Social LGBTQIA+

[banks]

Preface: this post isn't a reply to the conversation above: this is just a topic that has been lingering on my mind for a while and now seems like an apt time to bring it up.

The implication that human experiences cannot influence sexuality seems reductive. I'm sure we've all heard and, at one point, used the 'born this way' mantra in effort for equality; it acts as damage control to conservatives, as if something is innate to a human, it is immoral to attack them for it. But as our understanding of sexuality advances, it's not a stretch to say that this ideology is harmful to LGBTQ individuals. Now obviously, I don't want people interpreting this as sexuality being a willful choice we pick and choose, like clothes and such, but rather a malleable facet of human identity that can gradually alter over time. Psychologists and cognitive scientists have articulated this better than I can, but it's not unreasonable to say that important or traumatic events in one's life can, subconsciously, shape our sexual preferences. And this shouldn't be viewed as harmful to LGBTQ identities. Predictably, bigots will misconstrue this as sexuality being a choice or just as something to fit into their regressive narrative.

As for asexuality, it isn't a subject I can speak on anecdotally or even through readings/research. Naturally, talking about trauma and the influence it holds over sexuality is a slippery slope: on one hand, to make a blanket statement that negative experiences determine you as a person--sexuality or not--is not productive or insightful to anyone; on the other hand, it is not necessary for LGBTQ individuals to justify their sexuality through excessively making a point of how it is innate to them, and how the person's experiences are irrelevant to it, despite this claim not being wholly accurate. Dr. Lisa Diamond makes three succinct points on why 'born this way' isn't actually useful for us:
1. 'It is not scientifically accurate'
2. 'It is not legally necessary'
3. (most important point): 'It is actually unjust'
The third point resonates most pertinently to this discussion and to the queer community as a whole. A lot of gender-non-conforming and/or queer individuals offer stories from when they were a child about how they used to dress up as the opposite gender and use that as a tool to 'normalise' or act as damage control to how weird it is to be queer. I used to do this too, but eventually just stopped; you do not need to justify your identity to cisheterosexual people. Also, the desperation to fit into a fixed label of sexuality is too a product of heteronormativity. It's not unusual or abnormal for same-sex attracted people to develop opposite-sex attraction later in life, and this doesn't make them confused or 'traitors', likewise with heterosexuals developing an attraction to other genders doesn't make them an ashamed closeted person.

 

[Blue glass]

I agree that "Born this way" could be phazed out even if it can be useful to explain at a very basic level how there isn't a choice in one sexuality as genetic code and life experiences are out of anyone control but how "it is actually unjust"?

 

[Tenshi]

I agree that "Born this way" could be phazed out even if it can be useful to explain at a very basic level how there isn't a choice in one sexuality as genetic code and life experiences are out of anyone control but how "it is actually unjust"?

this is the video referenced in the post, unjust tldr iirc refers to how it justifies bierasure and sets a binary you are one thing and nothing else from the moment you're born when it isn't true because sexuality is fluid.

 

[syzgy]

re: early morning thoughts
I've been an openly bisexual female for a while now, I've been very open with my friends about it and they support me all the way, but I don't how to explain it to my parents. Does anyone have advice, I feel like my story isn't as severe as some of the stories I've been reading in this thread.

 

[Milak]

re: early morning thoughts
I've been an openly bisexual female for a while now, I've been very open with my friends about it and they support me all the way, but I don't how to explain it to my parents. Does anyone have advice, I feel like my story isn't as severe as some of the stories I've been reading in this thread.

I feel like everyone has their own way of coming out, whether it be through a long and detailed speech, a simple joke made, or introducing your partner, so it all depends on your character, your nature, and how you think your family will react to you openly admitting you’re bisexual. I can only speak for my experience, which, just like yours, isn’t as severe as the others, but it’s still worth reading here. By the time I was ready to tell my friends, I was slowly realizing I didn’t have any problems with my family knowing about my homosexuality as well. This also happened because I already did know that they would’ve supported me. All I can say is: be as natural as possible, preparing a speech didn’t work for me, I wanted to be as relaxed as possible because otherwise I would’ve gotten into my head and ruined the moment. At the same time, I didn’t want it to be such a “solemn” moment, after all there’s nothing more natural and liberating than to come out, so I didn’t want to make it too dramatic when in reality it wasn’t at all! I can’t specifically tell you how you should tell your parents, only you know how to approach and have a serious conversation with them, but the best advice I can give you is to just stop listening to that little voice in your head and just let your heart speak for a moment. I hope this helped a bit, I hope that your parents will support you 100%, and I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world! Please, keep us posted on this!

