!!!
whats this??
(the figure bends to the ground. he is inspecting something.)
could it be??
they said it was a myth...
they said there were none left...
(he brushes some sand off of a dusty canister.)
impossible...
(he lingers, stunned for a few moments.)
(he opens the canister and out falls a scroll. a dank stench hits him as he unrolls the scroll.)
infpredicts v.2019
the sentient orbs vs birds arent real
NA Central v. NA East
SM:
taranteeeno vs.
obii - in this match, after a long and gruesome struggle, taranteeeno will be forced to manifest his true form: the human-sized and exotically dressed spider known to the world as quinton tarantulino, purveyor of erotic cinema. his transformation will let give him the battle as he can devote one pair of eyes and legs to damage calcs, one to inspecting old obii replays, one to furiously pleasuring himself, and one to reading the marquis de sade, who is quinton's greatest inspiration in pokemon battling. despite having amassed a sizeable armory of OFF! (this post not sponsored by OFF!) bug spray on the hunch that taranteeeno might be some sort of bug, perhaps a roly poly or a praying mantis, obii will be unable to defeat the spider. his defeat will not be due to some speciesist arachnophobia but rather transfixment with the spider's haute couture. taranteeeno wins 2-1 after obii gets distracted by the novelty of his pocketwatch (a pocketwatch! who has a pocketwatch in 2019? what an esoteric fashion statement! i simply must get one).
SM:
BurntZebra vs.
teal6 - those few (oh, so few! i lament their fewness) who still read the bible in these sinful, dreadful, awful, distressful, unworshipful, neglectful, ungrateful, untruthful, unthoughtful, unfruitful, unremorseful, stressful, frightful, painful, impactful, strifeful, unhopeful, mournful, proudful, slothful, lustful, wrathful, spoonful, spadeful, tubful, graveful, wreckful, loathful, hateful, baleful, and doleful times of ours, those few will know that big G comes to moses in the book of exodus, not to be confused with the album of the same name, which does not feature a burning bush but rather much sinful and inane burning of plants, but in the book of exodus he comes in a burning bush, and you good folks know that the devil is real too, and that he can do many things almost as good as big G himself can do it and you should know that the devil comes in the form of a burning zebra, having been jealous of big G for having thought of burning things before him, even though he comes from hell, where it's all burning and fiery-like, so he got real ticked off and decided to one up big G, and so he decided to burn a zebra, seeing as how zebras are more advanced organisms than bushes, so as for him to flex, so to speak, but being not quite so powerful as the big G, he can only burn for a limited period of time, when it gives him advanced powers of telekinesis, pyrokinesis, temptation, winning speed ties, necromancy, forced misclicking, and always getting the scald burn first time. i expect him to activate his powers against teal6 to ensure his victory and further his quest to spread his army of dankness and conquer smogon worldwide.
SM:
jake vs.
soulgazer - jake sighs. he has been spending every waking hour training for this moment. they might be out of the running for first place, but he's fought too hard for this to go down in 4th. he had to make a deal with a man-eating spider, and the devil himself too, but he did it because he wants to be great. jake doesn't want to die and be forgotten. he wants his name to mean something powerful. when people hear the name jake, he wants them to shiver in their boots, like you would when you hear the name of a 20th century dictator, like stalin, pol pot, or strom thurmond. in fact, he basically just wants to be a 20th century dictator, but by dint of being born just a little too late, only off by a decade or two, he'll have to settle for 21st century internet circlejerk leader. he knows how much his jerk, and from this his tattered ego, will grow if he wins this match, especially if both of his jerkmates win their matches too. imagine how many more likes he'll get from linking his posts in #likewhore if he actually revives this jerk. so he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and hits accept. he plays the game. at the end he opens his eyes and lets his breath out. he's won. his eyes sparkle with tears, he swells with a great sense of accomplishment, and he types
bcq forever in chat. then he passes out into sweet dreams of discord demagoguery.
bcq bcq bcq
(a tear comes to the old man's eye. he brushes it into his grizzled beard.)
(those were the good old days of bcq. the days of the wars with mdl. before the great rebellion of 2021. when all bcqers lived in benevolent dominance over the rest of lc. those were the days before the bomb dropped.)
(nineage finally sets down the scroll. he packs it back into the canister. he must live on in this dusty wasteland for the sake of his comrades in arms. he prays he will find more words from the prophet that will speak to him, and tell him what to do.)
(but he already knows. he must revive bcq. the world needs them.)
