"What's the worst that could happen?"- Barry's fight!

Hey everyone! Master Win here. This is my first ever warstory on smogon so if you are a pro and spot any errors, please bare with me. I wanted to make a easygoing light hearted warstory to spread some laughs and basically, do it for fun. This warstory is about medium length, and is supposed to be an enjoyable one. Some of my comments on the battle may lack description, but I will usually make up for it with the conversation between me and Barry. When I was making a gag pokemon team, I though to myself "What hasn't been done yet?". So I made a team after one of my favourite anime characters: Barry.



My thoughts and comments will look like this.

Here is Barry's team:

 

When I started making this team, I knew it had to be in UU to actually be good. So, I switched out his skarm and raptor for Snorlax and floatzel. Barry's team has some pretty good coverage type wise so I knew I would have to use that to my advantage at every turn.

Here's my opponent's team:
 


The most immediate three mons that stood out to me were mismagius, moltres, and heracross. Heracross could be running a moxie scarf, which could be crippling to my team, seeing as the only thing that really stands a chance against it is my heracross. Mismagius is a top threat in most teams so I would have to put the pressure on right off the bat with some of my heavy hitters. Moltres didn't seem like a problem at the time, but little did I know that it would probably be the hardest thing to beat in this battle.
 
Battle between steviestar and Barry the awesome started!

Tier: Standard UU
Variation: +60, -30
Rule: Rated
Rule: Sleep Clause
Rule: Species Clause
Rule: Wifi Battle

Barry the awesome sent out Floatzel!
steviestar sent out Blastoise!

Floatzel 100% VS.. Blastoise 100%


Alright, so I guessed correctly. Floatzel runs a tricky Switcheroo set with CB too mess things up with my opponent. He can provide all sorts of havoc with his team's items giving me a chance to kick his butt with my sweepers. Now I just need to see if he stays or goes.
WARNING: This might be my downfall later on in my battle.

Start of turn 1
Floatzel used Switcheroo!
Floatzel switched items with the foe's Blastoise!
Floatzel obtained one Leftovers!
The foe's Blastoise obtained one Choice Band!

The foe's Blastoise used Dragon Tail!
Floatzel lost 89 HP! (28% of its health)
Roserade was dragged out!

>>
VS..

Floatzel: 82% >> Roserade 100% VS.. Blastoise 100%

Dragon tail was a bit surprising. I would have thought that he would have taken the chance with toxic to cripple him. Roserade won't be able to set up toxic spikes seeing as he also has a roserade on his team. Luckily, fate has it's ways of helping me, and now blastoise has to face the wrath of my ROSE!......... Ok, so that doesn't sound intimidating in the slightest, but it was worth a try.



Start of turn 2
steviestar called Blastoise back!
steviestar sent out Moltres!

The foe's Moltres is exerting its Pressure!
Roserade used Sleep Powder!
The foe's Moltres fell asleep!

Roserade 100% VS.. Moltres 100%




Perfect! As barry said, the "big flaming chicken" is now asleep. Now I can set up entry hazards and all sorts of goodies for my opponent! :D Hopefully I will get a nice few rounds of sleep to set up everything and then begin my sweep of PAIN and DESTRUCTION from my EVIL ROSE. Man, that keeps on getting less threatening every time I say it....

Start of turn 3
Roserade used Leech Seed!
The foe's Moltres was seeded!

The foe's Moltres is fast asleep!

The foe's Moltres's health is sapped by leech seed.


Roserade 100% VS.. Moltres 87%



Keep going... We can do this!

Start of turn 4
Barry the awesome called Roserade back!
Barry the awesome sent out Heracross!

The foe's Moltres woke up!
The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
It's super effective!
Heracross lost 278 HP! (92% of its health)

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Moltres's health is sapped by leech seed.
Heracross restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Heracross 20% VS.. Moltres 81%



Man that was unlucky. Only 1 turn of sleep? Roserade's powder must not have been strong enough. I was kinda hoping that he could stay asleep long for me to fire off a stone edge. With Heracross hanging by a thread I probably going to need to switch. Snorlax would have been a better switch now that I think of it. No sense in wasting heracross, so I might as well keep him for fodder.



