Sex is like Oxygen

Morm

...It's not a big deal unless you aren't getting any.

That's my opinion of Sex. I'd like to start a discussion to expand my opinion on this topic and see where it leads us. Specifically, I'd like to talk about the impact of sex on the divorce rate.

I'm of the opinion that sex really isn't a huge deal- infact, not waiting until marriage is beneficial to everyone. See, I've met alot of people that wind up hurrying a relationship into a marriage just so it's okay to have sex. Specifically mormons and some christians, but others that just wait because they can. I'm sure these relationships are driven by more than just the desire to have sex without repricussion, but I do know it is a deciding factor and pressures the people in question into marriage before they are ready/know if the person they are dating is right. I think that taking the huge implications out of sex, as well as the emotional effects, will mean that marriages will be based on personality, compatibility and ultimately love instead of a two dimensial hormonally driven feeling of closeness derived from the simple act of sex.

Someone I know suggested to me that making sex meaningless in the grand scheme of things makes relationships more disposable, thusly translating ultimately into higher divorce rates overall. Since sex is sometimes a very deep and meaningful event for someone(s), instantaneously making the two (or more??) involved much closer than they were previously and raising the level of trust between the two by an observable margin. This can only serve to strengthen a relationship if sex is retained only for 'the one', allowing for a stronger marriage and helping to get through the toughest part of any marriage, the first year and leading to a long lasting relationship for years to come.

Lets try to keep posts that include things like "well the bible/my mom/sex ed/whatever says not to have sex before marriage therefore I don't and you know what it's right and you're wrong". I know the topic is ripe for laughter and gags, but lets be mature.

I'm sure some of you have some good insight into this.
 
i think if you are having sex with someone to make yourself feel good that is no more noble than rape with less violence

i think if you are having sex with a person you are in love with it's one of the best things in the entire world.
 
Good topic.

I personally put meaning behind sex, and I don't engage in it frivolously (this past summer notwithstanding). I will admit, though, that it has become something that is almost like the Wall of China to some people; it gets built up in their head into something so monstrously monumental that it takes a long time to get over the side effects of that thinking. That happened with me; I was a late bloomer, lost my virginity late, and by that time I had lost a lot of my social skills because thinking about getting laid had consumed by every thought while out at parties.

This is rambling and aimless, but I guess that's what happens in a good thread.
 
sex with randoms is meaningless. a purely biological function to satisfy basic bodily needs. unless you're high at a festival or something in which case I think you're supposed to transcend to some higher physical/spiritual plane, if you're into that shit. personally.. I'm not.

sex with someone you love isn't meaningless.
tl'dr sex is what you make it
 
I used to be so concerned with losing my virginity, to the point where it didn't matter who with, just someone (there's high school stupidity for you). Now that I'm in a long-term committed relationship, I don't care too much about sex anymore.
 
Sex is also a fantastic anti depressant (thanks to endorphins). Just throwing it out there, but meaningless sex isn't always completely meaningless. It can function, if you are indeed studly enough, as a form of safe self medication.

DM, I was in a similar situation. I was a complete loser, but now that I have a small pot belly and a cool job it seems the girls are lining up. I got sex the first chance I could and have slept with some girls I really shouldn't have.

Also, do you guys think that sex is only such an emotional experience the first few times because it's built up so much in your head? Like I said, it's not a big deal (to me) unless you aren't getting any. A bit more logic behind that:

1. If you've had it and aren't getting it, the 'craving' for sex is much greater than it ever was. It becomes a big deal and a consideration any time you're making out with a girl or even just meeting one at a bar with innocent intentions (I swear guys it does happen)

2. If you haven't had it, the 'Great Wall of China' effect takes hold- the hype, the stories, the implications and the lack of education (or sometimes the actual education) just adds and adds, not to mention the pressures from friends or people you date...
 
It does sometimes seem like sex is really the only thing fueling marriages. I guess it's just a battle between instinct and human thought. Although if sex and factors like looks weren't applied, then that would lead into a strong relationship, since you both know each other, get along, etc. Plus, the couple wouldn't care as much if they somehow became disfigured, or unhealthy, because sex isn't that big of a deal. Looks fade much quicker than the mind, so in that sense, marriages should last longer if they're not based on sex.

