Thee Tale of Smogonne -- It's back!

Alchemator

my god if you don't have an iced tea for me when i
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Do we expect next chapter for next year too?
Yep, sorry!

In all seriousness though, the regularity of this depends on schoolwork. I don't think it's going to end up too long though, so it should be fine.
 
When reading this little fic, I realized that I had been thinking of something a little bit like this with smeargle's studio...... But man, you did an awesome job at this Alch!
 

Alchemator

my god if you don't have an iced tea for me when i
is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
Here's another stepping-stone chapter of set-up for jokes.

There are some things in life you just have to do. Nastyjungle understood that. Alchemator didn't.

"Forsooth, dear Jastynungle, perchance might I inquire as to your task?"
"I'm leaving a note for Ritter and the gang."
"Forsooth, but why?"
"Well someone has to feed Bruteroot while we're off finding this television leader--"
"Forsooth, visionary leader."
"--whatever. Someone has to ban the spambots and stuff too. It turns out, Alch, that's there more to being a moderator than sitting around getting pissed on tea! Also make sure you tell v0x to fuck everything for me."

Alch contemplated this proposal as she stormed away. It was a bit of a generalisation to say that he was drinking tea all the time, and -- after all -- he was British. It's practically a requirement. Having Ritter house-sit was a pretty good idea too, as long as he didn't move in with his army of cats. Bruteroot wouldn't be pleased about that. Forsooth, they could just leave that MK fellow to plump up the cushions occasionally, thought Alch. It would certainly give him something to do. Then again, they did need someone down-to-earth on this quest of discovery, since certain people were quite prone to getting lost in thought. Alch finished off his tea, put his mug down and went to find Az.

***

Hookline Ansinker dropped into his chair. Of course, that wasn't his real name, but it was far too dangerous to let anyone know his true identity. There were certain... connotations associated with his name. If he was linked to this scam then the entire thing would be dismissed as an elaborate troll. In all honesty it was just an elaborate troll; it was the dismissal that he couldn't bear to think about.

Ansinker didn't want to be dismissed again. Bah! How dare they just cast him aside like that. He'd been around for years! He'd contributed day-in-day-out to make Smogon a better place. Well, quite a few days anyway. And now that some new games came out he was shunned. He'd show them. They'll pay dearly for this, thought Ansinker, or my name's not--

***

It was approaching evening, and the Smeargle Studio was -- somehow -- approaching silence. Nastyjungle flitted around the room, lighting candles and plumping up the cushions. She'd seen MK try to do that early, but he'd failed miserably. He knew it too, and went to drown his sorrows in some loud music. NJ almost felt sorry for the guy, but of course NJ never felt sorry for anyone. Not even that witch she accidentally dropped a house on.

There were footsteps in the next room -- the kind of heavy tread that only a Brit studying Politics in Glasgow could have. She panicked. She wasn't ready yet! Launching onto the nearest sofa, NJ tried to make her hair fall seductively around her bosom. Fuck short hair.

"Uh, Az is that you?"

Az's jaw entered the room, with Az quickly following behind. He frowned at Nastyjungle. Az I mean, not his jaw.

"Did you need me for something?"
"I just wanted to say--"
"Forsooth, I have finally ascertained your area of location within this household, Az. Please be seated; I am enthused to regard that Jastynungle has aforetaken this liberty."

NJ sighed. Again.

"Forsooth, in order to discover the household of the visionary leader, the services of whom we require, we must proceed through the egress immediately."

MK, with excellent timing, noted the blank faces of Az and NJ. He translated.

"Let's go."

***

"Forsooth, there is but one automobile with the usage of which the task can be accomplished. Unfortunately I cannot direct the path of this motorcar."
"Why do you have to funcking speak like that? v_v"
"You men are stupid -- I'll drive."

Ok, let me be the first to say that the Smearglemobile -- as aptly named by Alch -- was not exactly the greatest pickup truck known to man. On a good day, the steering wheel stayed on for a little while; on a bad day, the brakes didn't work. For a good few months the residents of the Smeargle Studio hadn't risked trying to tell what kind of day it was.

