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How have your past girlfriend/boyfriend relationships been?
- Thread starter Fishy
- Start date
I wouldn't necessarily think it's being "macho". I think it's simply one too many times that a girl says "I'd rather be friends." If that means that she'd rather stay friends or if she's just looking for an excuse to say no, the end result is the same: Friend Zone Paranoia.
Yeah, I think the friend zone is an illusion created by two things, depending on the person:
a) An excuse to not ask out people they're friends with, because they fear rejection or whatever.
b) More commonly, getting turned down by friends and then assuming it's because they're friends that they said no. Protip: They said no because they weren't interested in you, not because they were your friend.
You don't know that for sure. I've had friends that I'd consider closer to sisters than potential girlfriend and I wouldn't date them because it would change the dynamic too much. I fully agree with the rest, but the bolded part isn't always true.
That's still not you turning them down because they're your friend, at least how I'm reading it. You're not interested in them in a romantic fashion; so you wouldn't date them.
Chill Murray
get well soon jacoby..
I'd rather not get into my previous relationship, but I do have some advice for people who are looking to be in relationships (the reason why I decided to read the thread):
- Have self-respect for yourself. This may be hard, especially if you're "friend-zoned" or have issues with low self-esteem, but cultivating a healthy sense of self-respect can only do you good. Having little or no self-respect may end up causing you harm. Consider the following feedback loop: you have a crush on or are otherwise attracted to someone else. However, you consider yourself "not good enough" for them, which will most likely keep yourself from acting on your feelings, which will make you feel worse about yourself, which will then further prolong action on your part, etc.
- If you are in a relationship, be aware that there are physiological reasons for not feeling "that old spark" in your relationship. A gross oversimplification would be to say that, when the relationship is new, one's brain produces a lot of a "wanting" neurotransmitter whenever you're with your significant other. However, as the relationship goes on, your brain pumps out less of the "wanting" neurotransmitter and more of a "cuddle" or "contentment" neurotransmitter. It's not necessarily that you love your partner less, it's just that the kind of love changes. That's not to say you'll eventually stop wanting your partner altogether, but be aware that we humans seem to be wired to behave this way when we're in love.
- Have self-respect for yourself. This may be hard, especially if you're "friend-zoned" or have issues with low self-esteem, but cultivating a healthy sense of self-respect can only do you good. Having little or no self-respect may end up causing you harm. Consider the following feedback loop: you have a crush on or are otherwise attracted to someone else. However, you consider yourself "not good enough" for them, which will most likely keep yourself from acting on your feelings, which will make you feel worse about yourself, which will then further prolong action on your part, etc.
- If you are in a relationship, be aware that there are physiological reasons for not feeling "that old spark" in your relationship. A gross oversimplification would be to say that, when the relationship is new, one's brain produces a lot of a "wanting" neurotransmitter whenever you're with your significant other. However, as the relationship goes on, your brain pumps out less of the "wanting" neurotransmitter and more of a "cuddle" or "contentment" neurotransmitter. It's not necessarily that you love your partner less, it's just that the kind of love changes. That's not to say you'll eventually stop wanting your partner altogether, but be aware that we humans seem to be wired to behave this way when we're in love.
Oof, strange topic. Well seeing as it was only a little while ago since my first/only. Its a pretty weird story, I was a Fresh. (HS) and she was a Soph., and it just happened that we both needed Homecoming dates. I had seen her before in my german class, at first I thought she looked kinda weird (truth be told she looked like she could be related to me...) and come October this other girl who talked to us both convinced me to ask her to the dance and, of course, me being the most socially awkward person you don't know, I asked her in front of a bunch of her friends. It was more of a mumble as I'm not really that outspoken. About two weeks after that I asked her out, still not really knowing what kind of person she was, nor did she know me. I was the definition of a lame and boring boyfriend, not having a clue on what this stuff was all about, so I only really talked to her at school or online (not once on the phone).