Start of turn 5
Barry the awesome called Heracross back!
Barry the awesome sent out Snorlax!

The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
Snorlax lost 52 HP! (11% of its health)

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Moltres's health is sapped by leech seed.
Snorlax restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Snorlax 100% VS.. Moltres 76%


Snorlax seems like the most reasonable guy to use in this situation. The switch is pretty obvious so I might as well curse up. A physical attacker is the most obvious switch and I'm expecting either heracross or Rhyperior. According to my calculations, Snorlax's defense should be just about right to take a close combat from heracross.

Start of turn 6
steviestar called Moltres back!
steviestar sent out Heracross!

Snorlax used Curse!
Snorlax's Attack rose!
Snorlax's Defense rose!
Snorlax's Speed fell!


Snorlax 100% VS.. Heracross 100%


After this turn I had three options. One, I switch out to Roserade who resists the expected Close combat. Two, sac my heracross and get a free switch in. And three, keep snorlax in and fight back. As said in turn 5, I'm going to stay in. Sometimes you've gotta take risks. C ya you crazy beetle! Do nothing like mine!

Start of turn 7
The foe's Heracross used Close Combat!
It's super effective!
Snorlax lost 380 HP! (82% of its health)
The foe's Heracross's Defense fell!
The foe's Heracross's Sp. Def. fell!

Snorlax used Body Slam!
The foe's Heracross lost 100% of its health!
The foe's Heracross fainted!

Snorlax restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
steviestar sent out Rhyperior!


Snorlax 23% VS.. Rhyperior 100% >> Heracross (Flattened like a pancake)

(6-5)
Snorlax: LAAAAX! (Falls on top of heracross)

Snorlax just barely manages to hang on with a few hit points left. That was way to close for comfort. But now I have to face the wrath of Rhyperior. Snorlax did its job. It can have the rest it's been waiting for all day now.

Start of turn 8
The foe's Rhyperior used Earthquake!
Snorlax lost 110 HP! (23% of its health)
Snorlax fainted!

Barry the awesome sent out Roserade!

Roserade 100% VS.. Rhyperior 100%

(5-5)

I send in Roserade. Rhyperior is going to try and rip into my team if I don't take it out. And Roserade doesn't carry leafstorm. Let's see what my opponent has in mind.

Start of turn 9
Roserade used Sleep Powder!
The foe's Rhyperior fell asleep!

The foe's Rhyperior is fast asleep!


Roserade 100% VS.. Rhyperior 100% (ZZZZZZZ......)

I have a slight sense of De Ja Vu from the beginning of this battle...... Oh well, what's the worst that could happen? Now I can sit back, relax, and get this over...

Start of turn 10
steviestar called Rhyperior back!
steviestar sent out Moltres!

The foe's Moltres is exerting its Pressure!
Roserade used Leech Seed!
The foe's Moltres was seeded!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Moltres's health is sapped by leech seed.

Roserade 100% VS.. Moltres 70%



.....With. Forgot that thing was still there.... Snorlax is down for the count, and I still need the Rose of Destruction to stay alive. Looks like Barry's starter Empoleon will have to take the hit. sorry buddy.

Start of turn 11
Barry the awesome called Roserade back!
Barry the awesome sent out Empoleon!

The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
Empoleon lost 121 HP! (39% of its health)
Empoleon was burned!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Moltres's health is sapped by leech seed.
Empoleon restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon is hurt by its burn!


Empoleon 65% VS.. Moltres 64%


Well that was unfortunate. A little bit of hax and now empoleon's leftovers will be cancelled out. At least the leftovers will reduce the amount of damage done. Now in this kind of battle, I'm sure Steviestar is going to return moltres and switch to Roserade. But just to be sure, I better stay on the offensive.

Start of turn 12
steviestar called Moltres back!
steviestar sent out Roserade!

Empoleon used Surf!
It's not very effective...
A critical hit!
The foe's Roserade lost 43% of its health!

The foe's Roserade restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon is hurt by its burn!


