naruto review (from the perspective of a sex-haver) [ONGOING, spoilers]

[faint]

hello smogon. i have recently began watching Naruto Kai, a poorly subtitled fan project of the classic chinese cartoon "Naruto" that aims to remove the show of all filler. joining me on this journey have been my friends and resident naruto experts az, xzern, and Albatr0ss. i will be using this thread to document my experiences and thoughts on the show. so far, i have watched about 3 hours of content, and according to wikipedia I would be on episode 10 if i were watching the show normally. this indicates the creator is doing a very poor job of removing filler, but alas, here we are. occasionally, i jot down notes of things that stand out to me or feelings i have.

in this thread, you will get to experience my thoughts as i continue this epic series.

episode 1-10 notes:

- naruto has been shown running in the non-naruto running style a few times. i have only witnessed the classic naruto-run once, sometime during episode 4. i hope this is alleviated quickly.
- the backyard swing is shown many times. i believe the current count is 7.
- sakura is fucking insufferable, holy shit. what a god awful character. i do not understand why anyone would make her their avatar.
- naruto has multiplied himself into shadow clones a few times now but he never makes the 1 million clones he did the first time he used this power when he was stealing the dead sea scrolls.
- naruto just kissed sasuke. perhaps they really are gay? not sure why korra gets all the credit for breaking the glass ceiling when this exists.
- kakashi seems pretty cool. i now understand why he was a popular avatar on the forums circa 2008.
- i am worried i will not care when a character dies as right now whenever someone dies it turns out it was actually a bunch of logs
- the intro has the best animation i have seen so far
- they seem to use the same sound effect to indicate both diarrhea and hunger
- a man in a cow uniform is standing on top of a giant sword lol. he reminds me of mizaistom from HxH
- it appears this show does have some animation budget. kakashi just fought zabuza and it was a pretty cool fight
- this show really loves replaying the exact same scene in black and white just in case you missed it the first time. there is usually no additional content - it is just a literal replay.
- why is naruto upset that zabuza died? he just tried to kill him and his friends...

that's all i have for now. may watch more tonight.

 

[phoopes]

I'd rather read sex review from the perspective of a Naruto watcher tbh

 

[Ununhexium]

I'd rather read sex review from the perspective of a Naruto watcher tbh

ill be sure to let you know

 

[faint]

I'd rather read sex review from the perspective of a Naruto watcher tbh

<~GreatSage> from my observation, it appears that most romantic partners occupy their discussions with repetitive declarations and other uninteresting content
<&Cathy> lol
<&Cathy> sounds dull
<~GreatSage> i do not believe i have ever observed romantic partners discuss any consequential matters (e.g. mathematics, science, or other topics of intellectual interest)
<~GreatSage> the "normal social protocol" of romance has always presented as exceptionally absurd to me
<&Cathy> which aspects are you referring to?
<~GreatSage> it is rather difficult to summarize them in phrases
<~GreatSage> it's not something i have investigated with any thoroughness

 

[Albatross]

Hello esteemed Smogoffians, as faint has stated I was privy to a cheeky Naruto sesh under my current role as his ((don) faint's) EA (Executive Assistant). I was supposed to take notes but I was too busy drawing Voluptuous Mario to do so, resulting in my pay being docked and my 5 cats being confiscated until further notice. Additionally, due me currently living in a different country I had to sleep before the other loser nerds on call, thereby meaning I missed out on quite a few episodes. But regardless, here are my own personal thoughts on the current Naruto arc:

• Needs more violence. I want to see Naruto shank a man. There has been blood, but not enough. I want to see something visceral. Some primordial force taking control over Naruto, causing him to go apeshit insane and start drawing and quartering people as they once were in England in 1352 as a punishment for the cardinal sin of high treachery against ones king. Just going fucking mental. The death count, as I recorded it, is at 2. This needs to be much, much higher. At least tripled. So at least 4, maybe even 5. Actually no five is too much, I think 4 is enough deaths in Naruto
• The show is currently lacking in the milve department. This does not slap. I would appreciate more milves. Maybe with big boobis. Perhaps an ounce of ass as well? Idk, only time will tell
• If I ever had a child, I would name them Balbatross

Anyways that's all from me esteemed cucklords, have a good one. I will perform an Updatepost with more Naruto lore as it unveils

 

[GatoDelFuego]

Needs more violence. I want to see Naruto shank a man. There has been blood, but not enough. I want to see something visceral. Some primordial force taking control over Naruto, causing him to go apeshit insane and start drawing and quartering people as they once were in England in 1352 as a punishment for the cardinal sin of high treachery against ones king.

