You all gather. undisputed takes the ways of the ALLCAPS and spams to lynch makiri, the rumored Pumpking.
danmantincan and ginganinja soon follow. Nachos, ever the fan of no lynching, is reluctant to follow, but he and Staraptor Call soon agree.
You take makiri, screaming and yelling the whole way that this isn't the answer, to the Tree.
The Lynching Tree.
And there is no way out for him.
His neck goes through the noose. undisputed grins smugly as makiri drops, his neck snapping.
"Looks like no more anal raping's gonna go down," he cockily states.
Everyone steps back to admire the last great neutral, now dead.
Dear makiri, you are the Pumpking
You take Halloween seriously. You rage at anyone who pisses on the spirit of Halloween, and you have a deformed pumpkin for a head. You starred in an early Key of Awesome video. Unfortunately, you're not the most cautious sort and you are prone to eating Razor Apples whole. Not the best idea out there, but what can we expect when your skull is a gourd? You are in this fight to make everyone who disgraces Halloween slob on your knob.
Every other night, you may PM both hosts with "NX - Taking USER to my pumpkin piatch". You will take that user to your pumpkin piatch and engage in anal sex with them, tearing through their rectal walls and causing them to bleed out. They will die. Additionally, every night you may PM both hosts with either "NX - Hiding in a pumpkin" OR "NX - Knocking USER's head against a doorknob". You will protect yourself from a kill, should you do the first action. You will knock that user's head against a doorknob, knocking them out and rendering them unable to perform their night action, should you do the second action. Additionally, every day you may PM both hosts with "DX - Sending pumpkin spy into USER's house". You will send one of your pumpkin spies into that user's house and it will return with their full Role PM. Alternatively, three days total, you may PM both hosts with "DX - Replacing USER's treat with a Razor Apple". You will take their item for your own.
You currently hold truck this game's item spread.
You are allied with yourself. You are here to make everyone your <snip>. You win if all other players are dead. Additionally, you must survive.
Suddenly there is a thunderous roar from a gong. You spot StevenSnype standing on the remains of MR SANDSMAN's throne, now crumbling due to the disrepair the war has brought.
He yells out in a commanding voice, "Will Staraptor Call and undisputed please step forward?"
The ever-confident undisputed swaggers up, with Staraptor Call trailing behind. The other three gentlemen stand back at a distance, watching the events unfold.
Snype begins speaking again, "The last in your trio of neutrals, Professor Frink, has already died. Caboose and Terribad B-Movie, you two are the only ones left."
dan, ginga and Nachos begin to whisper amongst themselves. It seems the day of reckoning has come.
undisputed smirks at the scene, "I led the lynch on the guy who raped Lassie and everyone will be my friend. I accept my win gladly."
However, something seems to be wrong.
Yeti glares down upon the two neutrals.
"You forgot that in order to win, the Terribad B-Movie had to lose," she bluntly states.
undisputed is confused at first. Staraptor Call perks up.
"With the death of makiri, the lone anti-faction neutral left, it is now inevitable that a faction will win. This has made it impossible for Bunnymaster to win. He needed every faction to lose, and with no opposition, one of the last two will succeed.
"Additionally, Staraptor Call managed to deal out the real SANDS and MUDS to three factions. Not only is his primary win condition done, but his secondary one is no longer up for question - a faction WILL win."
undisputed begins to sob furiously. His lynch on makiri sealed his fate - without the wolf, Bunnymaster loses, and with Bunnymaster having no chance to win, Staraptor Call has become the first winner of SANDS Mafia.
CONGRATULATIONS TO STARAPTOR CALL FOR WINNING SANDS MAFIA
As for undisputed, seems there's no dice.
Dear Staraptor Call, you are a Terribad B-Movie
You were probably made in the 1960s, or at least you look like you could've been. Your plot line is generally horrible, though you were never intended to become mainstream. You are too poorly-written to become a cult classic, though, because nothing in your plot makes sense. Giants insects, radioactive waste, and aliens or creatures that look like barf on mops are commonly seen in you. You never influenced anyone before, and now it is your time to affect the SANDS and MUDS.
Every night, you may PM both hosts with "NX - Send radioactive ants to take USER's goods". You will send some of the poorly-made, radioactive ants to walk off with whatever item that user is holding. Additionally, you may PM both hosts with "DX - Send fuzzy mop monster to scope out USER". You will send a fuzzy mop monster to investigate that user's items, seeing if they have anything worth taking. Alternatively, you may PM both hosts with "DX - Dub over USER's lines". You will take a foreign movie that user stars in and dub it into English, however the tracks will be off. You may state in the PM Body whether your dubbing is too fast or too slow. Should you dub it too fast, their priority will be increased for the following night. Should you dub it too slow, their priority will be decreased for the following night.