 

[Plague von Karma]

re: early morning thoughts
I've been an openly bisexual female for a while now, I've been very open with my friends about it and they support me all the way, but I don't how to explain it to my parents. Does anyone have advice, I feel like my story isn't as severe as some of the stories I've been reading in this thread.

Don't worry about how bad your experiences are! Weighing them out against others can be really unhealthy for you in the long-run, so it's always more productive to get your problems solved in some way.

Anyway...it really depends on how your parents are towards LGBT people. Everyone is different, and parents are no exception. Oftentimes, you'll get the "purest" reaction from a parent when they find out the person they've been raising is LGBT. This is partly why many become afraid, but I see it as a necessary experience to go through. It's one of those "it'll happen sooner or later" things, it's like pulling off a plaster.

The way I went about it was sitting my mom down and just letting it out. I don't think this is the ideal way for most, especially considering I personally tend to just...do things once the idea is in my head. At the end of the day, "coming out" is a deeply personal thing for everyone. Ergo, there's no "true" way to do it, as every method is true in its own right. As Milank put it, it can be anything from a wise crack to a speech.

One way I can think of is just some kind of offhanded comment like "oh don't you think this girl's hot?" while watching TV. It's enough to get the idea across without really prompting any inherently negative response. Hell, maybe it'll get them to ask the question. But, as I prefaced, everyone's different, and I most certainly don't know your parents. Go with your gut! You've been raised by them for years, it's best to make it "your" coming out experience.

 

[lepton]

still not completely sure im trans, and im not trying to rush things, but its made me really happy to be referred to as she/her and feminine terms by my friends so I would appreciate it if yall on smogon did too! thank you

 

[Rei]

I guess I should make an official public update rather than just keeping it to the few people I told on discord / saw my status. I been trying to figure out my gender identity for the longest time, I knew female didn't fit which was the gender I was born with, and that male was what I thought was the perfect fit. While I am comfortable with he/him, I feel like they/them non-binary is what I truly am. I feel more so as a gray line between female and male and see myself as neither gender. My sexuality is still strongly females, but open to males and non-binary people. I still feel like in the future I will be getting my breasts removed and still change my name to Zero.

So in short he/him is fine but I prefer they/them.

 

[Eve]

Thought I'd already posted this but turns out I posted it in my Sandbox. I should sleep

Happy New Year all! To those of you who struggle with family gatherings, I hope the ending of these yearly festivities brings you some room to breathe. I'm quite doubtful that 2021 will actually be a better year, but at least we're all a little more prepared by experience for whatever comes our way. Of course, my dms (and Pokepride) are always open for anyone who needs to vent.

Another year means another time to look back on the person I used to be and barely recognise them. Even as I continue to struggle with precisely determining my own identity, sexuality, and ambitions, and struggle with the aftermath of dropping out of university, I know that I'm so much more of a person than I was, and I can at least be happy about that. I'm going to make a conscious effort to make myself even better this year, and hopefully also start my social transitioning in the process. It might be slow progress at first, but that's better than nothing, right?


Guess I'll talk about my sexuality here, seeing as I haven't talked about that on this thread before.

I like women, like, a lot. That's not a surprise to anyone who knows me well. Ask me a year ago if I liked any guys, however, and I'd deny it with an "ew no". Turns out I'd be lying. By this point I've been attracted to a few too many guys to deny it, as much as I've wanted to (even if it doesn't apply to me anymore, I guess the effects of being mocked for being "gay" for having a tomboy girlfriend* as a kid really stuck with me). I really like women and my taste in guys is fairly specific so it's a really heavy preference (don't get your hopes up yet, nice guys), but that still makes me bi! So here I am coming out I guess. Maybe I'll change my mind, maybe I won't. Honestly, the label doesn't matter to me much. If I love someone, I love them, and that's just how it is.
*actually a trans guy btw! he's super cool


I planned to write more but tiredness has put a stop to that, so I'll leave it here. Thanks to all my friends who helped make 2020 at all bearable against all odds; you all mean the world to me. Hope you all have a good night!

