Hi bro, you're really young, you'll likely know better days. First of all, it's very likely that your loved ones care about you, in fact if they didn't care about you, they would ignore you and wouldn't particularly want you to look after yourself, to go to the doctor. And honestly, accomplishing your teenage years isn't really a concept that makes sense to me. There is nothing to accomplish, you don't need to have a checklist and you have plenty of time to do it most of the times. You put too much pressure on yourself, or others put too much pressure on you.hey, i figured i could do another update because my mental health has been driving the way i act lately. i wanted a spot to kinda just infodump.
so, it's been a pretty eventful few months. my mental health has been.. steadily declining, and following a suicide attempt a few weeks ago i've been at my absolute lowest. struggling to reach out to friends, my doctor, my family... i felt i would rot away and no one would remember if i tried again. this still rings true. i don't have much stopping me besides the promise of better days. but... i saw my doctor again on wednesday. my dad kinda made me go, and he's getting me on therapy. i'm nervous because i had pretty bad experiences with it beforehand, but it wasn't really an option. my highs are so high and my lows are so low, i hate it. i hate this insecurity in how i might feel on any given day. i want things to get better but there's so many factors contributing to it- things i can't fix. i turn 18 next month. i haven't accomplished anything in my teenage years. i'm growing so fast; and i just want to turn time back and do it differently.
Otherwise I'm the moody / chaotic type too, I know how annoying it is.
In my experience, dark thoughts increase when you're running on empty, and it's a vicious circle because it's harder to concentrate, and some activities that require high concentration are more difficult. I'm not going to advise you to get involved in art as you obviously already are, according to your badge. But it's important to be able to cope with the dark periods: have you tried a more "manual" activity? I'm thinking of cooking, crafts, for example? Keeping your body busy can sometimes distract your mind from negative thoughts as you are concentrating on a task that doesn't require as much intellectualization as art. Meditation can also help.
Oh and also, never regret what happens, even if it goes wrong. I also regretted a lot of things when I was about your age, and it's only 3 or 4 years later that I understood that it was useless. Sometimes you want to do the right thing, or do it differently, but you just don't have the experience to make it right. It's done, full stop. And you're allowed to screw things up when you're young. I think we forgive ourselves better with hindsight.
And continue with the therapy of course, it may be useless with this particular doctor but at least it will give you useful information to draw on, and then you never know, it may work.
Anyway, life doesn't mean much sometimes. You can be happy for a long time and one day an event destroys all your equilibrium in one go, just as you can be unhappy all your life and have luck on your side at one point, and everything changes. Just because you've been sad for a while doesn't mean you're doomed, far from it. Chance often balances things out in the end.
I try to suggest practical ideas, I'm notoriously bad at moral support, sorry if that's not what you're looking for. I hope it gets better anyway! :)