Empoleon 59% VS.. Roserade 63%



Unbelievable. Finally, after so many battles of hax, things are finally starting to go my way. Now Roserade's in ice beam's killing range! I can end this before it get out of....

Start of turn 13
The foe's Roserade used Spikes!
Spikes were scattered all around the feet of Barry the awesome's team!

Empoleon used Ice Beam!
It's super effective!
The foe's Roserade lost 58% of its health!

The foe's Roserade restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon is hurt by its burn!


Empoleon 53% VS.. Roserade 11%



....hand. (twitch twitch) Dang. Great. Now I have to go up against 2 layers of spikes. With no spinner. Great. Unless he decides to switch or go for an unexpected move, like all out attacking to prevent a switch, I'll have to play my cards right to win this. I'm gonna stay in and see what happens.

Start of turn 14
The foe's Roserade used Giga Drain!
Empoleon lost 100 HP! (32% of its health)
Empoleon had its energy drained!

Empoleon used Ice Beam!
It's super effective!
The foe's Roserade lost 25% of its health!
The foe's Roserade fainted!

Empoleon restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon is hurt by its burn!
steviestar sent out Mismagius!

VS..

Empoleon 21% VS.. Mismagius 100% >> Roserade (Frozen inside an icecube)

(5-4)



I'm surprised that he decided to attack. In my opinion, spikes would have been a much better option. Unfortunately, now I have to go against a top tier threat in UU. A horrible little monster called mismagius. If I can weaken it enough that Floatzel can go for a revenge kill, then I might just be able to win this match.... Here's to hoping that he goes for a nasty plot. What's the worst that could happen?

Start of turn 15
The foe's Mismagius used Nasty Plot!
The foe's Mismagius's Sp. Att. sharply rose!

Empoleon used Surf!
The foe's Mismagius lost 84% of its health!

The foe's Mismagius restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Empoleon is hurt by its burn!


Empoleon 15 VS.. Mismagius 22%



Perfect! Now it's in killing range of Floatzel's aqua jet! Good job Empoleon! You put a cold stop to that sweeper! Take a rest. You deserved it.

Start of turn 16
The foe's Mismagius used Shadow Ball!
It's not very effective...
Empoleon lost 41 HP! (15% of its health)
Empoleon fainted!

The foe's Mismagius restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Barry the awesome sent out Floatzel!
Floatzel is hurt by spikes!

VS..

Floatzel 60% >> Empoleon (Walked into the light) VS.. Mismagius 28%

(4-4)


"What's the worst that could happen?" :D Now how many times have we heard that one? I'm pretty sure we're gonna experience a switch but you can never be too sure. As I like saying "When in doubt, fight your way out".

Start of turn 17
steviestar called Mismagius back!
steviestar sent out Blastoise!

Floatzel used Aqua Jet!
It's not very effective...
The foe's Blastoise lost 7% of its health!

Floatzel restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Floatzel 66% VS.. Blastoise 93%



Blastoise is back and in action. Remembering the little memento I left it in the beginning of the match, all I have to do is switch out to the expected scald and hit back with roserade's sludge bomb. It's the only chance I have against it. If I stay in then I'm at risk of losing floatzel due to burn from scald.

Start of turn 18
Barry the awesome called Floatzel back!
Barry the awesome sent out Roserade!
Roserade is hurt by spikes!

The foe's Blastoise used Scald!
It's not very effective...
Roserade lost 33 HP! (12% of its health)

Roserade restored a little HP using its Black Sludge!


Roserade 82% VS.. Blastoise 93%

The expected scald. Now I can actually begin to kill things with roserade. Seeing as his only safe switch is Rhyperior, and nobody would dare switch one in to a Roserade. Let the Rose of wrath's reign of terror begin!



Start of turn 19
steviestar called Blastoise back!
steviestar sent out Mismagius!

Roserade used Sludge Bomb!
It's not very effective...
The foe's Mismagius lost 24% of its health!
The foe's Mismagius was poisoned!

The foe's Mismagius restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Mismagius is hurt by poison!
The foe's Mismagius fainted!
Roserade restored a little HP using its Black Sludge!
steviestar sent out Moltres!

