Social LGBTQIA+

The Official Glyx

Banned deucer.
I suppose while I'm not necessarily staff in Pokepride, I should still share my two cents, being the next closest thing.

First of all, as someone who's only really stuck to 1v1 and a bit to OMs, before 1v1 became its own thing, I have little to no clue about people's history with one another external to the server, as well as prior to when I first joined the server in late 2019. In my time spent in Pokepride, I have come to learn that different people holding personal grudges against one another is an inevitability. Such grudges naturally lead to infighting and drama, which can be pretty harmful for the intended safe space/hangout that Pokepride is meant to be. Considering that it's impossible to control how people feel about each oher, the best I can do is ask that people don't air their dirty laundry out in public, staff included. I know that I, for one, wasn't really on the best terms with Chloe prior to joining the server, but it was that opportunity to talk with people in a safe space that led to us becoming friends, rather than enemies. I believe giving people a chance, like I was given, should be the idea behind the server (within reason), where people can very well bury the hatchet and become friends, despite their negative history.

Second, I'm all for staff scrutiny. Questioning authority almost always serves to lead to a healthier environment, where the general public and staff actively communicate and understand one another, creating a more unified server. This also works in reverse, where people should thoroughly examine arguments made against staff, as the greater picture is almost never going to be as necessarily black and white as either side tries to paint it. For example, one of the biggest arguments used in this fallout is how Asheviere supposedly broke her own rules by posting this:
1587658000352.png
Bear in mind that this was indeed pertinent to the conversation at the time, as people were talking about the Paul brothers and their controversies. On the other side of this, we have a user being banned for posting Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk, with absolutely no conversational context whatsoever. I won't be linking the document itself, as its contents are simply heinous shock porn akin to the likes of 2 girls 1 cup. As far as the debate of "how nsfw is too nsfw" goes, I leave no comment. You can decide for yourselves if the statement made by Asheviere shouldn't have been said, but it would simply be lying to yourselves to try and equate what she said to this "gay literature" that was posted. If there are other instances of Asheviere supposedly not following her own rules that anyone would like to shine light upon (preferably with proof this time), I'd be glad to delve deeper.

Third, as far as debate goes, I'm not necessarily opposed, though I do have some preferences. Debate, itself, is an inherent good thing; people get to become more informed about a given subject, agreements can be reached, and, in general, people get a better understanding of one another. These notions, however, can be tarnished by how people may carry out debate; namely semantics and aggression. All too often, I've seen good discussion points turn into petty disputes because one or more parties got stuck on a particular thing that was said and are too miffed to carry on discussion once the topic is redirected back to what was actually being discussed. Similarly, I've seen other parties try to stir up debate by calling out a typically inocuous post or action with a lengthy response when nobody was trying to engage in debate in the first place, which is a clear disruption to an otherwise peaceful environment. These people, who either don't know how, or outright refuse to simply say something is in poor taste and explain how without effectively flaming others, have no business in what is meant to be a safe space/hangout like Pokepride. For proper discussion, to avoid the former notion of semantics I mentioned, I believe it would be best to make an opt-in channel for the discord that is dedicated to solely debate, such that the other channels don't become cluttered with dozens of messages resulting from a back-and-forth between multiple parties, in addition so that people have the choice for themselves if they want to be involved. An added caveat would be that the server staff team can reserve the right to revoke someone's access to the channel if they've demonstrated that they have no place being involved in civil debate.

Lastly, the community should absolutely be more involved in how the server is run. As a community formed by the people, for the people, the people should definitely have a say in what the intended vision of the server should be, as well as to what extent rules be enforced. I, personally, would prefer that we retain the idea that the server be a safe space that reasonable people are welcome in, rather than what most Congregation of the Masses environments end up becoming, though if the greater community feels otherwise, then who are we to say no? In general, we plan to do a lot of community surveying within the server, moving forward, to gather people's opinions and do our best to accomodate them as much as possible.

