Walrus Bloody's 2022 Walrus

Bumping the thread to remind any forum-readers that I will be revealing the last couple of categories soon now that the semester is over. Just finished the final touches on Cat 9, and will be starting grading on Cat 10 today. If possible I'd like to reveal them on the 27th/28th or something like that, but I'll have to look at both other walrus's schedules and how fast I get through grading.
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Category 9: Video Killed the Radio Star

The Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star
Y’know, I basically never watch music videos now that I think about it.
Youtube autoplay and torrenting albums killed the video star.
Scoring clarification below, please ignore if you aren’t into that, it’s boring.
Oh yeah, and reveal clarifications: As stated in the category prompt song and video are worth the same amount. Since songs are usually out of 10 and catfit out of 2 we’ll make both out of 6 to keep it out of the same amount. (10 rating + 2 catfit = 12, 12/2 = 6 points for each)
The bonus points for scoring 8 and 9 on your song will just be divided in half between song and video (rounded up to .3 for breaking 4.8 aka 8, .5 for breaking 5.4 aka 9) and given if you break 8 or 9 on your song or video. Or twice if you do both. I said they’ll be weighted equally this category so they’ll be weighted equally!
>”This is stupid and overcomplicated and I cannot figure out my score” - Strawman who may still be correct because this is kind of stupid
Be quiet you, I’m trying to make this work.

Laurel skipped this category.

XandulsBored - Resentment (ft. Michaela Laws) (video by ReubenThePig080)
I’m fine with power metal but I really don’t like either this vocalist or what she has decided to do with her voice. It’s not enough to make me hate it but it definitely stops me from being able to appreciate the legitimately cool parts of the instrumental. As for the music video, uh, I can’t tell whether it’s supposed to be funny or serious and I’m getting a whiplash that really stops me from taking it as either. Maybe it’s cooler if you like the game.
Total: 2.8 rating + 2.7 video + 1.0 familiarity = 6.5 points
Submitted by RaceBandit

nature video - Every Space Shuttle ever launched, in order (set to 64daysofstatic - PX3 & Retreat! Retreat!)
This is really cool but the music and the editing make me feel like I’m sitting at some corporate recruitment event about how cool the space program is and holy shit who decided that their video should be 8 minutes long. I know what NASA does, you don’t have to play all the videos to make me apply to NASA, I’d do it right now if they asked me to, besides the obvious draws a space exploration job would at least mean I’m not indirectly negatively affecting someone as a cog in a hypercapitalistic corporate machine that endlessly sucks money from the underclass in service of-
I mean, uh.
The space program sure is cool, huh?
Edit: I am sorry NASA I can no longer accept your offer, I am already a cog in a hypercaptalistic corporate machine. Also, the space noises playing over the song at points, uh, really interferes.
This song has some really cool strong, mathy, sections but I can’t unhear it just being corporate ‘hype’ music most of the time and it kind of drags on, dulling the impact of parts I do find really cool, which is a shame.
Total: 4.4 rating + 3.6 video + 1.0 familiarity = 9.0 points
Submitted by Bloodbird

T-ARA - Number Nine
I apologize, for I am a philistine and cannot understand what stands out about this music video. The dancing is good and the backgrounds are pretty cool but it’s nothing that makes me go “Woah, this is awesome”. Oh well, it’s not bad to me either- different priorities I guess. As for the song itself, I do like that weird distorted “NUMBER NINE” sample that plays. I like the song in general really, it’s catchy and fun.
Total: 4.6 rating + 3.6 video + 1.0 familiarity = 9.2 points
Submitted by pisxel

Hilariously Bad Pakistan Sonic Heroes Happy Meal Commercial - 2004
Total: 3.3 rating + 3.9 video + 1.0 familiarity = 8.2 points
Submitted by Moose

Candlemass - Bewitched
The cheese produced in this one video is equal to that manufactured by the average fromagerie in a year. This isn’t a bad thing, it just means the only thing I can focus on is on how Mr. Marcolin, Honors Algebra II teacher and chess club coach, has decided to film his own sick metal music video. It is fun, and I appreciate it for that and will continue to do so. But unfortunately I cannot move beyond the fun and into headbanging.
Total: 4.2 rating + 4.0 video + 1.0 familiarity = 9.2 points
Submitted by RBY

apperaat - Wir Bauen Für Sie
This song combines the best elements of synthwave and more traditional techno(?) sort of stuff and I love it. The slower sections manage to be both groovy and interesting while building up to that sick synthwavey chorus that just makes you want to move. The music video itself isn’t something that really draws my attention =, but it’s not bad either. I like when the bald dude wears a devo hat and the minimalistic traffic theme is pretty cool.
…Did I really just say the phrase ‘minimalistic traffic theme’? Could I not have worded that better? …Maybe I could have but now that I’ve commented on it in the writeup I am unfortunately obliged to keep it. Look upon my first draft and laugh at the mildly awkward wording, for you are the audience and I am your humble jester!
Total: 4.9 rating + 4.0 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.2 points
Submitted by nutella