So that continued to about the end of the summer, and there we were, back to school. I had decided to be more proactive, but it was like every time I asked if she wanted to go somewhere, she had plans already. About three weeks before she ended it, I knew it was coming, not only did things seem different, but sooner or later it was gonna have to break off (she was a year older than me...). She started talking to me less and less, and would ignore my messages online, which was torture because my mind will just take those things and play them up to no end. At that point we stopped hugging, but it never was really a physical relationship. I just can't bring myself to initiate contact, I wouldn't be able to live with myself should I ever disrespect a girl, honestly that scares the sh*t out of me. So one day in november at school, we were in the same free period, she just said it wasn't gonna work, that she didn't want my high school experience to be crazy and the sorts of stuff. Now thoughtful sure, but I can usually tell when someone is lying to me, just one of many things I never told her (I tend to keep things to myself).
I don't really talk to her now, she still tries to talk to me every now and then. There is another dance coming up where the girls ask the guys, and, me being bored thought up the idea that she might ask me. At this point I'm not sure what I would say (let alone if she even does), but its leaning to a no. It was a fun year, and I wouldn't take it back if I had the chance, I definitely learned from it. I still tend to keep to my own, and just try to be nice whenever I can. Where I go from here, who knows, now that I think about it, I am only a Soph.. I'm not gonna complain though, I've got the academics down, and I have the goal that I'm going to do what ever I want to do after High School. I am a lucky bastard too, as I put the least amount of effort possible yet this stuff (math and science) still comes easy to me.
Well, thats my story, sorry for the read I guess, I tried to refrain from typing to much (story of my life...). I liked getting this all out though. ;)
So that continued to about the end of the summer, and there we were, back to school. I had decided to be more proactive, but it was like every time I asked if she wanted to go somewhere, she had plans already. About three weeks before she ended it, I knew it was coming, not only did things seem different, but sooner or later it was gonna have to break off (she was a year older than me...). She started talking to me less and less, and would ignore my messages online, which was torture because my mind will just take those things and play them up to no end. At that point we stopped hugging, but it never was really a physical relationship. I just can't bring myself to initiate contact, I wouldn't be able to live with myself should I ever disrespect a girl, honestly that scares the sh*t out of me. So one day in november at school, we were in the same free period, she just said it wasn't gonna work, that she didn't want my high school experience to be crazy and the sorts of stuff. Now thoughtful sure, but I can usually tell when someone is lying to me, just one of many things I never told her (I tend to keep things to myself).
I don't really talk to her now, she still tries to talk to me every now and then. There is another dance coming up where the girls ask the guys, and, me being bored thought up the idea that she might ask me. At this point I'm not sure what I would say (let alone if she even does), but its leaning to a no. It was a fun year, and I wouldn't take it back if I had the chance, I definitely learned from it. I still tend to keep to my own, and just try to be nice whenever I can. Where I go from here, who knows, now that I think about it, I am only a Soph.. I'm not gonna complain though, I've got the academics down, and I have the goal that I'm going to do what ever I want to do after High School. I am a lucky bastard too, as I put the least amount of effort possible yet this stuff (math and science) still comes easy to me.
Well, thats my story, sorry for the read I guess, I tried to refrain from typing to much (story of my life...). I liked getting this all out though. ;)
*applauds above poster*
That is a touching story. I would befriend you if we went to school together, but that's because i try to be either everyone's friend or everyone else's enemy.
So since i better stay on topic:
My one and only Relationship is still ongoing. I am Currently a senior in high school, and so is she, but she is 8 months older than I am. but that is just a detail. how we met is the interesting part... *ripple to past for flashback*
8th Grade, I knew everyone, but no one liked me. so i decided to build a friendship with someone who had a similar mindset to mine. at the time, my current hobbie was Yu-Gi-Oh. so I found people who played, and talked to them. one person in particular introduced me to another, and i started hanging out with him, sitting next to him to talk at lunch and whatnot. one day, we moved tables, to sit next to more of our friends, and one of the girls at the table was Crying. so we spent the lunch Consoling her for her recent breakup. by the end of that lunch period, I was in love, but afraid to say something, for the same reasons that Krank above me was. so i put it behind me.
*move forward to Homecoming. Freshman year*
I'm alone, but i figured i'd go to the dance and see if i can't just talk to my friends. Turns out that she had gone for the same reason. so I talked to her and her friend the whole night. her friend and i had exchange AIM names, and through her i got a hold of the girl of my dreams. I started talking to her, and found out that her mom had some stupid rule about not dating until a certain age or w/e, but we decided to try it out anyway. this was one week after homecoming, September 29, 2006. and we are still happily together, both still virgins (I don't want to be the one to spoil someone's innocence) and I plan on proposing to her once i get the money, and the time in my schedule, but seeing as how I am the current President/founder of our schools gamer club, and I'm in the top Choir in the school, I don't see that happening for a long time. But i do love her.