The foe's Moltres is exerting its Pressure!


Roserade 88% VS.. Moltres 76% >> Mismagius (Passed away....AGAIN)

(4-3)



I breath a sigh of relief having fainted mismagius. That thing could have been the end for me. Roserade has shown itself to be probably the strongest mon on my team today. I better keep on attacking to keep on the pressure. I'm normally a conservative person who likes saving his pokemon for later in the battle. But he could substitute and the destroy my team through a sub. I will just have to keep sludge bombing and hope for the best. What's the worst that could happen??

Start of turn 20
Roserade used Sludge Bomb!
The foe's Moltres lost 40% of its health!

The foe's Moltres used Substitute!
The foe's Moltres hasn't enough energy left!

Roserade restored a little HP using its Black Sludge!
The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Roserade 94% VS.. Moltres 30%



Perfect. Roserade is racking up the points today. Now I just need to hit it one more time and then it will all be over. We can take his moltres and we take the match. Rhyperior and blastoise can't do that much to the rest of my team. Floatzel can 2 KO with Waterfall and Blastoise will eventually fall to a hitmonlee's high jump kick.

Start of turn 21
steviestar called Moltres back!
steviestar sent out Blastoise!

Roserade used Sludge Bomb!
The foe's Blastoise lost 35% of its health!

Roserade restored a little HP using its Black Sludge!


Roserade 100% VS.. Blastoise 58%

A switch to avoid losing his Moltres. Blastoise can take a couple more hits before going down... Giving him enough time to think of a strategy. Or Dragon tail me out so his Moltres isn't at risk. I've gotta keep attacking to keep up the pressure though.



Start of turn 22
Roserade used Leech Seed!
The foe's Blastoise was seeded!

The foe's Blastoise used Dragon Tail!
The attack of the foe's Blastoise missed!

Roserade restored a little HP using its Black Sludge!
The foe's Blastoise's health is sapped by leech seed.


Roserade 100% VS.. Blastoise 46%

And another one bites the dust. An unfortunate miss and now he has to suffer the consequences. Roserade's still not out of the blue yet though. I can feel a moltres switch coming soon.

Start of turn 23
Roserade used Sludge Bomb!
The foe's Blastoise lost 36% of its health!

The foe's Blastoise used Dragon Tail!
Roserade lost 84 HP! (32% of its health)
Floatzel is hurt by spikes!
Floatzel was dragged out!

Floatzel restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Blastoise's health is sapped by leech seed.
The foe's Blastoise fainted!
steviestar sent out Moltres!

The foe's Moltres is exerting its Pressure!

VS..

Roserade 68% >> Floatzel 60% VS.. Moltres 30% >> Blastoise (Got the blood sucked right out of him.)

(4-2)



Blastoise tears of a decent size amount of damage due to it being CB'ed and now I have to face Fire Chicken all over again. In this next turn, I really screwed up really badly. Just watch to find out.

Start of turn 24
Barry the awesome called Floatzel back!
Barry the awesome sent out Heracross!
Heracross is hurt by spikes!

The foe's Moltres used Roost!
The foe's Moltres landed on the ground!
The foe's Moltres regained health!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Heracross restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Heracross 23% VS.. Moltres 86%



..................................................................................... I'm screwed. I'm kicking myself right now for sending in heracross completely forgetting that I have a STAB super effective priority move. I was so caught up in the momentum of things. Stupid, stupid me! Now I have to face the consequences. My switch is going to be roserade for a particular reason. Just watch. See ya heracross. Hopefully you can do more next battle.

Start of turn 25
The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
It's super effective!
Heracross lost 70 HP! (23% of its health)
Heracross fainted!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Barry the awesome sent out Roserade!
Roserade is hurt by spikes!

>>
VS..

Roserade 55% >> Heracross (Burned to a crispy critter) VS.. Moltres 92%

(3-2)



My Rose of Death comes back for one more round and one last turn to fight back. There's only so much one mon can do in a battle. Overall though, Roserade's helped out a lot in this battle. We had some good times. Now he's gonna go off with a bang. Or more like throwing mud at the bird before turning to ash.

