Bart: Buy me Bonestorm or or go to Hell!
Homer: Bart! In this house we use a little word called please.
Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend.
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.
Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!
Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.
Chief Wiggum: Suspect is hatless, I repeat hatless.
Homer: I cant wait till they throw his hatless butt in jail.
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
Homer: When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer: Bad bees. Get away from my sugar. Ow. OW. Oh, they're defending themselves somehow.
Marge: Homer, a man who called himself "you-know-who" just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" at the "you-know-what". You are certainly are popular now that you've become a Stonecutter.
Homer: Oh, yeah. Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night. It's wonderful, Marge. I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.
Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Mrs. Krabappel: We need names.
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
(Homer trying to bowl a 300 game)
Miss...miss! Sorry, I was calling the waiter...
This split you sold me is making me choke!
Could you at least call it a banana split you dumb wad?!
Hey! Spare me your gutter mouth!
(Gets hit with bowling ball) ow!
Le Grille!? What the hell does that mean!
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
The Simpsons paved the way for South Park, Family Guy, King of the Hill, and Futurama...
That's all I have to say, If you dont laugh at any of these quotes you can proceed to jab yourself in the eyes with dull pencils because you're obviously dead, honestly how can you hate the simpsons? They bring you loooooove...