 

[413X]

I’m bi

ty Itchyy Le Creme Brule nolenot and Ape711 for help figuring it out and support

 

[emma]

Yesterday at 5:16 AM I texted my parents that I was coming out as transgender. The plan was for them to wake up, read it, and send me a nice message to read when I woke up. Unfortunately, it appears my text woke them up so they decided to come into my room and talk for two hours. If anyone wants to see the text for "inspiration" I'm glad to share, but I don't feel comfortable posting it publicly on the forums.

While coming out at a 5 AM message seems silly, I really believe it was the play. While having them come into my room unexpectedly was not something I was hoping for, I knew I was going to have to have these difficult conversations at some point. Sending that text message was extremely terrifying, and 5 AM is the only time I had enough confidence to do it. While the result might have been unspectacular, I do not regret coming out the way I did.

Their initial reaction was that I was coming out as gay. Despite the first line in my text being "I am coming out as transgender" they were shocked to actually hear I was transgender. While the conversation that would follow was pretty horrible, at least I find this moment hilarious.

Their reactions were not the worst, but also certainly not the best. They made it quite clear, at least to me, that they are adamantly opposed to me coming out as trans. They kept using their own experiences ("well there used to be guys I know who were only friends with girls") to push "alternatives" to being trans such as being Emma online while being "regular" me in real life or simply being a more feminine male. Of course, men can be more traditionally feminine, but that's not for me. Furthermore, I've been Emma online while pretending to be "regular" in real life since around Halloween, and I don't plan to continue now that I've told them I am trans.

Another sinking feeling I have is that they think I'm going through a depression saga again. Back in High School, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and it was a really tough time for the family, but I was able to eventually get through it. I believe their thought process is staying up until 5 AM to send the message --> bad sleep schedule (this part is true) --> depressed --> being trans is a way to cope (these two things are not true). They kept suggesting "solutions" such as quitting the football team (I did do this!), eating healthier, exercising more. etc. While these are all good suggestions and things I should be doing, I was really confused on how they related to the topic of me coming out as trans to them.

They also did not even try to call me Emma or use she / her today. Obviously it will take a long time to switch names and I know they are going to misname a large amount of times, but the fact that they just continued to refer to me as they always have was disheartening.

Overall, my parents do not want me to come out as transgender, despite telling me they "would do everything they can to support me". I hope this is a case of two boomer parents who grew up in a different time having no idea how to deal with their child coming out as trans at 5 AM on a random Monday morning. I think they are afraid of me coming out as trans and then realizing it's not for me, or that its "just a phase". They kept saying I should "wait" to come out which I am willing to accept. I plan to do the next school semester from home, so if I'm able to come out before I go back in the Fall, I will count that was a major win.

While this is not the response I wanted and it made me quite upset, I can work with this. I believe I have to be persistent and continue to tell them that I want to come out as trans (since I already am transgender). I also need to continually correct them when it comes to my new name, which sounds incredibly difficult and awkward, but such is the life of being trans. I hope with time for them to fully understand and dedication from me, I can eventually fully come out as transgender.

For anyone reading this that is in a similar position to me -- please do not take this as demotivation to come out as transgender. While this is not the response I wanted (and of course different people respond differently), it is not going to deter me. I have made it through much worse, and I refuse to let these two boomer clowns get in the way of expressing myself how I want to. Fear not my loves, I am not stopped this easily. Being transgender is unfortunately extremely hard, but it is also something that makes me incredibly happy so I am going to keep working towards it.

I am on discord at emma #4133 if you want to talk

 

[Exeggutor]

re: early morning thoughts
I've been an openly bisexual female for a while now, I've been very open with my friends about it and they support me all the way, but I don't how to explain it to my parents. Does anyone have advice, I feel like my story isn't as severe as some of the stories I've been reading in this thread.

I think it really depends on the type of people your parents are and what your relationship is like with them. I came out as bisexual to my mum at the ripe old age of 11 with a "formal" e-mail sent from a Barnes & Noble Nook at half past midnight.

Are they the type where they'd prefer a sit-down-and-talk type thing? Does something like an email work? A phone call? What are *you* most comfortable with, above all else? Your comfort with how you approach it matters before all else.

 

[Bakugames]

The competitive Pokemon player to trans lesbian pipeline is REAL

Smogon made me fucking GAY
How? Just watch these 5 easy steps...

