Old bitter man advice incoming. My experience with situations like these is that while I haven't lost any friendship because of my romantic feelings for my male friends, they weren't reciprocated either not even when I fell in love with one of my gay friends. Regardless if you will confess to him or not, if you want a boyfriend you should look for guys who are emotionally available.
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Social LGBTQIA+
- Thread starter dhelmise
- Start date
Plague von Karma
Banned deucer.
I can corroborate! I had a massive crush on one guy and was terrified of asking him out. I thought I'd get shouted at ("you're not a woman" etc) or something like before. Instead, well, it turned out he really liked me too. 10 months in and we couldn't be happier.
If you don't ask, you don't progress. Better to be bold and adventurous than cowering in a corner, eh?
Hello, I'm writing this at 5 am and I probably just felt inspired, but I do want to say a few things.
It has been a while since the last time I posted on this thread, since then, I've been keeping track of most following posts, reading through these stories really helped my mindset about everything LGBT related, I used to think I could never be accepted anywhere before posting, even if I don't post much in here, I'm glad there's a site for people to vent out their feelings and whatnot, because it somehow help other people reading these.
About me, since my last post, I've been feeling insecure about my own personality, my irl environment also makes me feel weird about what I actually want to be(for reasons that probably should be posted on depression thread), I feel like I will never be able to come out to my family, or at least, till I get out of school, get a job and my own house, and also feels like every second I take thinking about all of this it'll just be worse than it should be, however, this has not been that harsh to me and that just makes me a bit angry because I feel it's something very important, but maybe I'm wrong, I probably still do have plenty of time to think about it, I'm young after all, life is young, wasting time thinking about things that makes you feel bad isn't worthy at all, I try to have this mindset everytime but there's always the moment when you're mentally forced to think about it and take a decision.
You're not alone, your story will be heard, thanks you
.
It has been a while since the last time I posted on this thread, since then, I've been keeping track of most following posts, reading through these stories really helped my mindset about everything LGBT related, I used to think I could never be accepted anywhere before posting, even if I don't post much in here, I'm glad there's a site for people to vent out their feelings and whatnot, because it somehow help other people reading these.
About me, since my last post, I've been feeling insecure about my own personality, my irl environment also makes me feel weird about what I actually want to be(for reasons that probably should be posted on depression thread), I feel like I will never be able to come out to my family, or at least, till I get out of school, get a job and my own house, and also feels like every second I take thinking about all of this it'll just be worse than it should be, however, this has not been that harsh to me and that just makes me a bit angry because I feel it's something very important, but maybe I'm wrong, I probably still do have plenty of time to think about it, I'm young after all, life is young, wasting time thinking about things that makes you feel bad isn't worthy at all, I try to have this mindset everytime but there's always the moment when you're mentally forced to think about it and take a decision.
You're not alone, your story will be heard, thanks you
.
I knew that i would rather wanna live as a woman since i was 10 years old and started to wear clothes from my sister and mother whenever
my parents and sister were not at home, but i was way too afraid about the reactions of my parents especially my father (him and his family are all muslims), let alone to wear female clothes in public since my school in germany at the time was full of turkeys and arabs who would bully and harass me even more than it was already the case. Since i was too afraid to have the courage to be open about my sexuality i hid it for the next 14 years of my life to everyone (i`m 24 now) and kept the facade of a "normal" straight male. Then yesterday i saw tweets on twitter about transsexuality and after retweeting one of those i suddenly found the courage to "out" myself to the people who followed me even tho i was a bit worried about possible reactions, but they all gave positive reactions about my confession to me and even encouraged myself, which felt so great to me as a person who has confidence and social issues due to things that happened in my life. It finally gives me some encouragement to be more open about my sexuality in the future and distance myself from my parents as much as possible in order to finally live my life as i want to be.
my parents and sister were not at home, but i was way too afraid about the reactions of my parents especially my father (him and his family are all muslims), let alone to wear female clothes in public since my school in germany at the time was full of turkeys and arabs who would bully and harass me even more than it was already the case. Since i was too afraid to have the courage to be open about my sexuality i hid it for the next 14 years of my life to everyone (i`m 24 now) and kept the facade of a "normal" straight male. Then yesterday i saw tweets on twitter about transsexuality and after retweeting one of those i suddenly found the courage to "out" myself to the people who followed me even tho i was a bit worried about possible reactions, but they all gave positive reactions about my confession to me and even encouraged myself, which felt so great to me as a person who has confidence and social issues due to things that happened in my life. It finally gives me some encouragement to be more open about my sexuality in the future and distance myself from my parents as much as possible in order to finally live my life as i want to be.
