Serious LGBTQ+

First time posting here, so not sure where to start.

I considered myself straight, however there were things that have changed my mind a bit. I'm mainly sharing this here because all of this was thanks to this site, so if you want to know how mons can "change" the life of a person, read below...

I met Sadlysius last year in a teamtour, but we didn't talk anything back on then. I met him again on another teamtour months later, and this is where it all began. We started to talk and found out that we had a lot in common and talking with him was awesome (we are also from the same country!). After talking everyday for months I confessed my feelings for him; we were both confused about our orientation but we knew that we loved each other. Currently, we have been in a relationship for more than 2 months and all I can say is that I regret nothing. He is one of the best persons I've ever met and the fact that all of this happened thanks to a online Pokémon tournament has opened my eyes about life as a whole and makes me feel a little weird too, but I know that there is nothing wrong with that :)

I'm sorry if there wasn't enough words for a post but thanks for reading and have a great day :)
 
So I figured since I'm just now seeing this thread, I'd post my story. Be ready because it's... a hell of a ride and there's some controversial stuff that I feel like people won't like so just be ready. If you're not comfortable with gender dysphoria related experiences, don't read this. I'd like to preface all the stuff I'm about to type by clarifying that sexuality wise, I'm straight. I experimented with kissing guys when I was young (because it was the cool thing to do in the emo / scene community at the time), but quickly realized that I'm just not attracted to men. I'm also going to preface this by stating that I'm not going to talk about my romantic relationships, because a good portion of them were toxic as shit. A particular partner assaulted me, and then did some incredibly unforgivable things toward me (thank god I never moved in with her). That's all you need to know. I will not be saying any specific names in this either.

Now to begin my life's story. When I was 12 I suffered a serious bicycle accident that gave me severe permanent frontal and temporal brain lobe damage (thanks concussion), enough dental injury to require four veneers for my front teeth that were almost knocked out, and eight root canals in total. It also gave me a lot of mental issues including anxiety, paranoia, amnesia of most of my childhood, permanent short and long term memory issues, OCD, etc. One thing that it gave me in particular though is something that was far more consuming in my life as a result of the damage. Gender Dysphoria.

Within weeks of my accident at age 12 I started to have overwhelming, consuming thoughts of becoming a woman. Specifically with the name Jennifer. It only progressively got worse as due to being bedridden from the accident for over a month, I had started my deep dive into the internet and all of the culture that came with mid to late 2000s internet nonsense. I started running my own forums (particularly roleplaying anime themed forums) where I would RP with friends (some of which I still talk to today) as a woman. I could never really express these feelings with IRL things such as trying on women's clothing, hormone treatments, etc. The closest I could get was borrowing make up from some of said previously mentioned emo friends when we would hang out, then remove it before I got home. (I grew up in a very affluent part of California, which is hands down one of the most judgmental states in the entire US, especially the rich parts), so there was a certain "image" to uphold, and I couldn't be open about my dysphoria until I got a job and moved out into my own place.

By that point where I had moved out (19), the thoughts weren't as consuming as before. Why this is? I'm not sure. Maybe I suppressed it so much that it didn't become a factor, maybe I was so consumed with work / romantic relationships / music that I didn't have time to let it consume me. All I know is, at 19 when I moved out I didn't hate the person I saw in the mirror as much as I did before. After I split up with my girlfriend at the time and she moved out, I started to focus more inward and was forced to confront these thoughts once again. Eventually I decided that a good way to help my dysphoria was to get a tattoo of what I would look like as a woman inked on my left arm, and I did. It actually helped tremendously, but at that point I was being far more open and wanted to really share my thoughts with the world, to see if anyone was like me.