Start of turn 26
Roserade used Sludge Bomb!
The foe's Moltres lost 44% of its health!

The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
It's super effective!
Roserade lost 146 HP! (55% of its health)
Roserade fainted!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Barry the awesome sent out Hitmonlee!
Hitmonlee is hurt by spikes!


Hitmonlee 88% >> Roserade 0% (Also burned to a crispy critter)

VS.. Moltres 54%

(2-2)

Here's Monlee! After all this time I was keeping him in my reserve, waiting for the chance to use him against the weakened moltres. Now the time's come. Fake out time. With Normal gem, Fake out's power will be boosted enough to deal a solid amount of damage to moltres. Here's to starting a fight.

Start of turn 27
Hitmonlee used Fake Out!
Hitmonlee's Normal Gem raised Fake Out's power!
The foe's Moltres lost 20% of its health!

The foe's Moltres flinched!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Hitmonlee 88% VS.. Moltres 40%

Not much to say here. I know he has flamethrower, roost, and substitute as his moves. I'm pretty certain he does carry air slash though. Hitmonlee hasn't weakened him enough though. Hopefully I can outspeed and knock off some more damage with high jump kick. Although, if this is a special defensive moltres, then he might only be carrying flamethrower. And according to the moves he's used..... then he might be.

Start of turn 28
The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
Hitmonlee lost 127 HP! (52% of its health)

Hitmonlee used Hi Jump Kick!
It's not very effective...
The foe's Moltres lost 31% of its health!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Hitmonlee 36% VS.. Moltres 15%



.... What's the worst that could happen?! Floatzel should be able to KO Moltres after this, so I should be in the blue. Of course, his rhyperior could wake up and then I would lose the match. But I'm usually an optimist when things go my way, so I shrug it off and continue battling.

Start of turn 29
The foe's Moltres used Flamethrower!
A critical hit!
Hitmonlee lost 84 HP! (34% of its health)
Hitmonlee fainted!

The foe's Moltres restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
Barry the awesome sent out Floatzel!
Floatzel is hurt by spikes!

VS..

Floatzel 48% >> Hitmonlee 0% (Victim to a nasty sunburn.) VS.. Moltres 21%

(1-2)

Floatzel comes in with a graceful leap and he's ready for action. Moltres doesn't stand a chance to my water weasel. With an aqua jet here I only have to fight against Rhyperior. Hasta La Vista you evil fire chicken. You've been a pain in the butt since turn 2.

Start of turn 30
Floatzel used Aqua Jet!
It's super effective!
The foe's Moltres lost 18% of its health!
The foe's Moltres fainted!

Floatzel restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
steviestar sent out Rhyperior!


Floatzel 54% VS.. Rhyperior 100% >> Moltres 0% (Completely and utterly drenched.)

(1-1)



A base 100 STAB move being used on a frail physical sweeper by an incredible physical wall who can cut super effective moves power in half combined with the fact that it's attack is over 100? He is so going to lose. If it stays asleep for 2 more turns then I win. Crossing fingers....

Start of turn 31
Floatzel used Aqua Jet!
It's super effective!
The foe's Rhyperior lost 37% of its health!

The foe's Rhyperior is fast asleep!

Floatzel restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Rhyperior restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Floatzel 60% VS.. Rhyperior 69%

The turn after this will decide the match. Will he wake up? Or will he stay asleep long enough for me to get the kill? Only one way to find out. And that's by battling!

Start of turn 32
Floatzel used Aqua Jet!
It's super effective!
The foe's Rhyperior lost 41% of its health!

The foe's Rhyperior is fast asleep!

Floatzel restored a little HP using its Leftovers!
The foe's Rhyperior restored a little HP using its Leftovers!


Floatzel 66% VS.. Rhyperior 34%


The battle is pretty much won now. Floatzel's aqua jet can kill it. Ciao Rhyperior! Have fun dying!