Katy
Banned deucer.
hey,
i hope you and also many others here arent afraid anymore to "out" yourselves. i know it can be tough especially with a surrounding like this but descending i am glad you finally found the braveness and encouragement to speak out for yourself and your feelings as well. it's tough to keep up a facade for such a long time so im very glad you found a way to talk about your inner feelings here and you are definitely not alone.
also i wish the best for you and also many others here and im glad such a thread exists for people which found it tough to talk about themselves IRL.
i myself am not LGBTQ but i am really open to PMs for each and every person here, if someone wants to talk about things and even if it is just a vent to get off the chest because sometimes that can help as well. and i wish you all the very best on your way to feel more comfy and also confident.
i know confidence isn't easy to get but be confident and dont shy back from expressing your feelings or thoughts.
descending once again, im glad you finally found the encouragement to speak for yourself and probably other people here since a lot of situations might seem similiar and keep up with being yourself and not a facade! :)
We already talked a bit yesterday on Discord about it and i really appreciate the support from you. I`m glad that a safe space like this thread exists in a gaming community where LGBTQ+ people are able to talk about their lives as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer etc. and confess their sexuality without being judged or harassed.
Also to give a clearer picture about my current situation: I`m 24 (turning 25 in january next year) and still live with my parents in my dead grandmas house cause i was lost in depression and pretty much isolated myself completely from society for years, but i`m currently trying to find a appartment to move out asap and finally live on my own. Today i finally had the courage to confess my sexuality to my mother in hope that she would at least understand me a bit, but instead i only got answers like "its probably just a phase cause you failed as a man" which really felt devastating to me as a person who already has a lot of psychological issues and absolutely regret that i confessed to her. All i hope now is that my mother won`t talk about it to my father till i move out and i feel convinced now to distance myself from my parents once i`ve found a place to live on my own, even tho it really hurts.
Katy
Banned deucer.
wow that is a harsh thing to say about the own kid damn im sorry that you have to go through such an experience. i would have wished your mom at least would have been more understanding and aware about the situation you go through and im really sorry to hear that!
I really wish you find an own apartment asap and you can move quickly into that to get some very much needed distance from the situation which occured with your mother.
im pretty sure with the help from outside you can manage that situation and im always open to reply on discord if you wanna go more in-depth / detailed about the situation!
I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you have a lit apartment soon! ^.^
TW- for the past few weeks I have felt horrible about myself. Whether it be from physical appearance to past traumas, it’s all been piling up on me. But i can says there’s one things that’s been holding me up. My really amazing boyfriend (ik kinda cringe but idc)He’s made me realize that I am not alone and I always have him on my side no matter what. He’s helped out my self harm past and showed me how my body and everything else has to be respected. And secondly He’s also made me realize my sexuality and bi/bi-curious nature. Something I have never fully accepted about myself. For the past few years I’ve had a hard time accepting my bisexuality. always passing it off as general attraction rather than a real emotional connection. But my partner has ultimately showed me that what ever I feel is valid and nothing I should hide. It’s the real me.
It's 2020, it's time for a LGBTQA+/Queer Room in showdown, sorry not sorry.
Probably rooms for other marginalized groups as well. We can do the work, I believe in us. Trolls abound I know tho, lol.
Probably rooms for other marginalized groups as well. We can do the work, I believe in us. Trolls abound I know tho, lol.
p0ip0le
it's a billion lions
alright gang i've made up my mind: its senior year, im trans, and im new in town, so my bright idea was to stealth the absolute living SHIT out of the school.
pros
- that sweet, sweet gender validation
- i get to be the cool new goth boy who sits in the back of the class and gets partnered with the good christian girl with a mysterious illness
- there are literally no cons, except
cons
- i have absolutely no idea how to come out to teachers.
help
pros
- that sweet, sweet gender validation
- i get to be the cool new goth boy who sits in the back of the class and gets partnered with the good christian girl with a mysterious illness
- there are literally no cons, except
cons
- i have absolutely no idea how to come out to teachers.
help
I'm not trans so I don't really have much experience with this but I'd recommend talking to your school counselor before anything if you haven't. That's if you're comfortable talking about that to someone when you're not publicly out, counselor's do have confidentiality agreement with students and the only time that's really breached is in the case of suicidal thoughts or intent to self-harm. The qualities of each counselor differs by person of course tho
I was fortunate that my school's counselor was very openly supportive of LGBTQIA+ and really stressed that her room is a safezone for students. I never saw her myself(lol closet gay :dab:) but I did have a f2m trans friend who did see her throughout our senior year and he was just beginning to transition.