At 21 years old my introduction to the LBGT community was... an incredibly mixed bag, and I'd like to explain why. Everyone I knew in real life (and pretty much ONLY in real life) who was LBGT welcomed me and my story with open arms. They were extremely positive, uplifting, and wonderful to be around. It felt wholesome, and I didn't feel alone in my weird struggles. No-one could exactly relate to getting Dysphoria from brain damage instead of being born with it because no-one really knew anyone other than me who that happened to, but they still offered their love and support and helped me to experiment with things I wasn't able to do as a teenager. The online LBGT community though... this is why I call it a mixed bag. 95% of the time when I post my story on the internet, those in communities absolutely ripped me to shreds. Saying that I was transphobic for even IMPLYING that dysphoria is anything other than something that you're born with. I was shunned from most communities until I found specific ones that would actually hear me out.

Along with this, a lot of these online LBGT communities would look at my profile and see that I lean Conservative politically (Not Trumpservative, there's a difference. Trump is an authoritarian hypocrite who doesn't represent actual Conservatives, but I'll delve into more of my experiences with that later) and would claim that I'm "not allowed to be trans" or "not allowed to have dysphoric experiences" because of what I believed. I then figured "well shit, I might as well open up to Conservative communities and see what they think." Most of the online conservatives went above and beyond to try and accept me and my Dysphoria, I was actually completely shocked because I had been told all my life growing up in probably the most liberal state in the US that Conservatives were nothing but hateful towards people like me, but they didn't care. They respected what I had to say. They didn't particularly like my appearance, but they understood that I wasn't harming anyone and didn't bring it up.

So here I was at this crossroad of the LBGT community was so fractured towards me that I didn't know where I really belonged at the end. I couldn't call myself a full Conservative because I didn't agree with all conservative policies (just a good number of them), and I couldn't really call myself LBGT due to almost every community except non-local IRL communities shunning me and saying that I couldn't have dysphoria from brain damage. So in frustration I just started heavily diving into the music scene as a whole. I had already been a vocalist for five years at that point, but I started really trying to expand on that and all that I had learned from years of practice. I got together a band with one of my good friends from high school, recorded a sick demo with some big names in the southern California scene actually backing us and doing drum tech for us and whatnot, and our first show was going to be opening for Attila (for those of you not familiar with metalcore, they're a massive band). Then the band fell apart, and everything I'd worked for disappeared relatively in an instant. All the money, hard work, and emotions I poured out into the music, gone. So I stopped and figured "what the fuck am I even doing anymore?" I started up a solo project but still felt empty, like something was missing in my life.

Cue 2015, the year where most people would say that the nation basically split in two when the left wing and right wing were at each other's throats. In no place was this more apparent than my original home state of California. A lot of the IRL LBGT friends I had didn't care that I was Conservative and we had PLENTY of wonderful talks, debates, and it didn't affect our friendships in the slightest. However, a lot of other people started to physically threaten me for my beliefs. My car was keyed, my apartment was broken into, slanderous messages were said about me, and at one point I even lost a job because all that was going on. People became obsessed with destroying me, to the point where the people that I was and still am incredibly close with were getting actual threats just for associating with me. Shortly after the election I decided enough was enough and uprooted myself to Colorado.

My life almost immediately started to improve. I got good work, I started to feel a bit more connected with myself and the people that I care about (which after the 2015 debacle had grown to a much smaller amount which I'm far happier with). There was one part of me though that was (and to an extent still is to this day) still holding me back, my anger. I have always been an angry person, but I figured that leaving the state that had caused me so much grief would abate a lot of the anger I felt towards the people that had wronged me. It helped a little, key phrase, a little. I was still hyper critical of everything, and realized that at this point if I was ever going to move forward I had to learn to let go.

That's what I've been doing for the last three-ish years now, slowly learning to let go of anger from the past, connecting with myself and what I want on a deeper level than before, and improving my physical health (which had taken a severe downturn in my later years in California), career and creativity.

