Sunday, July 11th

When we arrived at the CC Sunday morning, it was incredibly eerie. Where all weekend there had nothing but black men in full revelry, there was nothing. It was a ghost town.

The competitors came in and took their spots. All three age groups would be playing simultaneously, so there was a lot to keep track of.

Fishy brought Frank the Bear to the final day of competition, and when she introduced him to Nick, Nick was smitten.

After winning their first-round matches, Fish and TTS moved on. Unfortunately, that meant zerowing was out. Duy lost also. TTS took on EnFuego.

Tired from a long weekend of festivities, the Ducks cheering section remained loyal.

TTS quickly gained the upper edge. No butts about it, he was going to win this match! By doing so, he would crack this tourney wide open from the bottom of the bracket. He would NOT be made an ass of.

The spectators look on anxiously.

TTS would finally be victorious over EnFuego. You know, eventually. Someday.

[youtube]5OCuEQbL5-E[/youtube]

In the round of four, TTS got haxed pretty bad. (No, I don’t remember what happened, read his story.)

[youtube]LfCMY1jgbEE[/youtube]

I don’t know what else happened, but TTS finished off his opponent to go to the finals!

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In all the excitement, Nick grabbed BlueCookies for a “World Champ” interview.

Next, Nick got the Ha Dynasty up there to discuss their year.

When we heard it’d be at least an hour until the final matches happened, a few of us decided to go get lunch at the mall nearby. On the way out, I caught TTS getting ready for his closeup.

zerowing and caffwin were over chatting in some chairs. I found the moment to be worthy of remembering.

So, this is how it goes at Smocons: there are a few chiefs, and a whole ton of Indians. The chiefs change depending on the situation, but wherever the chiefs go, all the Indians tend to follow. After I took the pic of zerowing and caffwin, I turned around and discovered the mass of people that had followed out into the hall.

Ever tried herding a litter of puppies, and then tried to get them to go somewhere? Yeah, that’s what doing lunch with a group that big is like. Eventually we all made our way over to the food court for one last group hurrah.

It’s a long weekend. DEAL WITH IT

Before lunch could end properly, Human had to battle Synre.

Babbytron was in the finals for juniors, Cybertron for seniors, and TTS for masters. We realized that Babbytron needed to represent the Ducks, so he borrowed Duy’s tent. I mean, t-shirt. (He’s little.)

TTS sat in the war room with his most trusted advisors, talking about the upcoming battle. Or Wall Scrolls, who knows.

ET SHOWED UP WITH THE CEREMONIAL PITA. He blessed TTS and wished him well in his battle.

TTS had his usual Zebraiken plushie with him at his table, but Duy didn’t think that was enough.

The competitors of all ages squared off and got ready to determine the winners. Yes, all age groups played simultaneously, don’t ask me why. Just another awful VGC thing that happened.

Nick counted down to the 3-battle royale.

[youtube]YKL6KNAjQLU[/youtube]

Long story short, Cybertron was the only one of the three that won. Nick interviewed Wolfey and TTS afterward. I found Wolfey to be a sore winner, but I think I understand that he didn’t feel like he got any respect and had a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Still, for the US champ he did way too much complaining about hax for my tastes.

We all got together and commiserated TTS’s and Babbytron’s defeats, but rejoiced in their 2nd places. It was already well past time for Phids and I to get on the road and head home, so we started making our way around saying our goodbyes. He and tad requested this special picture.

As per my usual Smocon closing, I went around with my camera rolling and took a video getting everyone’s final thoughts on the weekend. I got a lot of great stuff, only to realize after about 7 minutes of this that MY BATTERY WAS FUCKING DEAD. Perfect. I had charged it fully before the trip, but apparently taxed its poor lifespan. Lesson learned: I’ll never travel without all my chargers.

Finally, Phids and I bid our fond farewells and got back on the road. As always, the drive home is the hardest part of the journey, but once again, it was great having someone to share it with. Also, even though both our mp3 players’ batteries had died, it didn’t even matter, because we chatted animatedly the entire drive back about any and all topics. Whereas on the drive down we were still feeling each other out, getting to know one another, the drive home was like two old buds. It was awesome.

Sometime during the trip, we decided to do a “DM and Phids signing off” video. Phids started recording on his phone, and about a minute in… that shit the bed too. Man, talk about poor timing on batteries dying. So, I finished up the goodbye video on my own phone.

[youtube]JmAvoA0Iuqg[/youtube]

Of course, I had to share one last Buffalo staple with Phids before he left. When we got back into Buffalo, I swung by a local institution so Phids could partake in Mighty Taco

Shortly after that, we called it a night.

CHAPTER SIX BUT NOT MUCH OF A CHAPTER AT ALL: Monday, July 12th

Phids’s bus left pretty early, so we were up at the crack of dawn to get downtown to the bus station. Naturally, in our rush, we forgot to grab the Cherry Coke and Loganberry out of the fridge that we had gotten for him to take back home with him… dammit.

And thus ended another Smocon. Indianapolis 2011, US National Championships was in the books.

EPILOGUE:

Like usual, leaving the Smocon was very hard. I knew that it would probably be my last time traveling to a Smocon in that manner, because the next summer I would be firmly embroiled in studying for the bar exam when Nats happened (no matter how many times ET would demand I attend).

