Announcement Corporal Levi is your new Little Cup Co-Leader

infamy

infamy

infamy presents
HOUSE OF LEVIS​

the following email was forwarded to me by Serene Grace, who asked to be left anonymous, but like, nahhh bitch. it is written by an anonymous smogon user, whom i suspect to be Melon, based on the broken english and obvious thesaurus use. it is remarkable, and frightening, and i have come forward with it immediately upon finding it for myself. it has been edited for length.

fwd: fwd: not MY corporal!!!

hello,
i am returned from being long away in the old country, there studying the old ways, journeying, drinking, consorting with local women, reading poetry, and the like, all for to become the very best, the best there ever was. there in the old country, wretched and depraved in my ways, i discovered the ways of the christ, and gave up all other ways, the ways of journeying, drinking, women, poetry, and the like, all being given up. corporal levi does not know these ways that i know. i returned from my long and dreadful spiritual metamorphosis to my internet pocket monster battling dojo, gnarly katana at my side, ready to slay the world of baby pocket monsters, log on to discord, and see that a heretic such as he has ascended to the highest most uppermost ranks of the little cup elite®? such ways as these cannot stand, my brothers, nor can they be withstood, nor understood, for the simple mind of the pagan such as he is entirely without order and as such they act on stupid animal instincts.
...
we will not stand for this!
corporal levi is known for only playing pokemon on sundays. now, as a staunch anarcho-queer-libertarian-zapatistan-metrosyndicalist, i support his personal autonomy, but sundays, my friends, as we all know, are the lords days, and working on them is forbidden, because what the fuck, are you trying to be like better than god by playing on sundays? cause that's pretty fucked up. you can't be better than god.
we will fight the heathen!
...
(this section badly bloodstained)
--and after that i shall steal corporal levi's computer and have all of his teams! and then i shall punt corporal levi in the gonads and run off a-cackling! and then i shall control all of little cup as corporal levi! but a good, christian corporal, who does not labor on the lords day, and a good christian cannibal, too, at that, after--
...
my plans are broiling. i lie in wait. he does not know i am living in the ducts. he does not know it is i who has been stealing all the hot cheetos. he does not know that it is my need to watch pokeaimmd videos at 1080p 60fps that is slowing down his internet and making him lose all his league of legends games. he will not know, not until it is time. but time it will soon be.

adieu, my brothers.
league of shadows #1

i think an investigation is in order. who is this crazed chauvinist? what is the league of shadows? is levi in any real danger, and if he is, should we do anything about it? is he going to use the katana on levi? what is an anarcho-queer-libertarian-zapatistan-metrosyndicalist? is there any way we can tell that levi hasn't already been killed and replaced by this murderous maniac? is there really that big a difference? what does it mean to die if no one knows you're dead? what does it mean to live if no one knows you're alive? can we ever really know anything in the postmodern world?

stay safe Corporal Levi congrats!
 
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