Hilarious Conversations You Overheard

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#1
Listening to strangers' conversations can be highly amusing, and a great way of killing time. What are some memorable verbal exchanges that you have overheard?

I'll start. Mine's a bit of a story.

One day, I was walking across the university campus to class. I happened to come up behind a group (a gaggle?) of girls who were talking loudly and expressively, and more importantly, blocking the entire sidewalk. After stomping my feet loudly, they still didn't move out of the way, so I resigned myself to being late for class.

They were your typical sorority girls (we have a LOT of those where I attend college) and probably had about three brain cells apiece that huddled together for warmth. They were the kind of girls who end every sentence clause on an up-tone. It sounded? Like they were asking a bunch of questions? And they weren't sure? Of the answers?

Here is what I overheard.

"Haaay? Ashley? I got soooo wasted last night."

Ashley snaps her gum obnoxiously. "Noooo waaaay! Me toooooo! I, like, woke up? In some guy's room? And I was all like, ohhh my goddd."

The third girl speaks up. (She sounds slightly more neurotic than the other two.)

"Guysguysguys. I went to my health class the other day? And we learned that beer? Has a lot of calories."

The first two stare at each other and say something that sounds like a starving cat.

"Wuhhhhhhh?"

The one named Ashley speaks up. "I'm gonna stop drinking. I don't wanna get fat." Her muffin-top gyrates with determination. Meanwhile, I decide that laughter was a bad idea as a large volume of cappuccino rockets out my nostrils. The other girls are babbling something about celery, granola, and abstaining from alcoholic delights.

The fourth girl, who has said nothing until now, speaks up.

"Wait, Brittany. If you drink so much that you throw up, the calories don't count, right?"

There is a long silence as four sets of brain cells wake up from years of hibernation. I make a silent vow to always wear a microphone in the future. A burst of chatter marks a groundbreaking advancement in evolution as the girls enthusiastically agree with their friend.

Meanwhile, I take a detour to the bathroom to clean spilled coffee off my shirt and to blow my nose.
 
#3
just march right through them next time they block your way to class, their problem if they didn't want guys to rub and wiggle in between them standing on the sidewalk like that
 

RBG

Trying to get my Smods back D:
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#8
"You asked for 20 gifts [for Christmas]? That's greedy. I got 30 cause i deserved that many." - 9 year old at summer camp
 
#9
I can't top the OP but this guy I know was telling his friend about discovering a little cave and pissing all over it's walls.

The best part is he started telling the story in a way that one would begin describing a great adventure.
 
#11
"[...] so after this long computation we get the number 8888888888889, which is obviously an odd number." - Some guy from my class

"Why?" - The professor.

This was during one of my math classes in college. I decided to take a 1-semester course with people graduating to become Math teachers (not sure if there's a term for that in English, but its NOT Bachelorship) for easy 4 credits, and this is what I get.
 

mattj

blatant Nintendo fanboy
#16
12 years old. Taking a dump in a Shoney's Bathroom stall. My brother was in the adjacent stall. Quietly answering nature's call. An older gentleman and his very young grandson walks in.

I can't tell you why it was so funny. It may have had something to do with being 11, and the whole "bathroom humor" phase.

I guess they didn't realize anybody else was in the bathroom , because they had a very loud and candid conversation about "using the potty". Almost immediately, I felt the uncontrollable urge to giggle. However, I suppressed it with all my might, as I didn't want to "appear" to be some kind of bathroom-stall-weirdo. But the conversation just kept getting funnier and funnier. The line that quenched it though, was when he picked up his grandson (so he could reach the "big kid toilet") and said in a deep, booming voice, "Come on Billy, let's be pee brothers."

My brother and I both let out a loud, uproarious, uncontrollable, stall-shaking burst of laughter.

It obviously startled them because they immediately stopped talking, cleaned up, and left. My brother and I continued to quietly giggle in the stalls until they had long left. We still laugh about it these 15 years later.
 

NixHex

My dad's not a phone!
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#17
out in public somewhere

mom: Aaron, your uncle got you a nice schwinn bike, brand new. why haven't you said thank you to him? why haven't you at least sent him a thank you card?
son (about 17yo): Mom, it's a purple fucking bike!!!
 

Matthew

I love weather; Sun for days
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#19
So there's this dumb girl I try to avoid hanging out with:

"I'm so sad that none of my roommates in college are lesbians!"
"How do you know they're not lesbians?"
"One of them is dating a prince, her facebooks says she's in a relationship with Prince Charles!"
 
#22
"yeah, i really like canada. i go there sometimes to get drunk. it's cool that they don't ask for a passport at the border. i really like their theme song. i can't call it a national anthem because then i get it confused with our national anthem"
 

Layell

Alas poor Yorick!
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#24
Not one I heard, I'll try to remember some later but my friend and I will often walk down streets and we have often switched the conversation once in earshot to something completely random such as

"So right now the body is in the ravine, and I think it's starting to decompose"

or something just as odd. I've been able to get him to laugh once or twice but we're really good as playing it straight.
 
#25
There are these two dumbasses I know who are literally the lamest people I know, but they think they're the coolest people ever. A short excerpt from their conversation (please be warned, they're lying throughout the whole thing):

"Yo man I had the sickest weekend! I went to this awesome party!"
"Yeah I went to like three parties this weekend. I got so drunk, I did like six alcohols (wtf?)"
"Yeah, I'm not really a lightweight, I can do more than six. But I hooked up with two different chicks at this one party"
"Yeah sometimes when I'm feeling relaxed I'll only hook up with two but normally I can get more"

With every sentence that comes out of their mouths, the IQ of an average human goes down a point.
 
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