Sure sex is an important event, so we can't just completely disregard it, but it's more important when it's with someone you know won't leave you because you're "bad at it". There's just less pressure, no threat. Sure if you mess up, there's going to be an acknowledgement of it, but a relationship not based on sex isn't going to break down about something like that. Sex should really be an afterthought, with personalities, compatibility, etc coming first. Of course, no one is perfect, so no one can really completely disregard sexual attraction.

So yeah, I'm sure my priest will pat my head when I say: I think sex based relationships break down more, increasing the divorce rate.
 
Sex, for Sex's sake (rather than an expression of Mutual love in a relationship) is, in my opinion not such a bad thing under certain conditions:

1.) That both "players" understand that that is the purpose, none of them are lying to the other saying that they love each other. People seem to be more open to the idea of having sex because you enjoy it, with someone who you don't have feelings about, and I feel that if both people agree that that is what they are doing then it is fine

2.) Both "players" are comfortable with what is happening, they don't feel that the other is pushing them too far. This could potentially be a problem as it is awkward to discuss these things before, during or after the event. This is where it breaks down. If you don't know someone well enough can you trust them in this sort of thing?

Basically the point I am trying to make is that in theory sex for the sake of pleasure and meeting certain bodily needs is not a bad thing and no where near "rape" is it satisfies the conditions a bove. The practicalities of it may prove a bit stickier and hard to deal with.
 
I think you bring up a good point about divorce rates, but if you are attracted to your partner enough, youll want to stay with them longer to have more sex. So later your not like "O shit I can't believe I'm not hittin that anymore shit." Just throwing that out there.
 
I'm not talking about 'sex based' vs 'non sex based' at all; you can have sex in a relationship and not have the relationship be all about it. It can even be an aside, a bonus if you will.
 
I essentially have a similar stance to gorm and DM.

Sex "just because" is sort of selfish in my eyes. You should be doing it because you care about the other person, and want to make them feel good. That's why I don't see what the whole "yay, I got laid by this drunk chick at the bar last night" is such an accomplishment, much less something to brag about.

Sex with the one person you love more than anyone else is special though. You're not just having sex for your own gain, it's for your partner too. That makes it different from just having sex with randoms.
 
Well the unique thing about the love between a man and a woman (or same sex love) is that it's sexual as well as emotional. When you engage in sexual activity with people you don't love, I'd think that'd you lose or lessen the physical aspect of marital love. I also think that sex early in a relationship can lead to a false sense of love. I know people that at least the latter has happened to that resulted in divorce.
EDIT: Yea I think it could cause more divorces
 
Mr_Goodbar said:
I also think that sex early in a relationship can lead to a false sense of love. I know people that at least the latter has happened to that resulted in divorce.
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That is 100% true, especially if the two involved are virgins. However, more experienced whores such as myself know it for what it is- just sex. Are you suggesting that sex could be the cause of false emotions and thusly the cause of increased divorce rates? That'd be an add on to the arguement that person presented to me, that premarital sex is indeed bad.
 
I disagree with the whole "having sex soon can lead to a false sense of love" thing. Love is love. You know when you love somebody and it should be very obvious if you love somebody. The BIGGEST problem is when people mistake LUST for LOVE. People end up getting married and having relationships because of this. Not because of "sex leading to a false sense of love." It is the attraction and desire for sex that keeps them interested in each other. The true essence of love is really the feelings, emotions and thoughts that you share with each other. I'm not saying that attraction has nothing to do with love though. I mean, obviously humans are fairly shallow in general.

This is what I think:
1) Sex cannot lead to a false sense of love.
2) People mistake lust for love
3) Lust is a possible requirement for love.
 
Freud says that the desire for sex/love is one of the main drives of human actions. Repressing sexual desires in Freudian psychology is seen as detrimental to mental health.

Justin, humans may be shallow in general, but isn't it also a possibility that sex is just a natural instinct that we are constantly trying to either appease or repress?

Just something to think about.
 