Start of turn 33
Floatzel used Aqua Jet!
It's super effective!
The foe's Rhyperior lost 28% of it's health!
The foe's Rhyperior fainted!

Floatzel 72% (Completely exhausted, but happy.) VS.. Rhyperior 0% (Dozed right through a really good match!)

(1-0)

Barry the awesome won the match!


Me:GG

Stevie: GG

After a long and hard battle, Floatzel manages to become victorious! The Rhino sleeps through it all as he faints, not even noticing his health bar dropping. I've won! Now, onto the credits of the battle! Starting with the MVP.


Me: And the MVP is......


ROSERADE
Oh man, where to begin? It put Rhyperior to sleep, which won us the battle, leech seeded pretty much half of the opponents team, did a quick sweep and cleaned up a lot of things like Mismagius, and blastoise, and so much more. I couldn't have had any better luck with him. The ROSE of DEATH reigns supreme once again! For those of you who want to know what it's full moveset was, it was this:
-Sludge Bomb
-Sleep Powder
-Leech Seed
-Toxic Spikes




Props:
-My opponent for putting up an amazing battle. Again, GG Steviestar!
-Roserade for clobbering everything in sight
-Floatzel for Winning me the battle in the end and putting a stop to Blastoise
-Empoleon for weakening mismagius just enough to kill it
-Barry for working together really nicely with me and helping me win
-The opponents moltres for refusing to die in the battle and getting 3 kills before fainting



Slops:
-Both Heracrosses for doing pretty much nothing the entire battle
-Hax for trolling around the smogon server
-Hitmonlee for not getting a single kill in
-Barry for continuosly freaking out and getting on my nerves
-The opponents Rhyperior for doing zilch
-Me for jinxing us by saying "What's the worst that could happen?"

Again, GG Steviestar! That was a good battle! Hopefully I can do a warstory featuring Barry facing off against Cynthia, or the elite four maybe? Well, that might happen. Tune in to find out what happens next! Will I make me and Barry fight against Cynthia or the elite? Will we be able to win? Will heracross actually do something next time? Will I stop asking myself these questions???


END

Comments, critizism, and Questions please!
 
did floatzel not have waterfall or something?
and some misplays...
why arent u using choice scarf heracross? :(

also. this belongs in the UU subforum.
 
How much of a difference would it have made had you used Aqua Jet instead of switching to Heracross? 7 out of 10, not too great, but not too bad either...
 
also... im really confused. if the hitmonlee is unburden, why did it not outspeed moltres? and if its not unburden.... why use normal gem?
 
did floatzel not have waterfall or something?
and some misplays...
why arent u using choice scarf heracross? :(

also. this belongs in the UU subforum.
He was choice locked into Aqua Jet, which he HAD to use, since Floatzel is not the bulkiest, so he would be killed by moltres otherwise. Duh.

also... im really confused. if the hitmonlee is unburden, why did it not outspeed moltres? and if its not unburden.... why use normal gem?
It can't be unburden, since it's not released yet. I have no idea why he used normal gem over something like Life Orb though...
 

tehy

Banned deucer.
Take out all the fake conversations, because reading them is painful and unfunny.
 

verbatim

[PLACEHOLDER]
is a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderatoris a Battle Simulator Admin Alumnusis a Community Leader Alumnus
I'd wait until you've heard from more people before making a decision, but I strongly believe that you should take out ANY comments between you/Barry. It is enough to say that your using his team at the beginning and have it be a themed warstory.


The battle itself was not that good, (Although you did a good job presenting it) it feels like you just recorded the first battle you could win.

6/10 (recommendation do a NON-themed warstory next time)
 
Alright then. Thanks for your suggestions everyone! The reason why I used this battle was because I though it was long and tough. Those are the good ones. Some of you didn't read the warning label though. I can tell. I had said the jokes would be corny. Thanks to those who gave me positive feedback on my warstory. I guess I just need to keep on trying!
 
The commentary sounded like something my eight year old autistic brother would spout while playing with his action figures. Please stop. My advice is to find a better battle with less misplays for next time. Length doesn't make a battle good, the thought process and effort you put into it does.
 