Dirtyphonics - DIRTY
The intro to this song was really cool and then the Skrillix-style dubstep drop hit and I am split. Then the song just kind of repeated and… well, it’s not bad necessarily but there are a lot of let down expectations I had from when this song started that just turned into wub wub and tits. Music video is fine but kind of feels all over the place, like it’s lacking a unifying theme that fits the song. It’s dirty I guess? Sex appeal? Is that the theme?
So yeah, I don’t dislike the sub or anything, I still enjoyed the song, but it’s just really ok to me. I do like the robot that shows up, he reminds me of WKUK’s famed SEX ROBOT (sex robot).
Edit: I have more respect for the cohesiveness of individual sections of the video on a second watch but my opinions mostly stand.
Total: 3.6 rating + 4.1 video + 1.0 familiarity = 8.7 points
Submitted by Lebossle

EZFG - Igniter
Man, I should download a shader pack every time I watch a lyrics video, this one is pretty good. I particularly like the synchronization between things like the sparks and bursts of sparklers with the song’s backing. It’s what really makes it go beyond spectacle to, y’know, a music video. Song itself is a fun time but not something I’m terribly attached to. Not sure what I’d suggest to remedy that. It’s already pretty hype, maybe more depth in the drums or something? Anyways, fun song.
Total: 4.6 rating + 4.3 video + 1.0 familiarity = 9.9 points
Submitted by Rainshaft

Baptazia - Super Sunday (audio from MC IC3 & MC Shabba at OneNation Valentines Festival 2007)
Tentative termi read. LET THE POWER OF RAVE COMPEL Y- oh they said a similar line as I was writing this, very good. The song is a banger and the video is… well, I get genuine joy out of watching people jump and dance around and I appreciate that but this presentation just isn’t what I think of when I think “great video”. Regardless, a happy time in both respects.
WHO WANTS A REWIND, WHO WANTS A REWIND, WHO WANTS A REWIND- .stcepser htob ni emit yppah a ,sseldrageR .”oediv taerg“ kniht I nehw fo kniht I tahw t’nsi tsuj noitatneserp siht tub taht etaicerppa I dna dnuora ecnad dna pmuj elpoep gnihctaw fo tuo yoj eniuneg teg I ,llew …si oediv eht dna regnab a si gnos ehT .doog yrev ,siht gnitirw saw I sa ekoj ralimis yrev a dias yeht ho -Y LEPMOC EVAR FO REWOP EHT TEL .daer imret evitatneT
Total: 5.1 rating + 4.4 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.8 points
Submitted by SchizoAffected

Metallica - One
Oh hey it’s that band that really wants you to download their music, like, REALLY bad. Used to be really into Metallica (and Megadeath) when I was first getting into metal and didn’t really have internet fast enough to play music on Youtube yet. Good times. Nowadays, well, this is still pretty enjoyable as far as Metallica goes- it’s popular for a reason I guess. Video isn’t bad. A lot of budget-saving shots of the band playing, yeah, but there are also some very cool samples talking about war and euthanasia, ties in with the song well. Shame that it’s dragged down by all the shots of the band but oh well. I still like the content that is there.
Total: 4.5 rating + 4.6 video + .0 familiarity = 9.1 points
Submitted by KarmaDope

The Sisters Of Mercy - This Corrosion
This music video might not be flashy, but I really dig the grimy, post-apocalyptic art direction going on. The execution is great. As for the song itself, those punching drum noises are great and the background singers add a ton of needed depth. It’s a very fun track.
Edit: bumping this up to the 8 mark, this is catchy
Total: 4.8 rating + 4.7 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.8 points
Submitted by Hollowkatt

Immortal - Call Of The Wintermoon
We kick off grading for this category in glorious 244p. Creatures of the metal are seen in their natural habitat- dense, sprawling forests (which can be found on their album covers), and miscellaneous ruins of vaguely European architecture. This video is laid out in a documentary format, observing the local wildlife engage in rituals such as carrying around torches, dramatically looking at things, and scanning the environ for prey, such as the goth kid.
All and all the song is pleasant if a bit one-note and I find the music video very amusing. Ending is really sudden though, do the album tracks flow into each other?
Edit: I scrolled down to the comments and they’re all making the exact same jokes as me, I’m so unoriginal. Dammit.
Also, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Total: 4.3 song + 4.8 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.4 points
Submitted by Shad