I suppose this became a bit more than my two cents and more like two dollars- I just really like the server and feel like it's become a home for me where I can be a marginally less filtered version of myself. I hate to see it collapsing like this, and hope that the pending reforms will help to continue making it a great place where others can feel the same way about it as I do!
 
pokepride is a public server, as it is advertised in this thread. as such, it makes sense for the server to welcome non queer people who aren't causing any problems. where the problem lies is when the server is not being used to facilitate productive discussion on LGBT topics, which was outlined by chloe, dice, crux, etc.

this server is borderline official. it makes sense why smogon would never have an actual official LGBT server, but given the public nature and high usercount of this one, it filled that role. regardless of whether it is actually official or not, it needs to be more responsibly moderated and led. that is, if we insist on having a server like this open to the public to begin with.

what is the purpose of having an LGBT server publicly advertised on a pokemon forum? i guess it helps "younger queer people blossom" by giving them a good environment to meet people like them, which a lot of people can't do irl. i think this is a noble cause, but not when the chat devolved into whatever this one devolved into. on PS, it makes sense to not have an official LGBT room since it would be easily accessible by trolls. pokepride did the best a public LGBT chat could do with its screening system and also because of how discord operates... even though the invite is publicly posted in this thread, you still gotta go looking for it. i do think smogon having a chat for LGBT people in this community to meet is a good idea. however, given that this type of server is most useful for younger people, it needs to be handled seriously.

i think some members of smogon's upper staff, maybe the cong staff, should take the server over and restructure the mod team. from there, i don't think they need to be too involved, but they should still have administrative powers to be able to handle any issues that might come up. smogon has a rough history with awful moderators taking advantage of young people, and a chat like this, full of especially vulnerable young people, needs to be given special attention by the mod team. the screenshots of the jokes that Asheviere made aren't too crazy imo... i've seen countless people make jokes like this. however, making jokes like this when you are in a position of power in a public discord that is full of and indirectly geared towards young people is unacceptable.

i am usually against heavily moderated chats, but in one as sensitive as this one, i really think you do need to keep a watchful eye on things.
 

Asheviere

Banned deucer.
You're entirely correct that those inappropriate messages, especially the joke about the gf, are unacceptable and in horribly poor taste. No amount of "jk btw" can cover that. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, and it was a severe lapse of judgment on my part.

Combined with all the other points brought up, I have decided to leave the Poképride Discord, and will not return there. I'm really sorry to all the people I have disappointed and angered. I have a lot to reflect on, and will work hard on myself to learn from every mistake I've made.
 
Chloe's post talks about "the issues Crux, dice and I have mentioned", so I think it's crucial to point out that all three of them are currently not in the Discord server being discussed. What I do know about these users, however, is that they have attacked others users in the server.

I also think if you read between the lines a bit, you'll notice Chloe's post says that Asheviere was "so unanimously liked by the other server staff that they promoted Asheviere over Chloe's objections."

From what I've seen in the server while I have been there, the users seemed pretty happy with the way it was run, and also with Asheviere.

I also noticed that dice's post says "if you want to participate in a friendly queer disc with folks who possess an actual sense of humor, grounding in sociopolitical and queer theory, and cynicism toward allies and liberals, hmu and i'll send you a link". Which is pretty weird to me, because I've definitely heard the fact that multiple individuals in this server by Crux have done things pretty low, even stooping down to making fun of Asheviere's appearance...

WOW!!! I wonder why a marginalized person might want their safe space not to have cynicism towards the only people who stood by them when they were being bullied??? I wonder why a marginalized person might want their safe space not to have people making fun of trans women for their appearance. I wonder why a marginalized person wants their safe space not to have people who use "queer theory" mostly as a justification for bullying other queer people.

But that's just my two cents...
 

Crux

Banned deucer.
What on earth is this lol

1) Noone has attacked anyone - disagreeing with or having conflict with people is not objectionable and should be a fundamental part of queer spaces, as has been explained in depth above. Grow up.
2) Nothing you say about the quality of the Pokepride server engages with anything anyone above you have said at all, it is literally meaningless nonsense. This is a truly bizarre response to criticism.
3) This has not happened to my knowledge but also it's my private server we have no obligations to include or be nice to anyone. Stop making shit up.

Please don't just make up nonsense in some weird smear campaign to avoid accountability. I am having trouble even conceiving of what purpose this posts serves.
 