Thank you all for reading. I could have gone into a lot more detail but I figured this would be a good place to start off. If anyone has any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them. Cheers!
 
i don't think it should be a surprise that LGBT people would be cautious about someone who advertises their conservatism at the forefront of their online profiles given how conservative groups try to oppress LGBT people.

sorry that people tried to invalidate your dysphoria and experiences, though. it's worth noting that the common belief in most hard left LGBT groups i've been in is that you don't even need to have dysphoria to be trans, so i doubt most queer people would question your dysphoria at all nowadays.

also this post reeks of "muh both sides" rhetoric. one side is trying to ensure basic human rights for LGBT people, the other side is trying to take away those basic rights, but both are to blame for the problems hmmmm
 
I'm sure you thought of this but I'm curious - given that the accident gave you amnesia, how do you know that you didn't have dysphoria before it?
I still have very select few memories from my childhood across various years, but I don't remember having even a single dysphoric thought in any of those fleeting memories. It could just be that the memories were erased, it could just be that feelings of dysphoria coincidentally happened that shortly after the accident. But I'm choosing to think that it was caused by the accident because of the timing and lack of memories of it before the accident.

i don't think it should be a surprise that LGBT people would be cautious about someone who advertises their conservatism at the forefront of their online profiles given how conservative groups try to oppress LGBT people.

sorry that people tried to invalidate your dysphoria and experiences, though. it's worth noting that the common belief in most hard left LGBT groups i've been in is that you don't even need to have dysphoria to be trans, so i doubt most queer people would question your dysphoria at all nowadays.

also this post reeks of "muh both sides" rhetoric. one side is trying to ensure basic human rights for LGBT people, the other side is trying to take away those basic rights, but both are to blame for the problems hmmmm
The problem with LBGT people being so cautious is most modern younger conservatives don't particularly care about sexuality. A lot of them support LBGT+. It's most likely conflation from the old fart hyper conservatives who still want to strip LBGT rights away that has a lot of said people on edge. People like that don't represent the Conservative belief system in my eyes.

I really hope that what you're saying about them being more accepting of my type of dysphoria is true. I've been mostly ignoring those communities at this point and seeing a change like that in them would be cool.

Both the left and right are to blame for the rampant issues regarding sexuality and the culture push, you're 100% correct about that.
 
I need help (so tempted to end the post here but no)

I am Bi etc etc but the main issue is coming out to people. I came out to my closest friend during the summer holidays, and now we’re back at school we never talk and he doesn’t really like me anymore. I’m super scared I might damage another friendship by that happening again, even though our school is super LGBT tolerant and stuff. Especially since I don’t have many friends anyway, I feel the need to talk to someone but again I’m scared. This isn’t even the worst part.

My parents will always support me whoever I am and whatever I do (unless I become a criminal?), but it’s not just fear that’s holding me back from coming out to them, it’s MAINLY just the fact that we’re a Christian family, and that won’t go down so well as we as Christians believe that God intended marriage and romantic relationships for people of the opposite sex, and for similar reasons we don’t believe that transgender is right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Christian as well and I believe this as well and this DOES NOT mean Christians are homophobic or ANYTHING of the sort (that’s a common misconception), but it makes being LGBT a heck of a lot harder.

Sorry for my lecture on Christianity, I’m just trying to get across what’s going through my and my parents mind right now.

What should I do? I’m not certain how my parents would respond but I’m nearly certain they would STRONGLY discourage any queer relationships I would ever have. And I value my friends.

What should I do?
 

atomicllamas

but then what's left of me?
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I still have very select few memories from my childhood across various years, but I don't remember having even a single dysphoric thought in any of those fleeting memories. It could just be that the memories were erased, it could just be that feelings of dysphoria coincidentally happened that shortly after the accident. But I'm choosing to think that it was caused by the accident because of the timing and lack of memories of it before the accident.



The problem with LBGT people being so cautious is most modern younger conservatives don't particularly care about sexuality. A lot of them support LBGT+. It's most likely conflation from the old fart hyper conservatives who still want to strip LBGT rights away that has a lot of said people on edge. People like that don't represent the Conservative belief system in my eyes.

I really hope that what you're saying about them being more accepting of my type of dysphoria is true. I've been mostly ignoring those communities at this point and seeing a change like that in them would be cool.

