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True Unova Champion - Alder vs Cynthia

Discussion in 'Orange Islands' started by Tomahawk, Jun 16, 2011.

  1. Glen ^^

    Glen ^^

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    Personally I find them way more amusing than the old "haha I'm sweeping with my *instert top tier threat*" threads.

    As one who loves to play like this, I know how hard it is to adapt and build a good battle plan without your old bread butter fighters.



    The comments was unnecessary long in some parts, could have been shorter. 9/10 and a Luvdisc.

    *goes build a Green Oak team*
  2. Juice!

    Juice!

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    I enjoyed the theme, battle between champions was cool. I lvoe Vanilluxe and I'm probably never going to see it in another war story, so thanks for that. ;D
    However, there were a bunch oif awkward spelling & gramatical errors which made it kind of frustrating to read at times. You obviously put a lot of time into this, you really should have taken 10 more minutes to proofread it. :(
    Also, every time Lucario blew the opportunity to Swords Dance, I wanted to put my head through a wall. Cynthia could have won by like turn 10. >_<
    Also, I'm just curious what the sets on Spiritomb and Vanilluxe were? :)
    Overall though, dispite my inner grammar nazi going berserk, and those few misplays, I certainly enjoyed the read, dual commentary is always awesome, and the moves were clearly thought out.
    Definitely enjoyed, please write more. :)
    BATTLE: 7/10
    FORMAT: 9/10
    COMMENTARY: 8/10
    OVERALL: 24/30 = 8/10
  3. Cybertron

    Cybertron Can't Hit WoW
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    I don't normally read non-VGC warstories, but this one was quite good IMO.
  4. min min

    min min

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    Commentary was deep, battle was close and the final turn was epicly anticlimatic. 10/10.
  5. amphibiandude48

    amphibiandude48

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    Another nitpick besides the Bouffalant one:
    Actually Megahorn is 4x resisted.
    Overall, a good warstory. I liked seeing it from both perspectives.
  6. Fireburn

    Fireburn BARN ALL
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    Moderator

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    I always enjoy themed Warstories like this.

    Your comments were great and the battle was interesting. Nicely done.
  7. black_cotton

    black_cotton

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    Themed teams are always interesting battles. The comments were good because showed the thought process, which makes every warstory better to read. That made the battle enjoyable until the very end.
    Great job.
  8. Pwnemon

    Pwnemon judges silently
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    Doubles Co-Lead

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    How can you have an inner grammar nazi while writing oif, gramatical, and dispite?
  9. Lone_Prodigy

    Lone_Prodigy

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    Grammar != spelling
  10. Pwnemon

    Pwnemon judges silently
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    Doubles Co-Lead

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    Then I could point out his comma splice or misuse of a question mark, but my overall point still stands.
  11. Heathcliff Huxtable

    Heathcliff Huxtable

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    I liked the theme and the creativity of this warstory. I agree with one the above posters that Lucario could have swept if it had gotten in an early SD. Unfortunately, theme teams such as these tend to be imbalanced and more prone to being swept than actual competitive teams.

    Overall: 8/10
  12. Biggiesmawls

    Biggiesmawls

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    Man that vanilluxe destroyed! Loved pretty much everything about it, though commentary could use some work, 8.5/10 from me :D
  13. Dr. Eyepatch

    Dr. Eyepatch

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    Should have kept your Gastrodon, Cynthia.

    Nonetheless, it was a fine battle and I enjoyed reading it (I just wish Druddigon and Electross would have done more) . The underlying theme made it that much more entertaining. I would like to see more like it in the future.
  14. Astark

    Astark

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    Aside from a few grammatical & commentary errors this was well thought-out & written. Alder's comment's should be slightly shorter & more intuition based because that seems more his style.
    Rating: 8/10
  15. GreenWater10

    GreenWater10

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    This was the best themed warstory ever!!! 10/10!!! You deserved it. I'll even give you an 11/10 since Alder won.
  16. Aleva

    Aleva

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    Liked the warstory, the theme teams were nice. You probably don't have to say 'is holding the item ______' so many times though. It gets annoying after a while.
  17. Darthenos

    Darthenos

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    I liked the warstory and battle, although I do agree with the person right above me.
  18. PI-Dimension

    PI-Dimension

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    Yeah its just you
  19. Cipher Admin Lovrina

    Cipher Admin Lovrina

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    Alder would never come close to beating Cynthia!
  20. BTzz

    BTzz spams overhand rights
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    Man I'm a sucker for themed warstories. The commentary was good, nice presenation. The actual battle wasn't amazing, but entertaining nonetheless. Overall really nice job 8/10!
  21. SJCrew

    SJCrew Believer, going on a journey...
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    I expected to see more of Cynthia's and Alder's personalities in the comments, especially since you went insofar as to assume their identities. You hit the beginning narrative spot-on, but lost sight of the mission statement the moment the battle started. Themed warstories need to be as flavorful as possible to keep the intrigue going. A turn-by-turn analysis of damage calculations and hold items just seemed entirely OOC for the characters you were meant to represent. As an earlier poster put it:

    Think less like a competitive Pokemon player and more like your character.
  22. .-Lucky

    .-Lucky

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    Very nice Formatting!!!!

    id give it 8/10
  23. Brillish

    Brillish

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    after reading this i purposely went out of my way to catch a vanillish evolve it to vanilluxe and nickname it yummy
  24. Neb555

    Neb555

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    I loved the warstory, but a quick question - why does Druddigon not have Rough Skin? You didn't mention any moves which would get the Sheer Force boost, and Rough Skin would have made wearing down the Lucario much easier.

    Still, wonderful, 9/10
  25. BattleStar

    BattleStar

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    Very interesting.
    It was really a great read. I enjoy these off-beat War stories quite a bit.
    It was a real surprise to see Vaniluxe be so deadly. Perhaps you should have kept lucario a little longer.

    Also I wonder how this battle would be with Cynthia's Sinnoh team.

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