Chloe's post talks about "the issues Crux, dice and I have mentioned", so I think it's crucial to point out that all three of them are currently not in the Discord server being discussed.
It's funny that you mention it that way because Chloe was banned from the Pokepride server on Thursday "for leaking sensitive staff information" so why would Chloe currently be in there...
 

ayedan

5 am in Toronto
This is from Raimon:
“Hi, I don't know most of the people engaged in the LGBT community and those I do know dont like me lol. but that doesn't rly matter, I just wanted to post it here, because I haven't told anyone else irl as I dont feel comfortable doing it yet, and I am Smogon banned but I still feel somewhat involved w mons in general hence why I thought id ask someone to help me post this, ty Aidan. anyway, recently id been contemplating my sexuality and after giving it much thought and some experimentation, right now I like both girls and guys, so, bisexual. I dont rly know what else to say but I just wanted to say this somewhere bc id sorta been bottling it up, and I know most ppl who see this probably dont care too much but I just wanted to put it somewhere, have a good day everyone!”
 

ManOfMany

I can make anything real
is a Tiering Contributor
I'm bisexual.

-------

EDIT: I've taken down the remainder of this post because I personally do not stand by what I wrote anymore.
Even the more valid discussion points I bring up are also needlessly confrontational and poorly worded. Obviously, the replies are still there if you want to read through the discussion.

I wish everyone in this thread well on the journey to self-acceptance.
 
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Myzozoa

to find better ways to say what nobody says
is a Top Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Past WCoP Champion
Someone born and socialized as a male can never truly no what it's like to be a woman, and vice versa.
im not gonna get drawn into most of this post strewn w misunderstandings, poor use of evidence (the post you identify as evidence of gender essentialisms itt is actually entirely unproblematic), and various phobias (nonbinary phobia mixed with a good dose of transphobia) disguised as objective truths, but as has already been said, a woman, for the purposes of 'objective' political discourse of the type youre trying to establish, is someone who experiences oppression on the basis of being identified within the class of women. this correctly addresses any misunderstandings about various privileges trans ppl may or may not have from their 'previous identities' of 'socialization' and privileges they may have gained from transitioning. It also allows us to distinguish the most likely co-conspirators from ppl who do not have the same political interests as us.

finally, blaming transgender ppl for reinforcing traditional gender conceptions is extremely ironic and desperately in need of reframing: transgender ppl often experience pressure to conform to traditional molds because they understandably want recognition, and in the same way ciswomen are pressured to conform, and typically the pursuit of this recognition is as objectively harmful to trans ppl as it is to their cis counterparts, for example you've probably heard of toxic masculinity, but it is just as easy to conceive of toxic femininity. In fact, it is probably the case that striving for recognition in a hyper-realized and eventually increasingly destructive way is the operative feature of the gender binary.
 

Annika

is a Battle Simulator Administratoris a Community Leaderis a Programmer
PS Admin
I don't generally get too deep into debates about things like this, but I do feel the need to point out that, at least in my experience, transgender people and the transgender community do not "reinforce ... gender roles." In fact, I have noticed the opposite; I know several gender non-conforming trans people who seem to be accepted by the transgender community. There are plenty of trans women who dress, act, or do things that are traditionally "masculine" under gender roles, and plenty of trans men who dress, act, or do things that are traditionally "feminine" per the outmoded apparatus of traditional gender roles.
 

dhelmise

everything is embarrassing
is a Site Content Manageris a Battle Simulator Administratoris a Top Social Media Contributoris a Community Leaderis a Programmeris a Community Contributoris a Top Contributoris a Top Smogon Media Contributoris a Top Dedicated Tournament Hostis a Smogon Discord Contributor Alumnus
Social Media Head
hi im just gonna make this post quick since you can read my original coming out post for this specific topic here. said post is cringe and looking back has numerous examples of me appropriating lgbtq+ culture and re-enforcing stereotypes about gender confusion, but the point behind the post still stands. im nonbinary (im using this instead of genderfluid because ive come to change my understandings of the meanings of both words). i very much enjoy the pronouns they/them, but im not going to complain if someone uses he/him to refer to me because its the internet. i originally forced myself back into the closet in september of 2018 because i was in the middle of being doxxed and got scared of something getting sent to my parents, and on top of the fear of this being sent to my parents, i was scared of the numerous slurs i would have been called because i had witnessed it happen to one of my friends. i was still being called f*ggot and other similar things, but those didnt (and still dont) personally damage my character because i was more desensitized to them at the time. hope this clears things up!
 
Hi.

I'm a little bit worried about posting this bc I'm bad at writing sometimes and I've had problems getting my thoughts across properly.

So I'm bisexual, but that isn't really an issue for me.