Both the left and right are to blame for the rampant issues regarding sexuality and the culture push, you're 100% correct about that.
Most younger conservatives vote for people who make policies that actively make LGBTQ people’s existence more difficult. In the majority of cases if you vote for a conservative because (you incorrectly believe) they will lower your taxes, or operate with lower deficits, you are also voting to allow parents to electrocute their gay kids, keep it legal to fire people for their sexual orientation, and vilify trans people to win cheap votes off of those “old fart hyper conservatives”. So like, great, for the sake of argument if you pretend young conservatives aren’t homophobic / transphobic / etc. it doesn’t really matter because functionally they vote to maintain anti-LGBTQ systems and structures. Not to mention modern conservatism seeks to maintain the same sort of systems when it comes to racial and religious minorities, as well as women. And while, as a gay white male who was raised Christian, those systems don’t affect me, I don’t understand how someone who sees how conservatives do that to them for being an out group could ethically vote for conservatives. Personally the most positive aspect of being gay is that I find it easier to empathize with others and I don’t see how one can empathize with others and vote conservative. Also starry was not saying left and right are equally to blame for modern politics around sexuality, starry was pointing out that, again, in most modern conservative movements, including in the US, the Conservative party is explicitly working towards the oppression of gsm like you or me. Meanwhile, the left is pushing for gsm to be treated equitably only one of those is problematic. I think this is something you would probably buy into more if you were a trans person living in NC or GA, rather than CA or CO.

I don’t know how much further this conversation should be carried on in this thread given it is primarily a support thread and I do agree with starry that the people questioning your gender identity and personal experiences because of your political beliefs are out of line. Your experiences and identity are yours and it isn’t their place to question them. It is however, kind of understandable that queer people in your life may not want to associate with someone who self identifies as conservative given the current political actions of conservatives in the US. Hopefully things continue to look up for you in CO.
 
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hi BlackMalachite,

i would like to affirm that your journey to find language that describes your gender is yours and yours alone.

that being said, if you are trans and earnestly believe that conservative politicking doesn't impact queer people negatively, you are choosing to prioritize other aspects of your identity at the expense of being transgender. at best, you are an assimilationist seeking the dreams you have been taught to chase, failing to acknowledge the struggles others face with this kind of mindset. at worst, you are queerphobic, don't actually know any queer people, and you're choosing only to commune with cishet ppl by situating yourself as Not One Of Those Trans People.

there's ample reason as to why you've faced hostility. "not caring" is never the same thing as equality, but if that's all you need to be content, power to you i guess.
 
Well, eh, I started therapy/counseling last month, and it seems to have gone relatively well thus far. Sadly, I'll need to wait another 3 months before I get the hormones, if I even get them then.

I'm a bit more pressured by myself to come out to my IRL friends by then, but I got a few months before then, so I have the time I need to do so, however that'll go.
 

ehT

Their Majesty
is a Contributor to Smogon
Hey pals just thought I'd give a quick shoutout to the subreddit r/ABraThatFits. They have a comprehensive guide on bra sizing for trans women that's come in extremely clutch for ya girl. Turns out my bras are literally 2 cup sizes too small oops. You growing young ladies should give it a look :blobuwu:
Went shopping today and my boobs look bomb as FUCK omg... real euphoria hours what up
 
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and on the off chance that any trans men/nb ppl are reading, here's a binding guide for ppl without binders. im a smallboy so i can't vouch for any of these really well but the sports bra one is probably the safest/most affordable/least suspicious (in the case of parents) option

go forth, become flat
 

tondas

earth angel androgynous mind
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oh hey im finally making a follow-up post after two months coming out lol

being a trans girl has been a genuinely amazing experience for me. years before coming out i sorta had this internal fear that my interest was not genuine or that it was a "fetish" or i would "never pass" or whatever other thoughts i used to beat myself up. from what ive discovered it's just the small things and the little steps i take that are really awesome; i think there's an irrational expectation that trans people immediately have to change their appearance or "pass" in order to qualify as transgender when that really isn't the case! a simple glowup or change in expression is a fantastic start that will lead up to greater changes, which is all i really had the first couple weeks with starting to wear makeup and getting my nails done. ive began adapting that into my wardrobe and habits with cleaning myself up and shaving daily (wearing lipstick and foundation too) and it's been really really awesome and it feels like second nature.

