Hey all, I don't really know where to begin this post because I am very tired and am just generally very uncomfortable and nervous about making this post. It's def smth that I need to do though.
Anyway, I'm trans. I don't think that I have much to say about the whys and the growing up aspect about this, from a very young age I've felt uncomfortable being "me". I've never felt straight-up dysphoria, but I've always doubted me being a guy, and that idea never left my head like I expected it to once the thought entered. I think the main chunk of this is going to be me addressing some issues people are probably going to find with this. From around ~October of 2019, I started using the name "Kaitlyn" to refer to myself online (I don't share my documented name). A lot of people assumed this was a troll, which seems reasonable; I'm known for doing stuff like that, and I had told some close friends it was a troll. The whole time I was doing this, however, I was just hoping people would never look deeper at it. When I realized "holy shit I'm probably trans", I had literally no idea what to do or say. I've always been really bad at expressing how I'm feeling, so I tried to reach out in pretty much the only way I knew how; make it seem like a joke. Looking back on it, this was incredibly stupid and something I deeply regret. These actions will probably always make it so I have people doubting what I'm saying, but generally speaking it's something I'm used to at this point. Dealing with this and depression has me really feeling unwell recently, I haven't been myself at all lately, but I hope by at least briefly explaining some things it'll help. I've only really been honest with one person, both irl and online, so this may shock a lot of people. I delayed making this post for a while because I feared losing friends over it, but tbh if they can't accept me for who I am, they aren't really a friend. Sorry if this was completely incoherent, hope I didn't insult anyone or anything, I'm just really tired of having to lie and not talk about who I truly am. So, yeah, this is me.
tldr: Call me Kate or Kaitlyn and not mdbad