"after spending 3 hours talking about this stupid thing called "prom" yesterday and then failing 2 tests today ive come to realize that maybe this shit aint important and neither is PS
note for everyone: might be out of it for a while, sorry if i snap at you or something. AP exams and call me dramatic but also a prom rejection (please dont come to me and shitpost about this part). just not feeling too great in general. thanks"
"I know that this might not seem like the right place to put this but I might aswell as it only affects the 1v1 community, and I personally feel that it's pretty important that others see it.
my entire life has been flipped upside down in the past few days
everything I was once good at, no longer
and being suicidal constantly on top of all the other shit I have to deal with from school and my parents is "ok" and that it's all going to be ok but I sincerely doubt that
I come to PS to escape all that and when i get constant hax and pestering
it makes me very upset
I'm trying to cope with it all and PS is one of my only outlets
and now I can barely even play it anymore without tilting off the face of the earth from hax and other stupid stuff
and now that I can no longer win tours or do anywhere remotely good on ladder I don't see much of a reason for playing the game
I know no one really cares about that or what is happening to me
but if someone takes the time to read through it thank you for listening, it means a lot.
I'm sorry and apologize sincerely for any pain I have caused in the past few days with my words but life is tough currently and it doesn't look like its getting any better
I'm trying my best to win the monthly tour so maybe I can get room voice like I've always wanted
and I know just about everyone here is just going to say that RV means basically nothing and it shouldn't matter
but I have different values than everyone else and it's just what I want
so when I lose all these tours I get a bit heated and angry because everything in my life just looks horrible and no good
so again im sorry to anyone I have hurt in my fits of anger
I have wanted to just not deal with it all for so long now and stop doing everything, and RV tour has given me a small amount of hope that maybe it'll show i can rise to the challenge and become something
but now that's all going downhill
but I can try
its the best I can do at this point since I can't do much of anything else with my mom constantly abusing me mentally and emotionally
saying I'm not good enough to be much of anything
and constantly berating me
it takes a toll on the heart when it's been going on for this long and I don't really want to deal with it much anymore
but I might aswell own up to my mistakes incase I decide to act upon my feelings
which is exactly why I decided to apologize here for everything said
and say that
If I ever disappear without saying why, I'm pretty sure the reason will be obvious.
I hope to become better with myself, and if I actually do win the RV monthly tour, I am sure that I will become much better, and a much nicer user. Something good would have happened in my life and I would be forever grateful.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot more than you think it might, even if it doesn't apply to you.
Have a good day everyone."
If u only knew how bad things were.