That is a touching story. I would befriend you if we went to school together, but that's because i try to be either everyone's friend or everyone else's enemy.
So since i better stay on topic:
My one and only Relationship is still ongoing. I am Currently a senior in high school, and so is she, but she is 8 months older than I am. but that is just a detail. how we met is the interesting part... *ripple to past for flashback*
8th Grade, I knew everyone, but no one liked me. so i decided to build a friendship with someone who had a similar mindset to mine. at the time, my current hobbie was Yu-Gi-Oh. so I found people who played, and talked to them. one person in particular introduced me to another, and i started hanging out with him, sitting next to him to talk at lunch and whatnot. one day, we moved tables, to sit next to more of our friends, and one of the girls at the table was Crying. so we spent the lunch Consoling her for her recent breakup. by the end of that lunch period, I was in love, but afraid to say something, for the same reasons that Krank above me was. so i put it behind me.
*move forward to Homecoming. Freshman year*
I'm alone, but i figured i'd go to the dance and see if i can't just talk to my friends. Turns out that she had gone for the same reason. so I talked to her and her friend the whole night. her friend and i had exchange AIM names, and through her i got a hold of the girl of my dreams. I started talking to her, and found out that her mom had some stupid rule about not dating until a certain age or w/e, but we decided to try it out anyway. this was one week after homecoming, September 29, 2006. and we are still happily together, both still virgins (I don't want to be the one to spoil someone's innocence) and I plan on proposing to her once i get the money, and the time in my schedule, but seeing as how I am the current President/founder of our schools gamer club, and I'm in the top Choir in the school, I don't see that happening for a long time. But i do love her.
I think you would be right to say no if she was to ask you to the next dance, but I doubt it will happen; she probably feels similar to you.
The paranoid worry about disrespecting a girl is something I think is very common with nerdy boys, and at it's worst it can make guys feel guilty about being sexually attracted to someone, and so they only pursue girls (or guys) they're not attracted to, which usually creates a series of short-lived disfunctional relationships.
I think it's part of this stereotypical cultural idea that women aren't supposed to want sex (but they are expected to do it for their man's sake), and that it's inherently exploitative, etc. Which is, of course, totally untrue; girls enjoy sex just as much as boys do. It's something you have to keep in mind, but it tends to be quite an instinctive attitude that takes experience and such to get over.
Just remember; it's not a bad thing to want/enjoy sex or to be physically attracted to someone. Indeed, it is an essential part of any healthy relationship (though not the only essential part).
EDIT: I also think it's good you're not too cut up about it all. You're still very young, and you'll have plenty of time and opportunities for relationships after high school.
Okay, so I don't want to sound overly harsh, here, but there are a few things I want to note here.
1) It is an extremely common mistake for young guys to mistake pity for genuine attraction. The fact that you've been together for over three years suggests that this isn't a problem here, but countless boys have been in the same position and from the way you describe yourself falling in love with a teary girl over the course of a lunch time is an almost textbook example, which makes me think you got lucky in this case.
2) Having sex with someone isn't spoiling their innocence; assuming you're not basing this on religious convictions, this is a silly trope that a lot of young people seem to attribute to virginity. The whole concept is based around dowry value. That's not to say you should rush into sex if you're not ready, because sexual activity requires both parties to be willing and responsible; but to label it as some act of debasement is a very repressed attitude.
3) Rushing into marriage is as much a mistake as rushing into sex. At your age, you're still young and not yet developed into the people you will be for the rest of your life (indeed, post high-school is when people really start to change and solidify their identity).
Before even considering marriage, I think, couples should have been living together for at the barest of bare minima, six months. You do not ever really know someone entirely until you've lived under the same roof, and got used to their idiosyncracies. Marriage, like moving out, moving in with someone else, going to college, etc. are all huge steps, and trying to do all of them at once is just crazy.
Other than those things, though, I think your story is a nice one, and I wish you the best of luck.
pretty good? holy understatement batman ;)
I will say that I would never recommend the way I got into my relationship to anyone. I'm the type that will hang around a girl, be nice to her, listen to her, and hopefully get her to think fondly of me. That is basically what happened with me, but that will never happen for most people - girls simply aren't into that.
