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Tell me your shitty superpower and I will try to find a way to use it for evil
- Thread starter Gekokeso
- Start date
just start with the ones from the thread
Ununhexium’s Iron Man
“His clothes are always nicely pressed.”
How could you use such a harmless ability in real life? Simple. If your clothes are always nicely pressed, you’ll be able to impress the bosses with your pressed fanciness. Just think of how many musty buttermonkeys don’t wrinkle their fucking shirts for work. With the power of clean wrinkle-free clothing, your bosses are sure to replace you with more representable employees, even if he does know jackshit about your job. Just think of it!
A MAN WITH PRESSED CLOTHES COULD REPLACE YOU IN YOUR GOD DAMNED JOB.
“His clothes are always nicely pressed.”
How could you use such a harmless ability in real life? Simple. If your clothes are always nicely pressed, you’ll be able to impress the bosses with your pressed fanciness. Just think of how many musty buttermonkeys don’t wrinkle their fucking shirts for work. With the power of clean wrinkle-free clothing, your bosses are sure to replace you with more representable employees, even if he does know jackshit about your job. Just think of it!
A MAN WITH PRESSED CLOTHES COULD REPLACE YOU IN YOUR GOD DAMNED JOB.
Quick post since posting the ones from the thread is kinda boring
Buttergirl: Since flight is one butterfly ability, she can escape from many situations without being followed by the police such as robberies and such. Butterflies also eat dead bodies so she is pretty effective at making people disappear.
Ironman: Since its clothes are always nicely pressed it means that the clothes are permanently stuck in the same position: he can't really move, but it also means that because it's clothes can't get ruined they make him invincible to impacts. Can act as a human shield for things like cop shootouts.
Albert Ross: The fact that this person can always impersonate a bird will confuse internet users and he can abuse that to make people accidentally reveal information that they might think is useless to a bird, such as credit card numbers.
Super Baby: Can cause suicide epidemics by abusing depressed teenagers with its money. It's ability to make its rapping be heard all around the milky way means that he can convince people that he is a deity and create religions where people do exactly what he wants.
Sleepman: No given range to its sleeper capabilities so he can essentially make anyone sleep from anywhere. This can result in him puting to sleep people in important positions such as pilots which can kill hundreds in terrorist attacks.
Stoopid man: A capable ally who will easily obey commands, such a kidnapping or murder.
Snessy!: He can post cringe which is the biggest evil of all.
Florida man: https://floridaman.com/ Highly depends on the Florida man but there are powerful individual under that allias that can serve as powerful henchmen.
Penguin man: Can escape from being chased by authorities by rapidly sliding on its belly.
Crackhead Mike: Can disguise himself as a normal person then activate it's ability somewhere and attack various unsuspecting people in a meth head craze.
Awake man: Being always awake means having infinite energy which will make pursuing people really easy at he will outlast them in stamina all the time.
Debonair Man: No given limit to how long he can suspend them in air nor the distance he can do it. Can grab debs as hostages to force people to pay ransoms, or even better, force people to legally change their names to Deb to gain control of them himself, then proceed to hold them hostage or kill them by dropping them from high enough altitudes.
Portugal Man: Commit every crime from anywhere in the world and then just teleport somewhere in Portugal. He is practically untouchable As long as he is in Portugal.
Old Man Man: There is obvious commit crime then age to not get recognised but a more deadly application would be to be a pilot or bus driver, then age yourself until you die and go down with everyone else.
Paraly-man: Waste resources and time of people trying to maintain you alive. Give a huge mental toll to the young medical practitioner that have to put you down.
Meme-man: Make a meme of something that would make a great projectile such as the Yo Angelo rock and throw an undefined amount to people to kill them. Bring to life characters like Wii Matt or Thanks to create even bigger disasters
Please try to put the superpower as a reply to the OG post to get answered.
Buttergirl: Since flight is one butterfly ability, she can escape from many situations without being followed by the police such as robberies and such. Butterflies also eat dead bodies so she is pretty effective at making people disappear.
Ironman: Since its clothes are always nicely pressed it means that the clothes are permanently stuck in the same position: he can't really move, but it also means that because it's clothes can't get ruined they make him invincible to impacts. Can act as a human shield for things like cop shootouts.
Albert Ross: The fact that this person can always impersonate a bird will confuse internet users and he can abuse that to make people accidentally reveal information that they might think is useless to a bird, such as credit card numbers.
Super Baby: Can cause suicide epidemics by abusing depressed teenagers with its money. It's ability to make its rapping be heard all around the milky way means that he can convince people that he is a deity and create religions where people do exactly what he wants.
