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Trouble between two friends

Discussion in 'Congregation of the Masses' started by Kira, Oct 5, 2008.

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  1. Kira

    Kira

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    Dear people of Smogon, I need your opinion on a matter that is very important to me. Now this story is hard to explain as it spreads out over a matter of two years. I will try to shorten it as best as I can.

    - My female friend who I shall call "Brenda" for the sake of this thread has an odd characteristic. She overreacts to everything involving even the slightest amount of drama.

    - My male friend who I shall call "Bob" fell in love with Brenda.

    -Over the course of a year Brenda finds out that Bob likes her. Brenda had already disliked Bob, and this only made matters worse.

    -Brenda flips out and starts being a total bitch to Bob for several weeks. Finally, Brenda decides to just ignore Bob.

    -Now let us jump ahead a few weeks later. Bob is still not over Brenda. The fact that she completely blew him off without giving any reasons is tearing him up inside. He constantly wants me to talk to Brenda and force her to give reason. Brenda constantly refuses to speak about the matter.

    - A few days back Bob again started asking me to get Brenda to talk to him. I said "no" since I knew Brenda would just refuse. Than Bob said something that kind of forced me into a corner. He mentioned suicide. Now I know Bob well and I was sure he was joking, or at least not serious about killing himself.

    - I figured it was just a clever ploy to force Brenda to talk to him. After all, suicide is not something that can be taken lightly. I decided to finally listen to Bob and get Brenda to talk to him.

    -I start texting Brenda telling her to get online. She is not home so I am forced to tell her the situation on the phone. She refuses as I expected, so I then tell her about Bob threatening to commit suicide. I mention that I felt he wasn't serious, but that it can't be ignored.

    The thing is, Brenda still refused knowing full well that refusing could possibly lead to Bob committing suicide if he were serious. Both Bob and I could not believe it. How could anyone be so heartless? Luckily Bob was not serious and the fact that Brenda refuses has changed his previous love of Brenda into hatred.

    This is where the point of this thread comes out. The fact that Brenda would so casually dismiss a life is shocking to me. I thought she would agree to talk to Bob after I mentioned the suicide issue. Yet she still refused. I have a feeling that when I see her in school again it is going to be awkward. I want to talk to her about her behavior. I want to know that she is really not so heartless. I also do not want to offend her.

    So people of Smogon. Does anyone have some advice as to how I should approach her about this?
  2. Doctor Heartbreak

    Doctor Heartbreak

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    Seems a lot more disturbing that "Bob" threatens suicide to pressure a girl into talking to him

    And now he hates her for not falling for his "clever ploy"
  3. linton

    linton

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    She could've known that Bob was joking about it. Although it does seem rather, sad that Bob would use suicide to get a girl.
  4. Trax

    Trax

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    It seems to me that you're joining some dots that simply aren't there.

    It's not like he said it to her, or so far as I can tell asked that it be conveyed to her.
  5. Cerulean21

    Cerulean21

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    Well, That's a tough one. First of all, I must say, that joking about suicide s an absolute no go. I have tried to commit suicide once, and believe me, there is nothing to joke about. Ever. Trying to force someone by threatening with suicide is really, really wrong and I find it really disrespectfull against the people who are actually in that much trouble that they want to end their lives.

    Concerning Brenda, there are several possibilities. If someone tells you that he wants to commit suicide, many people are either shocked or find it hard to believe, at least that is my experience. So it might have been the latter in Brenda's case. However, you should definitely talk to her. I'd advise you to simply sit her down and tell her what you felt when she refused to talk to Bob even when she knew that there was a possibility of a suicide. Don't tell her something like "You're heartless", I'd rather try something like "Your reaction kinda seemed heartless to me and I don't think that you are heartless...." Then, I'd ask her why she still refused to talk to him. She must have had a reason for her reaction. Try not to be judgeing. Just stay neutral otherwise she'l probably become angry because she'd feel accused. Since I don't know Brenda, I don't think that I could give you more advice on this. Sorry
  6. Squarehead42

