Being confident without being conceited

StarmanXL

StarmanXL

So, people often tell me that I often don't give myself any credit, and I must admit that, more often than not, I don't have much confidence in a lot of of the things I do, from actually socializing with people to simply playing pokemon, and it's kinda been getting to me as of late, as I get discouraged in a lot of endeavors I enjoy and really want to do, such as writing.

However, where's the line between having self-confidence and being arrogant? How can I accurate identify skills and say I'm good at something without coming off as a conceited jackass? Quite honestly, I can only list on one hand all the things I honestly think I do well, but how would I know if I'm being too hard on myself or if I actually suck at something?
 
confidence is something internal. even if you look quiet or whatever, no one can ever know whether or not you're confidant as much as you do yourself. being arrogant brings upon problems that influence your social surroundings, it is largely external. the key is to be confidant but still appreciate the success of others. you can be the tallest midget in the circus and still be short and you can be the shortest guy on a basketball team and still be tall.

my advice to you is just think about the things that you are best at and convince yourself that you are gifted in those areas. everyone has their strengths, it's just about identifying them. you can also keep a success journal ie. keep all the A's you've had in school, pieces of writing you feel proud of etc. together and keep adding to the collection when you see fit. it's something that can cheer you up when you're down.
 
Being arrogant is being loudly confident, and people usually act that way because it makes them feel better about themselves. (I should know, I'm VERY arrogant. Admitting is the first step...)

The determining factor is where your confidence comes from. Arrogant people draw their confidence from their desire to be better than others. Confident, modest, people draw confidence from their desire to succeed. Arrogant people (like me) always compare themselves to others, and the rest don't need to. Just focus on yourself and not how you look compared to others and you're fine.

If you are truely confident, no one else matters. You don't need to prove anything to anyone else, you only need to believe in yourself, and you will be confident enough.

Does that help any?
 
I have a low self-esteem/confidence, but I prefer being on a low profile, I don't think I need a "good" confidence.

Other thing I do is give other stuff low interest; if I don't like it, I couldn't care less about it.

The idea about keeping your A's and good stuff sounds like a good idea.About knowing whether you are being conceited...um...Just think thoroughly whatever you're gonna say.
 
I can definitely say that i am indeed confident of what i am doing, but when it comes to arrogance, i don't say it out loud or something (apart from here, geez, I have to be arrogant to be not arrogant, does that even make sense)

Being confident means that you are sure of what you are doing, you don't have doubts (unless it is indeed the wrong thing).

Being arrogant means that you talk out in public loudly, and try to show people that you're not afraid
 
Amelia said:
Being confident means that you are sure of what you are doing, you don't have doubts (unless it is indeed the wrong thing).

Being arrogant means that you talk out in public loudly, and try to show people that you're not afraid
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I have met arrogant people who just enjoy showing off their "confidence". Be it trying to show off at every god damn moment there are people or make up the stupidest stories to impress others.

I use to have this feeling of trying to be better than everyone else...bad idea. It later became this feeling to trying to be myself...works. People love me for who I am, not what I proclaim to do.
 
Being confident starts with you doing those handful of things you said you do well, then knowing how that feels.

Being arrogant is being an attention whore.

Being confident is trying things, and forgetting about what other people say.

Being arrogant is doing things, fishing for what other people would say.

Being confident is not being afraid to walk up to somebody you've never met, saying "what's up," and walking away, knowing that you may never see that person again, and your life won't change in one bit for the worse. In fact, it may change for the better.

Being arrogant is telling people how much of a pimp you are, when we all know my non existent dog gets more tail than this prick does.

In the end, the most self-conscious people are the arrogant pricks, and the most confident ones are the ones who may hesitate to take a step, but decide to do so without looking back.
 
Being confident is knowing your own skills. Being arrogant is waving it in someone's face.
 
Not exactly--as an actor and a singer, my skills require waving them in someone's face.

Still, i've had problems with this as well--i've decided the best is to let people speak for you. If you have enough people telling you that you're good at something, i find it's completely logical to believe they're right. If enough people tell you you're a good singer, or a good artist, then take pride in your skills, but don't change up how you do what you do, just keep the steady flow of whatever you do with the confidence that you're bringing joy to others, or at the very least impressing the fuck out of them.
 
hmmmmm, well I came from a family that was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough.

with that in mind, I do live around very talented people. with all of this in mind, I guess my self esteem isn't the highest, though people tell me a lot that I don't give myself enough credit.

but then other people tell me I give myself too much credit. basically, average people (aka people without a lick of common sense) piss me off. a lot. it's hard for me to trust people, simply because though I do hang around with my 'betters,' I've been let down a whole lot too. and when people let me down, I get pissed. I start verbally attacking people and acting as if I'm perfect and have never made a mistake in my life. it's hypocritical, but meh, I can't really control myself.

so yea, I've got a bit of a double personality. it kinda depends on who I'm around as well. when I'm around people who I look up to, I start being too hard on myself, comparing myself to them and whatnot. when I'm around a bunch of bumbling idiots, suddenly I'm mr. perfect.
 