i recently read an excerpt about a transgender woman who went to an all-boys school when she came out and was wearing makeup and dressing out in the face of hostility, both with her school and her religious parents. she knew she didn't meet the unfair expectations set by society but was still happy to be herself, get that attention and just be someone who can finally express themselves in a hostile environment. what i gathered is that you don't need to meet the standards set by society to be trans, and that it shouldn't inhibit your ability to express yourself. people will always be judgemental and things almost definitely won't go your way at first, but it's worth it for the ability to just be who you are. ive been super happy with the progress ive made in such a short time so i just wanted to make a follow up to my coming out post, especially now that my battle with my mental health has been going much better in recent time. love yall and I'll see you next year :heart:
 
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woke up a couple of months ago to aching pains. my hips, shoulders, and knees convulsed from the pressure of a slight flex. i lied in bed and cried out of hopelessness. couldn't reach my phone. couldn't call for help. just lied there, rooted, catatonic, praying for my body to work with me.

i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. please forgive me.

i muttered out of pure pain. not really sure to whom i was pleading. maybe my very being. my body. my soul. a god. they are all interconnected. at least that's i hope for, anyway.

woke up a few weeks before that incident. at least i think it was a few weeks. it's been so hard to form cohesive timelines. one of the few incidents that broke the wave of monotony though. was kind of horny. not really sure why. i hardly ever am aroused these days. decided to open grindr. okay. i don't ever message people first. innocuous bait. sometimes i just like opening the app for attention.

30 minutes later. cute white dude hit me up. said he was down to smoke and host. i didn't have weed at the time. wanted to escape myself through the conduit of another. plus i wanted the grass. i drive over soon after.

at arrival, i'm greeted with a jovial smile. he was physically gorgeous. socially competent. i felt welcomed. we head down to his makeshift bedroom. it was in the basement. he had an okay set up. television. tapestries. nightstand. but a blow up mattress? i tell myself i normally wouldn't allow that. but i was despondent and he was pretty. being an animal is so maddening.

smoked a couple bowls with jeopardy meandering in the background. cracked a few jokes and had decent conversation. my trivia knowledge always impresses. the clothes come off. the intimacy happens. okay. the build up is always better than the fuck. but it was decent enough.

are you clean?

he asks me. he was young. only 20.

yes. i am.

i murmur. i didn't care about the condom. if i get chlamydia i'll be so pissed. i think.

fast forward. my pain doesn't dissipate. if i ever experience a bout of depression or melancholia or stress or anxiety. it beckons. it overtakes my body. i replay the scenario again and again in my mind. it can't be. i think. it's just psychosomatic. it has to be. i'm just too stressed. it's the holiday season. the weather is bad. work's been more stressful than usual. surely i'm okay right.

i drive to walgreens to grab a kit. just in case. that's not it. i think. i take the test in a gas station bathroom. positive. h.i.v. positive. i cry.

i finally told my first friend a month later. i self isolated for weeks. my friends thought i was just being a dick. or i was in a mood. they know i need space sometimes.

in a suicidal spiral, i walked from my house to my best friend's. he lives about a mile away. it was snowing and 20 degrees outside. at five in the morning. he usually leaves his door unlocked. i just couldn't be home anymore. i was choking. i arrive on his doorstep. the knob opens. thank god. i fall asleep on his couch.

he wakes me up after his morning classes. it's noon.

are you okay man?

no, not really.

my face is sunken. he takes me downstairs to smoke a bowl. i take my first hit. i tell him. i cry. he comforts me.

everything is okay.

i pass him the bong. he does a double take. looks at his phone. pretends to text. he definitely was googling if h.i.v. was transferable via saliva. i could read it in his face. i cry again.

i've been growing my hair out recently. i'm tired of carrying this baggage. i want rid of it. i head to the barber right when he opens. i'm the first one there. he is gay. he has a tendency to cut the back of my neck during a shave. i inform him of my status. he politely asks me to leave.

i finally began my first round of meds this week. i know my life will return to normal. but sometimes a death sentence would be preferable to a hazard sign.
 