 

[Revenge of Depressed Gay]

I don't know where else to really put this but I think here is somewhat appropriate as it pertains to my experiences with religion as a bisexual man. I apologize if there is some triggering stuff in here but honestly I just need a place to vent about this because lately I've been thinking about it a lot.

I honestly do not trust devout Christians. I have never been comfortable around them, nor have I felt safe around them. I always felt as though I'm on edge because I'm worried that me being bisexual is something that will make them hate me or be uncomfortable by. I am very open about my identity and choose not to hide it because I shouldn't. I should be proud to be a bisexual man and not have to hide it from the world just because I don't feel safe around them. Hell even before I was out of the closet I always felt uncomfortable in churches because they made me feel like I didn't belong. My mother practically shoved Catholicism down my throat by forcing me to partake in after school religion classes that nobody liked because as a kid the last thing you want after school is more school for something you have zero interest in. I took those classes for seven years and I hated every moment I was there. Following that I was somewhat terrified to come out to my parents not because of my dad but because I was worried my mom wouldn't accept me or be forced to accept me. For the most part it was smooth sailing from there but there was a moment in which someone tried to convert me I guess. He invited me to go to his church and I said no I don't feel comfortable there and have no interest in going, but he just wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually someone else had to step in and tell him to stop because I was obviously not going to go, and he was being an asshole about it. I think that moment spurred my distrust for devout Christians in the first place because even if they weren't blatantly calling me shit like f*gg*t or telling me I'd go to hell for my sins they'd try to convert me or "save" me. I'm sorry for making a long post about this but with all the time I have due to me getting COVID and going on my second week of self quarantine I have been thinking about a lot of shit recently, and I needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Bopher]

yo everyone i am gay ((homosexual))

i thought that i was bi for a long while before realising that in the long term, i only really thought about ending up with a guy. sexuality is weird and hard to define, some days i find myself surprisingly inclined towards women but i've finally decided to say fuck it and embrace the term gay
i'm a pretty reserved dude, some of my discord friends in the 1v1 community know but i'm tryna be more open with it irl so this is practice for when I eventually get around to doing that. s/o to literally all of you guys for being lovely people in general

its fun reading through this thread and seeing peoples stories. im a good listener if anyone wants to vent or chat about similar experiences, pretty active on discord (tag in my profile)

take the rainbow road

now give me smogon likes!

 

[Adeleine]

Hi, I'm a gay lobby staff. Applying sexuality to (non-human) Pokemon and (usually minor) Pokemon trainers is really creepy. Please don't do it.

Third, I like to notice how you left out the part where I said I'd gotten in trouble for saying stuff like "happy pride month" or things around that.

You uh didn't mention it, and I do not recall such a thing? if you give me a date i can check the logs and see what happened, though.

EDIT: found it.

[10:37:18] kacieisokay: happy pride : )
[10:37:35] kacieisokay: why aren't you guys saying happy pride back do you hate gay people

this didn't get you banned, of course, or even muted. it was just one of many things. i assume another chance was burned when you called someone a "commie fuck" for criticizing capitalism that same day

See I probably didn't say that last part but I live in a house with my boyfriend and my siblings, who all use the website. I have tried to tell people this MULTIPLE times and every time they think I'm a troll, and just tell me to go away. I literally can't do anything about the fact that you guys treat all IP addresses as one user.

[11:06:26] kacieisokay: everything you commie fuck

EDIT2: You start conversations by clicking on a person's name in the left and "Start Conversation", but please do not PM me. I am not interested in discussing these punishments further.

 

[Collette]

everyone is roasting me by reacting to a mod's post who doesn't even know me and is encouraging the censorship of gay people like......... do you guys even realize that this website and pokemon showdown is years behind in the way that minority groups are treated on it lmao.

also inb4 "ratio" because i know. this is the saddest ratio i have ever felt.

bro can you just dm her i get notifications for this thread.

 

[kacieisokay]

Okay, deleted my other posts and I'm just going to make one last post because I'd just like to say: I'm a big veteran LGBT person over here. I'm bisexual, I've been out for about 6 years now, and very openly so. I just want to make a few notes that I really hope the people on this forum see, because they've come up a lot with some people in this community and it's important to say.

