Bad Wilderness Survival Tips

[TheSnoom]

(I am not liable for any damage or death that following these tips may cause)
Call me shitty Bear Grills, so like..... Badger BBQ idfk


If you’re cold, piss in a bottle and use it as heat.

If you find a dead animal, don’t eat it. Eat the maggots feasting on it instead.

Diamonds only spawn from Y15 down.

If you get bitten by a snake, just drink a lot of water, it will dilute the poison.

If you’re starving just eat some leaves, bark, or even dirt. It’s basically what vegans eat anyways.

If you’re bored try getting a hobby, like sculpting, weaving, not getting mauled by a bear

 

[xzern]

cutting a worm in half will NOT make two worms

 

[earthflax]

The birds can hear you. Stay aware!

Spend hundreds of dollars on fancy doodads just to do nothing with them, sleep in your backyard and eat spaghetti-o’s out of a tin. That’s the wilderness survival experience!

 

[Snessy!]

Following the sun will always bring you south

 

[BIG ASHLEY]

Following the sun will always bring you south

mamp is typing...

 

[Ryota Mitarai]

 

[cookie]

why would you care about being bored if you're trying to survive

seems like someone needs to learn about maszlo's hierarchy of needs

 

[TheSnoom]

Eat the hearts of your enemies to gain their powers.

Cover yourself in pollen and flowers and allow the bees to be your protectors. Give your life to the hive and become its vessel. Ascend to your true form as the herald of the bees!

Drink tree sap, you probably won’t die

why would you care about being bored if you're trying to survive

seems like someone needs to learn about maszlo's hierarchy of needs

Exactly why it’s a shitty tip.

 

[Albatross]

I agree entirely, Maszlo knows what's important in life

 

[cookie]

Exactly why it’s a shitty tip.

i get your point but the shitty tip needs tobe vaguely in the correct context. otherwise we could post things like "if you want to save 15% on your car insurance switch to geico", and yes technically that would be a shitty survival tip

 

[faint]

stop leeching from the wilderness and get a job

 

[TheSnoom]

i get your point but the shitty tip needs tobe vaguely in the correct context. otherwise we could post things like "if you want to save 15% on your car insurance switch to geico", and yes technically that would be a shitty survival tip

Don’t bring up that lizard
I also get your point, the joke was that “haha, oh silly, you don’t have time for hobbies you’re going to die!” I apologize if that wasn’t clear. It would appear that I have made a severe lapse in my judgement and I apologize to anyone it has affected. Thank you cookie for calling me out, I will do my best next time.

 

[boo836]

Feeling cold during the night? Set several unattended fires around your camp to keep warm on all sides!

 

[CanineIllusionist]

Why start a fire when you can just find the nearest gender reveal party?

 

[TheSnoom]

Eat all the mushrooms you can find, you’ll either get high as hell and die, or grow twice as tall.

Make a giant sword and carry it around at all times, not only will wildlife be scared of you, it’s also a practical weapon as not a lot of animals have a response to being cleaved in half.

Use every part of the animal you hunt! Don’t waste anything, eat it’s brain to gain its memories, eat the heart to gain it’s strength, use the skin for clothing, and eat the meat obviously.

 

[CaffeineBoost]

View attachment 367475

I agree entirely, Maszlo knows what's important in life

i knew this whole bdsm thing was a pyramid scheme

 

[ThatOneSpork]

Survival Tip #1 - Don't Die
Survival Tip #2 - Stay Alive

 

[antemortem]

stop leeching from the wilderness and get a job

maybe you should take a page out of the great snoom’s book here and make some non-capitalist investments before the fucking stock market crashes and you lose all your bitcoin to the cyberspace from whence it never came in the first place

some people just want to piss in a bottle in the wildneress jesus christ