Sleepman: No given range to its sleeper capabilities so he can essentially make anyone sleep from anywhere. This can result in him puting to sleep people in important positions such as pilots which can kill hundreds in terrorist attacks.
Stoopid man: A capable ally who will easily obey commands, such a kidnapping or murder.
Snessy!: He can post cringe which is the biggest evil of all.
Florida man: https://floridaman.com/ Highly depends on the Florida man but there are powerful individual under that allias that can serve as powerful henchmen.
Penguin man: Can escape from being chased by authorities by rapidly sliding on its belly.
Crackhead Mike: Can disguise himself as a normal person then activate it's ability somewhere and attack various unsuspecting people in a meth head craze.
Awake man: Being always awake means having infinite energy which will make pursuing people really easy at he will outlast them in stamina all the time.
Debonair Man: No given limit to how long he can suspend them in air nor the distance he can do it. Can grab debs as hostages to force people to pay ransoms, or even better, force people to legally change their names to Deb to gain control of them himself, then proceed to hold them hostage or kill them by dropping them from high enough altitudes.
Portugal Man: Commit every crime from anywhere in the world and then just teleport somewhere in Portugal. He is practically untouchable As long as he is in Portugal.
Old Man Man: There is obvious commit crime then age to not get recognised but a more deadly application would be to be a pilot or bus driver, then age yourself until you die and go down with everyone else.
Paraly-man: Waste resources and time of people trying to maintain you alive. Give a huge mental toll to the young medical practitioner that have to put you down.
Meme-man: Make a meme of something that would make a great projectile such as the Yo Angelo rock and throw an undefined amount to people to kill them. Bring to life characters like Wii Matt or Thanks to create even bigger disasters
Please try to put the superpower as a reply to the OG post to get answered.
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Damn, I needed to think for this one. After hours (minutes?) of deliberation, I finally came up with this one. The most useful superpower of all time is... well it takes a bit of describing. Basically, if you need to go to the bathroom, you can touch someone and instantly transfer that to the other person. Only if you need to go to the bathroom yourself, however. Also, you will no longer need to go.
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Give yourself a mean case of dysentery by means of a parasite or something and kill people with that. An easier use is to distract bodyguards or bouncers when with diarrhea in order for other people to commit crimes while they are in the bathroom.
While not directly able to interact with objects, the non-existant man can try to do things like blow some air into things like parts and such. It can also cause some noise by clapping or snapping his fingers. If done this to anybody for long enough that person may believe they are haunted and might fall into a deep psychosis.
The only uses for invisibility are for perverts or thieves.
Mova resumes it pretty easily, invisibility is really versatile even with the downside. You just need to know the place you are at by virtue of study your place of attack beforehand or by having someone relay information to you with a airpod or something.
invisibility is useful for neither of those. the only people invisibility is (possibly) useful for are tripping-oriented assassins and the blind.
Isn't this the name of Stonks Guy, or is it just representative of Meme Magic?
Representative of meme magic, according to description
Pickle jar man- his super power is always being able to open a pickle jar one second faster than anyone else in the room, his time cannot go below 0.01 seconds per jar. This speed only applies to opening pickle jars, he can only throw/smash them at normal speeds. I'm like 99% sure this can't be used for evil but I thought the same about the guy who doesn't exist, so go wild.
Alright so have you seen any of those metals that react with air and they combust? Insert some of them into a pickle jar to make customised special bombs that may confuse authorities that search you. With enough speed and practice you probably be able to throw your makeshift pickle bombs to do lots of damage. Otherwise your pickle opening skills should impress the right people a lot, so much that when you offer them a poisoned pickle they will be way too immersed in your abilities to notice the poison on their blood stream.
This was fun to think of tho, I prefer to do abilities that bring some extremely niche benefits and use them the most creative way possible.
The Petrifier: as long as The Petrifier is not being observed directly by any reasonably sized animal, or indirectly by a human (via video or otherwise), The Petrifier can turn themself into stone from a balanced stance. This state lasts indefinitely as long as The Petrifier is undisturbed (e.g. falling over will end the state).
He actually has very dumb intelligence so you have to actually teach him that first, which if you're doing that you're definitely getting caught by the police.
You probably need to define reasonably sized animal but otherwise one use is to trap people in something like a basement by virtue of becoming a statue on top or in front of a door. Have people trapped as you turn into a statue in the right position while holding them. Choke people on classic SCP 173 style
Useful for when trying to direct some crime buddies as to where the most valuable appliances such as servers or computers might be found on a high tech building. Powerful devices that require an electric outlet can be found instantly when entering somewhere so he can direct criminals to the place they can use them.