Citizen - I Want To Kill You
I thought groups of young people in dark forests were supposed to be into worshipping Satan or promoting gay rights or something else the 80s were afraid of, not working out and holding gymnastic ball fights. Anyways, ol’ “I need to clean my fucking car out” dude here goes into the woods and gets kidnapped by “Photogenic young peoples’ forest workout cult” and loses eight pounds in water weight to make the weigh in for his first fight as a cruiserweight boxer so that he can pad wins for someone else.
As for the song I must admit that this isn’t the kind of thing I normally listen to but it is pretty catchy. Like, I still don’t love it but just being catchy is a pretty good plus. Overall pretty good, although I don’t really get the, uh, point to the video if there is one besides what I have already outlined.
Total: 4.6 rating + 4.8 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.7 points
Submitted by vanity

9th, Part 1:
ODDKO - Disobey
Not sure why you just sent me a Meta ad, but I’ll review it regardless. Videowise, some of this I just go “Oh well that’s cheesy” (still cool, but cheesy) at, while other parts I’m going “Jesus christ those visuals, holy-”. Really like the strangling headset masks, all the weird cosmic visuals and… I don’t know how I feel about the four torso’d violin playing abomination so I’ll just say it’s striking. As for the song itself, while it doesn’t blow me away, I like it! Fun guitar riffs.
Total: 4.6 rating + 4.9 video + 1.0 familiarity .3 = 10.8 points
Submitted by soah

9th, Part 2:
A Lot Like Birds - Connector
I’d be lying if I went “Yeah, yeah, I TOTALLY get all of this” but I like the music video regardless. The song itself runs on a very fine line between being a little too silly (for lack of a better word, there probably is one) with the sound, but for me personally it toes it well enough that I can just listen to the screaming and go “oooh”. Putting a KarmaDope read down here or… probably not a vanity but it’s not impossible?
Edit: Eh, it does go on a little long. I feel like the impact would be better kept with a 3:30 song and video than a 5:30 one.
Total: 4.6 rating + 4.9 video + 1.0 familiarity + .3 = 10.8 points
Submitted by Aladyyn

The Armed - Paradise Day
As I recall Quas really likes The Armed and subbed a track from them last walrus. I’ll put down a light Quas read for now. So, like, I’m watching this video, and remember when Whities used to have these deep fried bites that were basically just breading filled with macaroni? You don’t? Well, they served them for like half a year and they were probably destroying me from the inside the few times I got them but fuck those tasted good. I really miss those. Enough to reminisce about them years later at the mere sight of a man getting White Castle’s- oh he’s screaming now.
This music video is moving, and inspires me to permanently injure my vocal cards screeching loudly at karaoke, start a bar fight, and begin a sub-par punk-themed romantic comedy.
Also, is it just me or does this dude kind of look like Neil Ciercierga? Is this what Neil does in his spare time?
Total: 4.8 rating + 5.0 video + .7 familiarity + .6 = 11.1 points
Submitted LordQuas

POLO & PAN — Feel Good
This video is very technically impressive and does a great job of fitting the mood of the song. I mean, it’s good vibes all the way- the beach episode of music videos, just more fabulous dancing and drinking martinis on the beach and less jiggle physics. Best way I can describe this is something that is aggressively not my style, but that manages to make me not care too much anyways- it’s too comfy for that. Cool sub.
Total: 4.5 song + 5.1 video + 1.0 familiarity + .6 = 11.2 points
Submitted by Eagle

camhcom - This is (not) the greatest song in the world. (set to Tenacious - Tribute)
Ah, so it’s this. I find it hilarious that this kind of sub is the one where I have to go “Ah yes, I’ve seen this before, very good choice in submission.” If any person who is far more interested in my write ups than even I am has decided to binge through all my walrus writeups and submissions, then my opinions on Tenacious D have probably been made clear- it’s, like, some awesome stuff, goddamn, thanks Jack Black and Kyle. As for Evangelion I, uh, never got past like 2 episodes. Yes, I am aware that there is me singing the Evangelion OP pinned in the channel I’m revealing this in. Personally I prefer the first one of these, I did (not) mean to blow your mind., but this is cool too.
Edit: man this really makes me want to play the Detroit Metal City/K-On! AMV set to Tribute after the reveal
Total: 5.2 rating + 5.2 video + .4 familiarity + .6 = 11.4 points
Submitted by Martin

Magdalena Bay - Dreamcatching
Everything melts into one another here, both visually and aurally. The AI does a great job in matching that melty feeling of 1 flowing into 2 into 3, and in ultimately allowing everything to feel like one big trip. Musically I really enjoy how the vocals are produced and I think they do a lot to reinforce this mood. Also, bass strong, strong bass good, thump thump.
Total: 5.2 rating + 5.3 video + 1.0 familiarity + .6 = 12.1 points
Submitted by termi

Hudson Mohawke - Bicstan
Oh hey it’s the guy I found an album from because it had a really funny cover a while back and then found out was a meme somehow. I should listen through his discography sometime. I only listened to that album and cbat, and only once I believe. Anyways, this is unbearably fun and now you must all experience it with me. MNIN read.
This is the album cover:

