How full is your glass?

Martin

Killionaire
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Optimists: The glass is half full
Pessimists: The glass is half empty
Relativists: The glass is half full and half empty
Scientists: Half of the glass' internal volume contains liquid and the other half contains gas
Engineers: The glass is twice as large as it needs to be
Socialists: There isn't enough water to fill the glass
Realists: The glass contains water
Sceptics: The glass does not contain water
Psychics: You have 12 hours to live
Twitch chat: Stay hydrated!
Anime: *ice in water spontaneously clinks against the side of the glass*
Me: *drinks water*
 

GatoDelFuego

vola e vai, non ti fermare
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I sceptically foresee myself drinking half of a glass which may or may not contain liquid (it was over engineered for this task) sometime within the next 10-15 hours.

I'm optimistic about this happening.
 
I myself have no clue as to how much water is in my glass, if it even is water. I left it at home so if you could tell me the details of what and how much of previously stated thing is in it, that'd be nice. Thanks!
 
Hello and welcome to post review with me, Gustavo Magnustavo. Today we will be looking at a post titled "How full is your glass?" from performer Martin.

Optimists: The glass is half full
Pessimists: The glass is half empty
Relativists: The glass is half full and half empty
Scientists: Half of the glass' internal volume contains liquid and the other half contains gas
Our post starts by outlining its goal. It plans to list views from hypothetical walks of life, increasing humour as it reaches the end.

Engineers: The glass is twice as large as it needs to be
Ah, but the list sees a hitch. As any well rounded mathematician knows, engineers will see any number like 2 and immediately round it to π.

Socialists: There isn't enough water to fill the glass
Realists: The glass contains water
Sceptics: The glass does not contain water
The list continues along the absurd (but accurate) lines to jab various communities. Our critics saw this part of the piece and thought "wow. if i were a posting man, i would certainly want to post this. alas, i am but a critic. i do not post, for to post is to be judged on the very thing you're judging." any post that manifests these philosophical debates must be worth at least a 7 on our post rating scale. Well done.

Psychics: You have 12 hours to live
Twitch chat: Stay hydrated!
This part of the post was unfortunately harshly criticized. Our crack team of posting experts suggested the following changes:
Psychics: Oooh, I'm talking to your grandma whose name begins with a C or a K or a J or a ζ and they're saying that they're really happy and that they're having a lovely time in the spiritual world and they love you very much and that this glass of water is important yeah? Is there anyone in the audience that can relate to that? Anyone who thinks I'm talking about them? Oooh yeah, and they're telling me a phone number... yeah they're saying that... that the first digit of this number is a 0, is that right?
and
Twitch chat: The glass is full of cum.
We hope you take these harsh words not as an attack, but as help to improve your posting tenfold.

Anime: *ice in water spontaneously clinks against the side of the glass*
Me: *drinks water*
Now we reach the punchline of our post. After all these observations made by many hypothetical people about the glass of water, the poster drinks it. The skeptics will surely be concerned that you just drank a glass of what could very well be hydrofluoric acid, while the twitch chat is spamming KEKW and reporting you for violating the twitch terms of service.
 

TailGlowVM

Now 100% more demonic
is a Pre-Contributor
Me: I want to know what happened to the glass before the water was put in it. If it was filled halfway then it is half full, if it was filled completely then someone removed some of the water it is half emptied. If it always has had half a glass of water in it then... I want to know how that is possible.
 

DKM

If you're reading this, you're too close
I keep examing the glass.
Depressed at how it may never be full.
But my depression stops me from accepting the half that's full.
Then I become guilty for feeling bad while other peoples' glasses aren't even half full.



I never even wanted a glass.
 

Ullar

NOT A KURIBOH
is a Live Chat Contributor
me: water you doing, glass?

glass:

me: are you halfing a good day?

glass:

me: time for me to drink in this philosophical quandary! haha

glass:

me: hmm. i suppose it doesn't matter if it's closer to full or empty - all i care about is if its closer to the end than i am! haha

glass:

me: i tell these jokes. these trite, unfunny jokes. i hope for laughter, praise, approval. and yet i get nothing. and why should i not? they warrant nothing. despite this repeated, identical failure, i continue down this same path over and over. it never ends. do i never want it to end? am i the architect of my own anguish?

glass:

me: i know that water gives life. so many of the organisms inhabiting this world require it to survive, to thrive. and yet, half full or half empty, this glass does not hold enough. it can never hold enough. it can never quench my thirst to be loved. could you, glass? could you, water? could you, empty space contained therein?

glass:

me: no, i suppose not. why would an object help me when i have the means to help myself, and refuse to do so? how could it, for that matter? it cannot spring to life, fully formed and anthropomorphic. life doesn't form that way. but...life can end that way. would i be missed if i was gone? no, how could i be? i do not merit discussion, save that of the most derisive tones. i do not contribute, i am not worthy. i cannot live in this world.

me: picks up glass, tremblingly perhaps i will fare better in the next. smashes glass into skull, causing unconsciousness. subsequent bleeding out results in death. none came to help.

my tombstone: "devoted father, empty glass of water. we wish you let us fill you."
 

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