Serious Boy bullied over MLP bag, then the school bans him from bringing it

[Daenym]

So normally I wouldn't care about a story like this at all, but as it turns out, it happened about 5 minutes from where I live, at a school I volunteered at only a year ago. Kind of cool that the school's making national news... but for all the wrong reasons. It was on Good Morning America today, and there are Facebook groups and Twitter nonsense popping up for both sides.

Here's the report by WLOS, the local ABC affiliate: http://www.wlos.com/shared/news/features/top-stories/stories/wlos_-school-bully-concerns-15463.shtml

Note that there's probably better reporting out there, since WLOS tends to drop the ball a lot. But I feel like they deserve the hits on their video.

Basically a 4th grader was bringing a MLP bag to school as his lunchbox. Because of that, he was getting bullied by other students. According to some of the articles, he was pushed, hit, called names, and told to go home and die.

Eventually the kid, Grayson, didn't want to get out of the car and go to school. The counselor got him inside, but told him to keep the bag hidden. Eventually, the principal said that he wasn't allowed to bring the bag to school, because it was disruptive, and that it was within the principal's authority to prohibit him from bringing it.

Last I've heard, Grayson is being homeschooled, and the higher-ups in Buncombe County schools are talking to (read: probably yelling at) the principal. While I don't do anything at that school anymore, my mom, a former teacher at the school, will be there today, presumably getting bombarded with all sorts of gossip.

So, thoughts on this? Some questions to consider:

• Should the boy have expected bullying, at least to some extent, when choosing to bring a MLP bag?
• Should his mother have made the decision for him, for the same reason?
• Was the school right to prevent him from bringing the bag, or should they have taken another approach?

You want more links? Here, have some more links:

http://www.foxcarolina.com/story/24...s-he-was-bullied-over-my-little-pony-backpack

http://www.citizen-times.com/articl...ler-boy-gets-national-attention-over-bullying



On a personal note, the counselor there is a great person, and her family makes great hot sauce and barbecue sauce. The principal, however, is pretty dim in general. Sadly, I've never met Grayson, since I mostly worked with 5th grade.

 

[Chou Toshio]

The principle and administration handled this terribly-- absolutely terribly! Banning the kid's lunchbox... wow that's ridiculous. And please tell me the bullies got their shit handed to them for being dicks.

That said, if that kid had me for a friend in elementary school, the conversation probably would have gone like this:

"Dude... don't... I mean, seriously man... well geez... couldn't you have picked, ANYTHING else? ... uhhhhh... well, okay, you're call man... I guess... well, you're lunchbox-- but ah, just trying to be your friend bro... aiyaiyai..."


edit: "Also, telling you bro, but school lunch-- way better man... huh? Oh you're right, guess my mom just sucks at cooking...lol"

 

[kd24]

they didn't ban it because it was disruptive, they banned it because it was a trigger which set the bullies off on him. journalism is always going to twist stories to create more controversy and drama.

i had a conversation with cookie about this the other day ill just repaste it:

[15:10] <kd24> im all for the school saying dont bring it here, the lunchbox is obv a trigger
[15:10] <@cookie> what
[15:10] <@cookie> why should the kid get bullied for it
[15:10] <kd24> he shouldnt
[15:10] <kd24> actions should ALSO be brought
[15:10] <kd24> against the bullies
[15:11] <kd24> i would def punish them and try to deter them from it
[15:11] <@cookie> are you saying the school should tell a kid
[15:11] <@cookie> 'you were asking for it'
[15:12] <kd24> the school isnt saying that tho considering theyre also punishing the bullies but i dont think its unreasonable to say for ur safety we dont want u bringing it in anymore
[15:12] <kd24> in an ideal world cookie
[15:12] <kd24> he could do w/e he wanted and logic would be used to show those bullies
[15:12] <kd24> the error of their ways
[15:12] <kd24> but theyre just idiotic kids and the lunchbox is going to trigger that response from idiotic kids
[15:13] <kd24> in a perfect world the kid should be allowed to do w/e he wants and i guess im against a complete ban of it
[15:13] <kd24> but i do think they should def try to tell the kid not to bring it in anymore
[15:13] <kd24> but if the violence is as bad as its implied, then maybe they feel a ban is for the best here
[15:14] <kd24> i dont think anyone is siding with the bullies here tho cookie
[15:14] <@cookie> i guess it's a practical measure
[15:14] <kd24> akin to the women in dark alley, the rapist should be
[15:14] <kd24> 100% punished
[15:14] <kd24> and sent to the jail
[15:14] <kd24> no one is ever "asking for it"
[15:14] <kd24> now women shouldnt have people
[15:14] <kd24> telling them they cant go outside
[15:14] <kd24> but i think the kids here are young enough
[15:14] <kd24> that the school has the right to say heres what we think is best for you
[15:17] <kd24> but w/e the mother thinks she can reason with a bunch of 4th graders, its not right for someone to be bullied but some actions have foreseeable consequences and shes choosing to be blind to it
[15:20] <@cookie> yeah you're right