Hmm...keep watching....your wish may in fact be fulfilled...

 

[BP]

Naruto Kai spoilers

The rap battle arc is my favorite arc easily.

 

[Mace]

wow I can't believe you got icbb for your opinions about naruto

 

[xzern]

as a rabid boruto fan im just glad to see some fleshed out backstory on boruto's dad. he seems like an interesting character and im glad hes finally getting the spotlight.

here are my current thoughts;

• bit of a spoiler here for non-boruto fans but the stakes are low for me since i already know that borutos dad, naruto (child-teenage form) isnt going to receive any infertility-rendering strikes to his crotch area. for other shows this would squander its other aspects but ill work with what i have here.
• everyone knows who borts dad is but who is boruto mom? given all that naruto does in shippuden i dont think that even he knows. this is whats keeping me engaged.
• zabuza fight was absolutely insane. who knew that such strong shinobi existed?

 

[Ninahaza]

As an educated African American sex haver who enjoys everything about sex, including the sheer thrill and joy of the process of seeking sex. And as someone who it is only by the grace of God that he(I) hasnt impregnated anyone yet, and doesnt have a bunch of black and white babies running around

I have absolutely nothing to contribute to this thread. I just wanted to make the above statements.

Nerds

 

[phoopes]

As an educated African American sex haver who enjoys everything about sex, including the sheer thrill and joy of the process of seeking sex. And as someone who it is only by the grace of God that he(I) hasnt impregnated anyone yet, and doesnt have a bunch of black and white babies running around

I have absolutely nothing to contribute to this thread. I just wanted to make the above statements.

Nerds

 

[Albatross]

Ninahaza when are you going to post a picture of yourself with today's newspaper? Your adoring fans are awaiting your presence upon the mighty stage of the Smoge Off theatre

If you're having trouble finding todays newspaper then I highly suggest checking out your local store. If you can read then try looking for the sign that says "newspapers", they're normally found nearby signs like that. Sometimes they'll have complicated names like "The Sun" or "The Daily Mail", but that's ok they're all still newspapers, no need to worry yourself over it. Alternatively, if you can't read then just ask one of the minimum wage workers to help, I'm sure they'd love to help you out. And hey, maybe if you ask a staff member nice enough then they'll take the photo of you too!

 

[Ninahaza]

Calm yourself, alba. There'll be plenty of time to get excited over seeing me half naked soon enough.

I'm going to milk this harder than the north milked the coming of winter.

Consider this a hype building exercise.

 

[antemortem]

<~GreatSage> from my observation, it appears that most romantic partners occupy their discussions with repetitive declarations and other uninteresting content
<&Cathy> lol
<&Cathy> sounds dull
<~GreatSage> i do not believe i have ever observed romantic partners discuss any consequential matters (e.g. mathematics, science, or other topics of intellectual interest)
<~GreatSage> the "normal social protocol" of romance has always presented as exceptionally absurd to me
<&Cathy> which aspects are you referring to?
<~GreatSage> it is rather difficult to summarize them in phrases
<~GreatSage> it's not something i have investigated with any thoroughness

we rly need someone to fill in the great-sage-archetype-shaped hole in this community

any volunteers??

 

[faint]

i believe i am now up to episode 31:

- this show once again breaks the glass ceiling by introducing a crossdressing character
- this zabuza "fight" has some of the worst pacing i have ever experienced. the characters keep saying "it is time to get serious" but then they don't do anything
- sakura was able to ninja run up a tree faster than sasuke and naruto and yet she somehow doesn't contribute to any fight??? she is literally useless
- inari is such a little bitch
- they are once again "fighting" zabuza and haku... but this time stuff appears to be happening. sakura is of course just there.
- sasuke's eyes have changed color and shape. oh boy
- 30 minutes in real time have passed and none of them have touched each other since, but they insist they must kill each other
- haku just straight up killed sasuke but they're all more shocked that kakashi killed haku. i guess this is why the show is named naruto and not sasuke
- just kidding he is alive and now zabuza is dead (for real this time)
- looks like we are going to learn about the other characters now
- gaara and his crew just showed up. my friends are telling me they think the girl with him is hot
- really impressed with the blind representation in hinata
- they are taking a test now and cheating in the absolute DUMBEST ways possible. gaara just summoned a fucking sandstorm in the test center and nobody noticed??? sasuke is just staring straight and copying off someone else... wtf man i hate this show so much

 

[az]

i was losing it during the written test cheating. i have forgotten so much about why this show sucks/owns, i love it

 

[Fusion Flare]

whoever gave u UCB is likely a Sakura fan