    Squarehead42

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    Bob needs more help than just you can give him. I suggest you consult a professional on this. If you try helping him with no idea what you're doing, then you will make this problem worse.
  7. TAY

    TAY You and I Know
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    I would not blame brenda at all. If she really doesn't want to be with him, then that isn't her fault, and she shouldn't be forced to deal with a mentally imbalanced person as a result. Trust me, I understand the gravity of your friend wanting to commit suicide, but If Brenda leads Bob on then when she finally decides that she has had enough the result could be catastrophic.
  8. kd24

    kd24 yo daddy musta been a drug dealer? why, cuz you're dope
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    I was thinking of answering along the lines of "bros before hos" but really this is "bob's" problem and she hasnt done anything wrong. Obviously bob (and to be honest, I thought bob was you but Ill give you benefit of doubt) has mental problems if he is willing to put his life up on the line just to talk to a girl. I don't care if he was serious or not, never joke about suicide, especially if someone out there is under the exact same situation and does commit it. Obviously, this girl just hates bob for whatever reason and guess what: She doesnt have to tell you why. Thats her personal business and if you are upset that she wont tell you why she hates your friend, that is your problem. She obviously doesn't want to talk to bob and obviously saw through his "ploy" which is where bob comes in with serious mental problems. You can still be friends with her if you want but I advise you don't talk to her about "why wont you talk to bob?". Nothing is more annoying than a friend who asks about personal business.
  9. Kira

    Kira

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    Just to clarify. Bob is not really contemplating taking his life away. He did it to see if Brenda truly hated him, or if it was just a facade. The fact that she refused to hold a conversation at the potential risk of his life proved to him that she hated him. I am still her friend, and I wanted to talk about it with her during school. Like I said, I felt that her refusal to even hold a simple conversation with my friend made her seem heartless.

    I notice many of you do not find Brenda at fault. I will probably use your reasoning so that Bob won't get angry at me for remaining friends with Brenda.

    Also Bob is not me KD24. There really is no way to avoid people from thinking that, but whatever.
  10. akuchi

    akuchi please dont remove akuchis custom title she <i>is<

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    Bob sounds like an absolute cunt. Anyone who goes 'but oh my god I'll kill myself' in a relationship type manipulative context is an utter bastard.
    I should know, I've done it myself.
  11. Doctor Heartbreak

    Doctor Heartbreak

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    I was mostly informed by this bit:

    And Kira has confirmed it now, anyway. Standing by the "Bob is a jerk" thing.
  12. macle

    macle ribbit
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    It seems both of them are asses.


    Why won't people realize suicide is a serious issue?
  13. keloggsequent

    keloggsequent

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    it sounds to me like bob needs to man the fuck up and get over it.

    brenda needs to just tell bob that she hates him because he's a (BAN ME PLEASE).
  14. Kira

    Kira

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    Actually you are wrong. Bob did not tell Brenda that directly. He told me since he knew I would be forced to tell Brenda.
  15. Doctor Heartbreak

    Doctor Heartbreak

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    So he achieved the same effect, with the same intention, but in an even more passive-aggressive way? He manipulated two people instead of one?
  16. Kira

    Kira

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    Pretty much.
  17. umbarsc

    umbarsc

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    "Brenda" sounds like a total bitch for ignoring him completely, and not even having one conversation with him to explain her behavior, even when his life is potentially at stake. Of course, "Bob" should not have tried manipulating her with such a serious threat in the first place.
  18. Kromlech

    Kromlech

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    There once was a cat that walked across some railroad tracks. Being the young and inexperienced cat he was, he didn't hear the train coming. As the train passed it cut off the tip of his tail. He turned around to see what was going on behind him. As he turned around the passing train knocked his head off.

    Moral of the story: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.

    Bob needs to take that to heart.


    Stay friends with both of them as best you can, Bob will find someone else, Brenda is not a heartless bitch for not taking it seriously. That is all.
  19. Kira

    Kira

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    I am getting some conflicting opinions here. Though the consensus seems to be that Brenda is not the one at fault here.