Edit: if there are an unlimited number of parallel universe then there is one where this music video was published in Shounen Jump from 1990 to 1996 across 276 chapters instead of Slam Dunk

Total: 5.6 rating + 5.4 video + .8 familiarity + 1.0 = 12.8 points
Submitted by MNIN West

Clipping - Blood of the Fang
If this is Brainpan I’ve already listened to this album and song several times, with you to thank I believe, but I didn’t know it had any music videos. An exciting prospect. The bass is as strong as ever, and David Digg’s flow as smooth as ever. Neat concept for the music video: “The "Blood of the Fang" video is inspired by a photo of Huey Newton — co-founder of The Black Panther Party for Self-Defense — hand-cuffed to a hospital gurney while being treated for a gunshot wound in the abdomen after a gun battle with Oakland police in October 1967.”

As for the video itself, the production is great, very cinematic. I like the synchronization between the blood and the music at certain parts. My favorite part is probably the AK-47 filled with organs receiving a blood infusion, it’s a great sort of personification of violence. I’d be lying if I said I could get everything that the creators wanted to get across through the lyrics and the video but that doesn’t change my feelings here.
Total: 5.3 rating + 5.5 video + .3 familiarity + .8 = 11.9 points
Submitted by Brainpan

2nd: (Warning: The following video contains flashing lights, seizures, epilepsy, yada yada
Ken Ishii - Extra
MNIN East read. This is wild. Love the mood to this entire music video- old dark grimy animation. This was directed by the animation director for Akira and that totally tracks. There’s not a huge story built up and closed out in all of 4 minutes, but there doesn’t really need to be either. I’m too busy being enthralled in the atmosphere to really care about that. It’s great. As for the song itself, it has an aggressive tone to it and fits the mood well. Great stuff.
Now that I think about it it has been quite a long time since I’ve watched or read Akira. Maybe it’s time to do it again?
Total: 5.3 rating + 5.5 video + 1.0 familiarity + .8 = 12.6 points
Submitted by MNIN East

Tool - Jambi
I was wondering if there would be one where there was a big gap between how much I liked the song and how much I liked the video, and after one listen this might be it. Didn’t really pick it up while listening since I always blank on lyrics but after reading the lyrics I like the theme the video and song have going on about fear of loss, and being so close that two people feel like one (although the music video is, uh, more literal about it). Love the style of the video and how it’s shot, as well as the sometimes demented imagery, it’s really cool. I’d be lying if I said I figured out the imagery with all the baby dolls(?) yet but, uh, perhaps I’ll get that later.
As for the song itself, I like the instrumental section a lot more than the vocals. Like, the vocals aren’t necessarily bad, I’m just not a fan of the vocalist I guess, which is kind of a shame. The complex guitar riffs and strong bass make up for that though, and make for a song that I enjoy, if not one that I like so much I’d put on a playlist.
Edit: Yeah I’m not sure if the dolls are all meant to represent them or if that’s just one thing buried within another. I like how those canes have to help them support themselves where the other would before, it helps emphasize how being separated changed them.
Edit Edit: oh the doll-thing at the end is the rose one had and the doll the other had combined, that explains a lot I think
Total: 4.5 rating + 5.6 video + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.6 points
Submitted by Schiavetto

t+pazolite - T+ VS SHARK
Category 10: Space Dandy

Yasuyuki Okamura - Viva Namida
It’s category 10. Everything’s settled now, and all we gotta do is chill during the last reveal. Just relax baby. And maybe shake that groove thang a little.``

Phyrnna - Searching
Gonna put a big Racebandit read for this since nikeas isn’t playing. I was never really into EBF myself, although I did like the bullet hell spinoff flash games! Epic Battle Fantasy 3 is free on Steam actually- maybe I should get around to it, get some nostalgia for Kong games while taking care of something I never got around to. Wonder if Mardek has a Steam release.
As for the song itself, it feels like a weird submission. Very clear piece of video game OST, and not trying to be anything else. Short, cuts off midsong, very loopy. It is relatively pleasant and relaxing (suitable for BGM that will play a lot), but I honestly can’t say anything better than that. Not a bad sub, especially for being a minor VGM track, just not what I was looking for.
Total: 6.0 rating + 1.6 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 8.6 points
Submitted by RaceBandit

Queens of the Stone Age - “You Got A Killer Scene There, Man”
Apparently this band got half familiarity last time I got a song by them subbed because I was doing that dumb thing where I only gave out none, half, or full in my… second walrus maybe? Whatever, it was dumb, I’ve heard a couple songs so I’ll just give this .7 or .8.
Anyways, like the mood on this. It’s Psychedelic, if a bit light on all the noise and super-long experimentation solos that ‘actual’ psychedelic rock likes to do. Unfortunately while that does make it less complex and easier to just vibe to, it also makes it, uh, less interesting. Unfortunately the gamble doesn’t really work out here and the loss in cool experimental stuff really loses me. Don’t hate the track, but it just feels kind of samey- can’t get pulled in.
Total: 6.5 rating + 1.7 catfit + .8 familiarity = 9.0 points
Submitted by Brainpan