Well, sex isn't really essential unless nobody else is doing it. I mean, you don't die if you don't have sex, unlike, say, if you don't eat. So I largely agree with the original poster's sentiments.
 
tuskate said:
Justin, humans may be shallow in general, but isn't it also a possibility that sex is just a natural instinct that we are constantly trying to either appease or repress?
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I'm going to have to go with 'not a possibility' and tell you that is exactly how it is...and now just the bolded part (although, especially the bolded part)!

Justin, don't you mean something more like:

3) Sustainable Lust is a possible requirement for love.

Lust is often quite fleeting, after all.
 
I wouldn't say it's essential to live. It's obviously not water or air.

But I don't think it can be denied truthfully that people don't have an underlying desire for sexual activity.

Morm, that was a little vague, were you agreeing with me?
 
I think you missed my whole point- sex is a natural instinct and sex is constantly repressed or repress.

Obviously life goes on without it, neutered dogs are total blissful idiots. I have no idea why you brought in the 'essential to live' angle though.
 
Frued also based his entire theories around sex..sort of irrelevant i guess.

Anyways, at the person who said 'love is love, you know when your in love with someone', I must say you are wrong, when I had my first kiss, with a girl i liked alot, about a week later I was convinced that we were in love. Eventually we broke up, I dated other girls, and am currently in a long term relationship (2+ years), am in love, and can clearly see that I was wrong in my earlier assumption of 'being in love'.

Now you can say that what I had was lust, but i wasnt 'feeling horny' I was in a relationship where i didnt have any physical needs, and wasnt mature enough to have mental needs.

So to end my rambling, yes it is possible for sex (or other physical intercourse of some sort) to put people in a false sense of love.
 
So, now that we have established solidly that love is something that can be 'faked' by sexual needs/encounters, how does this reflect upon the ideas presented in the OP? Can we make any assumptions based on this that premarital sex would negatively or positively impact a relationship long term?
 
Short aside:

No-fault divorce is the driving factor for a lot of "Sex is like candy: Sweet, Addictive, and ultimately inconsequential" mentality. No-fault divorce should be abolished for the good of families everywhere. Maybe if 55 hour marriages ceased to exist people would plan more carefully and do more research.

I have loved someone but I never had intercourse with them, only "fooled around." This was a few years ago before I went to college so I suppose I was indeed "cheating," but I knew I wasn't ready to be a dad and she wasn't ready to be a mom, and quite frankly I find the entire idea of contraception appalling.

I'm sorry, my sexual organs are fucking awesome just as they are. Latex manufacturers can kiss my ass. I want to feel ALL of it or NONE of it, period. I know that as a consequence of my preference I must be very careful. I'm also Catholic, so again, I'm not perfect on the whole "sex before marriage" thing, but I'm damn well not going to have intercourse with someone until I'm married.

God gave human beings a wonderful gift in sexual organs and pleasure. I'm not about to use some cheesy gimmick that might inhibit me in any way just for the sake of a theoretically "safe" screw that all too often has "unplanned" results.
 
Deck Knight:

Birth control pills + not doing it right before her period

all I'm gonna say on that unless you mean all contraceptives, like you probably do.

What you do with your unit/package/whatever is your perrogative. Do you think that the high placement of sex on the agenda of a relationship, be it not a part or a part, a driving factor of marriage or not, affects marriage on the whole?
 
I think there are certainly cases where for atleast one spouse, sex is the driving factor, but its also unfair to say that as a whole, it is the most important, or even high on the relationship agenda, as you put it. Many people I know regard other attirbutes of the relationship higher.

To address something else that I think you were trying to go at in this topic, concerning premarital sex, Im in a cultural studies group and the thing we just read about/discussed was concerning chastity, I dont remember the exact details but by a large margin, most other cultures listed chastity higher on their lists then North Americans.

Now for me personally, the girl I lost my v card to had had been with a few guys (close to double digits -_-), when I found this out I was a bit unhappy, it also drove in the stake that I didnt see her as my long time partner, to me sex is a intimate component of Love, and that experience helped me form a new mindset that anyone I had sex with, that at the absolute minimum, I wasnt in love with, was wrong, to the point where I felt like I would be cheating on my someday-wife-to-be.

tuskate said:
Yes sir, that is exactly what I was looking for.

Is it even worth it to respond to DK's post?

Sexual repression at it's finest.
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No.
 
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