I understand that the "better" way to do it is "dating" and "taking it slow" - but that's know how I feel; if I like a girl, it's a very short step to thinking about *being* with that girl, or that's how I've felt in the past.
My problem is that I'm both shy (afraid of rejection), romantic (highly idealistic when it comes to love) and have extraordinarily high expectations (I don't see the point of courtship that doesn't have a long-term stable relationship as the end-point). There are times when I smother my girlfriend with love, and she's very loving and devoted to me. But it's just me, my default response to "girl I like" is "cuddle her and shower with kisses and walk hand-in-hand everywhere" than "take her to a movie and see what develops".
Girlfriend of 4 years atm. She's pretty swell, if I do say so myself.
Are you my long-lost twin or something? Because this is basically me.
Not in the kind of relationship I would be seeking if I were seeking one.
Then you're not seeking the right relationship; physical attraction is as essential as emotional attraction, even if you don't plan to have sex.
@MM and Ancien: I am the same, and I assume a huge number of boys are (certainly, many of the boys that I have known personally are). Indeed, I don't doubt it's the fact I'm not currently pursuing anyone that allows me to make the level-headed/well-grounded/common-sense judgments of both other people's relationships and of the appropriate behaviours to have in starting or continuing one.
I'll probably need people to cite me my own advice when I meet the next girl I fancy.
Looking back on that, It isn't really how I intended it to come off. Its not really that I'm scared, its more of a shy/nervous/excited wreck when I think about it/ go in for 'the kill'. On a side note, however, I thought she was very attractive, though very awkward-looking when playing sports. ;)
And as for her asking me, it was more of a false hope type of thing to help me get over it a little quicker back when it happened.
Let's see....
I've had some of the awkwardest, most unusual relationships with the three guys I've ever "dated."
I never really count the first one as a boyfriend. We were both in sixth grade and mutually "liked" the other. There was no kissing involved (we were what, eleven?), but lots of hugging and just talking to one another. He was actually the person that got me into competitive Pokemon. That particular relationship ended when I found out that he spends six months of the year in Florida with his other parent, almost 2000 miles away from here.
I stayed single for a long time after that, and understandably so. I was always the weird, quiet kid before I joined my school's marching band. Even once I joined and came out of my shell so-to-speak, I was too much of a wallflower to interest guys much. Then, my ninth grade year, one of the new members started following me around and being ridiculously nice to me....this being significant because he was "the annoying, jackass, loner new-kid with no friends." About a month later during the annual trip the the local amusement park for a parade, he tagged along all day with my riding group. When it came to the ride that we were paired up on, a roller coaster no less, he put his arm around me for the whole ride....and sure enough screamed louder than I did. That was the beginning of a year-long relationship. To this day, he's the person I've "gone the farthest" with-- first kiss, first make-out, and a few other firsts. We stopped just short of actually having sex, mainly because we were fourteen at the time and we felt sort of awkward.
That relationship went great for the first ten months, but towards the end of the tenth month, he started smoking and went into a really, really bad depression. He started picking fights whenever he could and ignoring me completely some days. I was reluctant to give up on him because of a loyalty problem I have, but eventually one night he swore at me and said I was bitch for caring about his safety. Well...I was reduced to tears. I ended up breaking up with him a few days later, the day before his birthday. And even then, I was the only person that year to even say happy birthday. Shortly after that incident, he quit the band and basically fell off the face of the earth.
That one hurt, a lot. I spent a long time trying to recover from that mess. During this recovery, another younger band member started coming to me for advice and whatnot, since I had been friends with him for a long time beforehand. One thing led to another, and I dated him for about a week. It was short lived because I found out during that week that he was really a horny pig and was manipulating my hurt over my previous boyfriend to get me to do what he wanted. Honestly, I haven't talked to him since then. That whole mess taught me that relationships can seriously fuck up friendships.
Recently, however, the second boyfriend has started talking to me again. For one reason or another. He's apologized for the falling out, and even started wearing the dogtag I bought him for christmas during our relationship again. To be honest, I've even kissed him a few times since the communication began. I can't foresee this ending well, though....what does Smogon think?
And that's where I stand right now. ._.
tl;dr version- My relationships have ended shittily, but the best and most traumatic of those seems to be coming back up.