Leaddy - Bumb Bumb

Doesn’t quite induce the feeling of chilling out and just soaking in the music that I wanted for this cat, but I do get this sub. I guess it’s just a different brand of relaxation. Chilling out and passing a blunt instead. I appreciate the vibe of the track but it doesn’t feel like it has much to it unfortunately.
Edit: oh it’s a moose sub, is this a joke of some sort or just a normal mashup
Total: 6.6 rating + 1.6 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 9.2 points
Submitted by Moose

UMI - Open Up Reimagined
I’m not really getting much from this song. It’s all pleasant, but nothing here really stands out as “Wow, I really like this” and I keep forgetting how it goes after I listen to it. Just not my thing I guess, which is kind of a shame. Horns are nice and I bet quite a few of you will dig these vocals during the reveal.
Total: 6 9 rating + 1.8 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 9.7 points
Submitted by pisxel

Bauhaus - She’s in Parties
A little dark and grimy, but still a catfit. The flow we’re sinking into is a little sludgier, and sorta shoegazey, but it’s there. A comfy time hanging out in a dingy club, shaking your head to the strum of the bass. A pleasant mood, but not much to remember here for me. Whenever I came back to it I just kind of remembered it in one broad stroke of “Oh, it sorta sounds like that”, and then forgot the details again.
Total: 7.2 rating + 1.7 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 9.9 points
Submitted by hollowkatt

Moacir Santos - Bluishmen
Solidly pleasant, albeit not much beyond that. Pretty jazzy. I like the combination of a deeper, slower horn, with bursts of a different one. It’s smooth. Sounds like the kind of song to set a relaxing afternoon drive to.
Y’know, the kind in movies where they’re driving on some abandoned but well-maintained road in the middle of some scenic hills, not the one you take to pick up groceries where that fucker at the four-way speeds through even though he got there after you and you were already pulling out, and where the store is out of milk.
Total: 7.3 rating + 1.7 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.0 points
Submitted by SchizoAffected

Miles Davis - So What
Velvety smooth. Strong strings in back with a deep, resounding tone, and a calming horn section to go along with it. Probably not great for active listening, but in this case… well, I am just sitting back and digging it this category. A solid song that works well as background music, if a little lacking in variation.
Edit: Dropping a few places just because it got dull on repeated listening, but still a good song.
Total: 7.3 rating + 1.8 catfit + .9 familiarity = 10.0 points
Submitted by Martin

Ely Guerra - Vete
Comfortable. Nice, resonant bass, and a pleasant vocalist. A little calm in the first half, but then it speeds up for a bit in the middle. That weird electronic synth-thing at the end is really interesting and I’m curious what it is. It activates my musical almonds.
Total: 7.4 rating + 1.7 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.1 points
Submitted by Schiavetto

Yunosuke - Blank
This artist isn’t completely unfamiliar to me, but I’ve never really made a conscious effort to listen to their stuff. Just some autoplay. As for this track, I like the beat. A little repetitive but it’s a good, slightly funky, hook. I think Miku’s tuned well in terms of being in line with the instrumental as well. Clearly intentional pauses, syllables going with beats, that sort of thing. Cool track, if a little too close to the ‘generic’ style of EDM for me to love.
Total: 7.5 rating + 1.8 catfit + .8 familiarity = 10.1 points
Submitted by Rainshaft

Bert & Friends - Lambaláda
I have no idea what language this is but I’m just going to assume it’s a conlang because my brain is processing it as Simlish. If this is Italian or something, uh, whoops. This video is amusing to me and I like it. The majestic flute, the hairdo that puts anime protagonists to shame, and the bedroom of musicians awkwardly giving me death stares for 30 seconds for calling Czech Simlish. I don’t love this song but there’s a lot of promising stuff in here that makes me want to check out the artist. Fun electronic riffs, interesting vocal effects, and a multiple-story god king playing the flute of fate among his divine retinue of swans. Cool sub.
Total: 7.5 rating + 1.8 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.3 points
Submitted by Aladyyn

Violet Cold - Immersive Collapse
Well, this song DOES have parts that fit the category fine, if a bit lacking in the groove factor serviceably chill and relaxing, but then it starts screaming. I get the intent but it’s a weird sub here and there’s a limit to how far I can bend catfit points.
As for the song itself, I do like it. It’s kind of repetitive but the actual hook is cool- I like the combination of faster drums and screeched vocals in the louder sections.
Total: 7.6 rating + .6 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 9.2 points
Submitted by soah

