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Discussion in 'Orange Islands' started by Furosuto, Aug 18, 2011.
He's the blonde kid from Diamond/Pearl who is the main character's childhood friend.
You can correct for making a mistake now and then by simply waiting until you get a good fight wherein these inevitable mistakes do not show their faces.
THANK YOU for removing the Barry dialogue, you are now a 7.5/10.
You do have potential, which makes you ALOT better than a lot of writers. I recomend you do NOT do a themed warstory. If you check the warstory archive (the best of the best, found here) there is not a SINGLE themed warstory to be found. Generally this is because themed warstories are much much harder to do "right", and even then, they are not as good as regular warstories with as much effort put into them.
seems like there is far too much hax though.
There are themed warstories in archive FYI http://www.smogon.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29470
Don't feel bad man. I still like pokemon and I probably will for a loooooong time. Barry is your rival in the diamond and pearl saga. He also appeared in the anime as a trainer with an Empoleon. He became friends with ash after a battle with him.
Oh ya, and Poppycock? What do you mean by perfect battles? Do you mean having a battle where you don't lose a single mon? Cause that will not make a good warstory in my opinion. It just shows that you were either fighting a newb or you got lucky. IMO a good warstory is where you're down to the last pokemon each, and it's one move that decides the match. Then we have something called suspense.
Misplays are ok too. You will be reading it and then when you read the misplay "Argh, I can't believe he did that! He's screwed.". Then you are able to beat him anyways. That shows you are a good player with the fact that you could recover from your mistakes.
good warstory. enjoyable, straightforward, modest. aka, excellent.
Perfect battles are something that are
1. minimal hax
2. a lot of predictions and excellent plays on both parties
Perfect battles are NOT 6-0s.
Oh god, i hated that guy. Still do, especially in platinum where i want him to die brutally in a fire.
Seriously, he's hyper as fuck and dumb as shit. Every time he talks it's a bad idea, and he always acts like he's going to win.
I thought maybe you were talking about a guy in B/W.
a perfect battle is where you evaluate each option carefully and decide how it will impact your battle in the turns to come. a good warstory is where two players of excellent calibre face off with neither a complete team advantage or an extreme amount of hax, although if you completely outplay a not horrible opponent that is decent to watch too.
losing a pokemon is perfectly acceptable if it was justified and not to 'woops, misplay'.
suspense for me isn't like oh, speed tie, speed tie!! nor is it, will he survive this to kill him???? it's more like can he break this well constructed stall team that seems to be predicting his every move? can he survive the onslaught of a +3/3 kingdra with some excellent play??? that kind of thing.
a misplay in my definition is a play that is completely unjustified and had insufficient reasoning behind it, therefore it should have no place in a good warstory unless the rest of it is so good that the misplay does not matter on the whole. a player coming back to win a match despite making a misplay makes a shit warstory because it means that the opponent was not good enough to take advantage of it, or perhaps the misplay didn't have much of an effect.
What he is saying here is important. I think anyone writing a warstory could benefit from reading this, especially when deciding whether or not to use a particular battle as the subject of one.
OP, you have potential as a writer. Try making a story out of a battle you've given more thought into, without giving it a theme, and I think you'll find that it comes more naturally and "feels right."
Thanks for the thoughts guys. Trust me, my next warstory will be better and not as bad as this. Everyone starts somewhere. Rome wasn't built in a day, so in this case, a writer needs to keep on practicing to become the best.
This wasn't that bad of a battle, but the Barry/you conversations were just really creepy. I actually stopped on the third turn because of how bad the commentary was. :( Now without the creepy Barry/you conversations, the commentary got a lot better. :) You did have a few misplays, and this wasn't the best battle, but for your first warstory, this was pretty good. Oh, and next time, please don't try to be Barry again! Just do a regular warstory without conversations with Barry. D:
Thank you. I'm trying to make a good enough team for UU to make another warstory, but thats not looking too good. Could take a while to make another one.
Well, unfortunately, I know jack about making competitive teams. I've been lurking on the forums for like three months, so I think I'm getting the hang of warstories and I might try to make my own team. This is a lot better then most of the amateur warstories some people write. Get a really good battle, think of some commentary that doesn't involve conversations with the spazzy blonde kid from DPPt, and write away. :) It isn't an overnight thing, it'll take time, but you'll get that perfect warstory battle.
a 6-0 battle just shows that the battler got extremely lucky with lots of hax, or their opponent was a really inexperienced battler that didn't know how to combat a specific Pokemon set. Or of course, their inexperience lets the opponent set up 3 or 4 Dragon Dances or Bulk Ups before tearing your walls new faces.
Edit: Ninja post. :P
Great story! I find misplays make a story more interesting, but that might just be me.
I give you a rating of 8/10. It was an intriguing read!
This is like the fourthish Warstory that I have read and they have all been fine. But that is the problem, wait until either you have a mind blowing battle, or until you have great commentary before posting a Warstory. It was fine, and I liked your Theme, although you could have gotten more into it and been more elaborate with it :). Good job all in all 7/10