Each year is incredibly special, and I loved meeting even more new people, as well as reconnecting with the old. It was sad that people from the previous year like TAY and rory didn’t make it; most distressing of all, probably was that for the first time since JAA in 2006, Father Pokemon himself, Kongler, was not in attendance. Also, Fish and I spoke later about how large the groups had become and how hard it was to spend quality time with the people with whom you shared the deepest connections.

Regardless, I will never regret a single second I spend at any Smocon, and this obviously was no different. You’re all special to me, and the offer always stands: if anyone ever travels to the Buffalo area, they have a warm place to sleep and lots of beers to be drank.

...And he lived happily ever after, for the rest of his days.

 

[DM]

ONE LAST EDITOR'S NOTE:

If anyone wants anything removed, let me know.

If there are any broken/mistaken pics, let me know.

If anyone who was there remembers anything I forgot, DEFINITELY let me know so I can add it!

 

[tofucocoa]

A+ so far, haven't read it all yet though!

 

[Chill Murray]

This thread is singlehandedly making me want to come out of retirement. That's how awesome this story is.

 

[evan]

we're going to miss you this year adam

 

[Dozz]

Looks like Cybertron is going to have to get his work rate up to keep the title of best warstories now.

It's things like these that mean I'll be going this year. A+. fabulous, flawless etc.

 

[theamericandream38]

As always, an excellent story Adam. I had a great time at this event but unfortunately did not finish my own story, so here are some of my favorite moments from the trip:

- telling Fishy (upon coming upstairs as told in the story) "Alison, you're mad hot" NO FEAR
- DESTROYING everyone in the hitmontop minigame in Pokemon Stadium 2 (I think the next closest person had 2 points) and going nuts after winning
- My person favorite: Saturday morning at breakfast, eating with Atlas/Phiddlesticks/Evan. Someone (might have been Evan) says "Yeah, some people were really obnoxious and loud last night." I respond with "Yeah, SOME people..." obviously knowing he was referring to me and a few others. Atlas or Phiddlesticks chimes in with "Yeah, it was ET.", which we all chuckled about, until Phids finished it off with one of his patented one-liners: "Yeah, he barged into the room at like 2 AM and shouted "WHO'S CIRCUMSIZED?!?!?!""

I had a great time and I'm glad that you finished this story so that I could relive the experience and eternalize this trip in the memories of Smogon and of all those who read it. Come hell or high water, I will see you in Hawaii, Uncle DM/Vacation Dad.

 

[Cybertron]

And I thought my Nats warstory was good...

Just skimmed over since I don't have access to a computer but it looks amazing! PS I WON UNLIKE TTS AND BABBYTRON

 

[Firestorm]

I just wanted you to know I'm still in bed on my phone but am going to wake up now so I can read this on a proper screen. Looking forward to living the weekend again from the words if Smogon's greatest storyteller!

 

[TrollFreak]

awesome story DM :D, can't read it at school since the pics and vids won't work :(

 

[Badal]

Briliant story DM! Yet another amazing smocon. This is probably amongst the top 3 things that makes me want to go to college RIGHT away!

Good stuff!

 

[iss]

i lack words

 

[Eraddd]

I was wondering if your warstory would be the Half Life 3 of VGC warstories.

Will read now.

Edit: Kept asking myself where the asians were. Then realized this isn't Vancouver.

Also, TRE = Jimmy, Randy = r inanimate who is his brother. You have the info down wrong: "It turned out to be Team Rocket Elite and his brother Jimmy, and I snapped a RC pic with them."

Finished reading, amazing story would read againt A+++++++

 

[R Inanimate]

What a story. Even almost a year after the event it really recaptures the memories. I didn't really get to talk to the Smogoners at the event that much, as I was kind of overwhelmed by the difference between a Regional and National event. I'll be sure to try to interact more in the upcoming Nats, and hopefully the Worlds if I make it there.

Team Rocket Elite and his brother Jimmy

A correction, TRE's name is Jimmy. My name is Randy (this is TRE's brother btw).

 

[Huy]

DM is a racist, it's okay. He can't tell me and Cybertron apart. I'm the senior Nats champ.

 

[JabbaTheGriffin]

fantastic. i had a great time reading and reliving the experience.

it won't be the same without you this year. but rest assured, i've been keeping the chalice safe.

 

[ncsbert]

Wow. Great read. This makes me really want to get to Nats.

 

[Wolfey]

Excellent story, you all sound like a great group, a shame I didn't meat most of you. On one note I'd like to apologize for coming off as a sore winner, I didn't intend it at all and to be honest I hardly remember anything of the hours after nats at all, I just recall being in a stupor after playing TTS (arguably my most dificult battle all season) and not expecting to win at all, so when I lucked out I didn't really know what to say. Again apologies for coming off as an arogant git, not my intentions at all, and hopefully I can meet you all this year!

 

[Solace]

it's this kind of thing that really makes me wish i couldve been there :(

 

[Firestorm]

It'd be great if more people commented and let this hit the second page so my browser doesn't try to crash every time I click it to read a new post. Also, oh my god I forgot how many people were watching Huy and OmegaDonut's match. VGC hype > TCG hype.

<3 DM You sir are one of the best people to hang out with. You were such a positive in the environment both at Indianapolis and Toronto last year. I will be very sad if I don't get to see you this year.

 

[Huy]

This story is okay, I guess. It's still a better love story than Twilight.

 

[BlueCookies]

amazing