1. SEXUALITY IS NOT INHERENTLY SEXUAL. I know, it's a weird thing to say because the word sex is LITERALLY right at the beginning, but it's true. I mean, sexuality is such an important part of our lives, of our experiences, and it's also an important part of the natural world. Homosexuality, bisexuality, all of that exists out in nature to. You aren't sexualizing people just by discussing the idea of sexuality. You're sexualizing them if you turn that into a discussion about them having sex. Talking about your experiences as a person or your identity is not sexual.
2. YOUR IDENTITY IS NOT POLITICAL. There are many political issues revolving around LGBT issues, and that's just a part of the world, but your existence is not made political. Talking about these things is not political because, once again, it's just who you are. If a straight friend was talking about someone they were interested in, or how they identify with a straight character in media, would you call that political? No. Because it's not. Being LGBT is not political.
3. IT'S A SPECTRUM. All of it. There are no two experiences out there that are the same, even if you may have the same label. Experiences of people across the LGBT world will always vary, and that's okay! The way two bisexual people experience being bisexual might be very different, and that's okay! You're still valid. Identity, after all, is just a way to describe you. That's what's most important.
4. HIDING SUCKS. Being out isn't always safe, and sometimes, you just can't be out, and that's okay. But do know that if you are in a position where you can choose to spend time with people you can be out around, and people that you can't, it's almost always better to be out. Coming out was rough for me, and I lived in a pretty progressive area, but it still really does tell you who the people are that you can really be yourself around.
5. IT'S STILL OKAY TO MAKE GAY JOKES. Please......... Do not take away my gay jokes from me.
6. AND FINALLY, RESPRESENTATION IS IMPORTANT. I don't know what else to say. When I saw Adam on Sex Education, I cried. When I saw Callie on Greys Anatomy, I cried. Feeling seen and feeling validated is important, and don't let people take that from you.

Okay sorry anyone I annoyed, here's some real LGBT stuff. Support your local LGBT organizations, and help the community when you can, and if you're able!

 

[Tenshi]

1. SEXUALITY IS NOT INHERENTLY SEXUAL. I know, it's a weird thing to say because the word sex is LITERALLY right at the beginning, but it's true. I mean, sexuality is such an important part of our lives, of our experiences, and it's also an important part of the natural world. Homosexuality, bisexuality, all of that exists out in nature to. You aren't sexualizing people just by discussing the idea of sexuality. You're sexualizing them if you turn that into a discussion about them having sex. Talking about your experiences as a person or your identity is not sexual.

I feel like this is fairly obvious but its extremely important to make note of this. As a future educator who's a big advocate of teaching lgbt subjects in primary school, it's important for people(primarily parents) to realize it isn't sex ed. Sex ed is sexual, being lgbt isnt a kink it isn't inherently sexual. Kids especially could benefit a lot from being exposed to these conversations and topics because thats the age where prejudice really starts to take form which is a big reason why middle and highschool(and later elementary for that matter) bullying against lgbt is so much more common. Unfortunately in the US, the parents are a huge obstacle for our schools implementing such a program but it's imo a necessary one.

 

[banks]

I’m just going to post here, since I don’t want to unload my grievances onto my friends.

Hide

I was identified as intersex after birth. What this means is that any and all conversation about you as a person, even as a child, is preluded with the question of your genitalia, even by teachers, as well as the: ‘so what actually are you?’ My parents and the doctors agreed it would be best to fit me into the ‘male binary’ going forth. What people don’t know about intersex individuals is that the sweeping majority of it is internal: chromosomes, reproductive anatomy, hormones. And those are just the scientific aspects. What my parents were perhaps blindly hoping for was that I would grow into a generic boy and enjoy boyish things and so on. Maybe the bells started to ring when I would go to the supermarket with my grandmother, wearing her high heels and carrying a handbag. It’s amusing in retrospect, but, to claim that children—regardless of age—are incapable of identifying that otherness inside them, that separates them from their peers, is a hopeless endeavour. To quote Lana Wachowski, a transgender director, who eloquently articulates what I am unable to:

‘I want to play Four Square with the girls but now I’m one of them -- I’m one of the boys. Early on I am told to get in line after a morning bell, girls in one line, boys in another. I walk past the girls feeling this strange, powerful gravity of association. Yet some part of me knows I have to keep walking. As soon as I look towards the other line, though, I feel a feeling of differentiation that confuses me. I don’t belong there, either.’

