why, black dynamite, why
question: do u guys think the term "heteroflexibility" has value? OR is it really just a smokescreen for repressed bisexuals etc etc
It's definitely a term I take umbrage with. I honestly do think some people use it to assure themselves that they aren't REALLY bi. And one hand, I can kinda understand that. It can be hard to accept that you may not be what you initially thought you were, especially if you've been identifying as it for a long time. Also, internalized homo/biphobia is a thing. But I also think part of the reason the term seems appealing is because a lot people just don't really understand bisexuality. I don't identify as bi anymore, but I did for a long time, so I'll speak from my experiences here. There are a lot of people, including bi people, who define bisexuality as basically "half straight, half gay," or 50/50 or whatever. And I always felt that this view of bisexuality has ultimately hurt the community in the long run more than help it. It makes questioning bisexual people think that they can't truly be bi if their attraction to other genders isn't all equal (not to mention that defining bisexuality as strictly being attracted to men and women has given people the impression that if someone feels attraction to more than two genders, they can't be bi, which is false and historically inaccurate, but that's not the point here). The truth is, your attraction for different genders doesn't have to all be equal in order to be a valid bi person. There are bi people with preferences. There are even bi people who may strictly date one gender, even though they feel attraction to others. It doesn't matter. They're still bi. And many bi people don't necessarily always feel the same level of attraction for other genders consistently. What I mean by this is, it's perfectly normal for a bi person to prefer one gender some days and another on other days. And once again, I get how that can be confusing. I've been identifying as a lesbian lately but I still question sometimes if I'm just bi with a strong preference for women. So once again, I can see why some people, rather than actually trying to explore their identity, may just say they're "hetero/homoflexible" and call it a day. But meh, I don't really think it's a thing. I think if the potential for attraction to other genders is there, even if seems small, one should allow themself to explore it and decide how they feel.question: do u guys think the term "heteroflexibility" has value? OR is it really just a smokescreen for repressed bisexuals etc etc
Had to look up what it meant but yeaaa I don't like this term either, same sentiments with Oddish. Let me just run through the definition of bisexuality from what I know and in case I'm wrong someone can correct me. I'm gonna combine both romantic and sexual/physical attraction just as "any kind of attraction". So basically bisexuals can be attracted to >1 gender/sex (not sure which one to use here, cos tbh I'm not sure if it's all based on gender or born sex but w/e), and it does not have to be in equal amount. And if I read it right, the preference/attraction may shift over time too. Also, >1 is pretty important because it can include other gender identities. I think of bisexual as a subset of pansexual, where the latter is the universal/all set. IMO if a person is able to willingly involve themselves in a relationship (sexual/romantic/etc) with >1 gender, they are bi, if not pan.question: do u guys think the term "heteroflexibility" has value? OR is it really just a smokescreen for repressed bisexuals etc etc
The "+" is there for a reason. Basically, if you're not straight, then the boot fits. You don't need to win gold in the oppression olympics to be included.Without going into too much detail, although I identify as part of the + in lgbt+, the nuance to that situation means that I don't feel like I'm entitled to a claim on the lgbt+ label.
I think LGBT+ encompasses both sexual and gender orientation. It's not about impact or what not. Your concerns are valid in that you might not feel a right to claim, but ultimately, LGBT+ itself is also a label, with the + being an inclusive approach. Some may also define straight allies under + too (but that may be contentious to some people). And Labels have limits. IMO whether you choose to identify under LGBT+ is up to you, but as with any community/subset/label, they are bound to be people who may comment that so and so is not LGBT enough etc. I personally just find the label for LGBT+ just as a by norm thing so that it's writeable ?I guess I should clarify my thought in saying that the reason I feel like my gender expression doesn't entitle me to such a claim is because the nature of it's expression and of my path to discovering it has not resulted in any kind of hardship or discrimination on me nor has it materially impacted my relationships sexual or platonic in a way consistent with the experiences of the vast majority of the lgbt+ community
I've heard of the same exact concerns you've mentioned from several Asexuals. Labels have their uses - good and bad. LGBT+ isn't a label only belonging to the "suffering" individuals of sexual and gender non-heteroconformity; even within the LGBT+ community, there are the class, race, family and geographical differences that all inform the positive and negative experiences of our exploration through identity and love.Perhaps the best way to put it is I feel like I'm "fringe lbgt+" with the aforementioned nuance of how I define who I am
I think part of my concern with associating with the label is that I can imagine realistic possibilities where members of the community feel like they're being infringed upon based on the previous things said
I felt like I had to keep running because I wanted to get far the fuck away from my old life, if you could call it a life, as quickly as I possibly could. I had felt so powerless for so long to change my life that when it hit me that I was trans, and that door finally opened when all others were closed, I ran for my fucking life. The trauma of those 20 years was so raw and unprocessed that I was terrified of ever slowing down. I thought I wasn't able to enjoy life until I had fully transitioned, and when I was first starting out, I wasn't.I'm 6 months in [on HRT], and so far I've kinda seen my transition like going into a cocoon. One day I'll be ready to wriggle out into the open, and it'll be fucking awesome. But for now it's dark, lonely, and claustrophobic. I've justified this to myself by saying this is the trial I'll have to go through to be the person I want to be, that once I run the whole way through this largely self-imposed gauntlet and finally give myself a chance to stop and look up, I can finally have the catharsis of looking back at where I started, relishing in how far I've come, and marching triumphantly onward as the woman I was meant to be. But the truth is, I don't know that. I don't know how long I'll be charging forward, or when I'll finally allow myself to stop and look up. Even though I drew a "finish line" for myself when I started transitioning, there's no telling when or even if I'll cross it, or if I'll want to cross it at all by the time I get there. That's the thing about carving your own path: you only reach the end when you say you do.
I am in a similar place right now, I grew out of my girly pink phase, no longer necessarily need to wear skirts every day not to feel bad and started finding that a more androgynous approach might actually fit me better. Still, they/them pronouns do not appeal to me, yet I sometimes like rocking that flamboyant gay guy look (but dislike he/his pronouns even more than they/them). But cis women can prefer to be more androgynous too / can be occasionally drag kings or such without having to appropiate the non-binary trans label. Basically, what I am saying is that gender is difficult to figure out and to separate from just desired gender expression and you are not alone.To get to my point, I'm starting to question just how binary I really am. I'm still entirely feminine, and I know there's no right way to be a woman, but now that I've finally sat down and thought about it honestly, without my old traumas breathing down my neck, I'm thinking that maybe Woman with a capital W might not be 100% right for me. Or maybe it is, and maybe I just don't feel obligated to be as femme as humanly possible for my womanhood to be acknowledged. I don't know what nuances my gender might have that'd distinguish me from binary women