Anti Ant Hour

[Albatross]

Hello, esteemed users. Welcome to the new dedicated Anti Ant Hour.
At 8pm UCT every day, I (pictured above) will be talking to you, the adoring masses (not pictured),
about why ants are disgusting little cretins for a full hour.
The purpose of this broadcast is to educate the public about the threat that ants pose to our society
and to inform you of anti-ant measures you can take to protect you and your love ones from any ant-related incidents

For our premiere broadcast I will be explaining the biology of these foul beasts and why ants are not to be trusted

This is an ant. Don't worry, it's not a real ant.
It's just a anatomical drawing meant to demonstrate how these vile things work, so we can better understand their evil ways.
Each of their little bit is annotated, but don't worry, I'll explain to you what each nasty little bit is

1. Nasty little feelers
Useless; it already has eyes, so why does it need feelers?
They're a waste of space, much like the ant

2. Tiny head with a tiny pea brain
No room for good inside it, only evil

3. The first half of its six segements.
Why does it have that many segments? To store organs?
Why does it need so much organ space?
It must be hiding something in there

4. Small waist
This ant, and all others like it, are perpetuating society's unrealistic beauty standards.
Disgusting.

5. Stick legs
Anyone that skips leg day cannot be trusted

6. Large ass
Now it may have a gargantuan behind,
but that doesn't mean it can commit atrocities

I hope I didn't scare you too much with that, dear reader.
Now that you have a good idea of what these nasty little midgets are capable of, I'd like to open the floor to you, the adoring public.
Feel free to send in your anti-ant thoughts. Did an ant fall into your tomato juice once?
Did a filthy little verminous ant crawl onto your sandwich while you weren't looking?
Did an ant kill your father and leave his decapitated head on your pillow?
Let us know, because we'll be responding to your questions and comments regarding the anti-ant agenda for the next full hour.

And if you didn't get here in time to pass in your anti ant comments, don't fret dear user;
keep sending them in, because we can always get to them the next day!
As long as it's not some cringe ass shit about why ants are great or some shit.

Now then, dear users, I open the floor to you.
Please, share your thoughts regarding this frankly disturbing little
parasites, please, I'm begging you, if I don't get high enough
ratings on this broadcast my supervisor is gonna
turn my ass into sea bird soup so please for the love of
all things holy please​

 

[Low-Key]

good enough, but mosquitos are so much fucking worse.

 

[Albatross]

good enough, but mosquitos are so much fucking worse.

Do you mock me, user SlowAndBruh? Do you seek to
undermine the horrors I have witnessed? A mosquito, user SlowAndBruh,
is a simple creature that looks only for blood and nothing more. But the ant??
The ant is far more sophisticated, more cunning, more calculating in its villainous ways.

A mosquito can suck blood, that much is true, but an ant can destroy mountains
of food in mere days. The little shitheads are ruthless in their ways, and are ruthless
in a way that is far more devious than that of the humble mosquito. You may keep your
belief that mosquitos are worse than ants, user SlowAndBruh,
but do not let it obscure the truth​

 

[War Incarnate]

ants aren't that bad personally

unless they're bullet ants.

maybe then you can hate on them.

 

[Kalalokki]

ant

 

[Albatross]

ants aren't that bad personally

unless they're bullet ants.

maybe then you can hate on them.

I hate this. Why would you show me this. What the fuck.
Can we- Can we get this number blocked tech guys I don't want
this esteemed user dirtying my mind with thoughts of these "bullet
ants". Shame upon you, user, you've brought shame to this
broadcasting news room

ant

Esteemed staff member Kalalokki please do not
attract ants into my domain this is not a safe
space for ants and I do not appreciate my
personal bubble being violated by ants​

 

[LordThemberchaud]

In some places, people eat ants dipped in chocolate.

 

[Albatross]

In some places, people eat ants dipped in chocolate.

Awful, truly awful user LordThemberchaud, but I suppose
that is a method of being rid of these accursed things.
Thank you for calling in, I'll ask my supervisor about
getting said places deleted immediately​

 

[War Incarnate]

ants are harmless (well most of them)

why are you holding a grudge against them

 

[Albatross]

ants are harmless (well most of them)

why are you holding a grudge against them

They used to be fucking everywhere in my old house. Fun fact: those
little shits could get into our stock cubes, which were locked away
behind tupperware containers, still inside the package,
individually wrapped inside one big parcel of plastic, and
they still managed to get inside. Pricks



Well users, I don't mean to end of a sour note,
but unfortunately our time is up for the day. Thank you for tuning in to the Anti Ant Hour,
but please feel free to keep sharing your anti ant thoughts while we're away​

 

[Kalalokki]

Esteemed staff member Kalalokki please do not
attract ants into my domain this is not a safe
space for ants and I do not appreciate my
personal bubble being violated by ants

ant-emortem
Ant-y
Ant-ar
Ant-ares

 

[Antares]

Yo wtf

 

[Ironmage]

Sometimes problems can change significantly if you shift perspective.

For example, is the problem that you have too many ants, or is it that you have insufficient centipedes?