Notwithstanding the inward anxiety and confusion I felt from an age too young to be ever felt, physical changes also began to arise. I won’t get into specifics, but certain changes that are viewed as intrinsic to women began to manifest (and, by the way, experiencing pubescent changes that generally occur in the opposite sex can happen to anyone, which people don’t seem to be fully aware of). This led to some further clinical meetings regarding my hormones and how they should be corrected, which, really, I guess was my main issue at that age. The desperate yearning from everyone around me to be corrected.

I came from a primary school where ‘gay’ was used pervasively, and where you could be anything except ‘gay’; the only problem was that I was the person stamped as ‘gay’ so that no one else had to be. Around the age of twelve was the transition period to high school, where the inescapable doubt of self follows everyone. Unfortunately, this confrontation of identity hits harder for certain people. For some, it’s a declaration of power and security, which was predominantly achieved through violence and hate, and for some, it’s the sinking realisation that your current self, your current body and how you’re perceived by others, is not sustainable to live in. This realisation is near universal among queer youth, and especially in my area — suburbs wedged in rural landscapes, where every school is catholic and everyone white and married with kids. It was around this time I retreated into silence and self-hate more than ever, and also when I tried my best to appear as feminine as possible.

Looking back, what really annoys me the most is the fact that the discernible changes my body underwent was the justification used to get me on hormone therapy. What I described in the paragraph above, in some way, particularly the revelation, is relatable to any transgender or non-binary or queer person. I only happened to be born slightly different to the majority of the population, and a lot of intersex individuals don’t realise they are intersex until adulthood, so it’s nonsensical to deny someone the ability to live as their truth. Now obviously I’m not saying we should go about giving 5-year-olds hormone therapy, since I’m sure some anti-intellect reactionaries will interpret it that way, but just because you don’t relate doesn’t mean you can’t empathise. We should also open the doors to give cis people the chance to talk about gender without labelling them as gender-nonconforming, because, really, these suffocating norms hurt everyone.

I’m going to stop here because I don’t want to come across as overly mawkish or self-pitying, which I’ve probably failed at. There’s no real tl;dr, this just felt cathartic to write. I hope anyone who reads this who can relate or is currently going through a period of distress finds inward peace.

 

[Gerard]

yo everyone i am gay ((homosexual))

i thought that i was bi for a long while before realising that in the long term, i only really thought about ending up with a guy. sexuality is weird and hard to define, some days i find myself surprisingly inclined towards women but i've finally decided to say fuck it and embrace the term gay
i'm a pretty reserved dude, some of my discord friends in the 1v1 community know but i'm tryna be more open with it irl so this is practice for when I eventually get around to doing that. s/o to literally all of you guys for being lovely people in general

its fun reading through this thread and seeing peoples stories. im a good listener if anyone wants to vent or chat about similar experiences, pretty active on discord (tag in my profile)

take the rainbow road

now give me smogon likes!

You could be a homoromantic bisexual and that's perfectly valid friend, labels shouldn't tie you down :)

 

[TheValkyries]

You could be a homoromantic bisexual and that's perfectly valid friend, labels shouldn't tie you down :)

You literally just gave him a pair of labels what do you mean 'labels shouldn't tie you down'.

If someone tells you they are gay and talks about their nuanced experiences with their own sexuality, just as a rule, you should try not to correct their conclusion or whatever the fuck and try to vivisect their identity like a weirdo scientist.

 

[Gerard]

I'm not trying to label them, as I said that's something they could be, just like they could be gay which is perfectly fine. Many people center on just one part of their sexual identity and don't even realize there's a whole spectrum of things to explore, It's the whole point of the LGBT+ community, so I don't see how spreading knowledge a bit would be "vivisecting their identity" specially since it's not like I'm imposing anything, as I said, if they want to say they're gay and only have relationships and sex with other men that's ok, if they want to call themselves gay and have relationships with men but bang some women on the side that's also fine (as long as nobody is being lied to), but to just shut down a part of their sexuality due to the expectations of others I think it's contrary to the community.

 

[Lily]

This is more of a quick life update that people probably won't care about than anything else, but I'm feeling happy about it so I feel like writing about it here.