The 'problem' is that I've been reconsidering my gender identity recently (the past 5 or so months) but I have no idea what to do with this. I wanted to ask for help here but felt I couldn't

So, basically, I'm biologically male but want to be female. But, I don't suffer from gender dysphoria and don't find it appropriate to physically or biological transition, especially considering how recent I've been feeling this way.

I say only 5 months, obviously I've been considering it much longer than that, but only took the idea seriously for 5 months.

I don't know if it's appropriate to identify as female. I don't know or understand the politics of that and that's kind of the issue.

I asked on the happy place on showdown and the users there were helpful. They basically just said that even if I don't change physically I can still be valid.

My worry stems from the appropriateness of me feeling this way. I was originally just going to discuss my feelings with this thread and/or the discord. But after reading a bunch of the highly nuanced and political discussions that's been happening here I'm increasingly scared of 'coming out' in fear of being deemed 'incorrect' or that because I don't have issues as dramatic or drastic as people who actually suffer from genuine related problems that I'm not going to be taken seriously. Not feeling like it's safe to talk sucks.

Oh and I'm not complaining about the discussions (the more the better) or calling anyone out or anything like that, it's just that it feels like that if I slip up I'll be chewed out for it and that's mostly just my anxiety sure, but it still sucks to feel like that about s safe space.
 

Unicorns

Banned deucer.
Hi.

I'm a little bit worried about posting this bc I'm bad at writing sometimes and I've had problems getting my thoughts across properly.

So I'm bisexual, but that isn't really an issue for me.

The 'problem' is that I've been reconsidering my gender identity recently (the past 5 or so months) but I have no idea what to do with this. I wanted to ask for help here but felt I couldn't

So, basically, I'm biologically male but want to be female. But, I don't suffer from gender dysphoria and don't find it appropriate to physically or biological transition, especially considering how recent I've been feeling this way.

I say only 5 months, obviously I've been considering it much longer than that, but only took the idea seriously for 5 months.

I don't know if it's appropriate to identify as female. I don't know or understand the politics of that and that's kind of the issue.

I asked on the happy place on showdown and the users there were helpful. They basically just said that even if I don't change physically I can still be valid.

My worry stems from the appropriateness of me feeling this way. I was originally just going to discuss my feelings with this thread and/or the discord. But after reading a bunch of the highly nuanced and political discussions that's been happening here I'm increasingly scared of 'coming out' in fear of being deemed 'incorrect' or that because I don't have issues as dramatic or drastic as people who actually suffer from genuine related problems that I'm not going to be taken seriously. Not feeling like it's safe to talk sucks.

Oh and I'm not complaining about the discussions (the more the better) or calling anyone out or anything like that, it's just that it feels like that if I slip up I'll be chewed out for it and that's mostly just my anxiety sure, but it still sucks to feel like that about s safe space.
Welcome! It may be considered controversial in some circles, as I can't speak for everybody, but I'm of the opinion that you don't need to have gender dysphoria to be trans. Personally, I realized that I had subconsciously created this mental block towards not feeling dysphoric. It wasn't until I started transitioning that I began to retroactively recognize that those unexplained feelings were due to dysphoria. Not every single trans person experiences obvious gender dysphoria early on in development. Sometimes, it doesn't occur until later in life. Sometimes, it doesn't occur until beginning transitioning. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. It doesn't matter. If you're happier as a different gender, then you're happier as a different gender.

Each person's journey is unique however, and it's ultimately for you to decide. There isn't an incorrect option and you will always remain valid. The best I, and really any other supportive person, can offer is the space and time to explore yourself in your quest to live as authentically as possible. It's difficult and confusing, but things do become clearer.

Good luck with your journey :)
 

Eve

taking a break
is a Site Content Manageris a Social Media Contributoris a Community Leaderis a Community Contributoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Contributor to Smogon
Community Leader
I'm increasingly scared of 'coming out' in fear of being deemed 'incorrect' or that because I don't have issues as dramatic or drastic as people who actually suffer from genuine related problems that I'm not going to be taken seriously. Not feeling like it's safe to talk sucks.