    In this case I can remain friends with her without feeling like I am betraying Bob.
  20. Age of Kings

    Age of Kings of the Ash Legion
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    Um, I wouldn't understand why friend's friends would affect anything, I know some of my friends are friends with less than desirable people, but I don't end friendships over that. I hope that made sense. o_o;

    Meh, it seems to me that "Bob" is the type of person who just doesn't understand that he can't get everything, and when things don't go his way, he gets all manipulative and trying to incite feelings of sympathy. That's my approach to the subject, is it correct? If he wants to continue to bitch and not serious about committing suicide, it's out of your hands and let him be. It's a personality flaw of his, and no one can really "help" it. Just tell him to drop the subject and that you can't control Brenda and she has the right to do whatever she wants to. People like that will eventually pout themselves out after awhile. I've known those types of people. Give him about a month or so, tops, and he'll get over it.
  21. Doctor Heartbreak

    Doctor Heartbreak

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    Out of interest, about what age are you and your friends?
  22. mintyfresh7

    mintyfresh7

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    First of All,

    As heartbreaking as it is for your crush to ignore you, comeon now Bob. Your being selfish. And a little bit of a creeper. Your not going to get other dates if they hear you obsess about your crushes. What you shouldve done is asked your good friend Kira to assist you in making friends with Brenda, not lovers, since its obvious she doesnt like you. No one is irreplaceable bob. Especially relationships early in your life. They may seem important, but they mean shit when its all said and done.
    -Second of all, people joke about suicide. Said but true. I dont know Bob, so I couldnt assist in saying how honest this was. I can say though people say "i might have to kill myself" over stupid shit all the time. Its offensive, but then again racial comments are offensive, and people seem to use these all the time. I would take it with grains of salt (is that how the saying goes? haha its probably so off, but w/e you get my point)
    -Third of all Bob, you dont go from disliking a person to loving them. You need to go inbetween first, this is called "making friends" with that person. Thats why they invented bridges Bob: you need bridges to cross over to the other side.

    -Brenda needs to stop being a bitch. Like, no joke. Just because a person likes you, doesnt mean you gotta be mean to them to get the message across that your not interested. Ive seen situations where a boy(wonder who hes talking about) likes a girl, but she doesnt like him, but is still friends with him. Then, eventually, she starts to like him (i get it done XD). No decision is permanent. Second, Brenda is being rude. And i think you should give her a dose of reality. Politley, I may add, for you dont want to ruin your relationship with Brenda. But Life is too Short to ignore people for the only reason being that they like you. Have fun, and be friends with everyone: Everyones happier that way.
  23. DM

    DM Ce soir, on va danser.
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    Yes, yes, and YES.

    Okay, listen to me, because I'm about to end this once and for all:

    The very fact that Bob would threaten suicide over a girl is pathetic. The fact that he didn't even mean it is immeasurably deplorable, and if he has a problem with you being friends with Brenda, you really need to tell him to fuck off... because as his friend, you need to set his ass straight. Brenda hasn't done SHIT wrong, she can ignore him all she wants and doesn't have to explain herself to anyone. I applaud her for not caving in and talking to him, to be honest. She did the right thing. You, however, should never even have put her in that position. As her friend, you should've known better.

    That's it. End of story.
  24. Kira

    Kira

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    We are fifteen years old. Anything you want to add given this information?

    edit: To DM: Point taken. Though I felt like I was forced to put her into that position. What was I supposed to do when my friend mentioned suicide unless he talked with Brenda? I realize now that there were many different ways to handle it without involving Brenda, but that wasn't running through my head at the time. After the fact I did tell Bob that if he tries to pull this stunt again I will contact his parents so that they can get him help.
  25. Thorns

    Thorns

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    They're both in the wrong. Suicide is not something to be taken lightly, and both Bob and Brenda should have known that. Try mediating their arguments.
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