For those who don't know, in October 2020 I started attending university (studying Game Design if anyone's curious), and since then I had intended to actually come out properly so that I could be addressed correctly by other students and professors, ideally. Of course, COVID impacted me just as much as it probably did anyone else, so my time in university began (and currently remains) online. This means I have not met anyone face-to-face, and for the most part, my lessons are over Discord... which in a lot of ways is good and convenient, but in others not exactly because I had to register for university under my legal name (which is my dead name currently). It also meant that I originally passed as a cis girl to my classmates since my name on Discord is just Lily.

In reality I probably could've kept this going for a lot longer than I did but I didn't feel like that was a good idea because, whenever I do end up going on campus, my classmates would probably end up very confused. This gave me two options: suck it up and go by my dead name, or come out to them. And to my own shock, I managed to do the latter - something I had never been able to do fully before (some people knew when I was in high school and it ended up being public knowledge towards the end anyway but let's just say that wasn't my doing). I also told my at-the-time professors and two of the three were very accommodating, one less so but I've since sorted that out anyway. My classmates have been wonderful and accepting; I've never once felt like they're treating me differently or whatever, and maybe that'll change when we go on campus, but for now I'm hopeful.

The reason I'm making this post today is because, like I said earlier, I had to register for university under my dead name. This means that whenever my professors pull the class list for whatever reason - usually putting us into groups, since team work is obviously extremely common in the games industry - my dead name ends up showing there and they have to manually correct it, which they're kind enough to do. Sometimes they forgot at first, but it's nothing they haven't corrected after. However, with the start of the new semester, I got some new professors and they were unaware of my situation, they didn't correct my name on a groups list and it was very confusing for my teammates who didn't know who I was - after all, there's nobody going by my dead name in my school's Discord server, so as far as they're concerned that person just doesn't exist. I was obviously a bit upset by this and ranted a little bit in our class's private server, and my class rep happened to notice and shot me a DM.

She ended up contacting a person from the Department of Welfare and Equality. and shortly after received an email giving me instructions on who to talk to if I want to get my name and identity changed on the university's systems. I had already tried to do this earlier in the year and while they were sympathetic, I was pretty much told "sorry, nothing we can do until you change your name legally". This method seems to be more directly geared towards trans people and apparently has worked for others in the past. I'm super excited about it & honestly really nervous too because like, while I've been "semi-out" for going on 7 years now, I've never been completely able to be myself until now. It's somehow both exhilarating and terrifying.

So yeah, name update is finally (hopefully) happening and I'll be going by Lily just about everywhere at that point! The person I emailed to get this done is yet to reply to me, but I'll maybe post an update once they do. I don't really know what compelled me to make this post, maybe just the fact that I'm excited for the future, or maybe just because I wanted to let other people in similar situations know that things will eventually fall into place & that you don't need to worry as much as I did. I'm really thankful that I've found myself in such a wonderful group of accepting & supportive people & I really can't wait to see what the future of my studies and career holds. Thank you for reading & have a good day. :3

 

[Tenshi]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1356537032777101319

(read whole thread)
https://news.yahoo.com/erdogan-slams-lgbt-students-protests-100056441.html

Not an update but I'd like to bring attention to what's going on in Turkey and remind that anti-LGBT belief systems are still very much in power especially in the west Asian, Middle Eastern, and African countries where it's still illegal(Morocco can jail you for -suspected- homosexuality, that can be 4 years in prison if you survive that long.) Even in Latin America it is constitutionally banned in some countries(Venezuela, Bolivia, Guyana, and Paraguay)

While we have so much more growth we need in the US I am very glad I can say despite living in a rural southern area, the threat against my life is very low compared to being gay in many other countries in modern day. This is still a very modern and atrocious fact of life that our rights are barely existent, Poland banned gays in 1/3rd of the country in 2019 which was just 2 years ago.

We need to fight for all LGBT people, as easy as it is to get caught up in the all-engrossing all-about-me US politics, it's pretty fucking sad that we have more rights than a lot of other countries in the world but the LGBT members who have to live in fear that if their identity gets out into the wrong person's hands(even their own family) they can be threatened with abandonment, years of jail time, or even death through strangers or family(idt you need me to tell you how fucked honor killings are).

No real goal writing this besides trying to spread more awareness, it's very easy to get distracted with nearby issues but so many LGBT people have been ignored when many are in situations where their entire life is at jeopardy simply because they don't fit what their culture says they should be. It's only going to get worse if it isn't constantly brought into the spotlight, culture doesn't change on its own and this isn't really something small enough scale that individual people can risk their life to change on their own.