Ignore my past pfp if anyone knows what that was lol, I’m actually pan yes i didn’t know the difference for like a million years.
Yeah, pansexual & trans female. That last part is weird, however. I’ve known I’ve always wanted to be a girl all my life but really only found out (if that makes any sense) about 6 months ago that I was trans. I’ve always hated my masculine body, even when I didn’t know I was trans (again, if that makes sense). I’d beat myself up because of it (though not a lot) and my cat got a free new living scratching post too. But, recently, (by that I mean past week and a half) I have gotten used to it, and I don’t really know anymore. I mean, I’ve never even liked my body at all, and when I realized I was trans, I thought “Hey, that might be why I hate it so much” and I mean it probably is. I still hate my body. I’m just fine with, yknow, it being manly & stuff. Like, I still dont like my body, but I’m not beating myself up for it anymore. I dont know, is this a good thing, or a bad thing? I dont really understand it too much myself.
Aside from that, my dad only knows I’m trans because I was texting with a friend one day and we happened to bring it up, and what do you know, my dad decided to confiscate the phone, and he found out. Not bashing other Christians, as I know there are plenty of Christians who I know are fine with the LGBTQ+ Community, but my dad sucks. Ever since he’s known, he’s been emotionally abusing me, not letting me do like anything at all, almost broke my flippin back (I instead have a Herniated Disc at 16, hooray) and in general being a mean person. He’s threatened to kick me out plenty of times, but hasn’t acted yet. That part makes me think there is some hope for him, but I dont want to give myself false hope, either. And I don’t know what he’s said to my siblings (I have 4 siblings in total) but they resent me now (not that it matters, I’m rarely at home anyways) and beforehand I used to at least have dumb conversations about Pokémon and trash anime and stuff but now we dont. Im too afraid to ask them or my dad, too, about what he said to them and its not like it’d matter anyways. Even if he did tell them something completely wrong and I corrected them on it, they wont believe me anyways. I would go to live with my mom (my parents are divorced) but I tried that a few months ago and uhm that didn’t work out. She’s accepting and all there were just other reasons it wouldn’t work out. I dont know where I am supposed to go, especially after high school.
On a happy note, I completely forgot Oct. 11 was Coming out day or whatever its actually called, but I got reminded throughout the course of the day, came out to a friend at work, and that went really well, especially considering they were Christian! That gave me hope back to Christians tbh. Other than them, I’m not out at work, equal employment and discrimination stuff for lgbtq+ doesn’t exist where I live, so I could easily get fired for that. Also, it’s Texas. Texas sucks.
Damn that’s a lot of word, sorry for that wow. I needed to complain some more, sorry.
Yeah, pansexual & trans female. That last part is weird, however. I’ve known I’ve always wanted to be a girl all my life but really only found out (if that makes any sense) about 6 months ago that I was trans. I’ve always hated my masculine body, even when I didn’t know I was trans (again, if that makes sense). I’d beat myself up because of it (though not a lot) and my cat got a free new living scratching post too. But, recently, (by that I mean past week and a half) I have gotten used to it, and I don’t really know anymore. I mean, I’ve never even liked my body at all, and when I realized I was trans, I thought “Hey, that might be why I hate it so much” and I mean it probably is. I still hate my body. I’m just fine with, yknow, it being manly & stuff. Like, I still dont like my body, but I’m not beating myself up for it anymore. I dont know, is this a good thing, or a bad thing? I dont really understand it too much myself.
Aside from that, my dad only knows I’m trans because I was texting with a friend one day and we happened to bring it up, and what do you know, my dad decided to confiscate the phone, and he found out. Not bashing other Christians, as I know there are plenty of Christians who I know are fine with the LGBTQ+ Community, but my dad sucks. Ever since he’s known, he’s been emotionally abusing me, not letting me do like anything at all, almost broke my flippin back (I instead have a Herniated Disc at 16, hooray) and in general being a mean person. He’s threatened to kick me out plenty of times, but hasn’t acted yet. That part makes me think there is some hope for him, but I dont want to give myself false hope, either. And I don’t know what he’s said to my siblings (I have 4 siblings in total) but they resent me now (not that it matters, I’m rarely at home anyways) and beforehand I used to at least have dumb conversations about Pokémon and trash anime and stuff but now we dont. Im too afraid to ask them or my dad, too, about what he said to them and its not like it’d matter anyways. Even if he did tell them something completely wrong and I corrected them on it, they wont believe me anyways. I would go to live with my mom (my parents are divorced) but I tried that a few months ago and uhm that didn’t work out. She’s accepting and all there were just other reasons it wouldn’t work out. I dont know where I am supposed to go, especially after high school.
On a happy note, I completely forgot Oct. 11 was Coming out day or whatever its actually called, but I got reminded throughout the course of the day, came out to a friend at work, and that went really well, especially considering they were Christian! That gave me hope back to Christians tbh. Other than them, I’m not out at work, equal employment and discrimination stuff for lgbtq+ doesn’t exist where I live, so I could easily get fired for that. Also, it’s Texas. Texas sucks.
Damn that’s a lot of word, sorry for that wow. I needed to complain some more, sorry.