Serious LGBTQ+

To commemorate my 100th post on Smogon (I want that name change), I wanted to out myself as trans.

For nearly ten years, from like even pre-high school until several months ago, I knew something was up. I knew that my body just didn't match up with the person I wanted to be. I eventually stumbled upon the topic of trans people after reading about different surgeries (I was a weird kid and wanted to be a surgeon growing up). Maybe subconsciously, I thought that being trans could be a possibility and could be the reason for my feelings.

I just started reading. I used to read the Wikipedia page for 'Transgender' and wish that woman was me. I used to read up on every intersex condition, hoping that I'd fit one of the criteria. That way I'd have some validating reason for my own feelings about myself. I used to read about gender confirmation surgery, maybe as a means for telling myself the future was a possibility.

I never really let these feelings come to the forefront though and I never talked to anyone about it or did anything. I think I had this underlying fear that maybe my loved ones would reject and abandon me. I thought that I'd be able to keep those feelings locked away forever. I don't think I ever allowed myself to have an emotional breakthrough. I'd have these recurrent depressive episodes that I just couldn't explain. I just kept all these feelings repressed and thought that I'd never need to do anything about them.

That is until last December when I was working in an emergency department (the A+E, for our colonial friends). The patient was a transman that had attempted to kill himself after coming out as trans and his parents rejecting him. The attending doctor I was with was had been a family friend for many years. The doc was talking outside the room about how hard it can be for trans people. He wrote in the nursing notes to use male pronouns for the patient. Something in me just completely cracked. Maybe it was my subconscious trying to say "you can be who you want and be accepted". (As an aside, the patient ended up fine and had a short stay in a voluntary psych unit. I'm now friends with him on Facebook, even if he doesn't remember who I am. Everything is looking so bright for him.)

I eventually got off work and had an emotional breakdown in my car. All these thoughts and memories came pouring out of my subconscious. Memories I didn't even mention; even some of my earliest thoughts were wanting to be a girl. Kind of as a way to reaffirm myself, I looked up these amazing transformations on r/transtimelines. Stuff like r/egg_irl became too real. I had many more emotional breakdowns and eventually came out to my family. They loved and supported me (though one set of grandparents may be a different story). The first person I actually came out to was a certain favorite person on PS (she likely knows who she is). I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood and got started on hormones two months later.

One day this past May, I had a rare lunch break and decided to go on a walk through this park near the hospital. The sun was shining, there was this flowing creek, and everything was so serene. Everything was just so comfortable and something about it confirmed "everything is going to be okay". Everything is looking up.

Tl;dr I'm trans as shit
 
I'm a girl too guys!

My story's not as exciting as the one above but I think it's still important to "come out" to smogon. I didn't actually crack or even realize I was an egg until super recently, but I've been slowly doing more and more feminine things both presentation wise and I got some friends to refer to me with female pronouns IRL (euphoria is a real feeling btw) and it just feels right.

I was able to successfully come out to my mom and she's been super supportive while simultaneously dealing with my chaotic ass all the time. What's especially wild is that one of my friends came out as a transman the same time I was questioning/close to cracking which was an experience.

I think that so far I've been having a much better experience than a lot of other transfolk and I'm very thankful to both my family and friends for that. I don't really have much to add other than be gay, do crime.

uwu nya~ other stereotypical transgirl things yay!
 

Perry

we are all so tired of everything
is a Community Contributoris a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
ok serious topic now, i came to my parents as bi and... i dont know what i did expect of this event but i'm completely devastated by how my parents reacted only thinking about how other people would react and not caring for how i actually feel.
so right now im listening to ts' "soon you'll get better" in repeat and wishing for a happy ending for my own story

to everyone who has known of it since ever and supported me through it, thank you and i love u all
 
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I came out as trans as a teenager (now almost 19), and have felt ready to try and get the transitioning process started. However, I feel kind of scared of asking my GP about it for some reason. Should I just force myself up and do it? I want to go about it by the book and ensure there aren't any issues. I know I'm sure about it, I've done pretty much everything.
 

Quote

Smogon's Resident Robot
is a Battle Simulator Admin Alumnusis a Smogon Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Super Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
I'm agender. Born male and still recognise that, but I just don't find myself associating with or even agreeing to the concept of gender.

Later Edit: Using they/them pronouns rn but I won't freak out if you use he/him.
 
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Should probably update that after a bunch of back and forth, i am in fact bi. Came to this conclusion a while back. I have a bf now as well.