I don't think you really need to come out to teachers in most cases(maybe if they were deadnaming you cause the system is outdated or smth not sure), certainly not if you're not comfortable to, but office hours would probably be the best time to talk to them outside of class. This might be something I've seen more because I went to a very small school but often a few students would be close to a specific teacher that they'd often go to discuss personal issues with because that's just the type of student-teacher relationship we had. Of course all I just said mostly depends on the teachers/counselor/school size and your relation to them.
It's your senior year so it probably wouldn't hurt if you just stealthed(assuming it's safe) but there are def places you can go to if you ever need it.
Sacred Wings
Banned deucer.
long time lurker... just wanna say: you all rock :)
I love being gay. If given the choice in the next life I am 99.99% sure I'd choose to be gay again.
p0ip0le
it's a billion lions
boys Are So Oblivious it hurtsSame but only if Id stop having crushes on straight men
unrelated update: i came out to 7 of my 9 teachers, i don't know the other 2 but i'll likely email them when they send me the google classroom invite. 1 of them (music theory teacher) responded with a "hi ari cool okbye" [paraphrased for comedic effect] but the other 6 haven't responded yet
when i was messing around in the classroom invites i noticed a few teachers had pronouns as well as the assistant(?) principal in one of the emails
in short things are looking good for ya boy
I'm a transbian who might be bi now as well, but i still lean stronger that way.
On a unrelated note, i've been feeling really great living as a transwoman in public for the last 2 weeks even before HRT, buying and wearing nice female clothes that look chic combined with the help of a adorable german online contact who's a cis woman and i've got my my fingernails polished in purple which feels so nice. I'm happy about my progress after 1 month post outing and also have my first appointment with a psychologist in a week, tho i know the road is still long.
On a unrelated note, i've been feeling really great living as a transwoman in public for the last 2 weeks even before HRT, buying and wearing nice female clothes that look chic combined with the help of a adorable german online contact who's a cis woman and i've got my my fingernails polished in purple which feels so nice. I'm happy about my progress after 1 month post outing and also have my first appointment with a psychologist in a week, tho i know the road is still long.
Peary
Drip Haver
Hello everyone, I previously came out as genderfluid to a lot of the community and thought I finally found my own identity. I was comfortable for a while, but now I'm very close to just becoming a trans girl instead of genderfluid and I'm just really, really confused right now. Really not sure what to do, I guess I will just give it time and see what happens.
Plague von Karma
Banned deucer.
Been a year since I started dating my boyfriend with pretty much no bumps at all. Never met anyone more accepting of me. Things are looking up!
p0ip0le
it's a billion lions
day 3 of school, i dont think anyone's noticed yet and im fucking thriving. school said trans rights. still haven't gotten around to doing the voice pitch analyzer thing but, one day i'll do it. maybe
unrelated: i hyperfixated on among us so i made a tiny gay crewmate :]
(it's a png with no antialiasing so you can make your own with different flags, i recommend setting shading on a separate layer and putting flat colors on first though)
unrelated: i hyperfixated on among us so i made a tiny gay crewmate :]
(it's a png with no antialiasing so you can make your own with different flags, i recommend setting shading on a separate layer and putting flat colors on first though)
Crux
Banned deucer.
I was surprised to find that my earlier post about bi lesbians proved controversial, so here is a fuller explanation of why there is no such thing as a bi lesbian, and why the concept is actively harmful to both lesbians and bisexuals. As an aside, most of this analysis also applies to bisexual people who refer to themselves as gay or lesbian.
The word lesbian has a very specific meaning: a woman (aligned) person who exclusively experiences attraction to other woman (aligned) people. This is incompatible with being a man and with attraction to men. It is by definition, then, impossible to be a bi lesbian.
But this basic logic seems lost on some people. There are four kinds of motivation for self-identifying as a bi lesbian, but each of them are wrong.
First, a bisexual woman strongly identifies with lesbians and lesbian culture and wishes to associate herself with the term. She may also have no desire to have relationships with men, despite her attraction to them. This does not change the fact that she is bisexual and does not create a new category of identity. She is free to do all of this without adopting bi lesbian as her identity.
Second, a woman may believe that she experiences sexual (or romantic) attraction exclusively to women but also experiences romantic (or sexual) attraction to men. This concept is incoherent as I have explained in this post. This kind of bi lesbian also, therefore, does not exist.