 

[CaffeineBoost]

waiter there's an ant in my soup

 

[BIG ASHLEY]

is this why you don't like smogon reactions. because they remind you of ants. little ants crawling all over your screen and getting everywhere, on your Posts and in your notifs, and

 

[Snessy!]

i'd like to order one burger please

 

[Albatross]

Hello again, fellow Smogoff users, and welcome to the Anti Ant Hour,
where we talk about why ants fucking suck for an hour. For todays
broadcast I come bearing a special gift, much akin to the 1st of the wise
men who brought gold to the baby Christ, then realised that his two comrades had
brought frankincense and myrrh and felt like a right prat because he could've just
brought a cheap bottle of Channel No. 5 off eBay and not spent a load
of dough on a pile of shitty gold.

What is this gift, fellow users?
Why, tis none other than a field report from the greatest ant researcher in the biz, Dr Philosa Vermilingu!
We now bring you, live on the scene of a real life ant hideout, the most esteemed
Dr Philosa Vermilingu and his new groundbreaking findings on ant-kind!

...
Oh dear.

Well, sorry about that fellas. Its seems like we've had some technical difficulties
and the ants definitely have not killed and eaten our researcher.

Anyways, now its time to read our lovely comments

Sometimes problems can change significantly if you shift perspective.

For example, is the problem that you have too many ants, or is it that you have insufficient centipedes?

Very poignant, user Ironmage, very poignant indeed.
Makes you ponder the nature of our reality, how we process information,
how we think, how we feel.

Unfortunately though I feel that ants fucking suck and the presence of just one ant is too many.
Centipedes, however,
are "totes pog" as the children often remark

waiter there's an ant in my soup

i'd like to order one burger please

Fucking damnit I'll never outrun that fucking restaurant will I-
If you have ant within your food items then that, I believe, is grounds to sue
user CaffineBoost. And try a Five Guys, user Snessy!, I hear the third guy makes
a banging sloppy joe

is this why you don't like smogon reactions. because they remind you of ants. little ants crawling all over your screen and getting everywhere, on your Posts and in your notifs, and

Holy fuck they fucking killed user Total Clefairy in the middle of
their funny post hholy shit​

 

[War Incarnate]

Hey uh do you mind if I have a taco, please?

I am not an ant, I'd just like one taco and that's it

Also yeah screw ants. Bullet ants. All other ants I am indifferent on.

 

[Albatross]

Well now, dear Smogoff users, our time is now up.
It appears as though anti-ant posting has become out of style. Very well,
I see how it is. Youth these days, with your fortnite and tik toks,
you think you're the bee's knees don't you? Think you're tough?
Think you can disrespect me and my good name?

Well you're absolutely goddamn right. If you need me I'll be sobbing in the corner of my dressing room

Hey uh do you mind if I have a taco, please?

I am not an ant, I'd just like one taco and that's it

Also yeah screw ants. Bullet ants. All other ants I am indifferent on.

Ok well I'm glad you're not an ant, otherwise I'd be using some very strong
language right about now. Like h*ck, d*rn, cunt or fr*ck. Anyways I'm not
a waiter anymore but here's a good recipe for tacos​

 

[adamantazu]

goodbye, an tie an tower

btw is time frozen

 

[Plague von Karma]

FAKE NEWS!

 

[Plague von Karma]

REVOLT! REVOLT!

 

[ThatOneSpork]

I would like to comment that I was replying to a thread about my future (let's hope it's good) and I found an ant crawling on my screen. I obviously killed it first thing, and am now extremely scared for my life. Are ants learning how to use technology more effectively than us? Will I need to spray random lemon smells around my house, as that apparently is a smell ants hate? Please help!

 

[Albatross]

Dear users! I'm so sorry for the late return to the Anti Ant Hour! We are currently being
overrun by protestors who refuse to appreciate the first amendment like the filthy fucking Europeans
they are. Well I assume they're European. Does this make me racist? Am I being racist right now?
Oh well, who cares, its time for the public's daily dose of anti-ant!

I would like to comment that I was replying to a thread about my future (let's hope it's good) and I found an ant crawling on my screen. I obviously killed it first thing, and am now extremely scared for my life. Are ants learning how to use technology more effectively than us? Will I need to spray random lemon smells around my house, as that apparently is a smell ants hate? Please help!

This is very troubling, user ThatOneSpork. I fear the ants are evolving far beyond us.
Have you considered burning your house down? I like a good lemon smell, but
it may not be enough to deter the little demons

View attachment 339193
FAKE NEWS!

Now now, user Plague von Karma, there's no need to start
slandering my good name. Have you no knowledge of freedom of speech?

View attachment 339196
REVOLT! REVOLT!

Ohh fuck, oh fuck this isn't good oh no, user ThatOneSpork was right the ants
are becoming more advanced, they're gonna tank our stock! That's not good, I think!
I don't know, I'm not a stock market analyser, I'm a news anchor!

Users, if this keeps going on I don't think the Anti Ant Hour will be broadcast for much longer...​

 

[Low-Key]

Ohh fuck, oh fuck this isn't good oh no, user ThatOneSpork was right the ants
are becoming more advanced, they're gonna tank our stock! That's not good, I think!
I don't know, I'm not a stock market analyser, I'm a news anchor!

Users, if this keeps going on I don't think the Anti Ant Hour will be broadcast for much longer...​

Don't worry, I will help you in this war! (gets a machine gun) ATTACK!!!