I'm a little conflicted. Not because I'm ashamed of being bi but because i worry about the reaction. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what people think, nor am i responsible for people's perceptions about bisexuality/lesbianism, but it still worries me. I don't want people to look at this as a "oh see all they needed was the right man in their life" because that's literally not the case at all, and i would never allow anyone to view it like that. My sexuality was something i was struggling with for a while. Even when i identified as a lesbian i still wasn't 100% sure, but i did it because i felt i should allow myself to at least "try on" the label rather than try to reject it and never sort things out. When i decided to id as a lesbian it was because, to some extent, it felt right at the time, and I'm grateful that i allowed myself to do that. Even if i ultimately decided i wasn't that, i don't regret it, nor do i look at lesbianism as some sort of phase that women can grow out of once they meet the right guy, or that bisexuality is more fulfilling or anything dumb like that. Every chance that i allow myself to explore my identity is another step closer to figuring out who i am. It's not a waste

I think i really wanted to be a lesbian at the time, and it sorta warped my perception of my previous attractions. I really, really wanted to be with girls and i was kinda sick of men for the time being lol. I think i do still have a preference for non-men, but that doesn't really make me any less bi

So yeah! This wasn't supposed to be this long but of course i got carried away lmao. But yeah that's the update on my situation
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
If I remember correctly, a person's scale on the Kinsey scale can fluctuate throughout life?
Many years ago I would have said I was bisexual.
(I had been romantically attracted by one female and 2 males, but all these happened many years ago. )
I haven't been romantically attracted by anyone for years.
Haven't been sexually attracted by anyone for more than 10 years.
Haven't felt the need to watch porn or hentai for years neither.

Sounds like I might be a gray ace/ demisexual for now.
 

Taptricity

Formerly BackAtYouBro
is a Pre-Contributor
Ok a bit of an update for obvious clout oop-

So, my bi phase has recently ended and I can say with confidence that I'm definitely gay. It was strange feeling like my identity just shifted one more step down and I'll definitely tell this to my irl friends. Anyway, I just feel like I'm so much more attracted to masculine features and just the thought of being in a relationship with a guy makes me feel completely giddy inside despite me never being in one myself. I often tend to get lost in my own train of thought so I'm a bit of a deep thinker and I always just ponder my well being on occasion. I feel like I put up this identity of bisexual so that I wouldn't be as judged I guess since in most scenarios I could go around and be like, "Yeah I'd go out with that girl," and not being able to admit to myself that this is not the case. I don't feel any sort of sexual attraction towards girls. I do think girls are cute and are aesthetically pleasing at times but I just never found myself being fully committed towards them. I guess romantically it could work if I made an effort but in the long run, I'd much prefer being with a guy, and that's ok. I've made friends with a lot of girls (this is pretty much natural in the theatre industry due to the wide ratio between boys and girls in most cases), and I've always felt that I could relate more to their issues with boys which only feeds into my feelings. I definitely am going to spend more time building my confidence about my sexuality and it might be far easier than I predict since boys doing theatre is the oldest gay stereotype in the book. I'll be joining the Gay Straight Alliance in my school and I'll be more bold about myself. It may lead me down the road to finding others who can understand me in real life while making me happier about myself.

The Pokepride server on Discord has been an amazing outlet for my feelings and I'm happy that I could be in a group that can understand the current events I handle on a day to day basis. Thank you all since you're all great and supportive people!
 
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Eve

:3
is a Forum Moderator Alumnus
EDIT: I need to make another update... I am a girl lol

Making an update because I've figured myself out properly since my last posts. It's been like 7 months already which is scary, time goes way too fast!
not for clout because nobody knows who I am regardless

tldr; I'm not entirely a girl, I'm non-binary! Probably still leaning towards gorl on the spectrum though.
I've never really felt right being grouped by gender and telling myself that I don't have to feels really relieving honestly. No clue what blend of things I am or what you'd call my specific non-binary gender, and honestly I wouldn't want to try and figure it out. Trying to measure my identity seems like a waste of time when I could just call myself an enby and get on with life. I still enjoy being referred to as a girl though and I consider myself casually feminine, so I'll stick to that online! My goal is for my presentation to match that as well, so I still plan to go through a transition to some extent. I just really don't want to be seen as a guy at all because that's just not who I am, and if that means transitioning enough to look more like a cis girl than a guy then cool, I wouldn't mind that I guess that's what I'll do.
Also someone loosely involved in my family circle came out as NB recently to a surprisingly good reception from the people who have heard, so that gives me some hope! I'm getting a lot better at talking about myself already, so coming out on a big scale is a thing I might be ready to do.