Third, a woman may be bisexual but have a strong preference for other women, and wish to signal this with the term bi lesbian. But having a preference does not change the fact that she is bisexual, and is a common occurrence among bisexuals. This is not a bi lesbian it is a normal bisexual woman.
There is, finally, an incoherent argument that claims that because lesbians can be attracted to non-binary people, the concept of a bi lesbian therefore can exist. But this is lesbophobic in the sense that it implies that “normal” lesbians are transphobic, and transphobic in the sense that it sets out woman aligned non-binary people as Other. It also fails to understand that “non-binary” is not a coherent class of gendered people, as each expression of gender is different within that category.
So now that we know there is no such thing as a bi lesbian, why is identifying as a bi lesbian actively harmful?
First, it harms lesbians because it furthers the narrative that lesbians just haven’t found the right man, and would not be lesbians if they allowed themselves to have sex with men. The creation of a new category of lesbians who do have sex with men calls into question what it means to be a lesbian and whether or not they are sexually unavailable to men. This is a major cause of harassment and violence against lesbians and increases instances of corrective rape. The freedom of some people to choose a label that they like should not come at the cost of harm to the people from whom they are appropriating the label in the first place.
Second, it contributes to bi erasure. The refusal of some bisexual people to properly describe their sexuality means that other bisexuals are harmed due to confusion and incorrect information being spread about their sexuality. Ironically, it is often these self-same bi lesbians or bisexuals who call themselves lesbian or gay who most often complain about bi erasure in the first place.
So, therefore, there is no such thing as a bi lesbian and identifying as one actively harms both lesbians and bisexuals.
The word lesbian has a very specific meaning: a woman (aligned) person who exclusively experiences attraction to other woman (aligned) people. This is incompatible with being a man and with attraction to men. It is by definition, then, impossible to be a bi lesbian.
But this basic logic seems lost on some people. There are four kinds of motivation for self-identifying as a bi lesbian, but each of them are wrong.
First, a bisexual woman strongly identifies with lesbians and lesbian culture and wishes to associate herself with the term. She may also have no desire to have relationships with men, despite her attraction to them. This does not change the fact that she is bisexual and does not create a new category of identity. She is free to do all of this without adopting bi lesbian as her identity.
Second, a woman may believe that she experiences sexual (or romantic) attraction exclusively to women but also experiences romantic (or sexual) attraction to men. This concept is incoherent as I have explained in this post. This kind of bi lesbian also, therefore, does not exist.
Third, a woman may be bisexual but have a strong preference for other women, and wish to signal this with the term bi lesbian. But having a preference does not change the fact that she is bisexual, and is a common occurrence among bisexuals. This is not a bi lesbian it is a normal bisexual woman.
There is, finally, an incoherent argument that claims that because lesbians can be attracted to non-binary people, the concept of a bi lesbian therefore can exist. But this is lesbophobic in the sense that it implies that “normal” lesbians are transphobic, and transphobic in the sense that it sets out woman aligned non-binary people as Other. It also fails to understand that “non-binary” is not a coherent class of gendered people, as each expression of gender is different within that category.
So now that we know there is no such thing as a bi lesbian, why is identifying as a bi lesbian actively harmful?
First, it harms lesbians because it furthers the narrative that lesbians just haven’t found the right man, and would not be lesbians if they allowed themselves to have sex with men. The creation of a new category of lesbians who do have sex with men calls into question what it means to be a lesbian and whether or not they are sexually unavailable to men. This is a major cause of harassment and violence against lesbians and increases instances of corrective rape. The freedom of some people to choose a label that they like should not come at the cost of harm to the people from whom they are appropriating the label in the first place.
Second, it contributes to bi erasure. The refusal of some bisexual people to properly describe their sexuality means that other bisexuals are harmed due to confusion and incorrect information being spread about their sexuality. Ironically, it is often these self-same bi lesbians or bisexuals who call themselves lesbian or gay who most often complain about bi erasure in the first place.
So, therefore, there is no such thing as a bi lesbian and identifying as one actively harms both lesbians and bisexuals.
I'm leaving Crux's long post but I've snipped the snark at the end (which is word-for-word the same post I deleted the first time). A reminder to all: this is a sensitive topic so think and word things carefully when taking positions that could diminish the identity of others. People in this space are often trying to discover themselves and I have zero tolerance for snarkiness towards anyone's self-identification here. You can criticise constructively but none of this "friendly" reminder bullshit. If you're frustrated that other people are muddying LGBT identities in the process of describing themselves, remember that people aren't doing this to piss you off.