Jejune X. Pressionless sat in his tower overlooking the empire of his corporation, Stolid Inc. Things were not looking good for Jejune. Two months ago, he had realised that he needed new buildings to store his machines that automatically construct automatic machines. His headquarters had reached their bounds however -- and what stood in the way was the local dog pound.
He had sent the local council representative, Barren Prosaic, several letters outlining the situation and requesting permission to force out the mangy mutts nextdoor, but he had been met with stark opposition from the owners of the pound, who had demanded that he back off. Barren had denied Jejune's request several times, and so he had taken what he believed to be the appropriate measures and sent unspecified amounts of cash in his subsequent letters. Barren pocketed the cash and replied that he would more carefully consider the request of Stolid Inc.
When the dog pound received their eviction notification, the owners were horrified. They replied to enquire what had changed in the circumstances, and purely from the tone of the reply, they gathered what had happened. It was the head manager of the dog pound that made the decision to respond in kind. Delivered to the doorstep of Barren Prosaic's new mansion was a basket of the most adorable puppies that the corrupt council representative had ever laid his eyes upon. It was love at first sight. Barren immediately cancelled the eviction and sent a letter to Jejune stating that upon further review, his application had been rejected once more.
Jejune couldn't stand for this. He was furious. He decided that the main fault in his methods was his ineloquent writing, so he hired every ghost writer within a 50 mile radius of the town to form the most professional horde of ghost writers ever to collaborate on a persuasive letter. For three days and three nights, the ghost writers debated on the state of the letter, and finally they agreed that the finished product was beyond perfection.
Barren was playing with his puppies when he received a visit from the postman, who delivered the letter addressed to him from Jejune. He opened it, expecting further ranting about how the business executive was in dire need and how the dog pound was insignificant and could be moved into the local dump, but was instead taken aback by the magnificently crafted spectacle of a letter that the horde of highly trained ghost writers had written. Before reading any of the other letters he had received, he typed up a final notice of eviction and mailed it off to the dog pound, and replied by fax to Mr. Pressionless to tell him that he had never before read such an amazing piece of literature and that the dog pound was as good as gone.
His other mail consisted of a notice that his new property and his dogs were to be confiscated due to an investigation into how he had attained them turning him up as being guilty of accepting bribes, but Barren Prosaic didn't care. He still had the letter.
Winner: A horde of highly trained ghost writers