Oh and I'm not complaining about the discussions (the more the better) or calling anyone out or anything like that, it's just that it feels like that if I slip up I'll be chewed out for it and that's mostly just my anxiety sure, but it still sucks to feel like that about s safe space.
To follow on from Unicorns- if there's anyone that holds such opinions about trans people who don't have dysphoria in the Discord, I've certainly never heard them speak up about it. There's no competition going on to see who's the worst off and deserves to be respected- if anyone does that, they aren't worth your time.
Also, grats on the big step in self-discovery! And good luck with everything going forward :]
 
To follow on from Unicorns- if there's anyone that holds such opinions about trans people who don't have dysphoria in the Discord, I've certainly never heard them speak up about it. There's no competition going on to see who's the worst off and deserves to be respected- if anyone does that, they aren't worth your time.
Also, grats on the big step in self-discovery! And good luck with everything going forward :]
No no, no one specifically brought any of this up. It's just that the highly nuanced political discussions around gender made me feel as if just "deciding" I wanted to be a female made me inappropriate and wouldn't be accepted.

Thank you both, you're very good people and incredibly helpful ♥♥
 
Dysphoria is not something that everyone experiences the same way or in the same degree. I can't tell you what's right for you, but I would not let the fact that other's might have worse dysphoria hold you back from recognizing that you are trans. I know that I felt the same way you do about it for a while and I wish that I had recognized sooner that I was valid. I think it's like Unicorns said, I had mentally blocked out the possiblity that what I was expiriencing was actualy dysphoria. Even now my dysphoria is mostly social and not phsyical. There are definitely people how will try to tell you otherwise and I would recommend ignoring them.
 

Texas Cloverleaf

This user has a custom title
is a Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
Hi.

I'm a little bit worried about posting this bc I'm bad at writing sometimes and I've had problems getting my thoughts across properly.

So I'm bisexual, but that isn't really an issue for me.

The 'problem' is that I've been reconsidering my gender identity recently (the past 5 or so months) but I have no idea what to do with this. I wanted to ask for help here but felt I couldn't

So, basically, I'm biologically male but want to be female. But, I don't suffer from gender dysphoria and don't find it appropriate to physically or biological transition, especially considering how recent I've been feeling this way.

I say only 5 months, obviously I've been considering it much longer than that, but only took the idea seriously for 5 months.

I don't know if it's appropriate to identify as female. I don't know or understand the politics of that and that's kind of the issue.

I asked on the happy place on showdown and the users there were helpful. They basically just said that even if I don't change physically I can still be valid.

My worry stems from the appropriateness of me feeling this way. I was originally just going to discuss my feelings with this thread and/or the discord. But after reading a bunch of the highly nuanced and political discussions that's been happening here I'm increasingly scared of 'coming out' in fear of being deemed 'incorrect' or that because I don't have issues as dramatic or drastic as people who actually suffer from genuine related problems that I'm not going to be taken seriously. Not feeling like it's safe to talk sucks.

Oh and I'm not complaining about the discussions (the more the better) or calling anyone out or anything like that, it's just that it feels like that if I slip up I'll be chewed out for it and that's mostly just my anxiety sure, but it still sucks to feel like that about s safe space.
Hey, feel a bit of a kinship here with how you're describing your uncertainty and unwillingness to step into places you don't feel entitled to. Long story short I identified that a part of my psyche was definitively female but also identified that I firmly did not experience gender dysphoria. My desire was to have both parts of me expressed in harmony and to have my psyche and body to an extent be mutable to adapt to such a situation. What I came to was deciding to identify as genderfluid, as that was what I felt best expressed the core of who I was.

For whomever you are, the only label that matters is the one that you feel best defines you, if it needs definition at all. If you want to be female and feel a wrongness being anything else you are definitively female. If there's nuance there and you embrace both masculinity and femininity then perhaps a label in between, such as non-binary or genderfluid, may be more appropriate for you. Whichever you decide on is what is right.

I understand how it feels to not have a space to talk about it too because compared to the struggles of LBGT folk or trans folk who experience discrimination what merit does my/our personal uncertainty carry? But you have the right to question yourself regardless of the struggles others face, and I know in my own case its helped me gain an even deeper understanding and empathy for those selfsame struggles.

If you just need a place to talk, take a quick search down discord, there are places where you can just talk without expectation of answer or judgement.
 
Hey, I want to get something off my chest. I never thought much about my sexuality as it was just not something that came to my mind very much. However, since the past few months I have been questioning it more frequently. To be honest, some of the thoughts I had recently have been a hot mess that doesn't make any sense. Not to me, anyway, probably because I'm not all too familiar with the LGBT community. I'm a cis-guy, and totally fine with that identity btw. I'm completely fine on the gender front, so this post isn't really about that, which I think is relevant to establish.

The tea is that I think I'm asexual, maybe...