It had a Smeargle painted across the side of it. As Alch would put it, it certainly was a sketchy thing to drive. Nastyjungle buckled herself in.​

 
I initially wrote this thread off

but don't read into that too much

I knew I made the write choice by coming back

because it's quite the novel thread you have here





okay I'm done
 

Alchemator

my god if you don't have an iced tea for me when i
is a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Top Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
"Guys this is a problem."
"Forsooth, what might there exist which could indeed personify a malhappening? The circle of direction remains intact; it must be a good day."
"I mean, well. I can drive, right? But only in Kansas. There are too many rules here. So many rules!"
"hahahahaha what the funck NJ?"

Nastyjungle blushed at this -- half angrily, half embarrassedly. It was difficult enough to keep driving and make conversation at the same time, though there were probably rules against that too. What they need, thought NJ, is rules for people on foot, who seemed to be wandering around in the middle of the road. There were some weird lampposts with red lights in them too but she didn't know what the funck they were for.

"In Kansas we only have one rule for driving, why can't you guys be the same?"
"Forsooth, dear Jastynungle, may I discover the answer to this interrogation pertaining to this singular law?"
"What?"
"He means 'what's that?'"
"Who are you again?"
"What? It's me, MK! MK Ultra?"
"Right... Anyway, it's quite simple: follow the yellow brick road. Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. Simple! Not like this. Why are people walking across some stripes on the road anyway, don't they know there are cars here?"

Alch sank down into his seat and took a generous swig of his tea. He had thought that the Smearglemobile was dangerous enough by itself, but in the hands of NJ... Well, it was like it had gotten some insanely broken third ability. Looking further ahead along the road, Alch noticed something terrible. Something horribly calamitous was about to unfold.

"Forsooth, I am obliged to declare that there appears to have been an incident avec the offspring of a species within the canis genus!"
"He's talking about the puppys that have escaped, and are running out in the middle of the road."
"Forsooth!!!"
"What the funck? NJ, stop!"
"What? Why? It's their fault for having their warm, snuffly asses in the middle of the road."

Sinking even lower into his seat, Alch closed his eyes and awaited the inevitable thud of battered, pick-up truck steel against small, doggy flesh.

"I can't let you do this NJ, they're too cute!"
"What? Are we having this kid or not Az?"
"How does that apply to this conversation?"

Not daring to open his eyes, Alch heard Az stamping on the brakes from the passenger side, but to no avail. The Smearglemobile kept speeding along. It was definitely a bad day. MK whimpered slightly, perhaps in anticipation of the puppy carnage.

"Alright, NJ, it's time for plan B!"

Az dived across from the passenger side of the vehicle onto Nastyjungle's lap, and for once she was glad her hair was short, and wasn't getting in the way. Don't worry though, young readers, this isn't a romantic interlude. In one swift movement Az wrenched off the steering wheel and artfully flicked it away with his wrist. Alch, who -- being a teenager -- valued the sight of romantic clinches over settling his own fears, went rigid with fright.

The steering wheel arced gracefully through the air, and the puppies -- who had been busying themselves with climbing over each other (why do puppies do that anyway? It's not king of the hill or something.) looked up. Their doggy instincts took over, and they immediately gave chase, running out of the road. Az sighed with relief and lay back in his seat. The puppies had been saved.

They hadn't, though.

"Forsooth, Az, what a noble deed that you have verily enacted this day. To my dismay, however, we are imminently approaching a tree."
"'Nice, but watch--"

Poor MK, helpful as he was trying to be, was cut off mid-translation by a low branch. Az and NJ began to dream of marshmallows, but lifted their heads out of the airbags before deciding to take a bite.

"What the funck, this thing actually has working airbags? v_v"
"It's modelled after Alch -- unstoppable, but ultimately full of hot air. Where is he anyway?"
"I think he's in that bush over there. You see the arm with a cup of tea on the end of it? That's him I think."

Not a drop had been spilled.

"So where's MK?"
"Who?"


guys I promise to do a chapter which actually advances the plot soon ok thanks
 

Lemonade

WOOPAGGING
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this is amazing alch

esp Don't worry though, young readers, this isn't a romantic interlude. and "It's modelled after Alch -- unstoppable, but ultimately full of hot air. Where is he anyway?"
 

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