Just like BAYB I want to shout out the Discord for listening to me when I was freaking out and being insanely supportive- I wouldn't have figured everything out without them, and knowing that other people have had similar experiences with gender is very reassuring that I'm not just insane or confused (unless we all are????).
have a good day! you're all valid :)
 
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Asheviere

on a scale of 1 to even i just can't
is a Battle Simulator Administratoris a Community Leaderis a Programmer
PS Leader
Hi, let's do a proper post now that I have a way better idea of who I am and what I am. Still think my previous coming out post (and the other posts in the series) are masterpieces of modern comedy, but I reckon a more descriptive post might be worth it, both for the few people who care and for myself to look back at in 3 years and cringe.

Hi, I'm Astrid or Asheviere (formerly bumbadadabum), and I'm a transgender woman living in the Netherlands. While I'm out openly both irl and online, I have not started HRT yet (zzz bureaucracy), but hope to do so as soon as it's available.

My coming out story is, much like with a lot of other trans girls, not a single story, but rather a slow realization with tons of repression. From the start of puberty, I noticed there was something "wrong" with me. I always felt like I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. I felt like an alien pretending to be a human throughout most of my adolescent life. I just figured everyone must feel this way, though it really took me to some dark places during my life. I had a period where I thought none of my emotions were genuine, and I was just a psychopath. While this sounds (and definitely is) laughably edgy, they're some really toxic thoughts to legit have about yourself. I also never saw the link between these thoughts and my horrible body image, another problem that has plagued me throughout puberty. I really hated everything about looking like a man, and everything about growing up that made me more masculine felt like another stab in the stomach. I would cry in the shower seeing what my body has become. I wished I were a girl on a weekly basis at the least.

But I repressed it. And I hate teenage me for that! Dumb little shit decided to go to the wrong places on the internet and read harmful lies about trans people, making her think she was sick in the head. I really bought into the autogynephilia horseshit I read online, and it took me way too long to realize how fucking toxic it all is. After repressing it semi successfully, 2019 hit me like a ton of bricks. Since this was the year I graduated college, I started thinking a lot about the future, and how I see myself in the future. And it wasn't a good outlook. The thought of growing old as a man really really upset me on a level I couldn't comprehend. Soon, an idea started cropping up in my head, an idea that nested itself deep in my conscious and wouldn't leave for even a single second once it found its way inside. "What if I'm trans?". Of course, this is not something you accept easily, or even fathom could be true. You see other people struggle with this sort of shit, but never expect you to be one of them.

Initially, I dismissed the thought as insanity. However, it would not leave. It took me until about April this year, after looking over the past decade of my life, to entertain the idea. The first time I gave in to the "wrong" thoughts I had was one of the most liberating feelings I've ever felt. It didn't take long after for it to entirely click for me. There's a difference between knowing you're trans and accepting it, and it took me until early July to finally muster up the courage to tell my closest friends and family what I was feeling.

While the unknown is scary and I was horrified to accept that this was happening to me, I am incredibly glad I took this step. I feel so much better about myself, and feel much more comfortable in my own skin. While I'm still very much at the start of this journey, I'm very proud of the progress I've been able to make so far coming to accept and embrace being trans, and I would very much like to thank all my trans (and also cis) friends on PS and Smogon, you really mean the world to me. I would also like to thank all the good resources out there online to help people come to terms with their gender identity. Misinformation kept me in the closet for far too long, and I hope I can help make a difference where I can to help make the world (or at least PS) a nicer place for LGBTQ! (mostly the T though sorry I'm a bit biased here)

Thanks for reading through all of my giant essay, unless you're one of those lazy asses who reads only the first and last paragraph of a post, in which case hah you missed all of it!
 
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Well, it might be time for me to finally make my first proper post on this thread. That small post I made a while ago doesn't count.

Hello, my name is Dawn, and I'm a transgender girl, though a decent amount of you probably had known me by my deadname, though that's in the past now. Well, hopefully, once I start transitioning and get a legal namechange.

I don't remember when I thought something was up, but I do know the time period when I pieced it together and realized I was trans: around 9th or 10th grade. I knew there was something wrong with my body -- well, except for a few things, which I won't go over here, just privacy -- and a lack of accordance between my mind and body, but wasn't too sure what these feelings were. It was a dislike of being masculine and wishing out of this body.