I do experience some sexual attraction to other people (both men and woman, but in different kind of ways), but I'm really uncomfortable with the thought of having sex myself. I have never had a crush on someone before, and my feelings towards other people never go beyond: "that person is hot". That said, I do think I might not be aromantic. The idea of having a romantic relationship sounds pretty nice to me, it's just the body contact and sex part that turns me away. Like, my libido is just none-existant.

Because of all that, I feel like I'm in this weird limbo where it's impossible for me to truly find out my sexuality. I don't put any effort into getting into a relationship, even just to try it, because of my lack of a sexdrive (being a major introvert doesn't help). But then, I'll never know whether I like or dislike being in a relationship because I've never tried it. I have this feeling of having to try out having sex to know for sure if I really don't like it. But not having that drive is kind of the point of being ace, isn't it? What if I really haven't FoUnD ThE RIghT PeRsON? Are there other asexual or questioning people who feel something similar?

When I try to put a label on myself, there are two possibilties, neither of which really make sense to me. The first is that I'm a bisexual heteroromantic, who likes looking at others but doesn't actually want to have sex with them myself. Is this even a thing? Like, do you have to have some sort of personal sexual drive in order to be hetero-, homo- or bisexual, or does a lack of that drive automatically make you asexual? The second option is asexual heteroromantic, but with a bit of bisexual energy, I guess. I feel like ace heteroromantic doesn't really work for me either since it seemingly leaves out my physical attraction to men. Come to think of it, my attraction to men is almost like a sort of fetish. I enjoy the sight of the male body and all that, but I am really uncomfortable with the thought of being in a relationship with another man, even if it's just romantic.

So yeah, make it make sense, because it doesn't make sense to me. It's like the more I dwell on it, the further I get from knowing the answer to my sexuality mystery. Maybe I really just need some extra time to sort through my thoughts. Sorry for the ramble, but also thanks for reading.
 
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Hello everyone, I'm a boy, my name is Nelson, I'm 20 years old, I'm a French national, I'm a person of colour and I'm bisexual. I'm going to tell you my story about my sexual orientation, I thank my buddy Gmansour20 who has been an attentive ear for me for having told him everything with precise details and I'm going to share it with you. Since the age of 13, after sports education classes, I was in the boys' locker room, it seemed strange to me to look at a guy without a shirt on. But at the time, it didn't matter to me because I was young and innocent. Later, when I was in high school, that's when I realized that I was bisexual and that my classmates abused me a lot, criticized me and all the names that for them characterized us completely. I withdrew a bit and once I cried on the bus home and my parents didn't even know about it and my sexual orientation. I prefer to keep it a secret because everyone has their own little secret, this one is mine. Then I fell in love twice with my heterosexual friends and only one of them knew about it and he took it very well because he wanted to find me a guy. Then when I got to university, that's when I started dating a lot of guys at once, it was 2018, and it was just a one-night stand and nothing more. I just wanted to feel like I needed someone else to be intimate with and sometimes more. I only regretted one relationship because I didn't protect myself and then in class my gym teacher was constantly telling us about diseases you can get without protecting yourself... I almost went through a phase of burnout. I didn't feel as good mentally as my body understood the message and I had like a lump in my stomach every day during 6 months. And today I feel good, don't worry, I'm living it very well and I also feel good for all the actions I've done to feel much better and it made my parents proud of the little projects I've done so far. For now, I intend to tell the wife of my children because I want to start a family and tell them what I went through as a teenager. The mistake I may have made is regret, it made me feel very guilty and put me in a neutral state without positive emotions. But now I know what I need to do to grow more and more. That's it, my story is over, if you want to give me a message, I leave you my discord Lancer#0164. I take full responsibility for my bisexuality which I intend to keep secret, and I know that the only solution to any problem is to talk about it, and it's been incredible to tell you about the experiences I've had in my life. Take care and protect yourself eveyone. :heart:
 
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Lina

Creatures in Heaven
is a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
I've posted here before as more of an ally but now I feel like it's time to come out fully. My sexuality has always been a bit of a confusing topic for me, it's been difficult figuring out what I like and who I want to eventually be with. When I was younger I guess it was easier, I had 1 crush throughout most of my childhood. Moving into my teenage years, I started noticing girls more and more starting at about age 16. After several crushes and much denial, I have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I find that lean more towards men than women. Guys are handsome but some girls are just so insanely pretty and cute.