I've had some of the awkwardest, most unusual relationships with the three guys I've ever "dated."
I never really count the first one as a boyfriend. We were both in sixth grade and mutually "liked" the other. There was no kissing involved (we were what, eleven?), but lots of hugging and just talking to one another. He was actually the person that got me into competitive Pokemon. That particular relationship ended when I found out that he spends six months of the year in Florida with his other parent, almost 2000 miles away from here.
I stayed single for a long time after that, and understandably so. I was always the weird, quiet kid before I joined my school's marching band. Even once I joined and came out of my shell so-to-speak, I was too much of a wallflower to interest guys much. Then, my ninth grade year, one of the new members started following me around and being ridiculously nice to me....this being significant because he was "the annoying, jackass, loner new-kid with no friends." About a month later during the annual trip the the local amusement park for a parade, he tagged along all day with my riding group. When it came to the ride that we were paired up on, a roller coaster no less, he put his arm around me for the whole ride....and sure enough screamed louder than I did. That was the beginning of a year-long relationship. To this day, he's the person I've "gone the farthest" with-- first kiss, first make-out, and a few other firsts. We stopped just short of actually having sex, mainly because we were fourteen at the time and we felt sort of awkward.
That relationship went great for the first ten months, but towards the end of the tenth month, he started smoking and went into a really, really bad depression. He started picking fights whenever he could and ignoring me completely some days. I was reluctant to give up on him because of a loyalty problem I have, but eventually one night he swore at me and said I was bitch for caring about his safety. Well...I was reduced to tears. I ended up breaking up with him a few days later, the day before his birthday. And even then, I was the only person that year to even say happy birthday. Shortly after that incident, he quit the band and basically fell off the face of the earth.
That one hurt, a lot. I spent a long time trying to recover from that mess. During this recovery, another younger band member started coming to me for advice and whatnot, since I had been friends with him for a long time beforehand. One thing led to another, and I dated him for about a week. It was short lived because I found out during that week that he was really a horny pig and was manipulating my hurt over my previous boyfriend to get me to do what he wanted. Honestly, I haven't talked to him since then. That whole mess taught me that relationships can seriously fuck up friendships.
Recently, however, the second boyfriend has started talking to me again. For one reason or another. He's apologized for the falling out, and even started wearing the dogtag I bought him for christmas during our relationship again. To be honest, I've even kissed him a few times since the communication began. I can't foresee this ending well, though....what does Smogon think?
And that's where I stand right now. ._.
tl;dr version- My relationships have ended shittily, but the best and most traumatic of those seems to be coming back up.
Call me cynical, but I don't think seeing the second guy again is going to fix anything. He clearly has a bunch of personality issues, and while things might go well at first, it is likely that he will eventually lapse back into similar attitudes and behaviours. The reason he came back is probably not from any care for you, but simply loneliness and a lack of anyone caring for him.
Revisiting old flames rarely ends with happiness. I would cut off contact as best you can and try not to give him any ideas of getting back together.
andrea
/me cresselias
I pretty much agree with this, but I'd like to add that you probably could be a friend to him. That seems to be what he needs at the time... You can try to be friends with him without reinstating a relationship.
Don't settle for less than what you deserve, though. I can relate to you being shy... I was quite the quiet person in high school until my junior year. I was even a band geek for 5 years, lol. It can be easy to say yes to the first guy that comes along and pays attention to you… just lemme say that its so much better to wait until you actually find a guy that you are truly interested in. It can be hard to let the old BF go- and I made that mistake just earlier this year by somewhat getting back together with him, and I don’t plan on making the same mistake again. It does you no good to beat a dead horse (haha).
Well, that’s my two cents. =/
This baffles me. You're saying that a non-physical relationship is not the right kind of relationship, but why?
Oh, I was just as cynical. I honestly felt as thought I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.....and given that he's roughly twice my weight and a full foot taller now, that is not very far. But as the communication went on, he started to tell me stuff that made a hell of a lot of sense regarding his personality issues; having one parent that really doesn't give a damn he's alive, abusive siblings, life-long health problems....I felt horrible.
Yes, especially after these conversations, that same reason for contacting me again crossed my mind. It would make sense that he'd come back to the only person who ever really cared for him, after everyone else beat him down more. But that's where I encounter my problem-- I am way too softhearted to cut off from him completely. I know having any sort of contact with someone like that is unhealthy, but I can't bring myself to leave him with no one at all.