Karolinski - i’m a supergirl
This reminds me of one of those videos where there are just some dudes going around in their car nodding their hod to some chill music while the camera follows around. This is the music that should be in that video (assuming they have some rocking bass speakers in their car). A smooth, chill track. Unfortunately kind of repetitive, but still good as background music.
Total: 7.7 rating + 1.8 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.5 points
Submitted by vanity

No. 9 - Friend Comes from East
After a bit of a slow, minimalistic intro, this song picks up and eventually transforms into what feels like a pleasant stroll through a flower garden. An absolutely chipper piano combined with vocal samples combines to create something really upbeat here. If I had a criticism that would be, well, the slow build is a bit too slow. By the time we get to (what I consider) the meat of the song it’s already half done, which is a shame.
Edit: I like how this autoplayed to a punk song called A Perfect Day to Drop the Bomb by an artist I’ve been listening to, as if one was a natural transition into the other and it’s not just Youtube going “Hey you like this can I play it for you more?” like it always does. This song is now punk to me.
Total: 7.7 rating + 1.9 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.6 points
Submitted by Shad

Hiromi Iwasaki - Wonderful Feeling
This is very good. A smooth, relaxing vocalist paired with that gentle city pop groove combines to form something that’s really, really calming. Reminds me of some of the Macross (original) OST a bit, but I’m not too sure if that’s just because they would both be, well, J-Pop from around the same period. Anyways, great mood on this and some wonderful feelings indeed.
Total: 7.8 rating + 1.9 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.7 points
Submitted by RBY

EPICA - Abyss O'Time
Read on this is… Aladyyn? Not quite what I was expecting but this song is really comfy. If I were to describe, I think the closest approximation to the musical mood would be a fluffy pillow. Not that it’s putting me to sleep- the vocals and instruments just want me to close my head, kick back, and relax for a few minutes. Really like the singer’s voice, and the combination of light strings and… what’s that in the livelier sections, a sort of Irish sound? Dunno, it’s foresty.
Total: 7.9 rating + 1.7 catfit + 1.0 familiarity = 10.6 points
Submitted by KarmaDope

Overmono - Le Tigre
This song is a slow build. I really like that instrument, reminiscent of a xylophone that carries it all. Really echoy, really stands out, and I feel the best descriptor for it as a whole is “Minecraft note block”. Serves as a really neat hook and a unique sort of sound. Overall a really fun track that falls somewhere in a middle ground between danceable and relaxing. Could see it working well as part of a video game OST.
Total: 8.0 rating + 1.6 catfit + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.1 points
Submitted by Lebossle

Stereolab - People Do It All The Time
Oh, apparently termi’s avatar is from one of this artist’s releases, neat. Love the mood on this, really fits for what I was hoping for with this category. Both relaxation and some sick grooves. Really like the inclusion of the electrical piano.
Total: 8.0 rating + 1.8 catfit + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.3 points
Submitted by termi

Lonely Dear - Ignorant Boy, Beautiful Girl
numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma numma
...ok, ok, I’ll give you the real writeup. While lacking a bit in ‘depth’ I do like the song. It has a very nice build throughout and the inclusion of acapella(?) as a main instrument is done well. I like the mood everything combines to make. It’s relaxing, appropriate for the category, and pleasant if a bit flat after multiple listens.
Total: 8.1 rating + 1.9 catfit + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.5 points
Submitted by Bloobird

ishi vu - This is your Life
THIS IS REAL TIME. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. This has a rather intense beat and hook for something meant to chill out to. I do get why it’s here though- the overall mood is on the calmer end if we ignore how strong those two parts are coming on two, and it has a beat without it being so fast or complex that it’s exciting me too much. As for the song itself, despite how it affects the catfit, I do really like the hook and that bass that comes on strong. All in all the song creates a rather inspiring mood. Reminds you that this is your life, that it’s real, and does it on a positive enough note that perhaps you feel like doing something about it. Slight tonal whiplash between the individual components, but good nonetheless.
Total: 8.3 rating + 1.5 catfit + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.3 points
Submitted by MNIN West

Leafcutter John - Doing the Beeston Bump
Perhaps just a tad bit active for the category if I had to nitpick, but overall a great and well-fitting sub. Love that instrument that reminds me of the ticking of a clock and how it all bleeds into each other. Forms a relaxing wall of noise that tempts me to headbang just a little bit.
Also, the artist name and music reminds me of Carpenter Brut. Wonder if they’re neighbors.
Total: 8.4 rating + 1.8 catfit + 1.0 familiarity + .5 = 11.7 points
Submitted by nutella