I've only really come out to my family and friends online so far. My Mum and her partner know, my brother knows, my Grandma and cousin know and a few friends know. I worry about telling my Dad because he was raised Catholic and has said some pretty homophobic stuff in the past, so I'm not gonna be coming out to him anytime soon. So yeah I'm Bisexual. :)
So! Some things have kinda changed from when I posted this and I think I'm ready to open up about it. While I initially came out as bisexual that has somewhat changed since then. I've never really understood what sexual attraction is. As a young teenager I was always told that, sexual attraction will come eventually but for me that never really happened. I've always thought 'sexual attraction? Sounds fake lol.' I learned how to fake it to fit in and was pretty successful up until my early 20s. At one point I felt safe and comfortable enough to talk about these feelings with a friend. At the time I was dating this guy and I was concerned about him being upset about me not being sexually attracted to him. My friend told me that 'you must not really love him if you don't want to sleep with him.' And this broke my heart and forever changed my friendship with this girl. I felt broken for not wanting to sleep with my boyfriend or anyone. It's just not something that I want to ever do. I've had friends show me pictures of hot guys and how attracted to them they are and I've always been like '???'

The word for this is called 'asexual'. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. Because of what my friend said to me, I've since then felt broken and sad that I may never find someone who will accept me for me. Dating has been incredibly difficult because of this. Right now, I'm currently taking time out from dating or seeking a relationship and learning more about myself and how to care for myself. My offical label is asexual biromantic but this could be subject to change. I know that I'm not broken anymore, just different from others and that is okay. I do also hope to one day be in a relationship that is fulfilling and wonderful. So yeah, I'm a Biromantic Asexual. :)
 

Unicorns

Banned deucer.
Hello and welcome!

I feel like you already know how you feel and know what gender you are, so I won't comment on those (Congrats on that part btw!) and I'll just address your concerns.

Gender is not defined by your physical body; rather gender is a social construct. Gender norms aren't a universal phenomenon and they change from culture to culture, meaning that they are social in nature. Think of it like this: say a cis-man got into a car accident and sustained irreparable damage to his penis. Would that make him a woman? Of course not, because gender is in your head. The question of "Do I really become a girl if I just wake up one day and decide I am one?" is a difficult one to answer. The way that I think about it is that I always have been a girl, but I couldn't figure out the words. That's part of the idea of self-discovery.

In most traditional Western cultures, the man is the breadwinner while the woman cares for the home. In some other world cultures, the opposite holds true. There aren't any universal criteria determining what is a man or what is a woman. Definitions change over time. That's a part of how language, cultures, and ultimately the world, works. Look at modern Western gender roles: there are stay-at-home dad's, women in the military, etc. Gender has proven a very fluid and non-set concept. Similarly, many cultures around the world have options for third and even more genders. Off the top of my head, some Native American tribes have genders known as two-spirit and Hindu cultures have third, in-between genders. And cultures change over time. To imply that third- and non-binary options are a recent development is just kind of Western-centric thinking. Recently we've discovered proof that transgender people existed at least 4500 years ago!

Your last point is something that just happens sometimes unfortunately. People can be really shitty and they can create these irrational mental blocks ("only women with breasts and ovaries are real women!" Ignoring women that have undergone mastectomies or hysterectomies; "I'm not sexually attracted to this person now that I know they're trans!" ignoring that's not how attraction works). There are cis-men out there that will see a trans-woman as a woman though. They are harder to find, but they do exist. My only suggestion would be to just keep trying. #NotAllMen are transphobic garbage. And regarding telling a partner if you're trans or not, that's a controversial topic in the trans community. My best advice is that you do need to be concerned about the possibility of the guy reacting violently. It's super shitty, but that's what our culture dictated is alright. Perhaps non-coincidentally, that's something that cis-women generally fear about cis-men as well.