And so....that's exactly what I'm trying to do. ._.; I guess time will tell.
Haha, band geeks rule. ;)
I'm not quite as shy anymore. I should have mentioned that it my first post, haha. It's less of a "oh my god, people" quietness, more of a "leave me alone" sort of deal. People who I'm around a lot know me to be far from quiet. =D
I do know not to accept a relationship from any old schmuck, though. XP There have been guys I've turned down because they didn't interest me at all. In one case, it was one of my closest friends. Nice guy, just....would not make a very good boyfriend.
You do have some good points, though. It's always good to hear from another girl. And, why beat a dead horse when you can beat live ones? XD
Thanks to both of you.
I had a girlfriend, but we broke up a couple of days ago...
It was long-range distance only, I had a random person warned me of her, (she seemed suspicious in the way she talked to other guys)
& today, a friend told me she wasn't surpised that we broke up...
So, I'm sure that breaking up with her was the right thing to do...
& because it was long-range only, I should've never had started the realtionship...
I have learned from my mistake, so the next relationship I have will be the face-to-face kind...
I posted this in the hope of others not repeating my stupid mistake,
& in the hopes of me not making them (stupid mistakes)...
It was long-range distance only, I had a random person warned me of her, (she seemed suspicious in the way she talked to other guys)
& today, a friend told me she wasn't surpised that we broke up...
So, I'm sure that breaking up with her was the right thing to do...
& because it was long-range only, I should've never had started the realtionship...
I have learned from my mistake, so the next relationship I have will be the face-to-face kind...
I posted this in the hope of others not repeating my stupid mistake,
& in the hopes of me not making them (stupid mistakes)...
While I've never actually been in a relationship (which, I guess is pretty sad considering I'm 19 now :/), I have had my troubles before.
When I was 15, I had a bit of a crush on this girl in my grade 9 science class. She was quite good looking, and was a very nice girl as well. I didn't really think too much of it at first, and I honestly didn't think I would even try to make anything of it. Once summer came, I started talking to her a lot on MSN (instead of trying to hang out with her lol), and one of my friends was kind of like prodding me to act on my feelings. I have a really bad fear of rejection, but I somehow conjured up the guts to tell this girl how I felt. Yeah, in hindsight, not a good idea. The reason being that not only was she already going out with someone, but she's also a bisexual, which honestly, was something I wasn't prepared for.
Anyways, I was perfectly fine with this for a week or so, but then, I randomly fell into a bad stage of depression which lasted for almost a whole year (I probably should've gone to the doctor for this, now that I think about it). I started becoming really needy and clingy to this girl, and obviously, this did not come off well. This lasted for a long time well into the school year. Honestly, looking back, I feel really bad for her for dealing with me. No girl should have to deal with a clingy motherfucker bugging her for as long as she did. I'm just glad that she rejected me, because I don't think it would've ended well if I got into a relationship with her. This is the basic gist of the story, I'm not going to go into the details, but honestly, I'm ashamed of the way I acted when I was in grade 10. I suppose it was a good learning experience though. The fact that she still remained friends with me after that shows that she's quite a forgiving person though.
Once I got into grade 11, however, I started improving on myself (as in, I started acting like myself and not some creep), and I promised myself to never, ever be clingy or overly needy to anyone again. The sheer annoyance that people have to endure is insane, and I don't want to ever impose that on anyone again. That, and I don't want to be protrayed as creepy, emo, or a loser. I got out of my depression at this time as well, thanks to a couple of my really close friends; it was a good feeling to finally let the depression go. I've been 'groovin on life' ever since.
Right now, I don't have any intention to get into a relationship. However, I secretly have a crush on one of my really close friends who's been close friends with me since we were both 4 years old. While I don't believe in that "friendzone" crap at all, I do believe that if one is going to intiate a relationship with a really close friend, they should be looking for a long-term relationship, or it should not happen at all.