StarmanXL said:
Quite honestly, I can only list on one hand all the things I honestly think I do well
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The only thing i'm really TRULY talented at is loseing things...seriously...keys, remotes, styluses, pens, anything. I mean i just bought a new pack of guitar pics three weeks ago and don't know where a single one is now!

Also, as far as girls go, it's usually better to be too arrogant than too shy
 
Yeah, because women are really into arrogant fuckwits

let me rephrase that; if you're acting like an arrogant fuckwit in order to get a women that's attracted to an arrogant fuckwit, you will end up wishing you hadn't pulled
 
Altmer said:
Being confident is knowing your own skills. Being arrogant is waving it in someone's face.
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Seconding Altmer for truth and how basic what he says is.

To me, there are two types of arrogance.

1. The more common, less obnoxious type. This is when, say, some dude plays guitar. He thinks he's good and he really likes it. He tells all of his friends, co-workers or team mates around him he's in a band and they won Battle of the Bands or whatever. He's confident to the point where he wants everyone to know his abilities so he can have his fame.

Speaking of music I like Stanger Danger's example. If a person is truly good, they should have someone that's heard them tell the world instead.

Another example of this is when someone is really outgoing so he often tells all of his friends/mates stories about what he did or what crazy adventure's he's been on. They like what they do, and they tell people this to be labled as cool or badass.

This lesser form of arrogance tends to win [High School] girls over, sadly. At least from what I can see. Some people lable it as confidence, but when someone over does it, it's arrogance.

2. Blatantly arrogant. Less common; more annoying. This is when people brag about how good they are with the opposite sex, how sexy they look, etc. (Also agreeing with Akuchi; I'm a dude, but all the mature girls I hang out with utterly hate this type of arrogance).

Confidence is internal as everyone else says. As long as you have atleast some pride in your work, and you also appreciate other's feats and efforts, you'll be confident without being arrogant at all for the most part. Don't completely dump yourself; just find what you're good at or your positive qualities and use them.
 
akuchi said:
Yeah, because women are really into arrogant fuckwits

let me rephrase that; if you're acting like an arrogant fuckwit in order to get a women that's attracted to an arrogant fuckwit, you will end up wishing you hadn't pulled
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I'm not sure why you had to exaggerate that, because he's right.

The beautiful, smart, fun girls are always going to be attracted to the alpha male. It's plain science. Look at any species on the earth: the bigger, more aggressive, head-of-the-pack ALWAYS gets the desired female. Yes, the fact that we have minds may negate this a LITTLE bit, but attraction is on so many levels, and the animal instinct plays a huge part in it.

Good looking girls aren't attracted to shy guys. I'm not advocating that you be an "arrogant fuckwit" as you so kindly said, but yeah, being a little arrogant, or in the ideal case, confident, is going to go waaay further than being shy and waiting what comes your way(the #1 mistake of all males).

And yeah, I know, that girl in your anime club is super hot and totally digs your quirky, shy, behavior, but she's not that hot and not a representation of most of the females on this earth.

For the record, since this probably came off as arrogant, I'm not a master of females. I'm not even sure why I just hijacked this thread to talk about the game. If it makes you feel better, I'm on a two-month sexual dry spell(although I am working on this girl I work with) that has a LOT to do with what I just mentioned in the last few paragraphs.

I should probably stop typing, but anyway, even a little bit of playful arrogance can go a LONG way and has definitely worked for me before. Women love that shit.
 
The difference between confident and conceited is not up to the person whose confidence or conceitedness is in question; rather, it is up to anyone he or she interacts with in a manner that that person feels the need to judge which it is. There is no way to choose how others see you enough to keep anyone from ever thinking you are conceited short of being the nicest fucking guy ever, and even then someone will think you are just doing it to look good, which is technically at least slightly conceited. Additionally, if you ever assert that you are something that is perceived as above average, then short of being extraordinary, people are going to think you conceited as well, so you have to pretty much not own up to how good you are.
 
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