Chloe

hmmph
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hey

so i wasn't going to really post for this, especially because i'm not a huge fan of posting stuff about myself on forums. but i made this post almost four years ago now, and i've come a long way since then. all my friends know about me and are so supportive. my immediate family knows about me, and while they're not fully supportive, they're not stopping me from going ahead with it. everything has gotten a lot better since that post. i'm extremely fortunate to be in the situation i'm in, having the support networks i do, and having the people most close to me remain with me through it all.

the reason i'm posting today is because i finally, after all this time, started estrogen. i never thought in my wildest dreams i'd get this far, and on a much darker note i didn't think i'd live to see the day where i'd get to this point. to anyone struggling with their own gender identity, while it's hypocritical of me to say this, given how everything worked out for me, don't give up. don't give up on yourself. there are so many times within the last few years where i've told myself that transitioning isn't worth it, that i'll be unhappy regardless, that living a sad life as a cis male would be better than the dystopia trans people face within society. but i'm so glad i pushed through that, i'm so glad that i've gotten as far as i have. life may never be perfect, but this is undoubtedly the way for me to go about making it better.

i've gone through suicidal episodes in the past, i've been in really rough spots, but being where i am right now, with the people i care about, is really amazing and i can't help but feel happy. i'm so happy with the people i've met throughout the last few years, due to me coming out and sharing experiences with others. the people within this community truly are amazing wholesome people, and i'm beyond grateful that i've gotten to meet so many of you.

i'm scared this post is going to come off as me saying "hi look at me i'm so happy" but that's not the point at all. i just want to encourage others to stay strong and persist through the hard times. it's not easy, but it will get better. thank you for reading.
 
hey

so i wasn't going to really post for this, especially because i'm not a huge fan of posting stuff about myself on forums. but i made this post almost four years ago now, and i've come a long way since then. all my friends know about me and are so supportive. my immediate family knows about me, and while they're not fully supportive, they're not stopping me from going ahead with it. everything has gotten a lot better since that post. i'm extremely fortunate to be in the situation i'm in, having the support networks i do, and having the people most close to me remain with me through it all.

the reason i'm posting today is because i finally, after all this time, started estrogen. i never thought in my wildest dreams i'd get this far, and on a much darker note i didn't think i'd live to see the day where i'd get to this point. to anyone struggling with their own gender identity, while it's hypocritical of me to say this, given how everything worked out for me, don't give up. don't give up on yourself. there are so many times within the last few years where i've told myself that transitioning isn't worth it, that i'll be unhappy regardless, that living a sad life as a cis male would be better than the dystopia trans people face within society. but i'm so glad i pushed through that, i'm so glad that i've gotten as far as i have. life may never be perfect, but this is undoubtedly the way for me to go about making it better.

i've gone through suicidal episodes in the past, i've been in really rough spots, but being where i am right now, with the people i care about, is really amazing and i can't help but feel happy. i'm so happy with the people i've met throughout the last few years, due to me coming out and sharing experiences with others. the people within this community truly are amazing wholesome people, and i'm beyond grateful that i've gotten to meet so many of you.

i'm scared this post is going to come off as me saying "hi look at me i'm so happy" but that's not the point at all. i just want to encourage others to stay strong and persist through the hard times. it's not easy, but it will get better. thank you for reading.
YAY CHLO(at last has)E!!!!!
 
So I've been looking for roommates for the fall for my last year at university. The thing is, I go to school in a red state, and kind of have a paranoia about being hatecrimed. As such, I've mostly been searching for roommates in LGBT spaces on campus. The problem being, those spaces, while important, I have found to be kind of insipid and not a great fit for what I am trying to use them for. As such, I'm interested in reaching out into spaces that are not necessarily LGBT-exclusive, but that also means that they are not necessarily LGBT-friendly. Having success with this is really important to me, as rooming with someone who is potentially right wing or politically ambivalent during an election year sounds nightmarish. Staying closeted is NOT an option. What ideas or suggestions do you have for finding roommates that work with my/our gay needs?
 

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