Fourtwnty - Fana Merah Jambu
This song is so very distinctly happy. I don’t currently know the lyrics, but that doesn’t really matter. That ukulele, with those happy high notes and the tone of voice just combine to create something that’s so calming. This really fits what I was thinking of when I was talking about something that just lets you relax and float away. Just a bit light on the rhythm part, but fits that exactly.
Total: 8.4 rating + 1.9 catfit + 1.0 familiarity .5 = 11.8 points
Submitted by Laurel

El Michels Affair - Fazed Out
I wasn’t sure where this was going with the intro but oh man, once those horns kick in, mmmm. This is both one of the most unique and relaxing desert vibes I’ve gotten from a track. We’re sinking into the sand like water and letting it sweep us away. If only it could go on longer. Absolutely love the production on this.
Total: 8.6 rating + 2.0 catfit + 1.0 familiarity .5 = 12.1 points
Submitted by Eagle

Lauren Bousfield - Automatic Warlock Rfid Stratford Upon Avon
Funnily enough I got really into this band in recent months (after the walrus started for sure so I’ll leave the familiarity at full), enough to recognize them from the album cover. …Which made me go “Did someone just give up on catfit and send me something they thought I’d like?” The result is… yes, I think so? Definitely not a great catfit, but it’s not quite a catfail either. I could not chill at all to this, as this song is far too anxiety inducing for that. It makes you feel on edge constantly, like something is coming. But it also has moments of relative calm. The violin pulling back as the somewhat gentle WALLSTREEMOI sounds accompany it.
…But while I can stretch it as being “It has calm sections and a definite rhythm”, overall this does not fit the described mood. This is chase music. You do not go with the flow- you run from it.
Total: 8.7 rating + .4 catfit + 1.0 familiarity .5 = 10.6 points
Submitted by LordQuas

Lang Lee - The Generation of Tribulation
There is a great feeling of freedom to this song. Floaty, energetic instrumentals paired with a happy choir of the same. I will have to admit that the absolute cacophony at the end of kind of ruins that mood and makes me go “Holy shit did something super dark just happen in the lyrics, is this one of those happy songs that’s actually about everyone dying?”, but besides going a bit too hard at the end it’s a total catfit and I like it a lot.
Edit: oh fuck I was right those lyrics are dark, it’s a good thing I don’t know Korean and can just ignore it
Total: 8.8 rating + 1.9 catfit + 1.0 familiarity .5 = 12.2 points
Submitted by MNIN East

Junk Fukiyama - Stardust Pipeline
Stay cool, and see ya next time.
…oh, except I do have some statistics and rewards to hand out. You like those, right? Right.
Awards Ceremony & Statistics
Welcome to the awards ceremony! It’s a very exciting time, I know. First, I’d like to thank everyone for the effort they’ve put into subbing, and if you’ve attended or read through the reveals, the effort put into that. Hope you had fun playing since I had fun running and finding some new jams, and I appreciate your participation. Even if you didn’t score too hot I did enjoy your sub, it’s just, well, half of us have to do worse than average.

Anyways, onto the statistics!

Here are our official final placements for the falsely advertised by just a couple days event, Bloody’s 2022 Walrus! (You will not receive refunds.)

[(-X) shows the amount of points a player is behind the player in front of them. Like racing positions.]
1st: Eagle
2nd: termi (-1.5)
3rd: MNIN East (-.7)
4th: SchizoAffected (-3.4)
5th: MNIN West (-.4)
6th: R-B-Y (-.1)
7th: vanity (-.1)
8th: LordQuas (-.3)
9th: nutella (-.3)
10th: hollowkatt (-1.2)
11th: Shad (-.8)
12th: bloodbird (-.5)
13th: Lebossle (-.3)
14th: Aladyyn: (-.6)
15th: Rainshaft (-.4)
16th: Braipan (-3.)
17th: Schiavetto (-.6)
18th: soah (-1.4)
19th: RaceBandit (-1.5)
20th: Martin (-3.8)
21st: pisxel (-2.0)
22th: Laurel (-.3)
23rd: Moose (-2.9)
24th: KarmaDope (-1.8)

A special award to Laurel for getting a full sub in this time, sans the one category I always drop. Subbed to all my walruses, and this time made it to the finish line. Was pretty excited to see it happen. Here’s your Bloody Walrus 100% Completion Award.

Shad has left the professional golfing associationthis year, leaving Moose as the only official member. A shame, I know. Moose’s prize is that I will paint him like a golf cart and set him loose in a course while I film. It will surely be an entertaining and productive use of our day.

This year’s Consistency Awardgoes to nutella, who had a super low difference of 1.6 points between their highest and lowest scores! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, or the songs don’t fall far from each other, I don’t fucking know. Runner up goes to Shad, with a 1.8 point variation. Brainpan and Laurel (not counting their dropped category) get the reverse of this, with a 5 point difference between their highest and lowest scores.