tl;dr, it's not right for anyone to be bullied and no one is ever asking for it but common sense needs to be applied as well, you're literally dealing with 4 graders. are you honestly going to reason with 4th graders or get a punishment to stick? the school is looking out for the safety of the student here even if it seems they're punishing him. there is no great way to deal with this considering the ages of the kids. so the school is just trying to keep a kid from getting hurt.

 

[elcheeso]

Yes, he and his mother should have expected it. Unfortunate reality is that kids are despicable assholes and adults are rarely any better, and harassing or criticising male kids over perceived femininity is just so extremely common that it would be ignorant to not expect it. However, that shit does not justify the fact that it happened and it sure as fuck doesn't justify the administration treating the kid like he's the one who fucked up, in the same way that blaming a kid for the bullying they get for acting "gay" wouldn't be justified regardless of how common it is. It's basically victim blaming bullshit and it really needs to stop. Hell, it's possible that they can't stop all of the bullying, but it genuinely seems like they didn't even TRY to punish the people who were doing it until after the lunchbox solution was proposed, and it obviously isn't just an issue where they weren't aware it was happening if they can tell the kid to stop bringing his shit to school.

Obviously they're not TRYING to punish the kid, it's just that... you know, they are. Apparently 4th graders have the memories of goldfish, by tomorrow they'll have forgotten and Grayson or whatever his name is will never ever be known as the kid who used to bring a big gay lunchbox for girly vaginas to school or whatever. Good work principal, you really protected this kid from the bullies. Lesson learnt: Never ever openly break social mores or we'll make sure you can't.

 

[Daenym]

So some other things of note:

• The principal, as well as other school officials, have been getting tons of nasty messages, and more than a couple death threats, though none of them are really likely to be "serious" yet.
• A county spokesperson released a statement, and it basically says that the school is not allowed to talk about any other disciplinary issues that the kid may have had.

The intelligent person reads the latter point there, and can see that there's a good chance there's more to the case than what's being covered by the media (shocking, I know). This isn't because the school wouldn't like to put some more information out there, it's because the school isn't allowed to.

So on the one side, you have the mother giving interviews left and right, and on the other side, you have the school, not legally allowed to give the full reasoning for actions taken.

Meanwhile, death threats for people who work at a school. Keeping it classy.

 

[BenTheDemon]

Some white supremacist is bullying a black kid.
Logical response: Ban black kids from school.
I'm obviously being facetious, but I hope this illustrates the absurdity of banning something for triggering a bully's reaction. I say expel that motherfucker (the bully)! Do you really believe that the bully will stop just because the My Little Pony bag was banned? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.

 

[mattj]

only on the internet can bringing a lunchbox with a pony on it to school be likened to the color of your skin

why do people jump to that analogy every tiem

 

[Lord Apex]

Lol.

 

[Brambane]

"Basically a 4th grader was bringing a MLP bag to school as his lunchbox. Because of that, he was getting bullied by other students. According to some of the articles, he was pushed, hit, called names, and told to go home and die."

Holy fucking shit when did the 4th grade make the jump from namecalling to telling people to go home and die? I would have been fucking suspended by the school, grounded and spanked if I told a kid that.

 

[Shinryu]

^ you do know that they likely weren't telling that to him while in the presence of a teacher. Otherwise yeah, they probably would suspend them.

Elcheeso summed up my thoughts otherwise.

 

[kd24]

Some white supremacist is bullying a black kid.
Logical response: Ban black kids from school.
I'm obviously being facetious, but I hope this illustrates the absurdity of banning something for triggering a bully's reaction. I say expel that motherfucker (the bully)! Do you really believe that the bully will stop just because the My Little Pony bag was banned? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.

wow you're an idiot.

"Basically a 4th grader was bringing a MLP bag to school as his lunchbox. Because of that, he was getting bullied by other students. According to some of the articles, he was pushed, hit, called names, and told to go home and die."