You currently have a lot of crap we need to figure.
You are allied with yourself. You want to support people in this quest, so you will win if 3 or more factions gain access to the real SANDS or MUDS. Additionally, you dislike an individual by the name of Professor Frink, because while he should be in your movies, he has broken free. Since you think you are something special, you can win only if Professor Frink loses.
Everybody loves you, especially Church, who in your mind, is your best friend. You are a member of the Blues and have made amazing friends with people at Blood Gulch Outpost #1 and Agent Washingtub. However, you did not just want to be friends with them and you wanted to meet more people. As a result, you followed Tucker's call that it is under the SANDS, and the search has led you here.
Every day, you may PM both hosts with "DX - Make friends with USER". You will hang out with USER and have fun. USER will be your very good friend. In fact, USER will become such a good friend that he will not only give you his full role PM, but he will also find the time to make a request for you, effectively allowing you to use USER's role. USER will still get USER's night action in; however, because you are the friendly Caboose, your requests will be performed at your priority, not USER's priority. Do note though that if a friend you have has the same role as another friend, you may only use one of those roles. In addition, because you are such a friendly guy, the first time you are targetted with a kill, your killer will sympathize for your situation to make friends and not kill you.
You currently hold I have no idea.
Since you are in this conflict to find frineds, you are not allied with any faction. You are allied with yourself. You win if all players alive are your friends. Additionally, you know that O'Malley is inhabiting the soul of the Terribad B-Movie. Since O'Malley is a meanie, you can win only if the Terribad B-Movie loses.
Quote: Why are there 6 pedals in a tank when there are only 4 directions?
Nachos slowly creeps over to watch ginganinja attempt to seduce danmantincan. His icy exterior looms high above them.
"You do know I'm a guy, right?" dan asks as he tries to dissuade ginga from sticking his hand down his pants and singing a bad love song poorly.
"Huh?" ginga stutters out. Apparently he can't talk normally either.
Nachos nearly vomits. Is the spirit of the long-dead jigglypuffers42 taking over him??
"I'm sick of this guy!!! He keeps trying to sleep with me and I can't idle successfully like this!!!!!" dan yells angrily, however Nachos is rather indifferent to the two factions' quarrels and ginga just keeps spouting random song verses out.
"This is the last straw. I am the lone Rageguy Variant left and I have this mother<snip>in TANK. You think you can sleep with this guy?? Well I got news for you, Really Bad Artist, you don't know <snip> about my <snip>," danmantincan screams, rising to his full height and waving his hands wildly at the looming tank in the background.
"You have a tank with a pink blanket?" ginganinja queries, suddenly very confused about dan's sexuality. Nachos blankly stares, wondering why he didn't win 4 nights ago.
dan looks behind him and realizes the MUDS REBELS have played a sick joke on him. Raging around angrily, he yanks the blanket off, climbs up his tank, and stares down ginganinja, who seems unconcerned.
"Yeah buddy, that's cool. It probably doesn't fire right.. like your <snip>. I can hook you tomorrow when we both can kill, so good game. How about we bang before I smash a guitar through your windpipe?" ginga hyucks, reclining in his seat easily.
"This tank is called P.H.Y.L.L.I.S. My dead comrade vonFiedler began with it, and I have fought brutally in the SANDS ARENA to bring it back. Why? Because, <snip>head, it lets the last member of a faction kill if they're the only one left," dan smarmily explains, targeting ginga.
A giant red 'x' appears, covering almost all of ginga's body.
danmantincan fires, and ginganinja is gone. Nachos opens his eyes and looks, but where ginga sat, there is only a 10 foot deep crater and no trace of the man.
Dear ginganinja, you are Fall Out Boy
DANCE DANCE, THIS SONG SOUNDS A LOT LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE YOU SUNG THIS THIS IS THE ONLY BEAT YOU CAN MAKE. You are a pretty bad band because all your songs have indistinguishable lyrics, yet you are an 'edgy pop' sound. They also all sound exactly the same. Not to mention your members are really unfortunate in the looks department. Dance, Dance was probably the best of your sound-alikes, but even then, it's bad. Additionally, you have vowel problems. However, because you have a degree of popularity, you get many chicks wanting to say they screwed a famous guy, so you like SANDS because girls like long walks on the beach and there's SANDS on the beach.
Every night, you may PM both hosts with "NX - Take USER down swinging while you dance, dance". You will attempt to seduce that user, not realizing they are most likely a guy because your main host is one of the few females who plays Mafia, stopping them from performing a night action as you engage in sexual relations. Additionally, every day you may PM both hosts with "DX - Thk USR1 fr USR2s mmrs". You will delete all of the vowels in the first user's target and replace them with the second user's, directing the first user's attentions away from their original target and onto the second user's. This does not work on kills, obviously, as it is a day action.