I'll end this by dropping some links below.

https://www.pride.com/trans/2020/3/31/5-amazing-trans-women-you-didnt-learn-about-history-class
https://www.pride.com/trans/2020/3/31/5-amazing-trans-men-you-didnt-learn-about-history-class
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_history
 

Crux

Banned deucer.
In most traditional Western cultures, the man is the breadwinner while the woman cares for the home. In some other world cultures, the opposite holds true. There aren't any universal criteria determining what is a man or what is a woman. Definitions change over time. That's a part of how language, cultures, and ultimately the world, works. Look at modern Western gender roles: there are stay-at-home dad's, women in the military, etc. Gender has proven a very fluid and non-set concept. Similarly, many cultures around the world have options for third and even more genders. Off the top of my head, some Native American tribes have genders known as two-spirit and Hindu cultures have third, in-between genders. And cultures change over time. To imply that third- and non-binary options are a recent development is just kind of Western-centric thinking. Recently we've discovered proof that transgender people existed at least 4500 years ago!
I understand the desire to establish a rich tapestry of LGBT history and to situate our own identities as having evolved from this historical context, but it is simply false.

For starters, Gender as we understand it is a Western tool of colonial repression. It was imported as a mechanism for demonising indigenous culture and perceived sexual and gendered deviance, as well as for enforcing colonial supremacy by forcing natives to adopt Western gender roles. Pointing to deviations in gender amongst non-Western cultures as evidence of deviations from gender in general makes no sense. These cultures had fundamentally different understandings of gender, and are not even remotely analogous to our current understandings of gender or transness. In fact, drawing equivalencies between transness and Indigenous genders is quite offensive and colonial – it seeks to justify these genders on the terms of colonial understandings of gender, while at the same time the settler is attempting to draw legitimacy from them, even while these people are the ones who face the brunt of the effects of colonial attempts to enforce a rigid gender binary.

The same is true of historical figures. Modern notions of sexuality and gender don’t emerge until at least Victorian times, and attempting to impute our understandings of gender and sexuality onto these people is at best ahistorical and at worst strips them of their autonomy. It is meaningless to point to historical figures 4500 or 1500 or 500 years ago and dub them gay, bi, or trans. Their relationships to gender and sexuality were so different to our own that similar identities did not exist as we understand them. It is more obviously harmful when these terms are applied to people who lived closer to the present who used different language to describe themselves and their experiences. Erasing the complexities of LGBT history and politics by declaring someone who presented in a gender non-conforming way as merely “trans” disrespects that person’s autonomy and obfuscates the often confusing interplay between gender and sexuality that people still experience today – people who certainly aren’t helped by this disrespectful shoehorning of labels onto people who didn’t use them in an attempt to paper over that complexity.
 

Unicorns

Banned deucer.
I understand the desire to establish a rich tapestry of LGBT history and to situate our own identities as having evolved from this historical context, but it is simply false.

For starters, Gender as we understand it is a Western tool of colonial repression. It was imported as a mechanism for demonising indigenous culture and perceived sexual and gendered deviance, as well as for enforcing colonial supremacy by forcing natives to adopt Western gender roles. Pointing to deviations in gender amongst non-Western cultures as evidence of deviations from gender in general makes no sense. These cultures had fundamentally different understandings of gender, and are not even remotely analogous to our current understandings of gender or transness. In fact, drawing equivalencies between transness and Indigenous genders is quite offensive and colonial – it seeks to justify these genders on the terms of colonial understandings of gender, while at the same time the settler is attempting to draw legitimacy from them, even while these people are the ones who face the brunt of the effects of colonial attempts to enforce a rigid gender binary.

The same is true of historical figures. Modern notions of sexuality and gender don’t emerge until at least Victorian times, and attempting to impute our understandings of gender and sexuality onto these people is at best ahistorical and at worst strips them of their autonomy. It is meaningless to point to historical figures 4500 or 1500 or 500 years ago and dub them gay, bi, or trans. Their relationships to gender and sexuality were so different to our own that similar identities did not exist as we understand them. It is more obviously harmful when these terms are applied to people who lived closer to the present who used different language to describe themselves and their experiences. Erasing the complexities of LGBT history and politics by declaring someone who presented in a gender non-conforming way as merely “trans” disrespects that person’s autonomy and obfuscates the often confusing interplay between gender and sexuality that people still experience today – people who certainly aren’t helped by this disrespectful shoehorning of labels onto people who didn’t use them in an attempt to paper over that complexity.
I agree with 100% of your post and the criticism is sound.

The only issue, that I feel, is that there does need to be a balance between providing a faster, simplified answer and a more thorough, complex answer, such as yours. If an uneducated person asks a question and receives a complex and educated response, it won't mean anything to them. It'd be like speaking another language at them. If the response didn't "mean" anything to the uneducated person, then the answer will ultimately be lost on them and they will have never gained anything from it.

LGBTQ 101 versus higher-level concepts
 

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