Holy fucking shit when did the 4th grade make the jump from namecalling to telling people to go home and die? I would have been fucking suspended by the school, grounded and spanked if I told a kid that.

it's fucked up but honestly we all proly said / did shit like this in 4th grade. during this period of adolescence kids are emulating what they see on mature tv shows and trying to fit in with the crowd...we remember elementary school as a simple time where it was all smiles but there were definitely nasty bullies (and we bullied people without even realizing it)...just don't have a good sense of empathy at that age.

anyway this is 4th grade, honestly it was probably just the lunchbox that made the kid an easy target to make fun of/laugh at, with it gone, the kids will move on and just find something new to make fun of. at most these kids were a bunch of dicks like i said and should be punished for bullying but i don't think it'll go past that.

 

[elcheeso]

anyway this is 4th grade, honestly it was probably just the lunchbox that made the kid an easy target to make fun of/laugh at, with it gone, the kids will move on and just find something new to make fun of. at most these kids were a bunch of dicks like i said and should be punished for bullying but i don't think it'll go past that.

Inaccurate. The kid was a target of bullying before the lunchbox (it's mentioned in one of the articles), the lunchbox (lunchbag???) just turned it up to 11. I'd argue it's more likely they won't let him live it down since he was already a target beforehand. Or at least they wouldn't if his mother hadn't taken him out of school and never intends to let him return to that particular one, which is probably for the best. I just hope those little assholes aren't getting off scot free, since no one ever taught a bully anything by making them believe they WON by making the kid leave school and/or having his queermosexual lunchbox banned.

 

[verbatim]

[15:14] <kd24> akin to the women in dark alley, the rapist should be
[15:14] <kd24> 100% punished
[15:14] <kd24> and sent to the jail
[15:14] <kd24> no one is ever "asking for it"
[15:14] <kd24> now women shouldnt have people
[15:14] <kd24> telling them they cant go outside
[15:14] <kd24> but i think the kids here are young enough
[15:14] <kd24> that the school has the right to say heres what we think is best for you
[15:17] <kd24> but w/e the mother thinks she can reason with a bunch of 4th graders, its not right for someone to be bullied but some actions have foreseeable consequences and shes choosing to be blind to it
[15:20] <@cookie> yeah you're right

tl;dr, it's not right for anyone to be bullied and no one is ever asking for it but common sense needs to be applied as well, you're literally dealing with 4 graders. are you honestly going to reason with 4th graders or get a punishment to stick? the school is looking out for the safety of the student here even if it seems they're punishing him. there is no great way to deal with this considering the ages of the kids. so the school is just trying to keep a kid from getting hurt.

I get what you're saying, but I feel like the school's "ban" isn't analogous to the women in a dark alley issue as it would have been if the counselor spent time with the kid and his parents talking about the implications of the decisions he makes on how others view him. With regards to the school making decisions for the kid, I think I'd have to disagree with you. In my mind, the child should ultimately have the right to behave as he sees fit so long as he doesn't break any of the "rules" and deal with the societal reaction he creates. (how others feel about him) That being said, once things cross the line into death threats, physical violence, prolonged harassment and the ilk, that's where the school should focus their attention on the perpetrators.

 

[Moneyminty]

Even if he doesn't take the bag to school, he'll still be bullied for bringing it in the past. Its as simple as this, bring the bag to school, get that ass whooped. Plain and simple. If you know people are gonna joke on you, keep it at home. If someone wore a kkk outfit to a all black school, expect to get that ass whooped. He knew people wouldnt accept it and continued to bring it. Fuck that sensitive shit, leave that pony bag at home bro.

 

[Blue_Tornado]

this seems like such a nonissue

it's not like it makes that much of a difference if the kid is allowed to bring the bag to school or not

otherwise it's plain bullying and that's nothing new (in the discussion sense)

 

[vonFiedler]

Just another case of American schools being dickless. Might as well make a serious thread titled "It's Wednesday".

 

[Daenym]

I find it's just another instance of the parents being hell bent on blaming someone else. If your kid comes home in tears, saying he was bullied for his MLP stuff (in addition to the bag, there were some toys), then you, as the parent, should be able to recognize it and just say "Don't use that bag." When the school tells him not to bring it anymore, which will mitigate the bullying (at least somewhat), then mom's all ready to flip out.

Anyway, I've heard enough from local people to believe that the kid wasn't nearly as much of an angel as the media/his mother is making him out to be. Certainly no one deserves to get bullied for something, but it's enough that I think the "if you wear a short skirt you're asking to be raped" analogy is baseless.