You currently have no item.
You are allied with the Really Bad Artists. You win if the Really Bad Artists eliminate all threats. Additionally, you must gain access to the SANDS, and each member still living must hold them.
"Holy <snip>," Nachos cries, watching as dan turns to glare at Nachos the ever-passive neutral.
Suddenly the tank falls apart, breaking into hundreds of pieces.
"<snip> these one use items!" dan curses, before shrugging and walking to the cemetary, where his fallen comrade Crux lies. A white light shoots down, dragging a fully healed Crux out of his grave. The two shake hands and reunite, then walk to the Lynching Tree.
vonFiedler's body slowly descends, neck back in place and dripping feces gone. The trio reunite, as StevenSnype walks up to make an announcement.
"With the complete violation of ginganinja's atoms, the Really Bad Artists have now been eliminated."
danmantincan smiles oddly, quirking his head to the side. It seems for him............
Yeti appears to make another announcement: "With the elimination of all threats, the Rageguy Variants, who successfully gained access to the true MUDS as well, have won the game."
The trio cheer wildly, as the rest of the factions rolled in their grave.
"At least the Really Bad Idling Problems didn't win," Snype comments quietly.
Dear danmantincan, you are Everything Went Better Than Expected
You are a Rageguy Variant, differing from the original in your contentment with the happier ending than anticipated. Whereas Rageguy always encounters an unfortunate circumstance to rage to, you always encounter more fortune with the events of your life. Because you are so optimistic and lucky, you believe the MUDS REBELLION will provide a better ending than the SANDS ACQUISITIONS, INC. monopoly, but regardless, everything will probably go better than expected.
Every night, you may PM both hosts with "NX - Star in a comic with USER". You will include that user in your next comic appearance, and because you always have good endings, no killer will be able to accomplish their goal. Additionally, every day you may PM both hosts with "DX - Give USER a better outcome". You will provide that user with a better-than-expected result for the next day, so nobody will be able to successfully lynch them the day after you target them. However, because Challenge Accepted thinks you get off too easy, after two successful protections, he will defy the odds to ensure individuals are lynched, so you cannot use this after it has worked two times.
You currently have no item.
You are allied with the Rageguy Variants. You win if the Rageguy Variants eliminate all threats. Additionally, you must gain access to the MUDS, and each member still living must hold them. Your team's details are in the next PM.
It seems for this man, everything DID go better than expected, and he has won the game for his faction.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE RAGEGUY VARIANTS FOR WINNING SANDS MAFIA
But wait. A man is left alone. Nachos silently watches danmantincan, Crux, and vonFiedler ascend in a beam of white light.
Then he realizes everyone else has died.
"Hey you pricks, you said there'd be enough nights for me to get my restrictions in. These (BAN ME PLEASE) hooked me, the most harmless neutral ever, four nights. What gives?" he grumbles, glaring at the hosts.
"You're still in the game.." Yeti points out.
Nachos votes to no lynch, as always, and eagerly awaits Night Twelve. As the night sets in, he forces himself to say only one thing:
And with that, Nachos feels his rather large and cold girth being pulled up from this cruel world, onward to the land of winners (the moon).
Dear Nachos, you are the Iceberg
You raped the Titanic. They said it couldn't be sunk. They said nobody could destroy the TITANIC. That didn't sit well with you, so you positioned yourself in its general vicinity and expected the natural stupidity of people would do the rest. Made of frozen water, you did not take nearly as much damage as that heap of scrap metal did when it rammed right into you in a genius display of piloting. Because you are a formidable troll, you shall be attempting to jock other players' swag while they vainly hunt for SANDS and MUDS.
Every night, you may PM both hosts with "NX - Loom ominously over USER". You will present your full girth to that user, prompting them to obey the posting restriction you place on them. Put the restriction you choose in the body of your PM. Additionally, every day you may PM both hosts with "DX - Give USER a chunk of ice". You will break a small portion of your girth off and give it to that user, spreading your icy magic. This is an infection, and while it has no effect on its targets, it spreads whenever they perform a night or day action on another user.
CONGRATULATIONS TO NACHOS FOR WINNING SANDS MAFIA!
And with that, everyone is gone. Yeti and StevenSnype stand alone, as Freeman's Land is now empty. The war between the MUDS REBELS and the SANDS ACQUISITIONS, INC. has taken its toll, and most of the world is now 6 feet under. If they were lucky enough to be buried.
The MUDS REBELS forces have overtaken Freeman's Land. The MUDS-seeking faction triumphed this time around, but be warned.