Event then, I wasn't sure what anyone would think; I had limited info about LGBTQ+ at that time, so I took it up to the internet, and knowing what some others had gone through, I was certainly apprehensive about coming out to anyone. I was too afraid of what anyone would think. I had to repress myself being trans for a few years.

That was until two things: I started using PS and got Library voice, and I started college. The former helped me realize that there were allies that would support everyone through their journey and helped me realize that PS, and later smogon, is surprising LGBTQ+ friendly. (I certainly wasn't expecting this from a Pokemon site of all places, no offense, but I'm not complaining) College had some LGBTQ+ events that I joined to help realize myself, and it certainly helped.

Even then, I only gained the confidence to come out to everyone on PS a lil over two months ago, and that was one of the most satisfying moments I have had, so that was great. The Library and Help auth helped me get enough confidence to come out to my parents a few weeks later.

Also, the Pokepride discord was one of the things that helped me out a lot about being trans, coming out, and several other things. Need to thank everyone in there for the help.

As for IRL, I'm out to my parents, and will hopefully be transitioning soon. They are confused but supportive of my decision. It won't be easy, I know that, but now I don't have to be the gender I don't belong in.

Well, I think everything is done now, later everyone. Just don't let anyone stop you from being yourself, always.
 
Hi I'm irrelevant Smogon user #2893, aka Lily/Lilburr. Very few people in this community actually know who I am, (I mostly just ladder for fun and rarely partake in threads) but I'm attempting to become more active, and I figured this would be a good place to introduce myself.

(Sorry about any grammar errors/terrible wording lol, I'm ill and odds are things aren't going to make sense)

So first off, I'm trans, specifically of the girl variety! My story is essentially like... I'd always get this weird feeling whenever I'd watch cartoons or whatever where the protag "goes undercover" or trades lives with a girl or whatever. I'm a huge dumbo, so I never understood that feeling, BUT one day a friend came out to me and told me she was trans. I was 12? 13? At the time, so I was just like "!!! that's so cool but idk what it means!!!" and she explained it to me, which prompted my brain to tell me "hey that's what you're feeling too".
A little while later, in April (I think) of 2014, I came out to my online friend group. I used a different preferred name back then- eventually it felt like it didn't fit, so after months of searching, I ended up settling on Lily, and that's what people know me as today!

TL;DR: hi I'm lily and I'm the big tran and I hope I get along with you lovely people
 
Hey all my names starblim and ashe said i should post here about my identity/orientation so i guess i will, im Pansexual and have been out since 13 years old first coming out as Bisexual because i wasn't aware of pansexuality until maybe i was 16/17 Which pansexuality basically means your attracted to people not a gender so otherwise for me gender isnt a concept i concern my self with when thinking romantically ive been with my Boyfriend now for around 10 months and its been great and sorry for my garbage writing
 

DianaNicole

formerly Archfeywild
Definitely glad I just found this thread, figure a good way to share that I'm a trans girl, just starting my transition. Known for a bit, but didn't start the transition process until now. The big gay as well, so that makes it even more fun, but looking forward to getting to know the people here!

Also if you see me on PS! under diananicole feel free to reach out and chat!
 
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Hiya smogoon! I've thought about posting here before, but now that I've done my first "real" coming-out in the real world, I might as well visit here more decisively!

I'm MtF trans! I don't plan on transitioning/opening in the real world, but for my own reasons and not society reasons. In that vein, don't worry too hard about pronouns for me and whatnot, because I'm not going by female pronouns in the real world anyway. I'm also ace, so that's cool!

Not too much else I've got to actively say, but if you want to ask anything about me (for personal reasons or for curiosity), or ask things about yourself, or even ask about both of those things at once, or want to tell me to stop making "or" clauses in my sentences or to stop using so many exclamation points, go right ahead and hit me up on PS!!!!! That means you! Or even PM me here if you can't find me! I'm usually pretty chill, it probably won't be a lethal experience for you.


If I sound not-troubled and all, having known this for more than two years helps a fair bit in that regard, so if you're reading this and aren't at that point yourself, don't you worry! Even if it's been more than two years for you as well! Everyone's different, and it's the continuing journey that matters. :heart:
 

DianaNicole

formerly Archfeywild
Also shoutout to everyone on this thread for making my weekend that much better after finding it. I've struggled with being open and out and what that looks like, especially coming from conservative roots. It was quite liberating to find several allies here, and even if it's just a few days it's helped my mood a lot, and just gotta say thanks really quick!
 

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