The dialogs were a little awkward. As other users have said, you don't have to go full throttle into the theme. Remember to wait until you get a VERY good battle before writing a warstory; it's tempting to just take the nearest log and run with it sometimes, but if you wait until you finish a great match, one you put a lot of thought into, the warstory writing process will come much more naturally.
 
He was choice locked into Aqua Jet, which he HAD to use, since Floatzel is not the bulkiest, so he would be killed by moltres otherwise. Duh.



It can't be unburden, since it's not released yet. I have no idea why he used normal gem over something like Life Orb though...
He switcharoo'd the Blastoise, so his other 3 moves were probably Aqua Jet, Ice Punch, and Brick Break. Not choice locked. Duh.
 
Barry? Really? Really? This whole thing took a semi-decent warstory and added a negative aspect that was horrendously difficult to overlook. To finish it I had to ignore those parts completely.

Your formatting was decent. So that's something.

Thirding this

it feels like you just recorded the first battle you could win.
 
He was choice locked into Aqua Jet, which he HAD to use, since Floatzel is not the bulkiest, so he would be killed by moltres otherwise. Duh.



It can't be unburden, since it's not released yet. I have no idea why he used normal gem over something like Life Orb though...

...what do you mean he was choice locked? he switcherooed his choice band to blastoise....

and im pretty sure a floatzel can outspeed moltres with no problem
 

Woodchuck

actual cannibal
is a Battle Simulator Admin Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnus
tbh I can tell that you are probably a good writer, but you were trying to make your warstory "unique" with the theme

If you'd gone with just straight commentary and explained your thoughts in a "normal" warstory you wouldn't get as much negative reviews as a lot of people really only care about the meat and potatoes of the warstory, i. e. the battle and your thoughts to go along with it.

Also,
but keep in mind that pokemon is a game for 12 year olds.
oh god delete this before you get flamed POKEMON IS SRS BIZNESS OKAY
 
And keep in mind that you don't know how old someone is on the internet. Almost everyone lies about their age dude. I'm pretty sure a 12 year old would have lied about his age just so he fits in. Besides, as I said, this isn't meant to be that serious of a warstory. And to those who complained about some misplays? EVERYONE makes a misplay now and then. Nobody is perfect.

Edit: What I meant to say is that gamefreak had directed pokemon to that age. I'm not saying it's for 12 year olds and less. Otherwise I wouldn't be playing pokemon. It's a fun game. And thanks for the compliment. I want to become a famous writer so I'm improving my skills. I do admit I tried a little too hard though. Next warstory will be way more serious than this.
 
And keep in mind that you don't know how old someone is on the internet. Almost everyone lies about their age dude. I'm pretty sure a 12 year old would have lied about his age just so he fits in. Besides, as I said, this isn't meant to be that serious of a warstory. And to those who complained about some misplays? EVERYONE makes a misplay now and then. Nobody is perfect.

Edit: What I meant to say is that gamefreak had directed pokemon to that age. I'm not saying it's for 12 year olds and less. Otherwise I wouldn't be playing pokemon. It's a fun game. And thanks for the compliment. I want to become a famous writer so I'm improving my skills. I do admit I tried a little too hard though. Next warstory will be way more serious than this.
Your point is invalid, especially since the age range on pokemon forums is usually 14-24.
 
Seriously, are you just trolling for fun now, right? I said, people lie about their age. You don't know if someone's 12 and they're just lying about their age just to get in to smogon. I stumbled onto this site when I was 13 and that was years ago. I've been reading stuff from it ever since. And I've read some funny stuff that's a little childish. That's only a one year difference. I just recently joined, so I'm new to smogon. Anyways, enough of the age talk. I got rid of the barry talk so it should be a whole lot better now.
 
Now i feel stupid because i am 23 old and i am posting from my workplace. =[

Seriously though, who tha f**k is Barry?
 

His Eminence Lord Poppington II

proverb:the fish who eats most dies still too
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not very good. 'everybody makes misplays every now and then' if you haven't had a game where you have played perfectly then i would wait until you get better to post a warstory. in a turn based game it is perfectly possible to play perfectly.
 

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