 

[Crux]

Ahhhhh the victim blaming in this thread is appalling. The primary purpose of educational institutions is to expose children to a variety of ideas about and understandings of things like gender. If the kids that I teach had engaged in this kind of behaviour then I think it's fair to say that I have a duty to teach them firstly not to be dickwads but secondly about different conceptions of gender etc and tolerating those people who don't conform. The school is attempting to take the easy way out and so are all of their defenders.

 

[Shiruba]

I don't see why this has anything to do with "gender" at all; it's just a boy that likes MLP, there is no need for any special labelling.

That said, yeah, it's pretty horrendous. "lol you deserve it for being different and sticking out, BACK TO THE CONFORMITY FURNACE FOR YOU"

Seriously? No. That's total horse shit. Those kids have no right to bully some kid just because he likes something they don't like, or that they find it strange, so he deserves to be ostracized for it. You don't have to like everyone you come into contact with, but someone being different from you sure as fuck does not give you license to mentally [or otherwise!] abuse them. It is not his fault that he was bullied; he wasn't being an asshole, he brought a bag with ponies on it for Christ's sake. How the fuck can anyone even say that it's his fault or that he deserved it at all? Those kids are definitely the ones who should be punished, not this guy. Schools are supposed to be safe places where you're allowed to express your creativity and individuality in non-destructive ways, not where you have to hide in the corner while you're ridiculed and laughed at; one of the prime duties of a school is to protect its students.

What a complete and utter joke.

 

[Chou Toshio]

出る杭は打たれる
"The nail that sicks out, is hammered down."

 

[Killah]

this seems like such a nonissue

it's not like it makes that much of a difference if the kid is allowed to bring the bag to school or not

otherwise it's plain bullying and that's nothing new (in the discussion sense)

Pretty much this. It's a lunchbox and some toys, it is not the end of the world if he's asked to stop bringing them regardless of the circumstance. It is not "victim blaming" by asking him to prevent something that is preventable, regardless of whose fault it is. Something something bad metaphor here.

The problem with the article/media/this thread is that most people are assuming that nothing at all has been done to stop this before this point. The OP itself says that he picked it out for this school year, so it's probably been going on for at least a few months. Everyone is assuming that banning the lunchbox was the first step to stop the bullying problem, when in reality we have no idea what the school has done or attempted to do up to this point to address the issue. Obviously the bullies are the problem, but bullying is a long-occurring problem with no obvious solution that people have become increasingly sensitive to. It's easy and accurate to say the bullies should be punished, but in practice the teacher and school can't monitor everything, it's hard for children to be the "tattletale" of the class, and it's very easy to see just one side of the story in cases like these.

If the school could just easily fix the problem, it would have already been fixed. Banning the bag is an easier alternative to ignore rather than fix a problem, but not really one to get up in arms about. If you want to be upset, be upset at the bullies that make stories like these possible.

That's total horse shit.

ha

 

[BenTheDemon]

wow you're an idiot.

Care to explain why you think so?

 

[Rugi]

My first name is Einar (pronounced a-nar) and because my name is rather uncommon and sounds depressingly like anus a lot of kids started calling me that in my first year of primary school. It got so bad that some teachers thought I came from a foreign land and that name was actually anus. All attempts at intervening the bullying failed and eventually to stop it I changed my preferred name to Dan.

I'm sure the teachers tried to intervene with bullying but it most likely got on such a ridiculous level that the only thing they could to solve it was ban the kid from bringing his backpack and lunchbox. Though it is in part his fault for not considering the repercussions, one must understand that when bullying gets severe it's often the victim that has to change, not the bully. As unfortunate as it is all humans are pricks and you really can't teach kids "not to bully," (trust me my school tried) and based on what I'm reading the level this got to was bad enough that it merited urgent intervention.

In short; Could the situation have been handled better? probably. Is this victim blaming? no.

 

[Trax]

Kids doing the bullying should be hit in the head with an old style metal lunch box imo.

 

[Hollymon]

Oh my. God, people are getting so worked up about... A "4th grader", which I understand to be a bunch of 9 year olds, well, being nine years old and calling names because they don't understand that some people like other tv shows than them. Why has it gotten to the press? I haven't a clue, they are just small kids and things like this happen at every school. People, calm down.

Although he should have expected this type of reaction, I do still think it is wrong to be bullied so the bullies should get some kind of punishment