And one last special award goes to Rainshaft, for doing a vocaloid themed sub! I don’t have much left around after giving out all those other ones, so I guess you’re gonna have to settle with the Odds and Ends Award. That’s how it pans out sometimes.

This walrus’s best category was Initial D (Second Stage) with an average rating of 7.90, and the worst categorywas I Wish, with an average rating of 7.51. The respective runner ups were Macross 7 and Samurai Flamenco, respectively. A lot less variation than last time in scoring in general, which I hope to shake up when I get back to russin'. (that's how the cool folks refer to hosting walruses, yes?)

Now, to show off some big ones. First, our best songs, including one of those 8s where I’m close on whether it’s a 9 or not. Thanks a lot for sending me these!
Hudson Mohawke - Bicstan [9.3, MNIN West]
Mr Kindhoover - Emotion.wmv [9.3, LordQuas]
Electric Callboy - Pump It [9.1, BrainpanSonata]
LFO Demon - Classwar Dynamite [9.1, termi]
Baauer - REACHUPDONTSTOP [9.0, Eagle]
Koto - Pastel Passport [8.9, SchizoAffected]

And if you hate my scoring system and wish to substitute it for your own- go for it, I’ll offer a few ‘alternatives’ to look at just for fun’s sake.

Pre-drop Scoring:

1st: Eagle
2nd: termi (-2.1)
3rd: MNIN East (-.1)
4th: SchizoAffected (-3.1)
5th: nutella (-.5)
6th: R-B-Y (-.4)
7th: vanity (-.2)
8th: LordQuas (-.4)
9th: Shad (-1.2)
10th: MNIN West (-.8)
11th: hollowkatt (-.2)
12th: Lebossle (-.9)
13th: Rainshaft (-.3)
14th: Bloobird (-.2)
15th: Aladyyn (-.1)
16th: Schiavetto (-1.4)
17th: Brainpan (-2.2)
18th: soah (-.1)
19th: RaceBandit (-3.8)
20th: pisxel (-4.3)
21st: Martin (-1.0)
22nd: Moose (-1.5)
23rd: KarmaDope (-1.1)
24th: Laurel (-4.6)

Score by Song Rating only: (bonuses for breaking 8/9 not included)
1st: Eagle 80
2nd: MNIN East 79.6 (-.4)
3rd: R-B-Y 78.8 (-.8)
4th: termi 78.6 (-.2)
4th: SchizoAffected 78.6 (-0)
6th: nutella 78 (-.6)
7th: LordQuas 77.6 (-.4)
8th: vanity 77.1 (-.5)
9th: Lebossle 76.4 (-.7)
10th: hollowkatt 75.6 (-.8)
11th: Shad 75.4 (-.2)
12th; Rainshaft 75.3 (-.1)
13tH; MNIN West 74.3 (-1.0)
14th: Bloodbird 73.9 (-.4)
15th: Brainpan 73.8 (-.1)
16th: soah 73.4 (-.4)
17th: Schiavetto 72.9 (-.5)
18th: Aladyyn 72.8 (-.1)
19th: Racebandit 69.6 (-3.2)
20th: pisxel 67.2 (-2.4)
21st: Moose 66.6 (-.6)
22nd: KarmaDope 66.2 (-.4)
23rd: Martin 64.9 (-1.3)
24th: Laurel 63.1 (-1.8)

Score by Catfit only: (yes, the music video cat does end up biasing this one)
1st: termi 21.9
2nd: Eagle 21.6 (-.3)
3rd: Shad 21.2 (-.4)
4th: SchizoAffected 20.7 (-.5)
5th: Aladyyn 20.4 (-.3)
6th: hollowkatt 20.2 (-.2)
6th: MNIN East 20.2 (-0)
8th: Martin 20.1 (-.1)
9th: Brainpan 19.9 (-.2)
10th: nutella 19.6 (-.3)
11th: Rainshaft 19.6 (-0)
12th: Lebossle 19.5 (-.1)
13th: vanity 19.4 (-.1)
13th: Bloodbird 19.4 (-0)
15th: MNIN West 19.3 (-.1)
15th: R-B-Y 19.3 (-0)
17th: Schiavetto 19.2 (-.1)
18th: LordQuas 19 (-.2)
19th: soah 18.7 (-.3)
20th: KarmaDope 18.5 (-.2)
21st: pisxel 18 (-.5)
22nd: Racebandit 17.4 (-.6)
23rd: Moose 17.3 (-.1)
24th: Laurel 14.9 (-2.4)

To finish off my massive dump of statistics, a piece of art. Featuring one of our dear friends (after more finagling of the AI), and even a hydra-rus without my prompting, for those of us who may have submitted more than once. Maybe not see you soon- life stuff I don’t feel like typing out in an eternal and everlasting forum post indexed by Google means I may not run a big event soon since I feel bad leaving something like this hanging for months- but hopefully see you all again.

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