This is the reason I'm probably not going to tell her anytime in the near future unless it somehow comes up in casual conversation, or unless she has feelings for me and tells me (which is not out of the question at all, since there are several signs that would point to it). Note that just because we would possibly tell each other, it doesn't mean we would be making anything of it. She's in university right now, and she has quite a bit of work on her plate (especially with a part-time job). She's commuting though. However, I'm only going to be living in Brampton for 8 more months, and even while I'm in Brampton, I need to find a full-time job to help pay for uni [just a note, I'm the older one, people might mistake that since I'm taking an extra semester of high school]. After that, I'm going to be going to university in Ottawa. Obviously, Ottawa and Brampton are quite far away, 6 hours by car, or a $70 bus ride. If we're both in university with tons of work, and we both are living quite far away from each other, I don't foresee such a long-distance relationship working too well, especially since neither of us are fans of the phone conversations (though we do use it if we have to), and MSN is quite emotionless, boring, and bland for talking IMO. I dunno, it just seems like it might be too much added stress for both of us if we were to have a relationship now.
I'm guessing it's probably a better idea to just go to university single anyway, since I'm hopefully going to meet a lot of people there, and hopefully some of those people will include girls.
lol anyway, tl;dr. Thanks for reading if you did.
When I was 15, I had a bit of a crush on this girl in my grade 9 science class. She was quite good looking, and was a very nice girl as well. I didn't really think too much of it at first, and I honestly didn't think I would even try to make anything of it. Once summer came, I started talking to her a lot on MSN (instead of trying to hang out with her lol), and one of my friends was kind of like prodding me to act on my feelings. I have a really bad fear of rejection, but I somehow conjured up the guts to tell this girl how I felt. Yeah, in hindsight, not a good idea. The reason being that not only was she already going out with someone, but she's also a bisexual, which honestly, was something I wasn't prepared for.
Anyways, I was perfectly fine with this for a week or so, but then, I randomly fell into a bad stage of depression which lasted for almost a whole year (I probably should've gone to the doctor for this, now that I think about it). I started becoming really needy and clingy to this girl, and obviously, this did not come off well. This lasted for a long time well into the school year. Honestly, looking back, I feel really bad for her for dealing with me. No girl should have to deal with a clingy motherfucker bugging her for as long as she did. I'm just glad that she rejected me, because I don't think it would've ended well if I got into a relationship with her. This is the basic gist of the story, I'm not going to go into the details, but honestly, I'm ashamed of the way I acted when I was in grade 10. I suppose it was a good learning experience though. The fact that she still remained friends with me after that shows that she's quite a forgiving person though.
Once I got into grade 11, however, I started improving on myself (as in, I started acting like myself and not some creep), and I promised myself to never, ever be clingy or overly needy to anyone again. The sheer annoyance that people have to endure is insane, and I don't want to ever impose that on anyone again. That, and I don't want to be protrayed as creepy, emo, or a loser. I got out of my depression at this time as well, thanks to a couple of my really close friends; it was a good feeling to finally let the depression go. I've been 'groovin on life' ever since.
Right now, I don't have any intention to get into a relationship. However, I secretly have a crush on one of my really close friends who's been close friends with me since we were both 4 years old. While I don't believe in that "friendzone" crap at all, I do believe that if one is going to intiate a relationship with a really close friend, they should be looking for a long-term relationship, or it should not happen at all.
This is the reason I'm probably not going to tell her anytime in the near future unless it somehow comes up in casual conversation, or unless she has feelings for me and tells me (which is not out of the question at all, since there are several signs that would point to it). Note that just because we would possibly tell each other, it doesn't mean we would be making anything of it. She's in university right now, and she has quite a bit of work on her plate (especially with a part-time job). She's commuting though. However, I'm only going to be living in Brampton for 8 more months, and even while I'm in Brampton, I need to find a full-time job to help pay for uni [just a note, I'm the older one, people might mistake that since I'm taking an extra semester of high school]. After that, I'm going to be going to university in Ottawa. Obviously, Ottawa and Brampton are quite far away, 6 hours by car, or a $70 bus ride. If we're both in university with tons of work, and we both are living quite far away from each other, I don't foresee such a long-distance relationship working too well, especially since neither of us are fans of the phone conversations (though we do use it if we have to), and MSN is quite emotionless, boring, and bland for talking IMO. I dunno, it just seems like it might be too much added stress for both of us if we were to have a relationship now.
I'm guessing it's probably a better idea to just go to university single anyway, since I'm hopefully going to meet a lot of people there, and hopefully some of those people will include girls.
lol anyway, tl;dr. Thanks for reading if you did.