Social LGBTQIA+

[Lily]

kind of a random and weird "uwu-y" post but over the past few days I've been doing my best to get out more for unrelated issues (unfitness after doing nothing for a year of covid basically) and that's resulted in a few walks around a few cities and such, and what I've seen has actually made me super happy. lots of stores, Big Epic Corporations and small local places alike, are waving their pride flags, I saw people with rainbow and blue-pink pins on their bags, there were mini parades (which looked kind of sad due to being socially distanced but hey) etc. and it's all just really cool to me because like... I'm not that naive, I know a lot of this is just down to marketing and monetising pride month which super sucks, but it's still very gay everywhere and I could never imagine living in a place like that 8 years ago or whenever it was that I started to figure myself out.

now of course I know not everyone lives in a place where people are finally starting to be genuinely accepted and I'm not trying to like, flex?? I guess, I just wanted to share that things can improve for people. Ireland is built on a lot of Catholic values and the mere idea of homosexuality was enough to get you killed in the not so distant past, it's just amazing to me how much that's changed and it gives me faith that at some point, the rest of the world might be able to follow suit and people can stop living in fear.

anyway, happy pride month to everyone! I was originally planning to make a less serious post about the topic but I figured it'd be better to give it this approach. please stay safe during this time and remember that people can only keep you down for so long, it gets easier and eventually you'll find your own route to happiness and self-acceptance, whatever that may entail. I also hope you guys keep posting your stories here; I know it might seem like you're just screaming into the void sometimes, but I personally read every post on this thread and I know things aren't easy for plenty of you but you've got some idiot on the internet in your corner if that's any consolation. idrk how to end this off but I promise you've got this and whatever you're dealing with isn't gonna last.

 

[fx]

i came out in 2017 as a lesbian, but i never really embraced the title (due to compulsory heteronormativity and imposter syndrome) until early last year. fast forward to earlier this year, i met the girl of my dreams and ever since i could not be HAPPIER. i want all of my fellow LGBT+ to know that all of you are valid af and you deserve NOTHING but happiness. i know the road hasn't been easy for our community, but i'm so grateful to stand in solidarity with so many amazing people. happy pride month everyone!

 

[pulsar512b]

fx and rubysapphiremerald - congrats

its probably not you two right?

girls good :)

 

[ausma]

Hello everyone!!! I hope you all have been having a solid Pride Month thus far.

I'm here to discuss a couple of things momentarily: primarily, what this month means to me from the perspective of someone apart of the LGBTQ+ community.

To me, as cliche as it sounds, Pride Month is not only a time of unity but is also a symbol of hope and progress toward improving the world around us, and normalizing freedom of self. There are a lot of people who dismiss its importance, but it is a pillar of progress that helps to bring into perspective how we are no less than anybody else in spite of our sexual orientations or gender identities. Pride Month is a period of time for us to express ourselves openly and be proud of what makes us ourselves, as opposed to internalizing heteronormativity and stigma and letting it dictate our self-worth. For a lot of us, our lifestyles come with a lot of vitriol from people who do not understand what exactly makes us who we are and meanwhile don't attempt to understand the ways in which norms shape and dangerously warp our perception of ourselves. We, very frequently, take a lot of time to figure out who we really are, and a lot of the reasons for that stem deep into stigma and projection of normality which doesn't inherently exist anyway, as well as pushback from loved ones. For some families, it is destructive. I cannot tell you how many LGBTQ+ people I've seen forced to the streets or torn away from loved ones simply because they refuse to accept who their loved one truly is. It is soul-crushing to watch, and I've sadly even experienced it myself to a traumatic degree.

This Pride Month, I implore you to give a pat on the back to any LGBTQ+ friends or acquaintances you may have. Our lifestyle is not easy, and it's one we constantly fight for to truly be happy with and to be ourselves. Support makes a world of difference for us and encourages us to keep fighting for our happiness and a better tomorrow. You make a difference by being the shoulder someone may need to get through the day, or even just hanging out and having fun together (which does in fact include screaming at a tour game when a player chokes).

For LGBTQ+ people reading this post: I am beyond proud of you for all the progress you've made, and the fight you continue to fight. Enjoy yourselves this month, and never be afraid to be yourself.

 

[Aura]

Ciao

I’ve lurked this thread a lot, and I’ve always been happy to see people accept who they are. It truly is inspiring. I was never too keen on revealing any sort of personal details about myself, but recently that kind of changed and I feel more comfortable with my presence online.

While I never really struggled with figuring out my orientation, it was something I had a lot of trouble revealing to people for the longest time. I don’t really have a supportive family, especially at the moment. I do have friends, both online and irl that I can talk with about anything, all of whom I’m eternally grateful for. Although I attended pride parades in my city and am vocal with my support for the lgbtq+ community, I was still closeted. Regardless, I did feel especially accepted as a person during this time of the year, which is a feeling I really enjoy and hope everyone experiences.

I only ever truly came out a few months ago but now, I can wholeheartedly and comfortably say to anyone that I’m lesbian. Happy pride month~

 

[AV Cosmoem]

lil update

so i picked out a new name, you can call me adrian now (or av both works!) also i want to use she/her (i dont mind they them! i prefer she/her but both are totally fine!) also whoever reading this is probably super cute :3

cant wait for july 1st aka the lgbt purge when every corporation immediately changes its twitter profile back to normal lmao

 

[Lizbattler]

i arise from my previous death, here to say that i go by both ray and liz now, with liz keeping the She/Her pronouns and Ray having He/Him pronouns. thank youuu ilyyy have a good day/afternoon/night and if todays your birthday happy frickin birthday to you!
(idk if this would mean im genderfluid or trans, i might keep liz and make that the only one, i might switch back to only ray, idk yet. i may go with something new entirely, who knows? life is full of surprises. however this is how i identify currently, and it would make me very happy if you respected it. thanks again!!) and i would like to give a very very very big thank you to all of my friends who helped me figure out who i am, who i want to be and how they still stick with me and help the best they can when i need them. i love all of you so much, and i owe you all so so very much more than a thank you in text.

 

[Sheepgomoo]

Happy Pride Month everyone! And I have one thing to say:
I’m Sheepgomoo and I’m here to make it clear,
I know you love me baby that’s why you brought me here
Was a bi- oh I just wanted to say I’m a homosexual!

 

[Bakugames]

There isn't pride month where I live and we're still in a pandemic so I'll just be annoyingly trans and lesbian online. Sorry for anyone who talks to me this month xoxo

 

[zee]

was gonna wait until the morning to post this just to make sure it's more rational but I'm playing vgc tomorrow so here goes...

e

it's finally time I just make the move and say that I would like to use she/her going forward in the online community. it's been about two years since I first toyed with the concept of gender and since then it weighed on my mind heavy a lot. I both hated myself in my male state and hated myself for even thinking that I could be someone else, and I did a lot of things that were basically just acts of frustration upon my thoughts and feelings. However, since I came out as non-binary right before my 19th birthday (and a while before) I've gotten way more comfortable with those thoughts and understand that my feelings are okay. I think I've finally hit a point where I understand myself and this is the end result.

presenting masc sucks and because I live in the boonies in the real world it will probably be a minute before I can transition so I ask that if you're someone that sees pics of me regularly you just kind of understand my situation and keep it pushing. I don't really have much more to add. Not gonna lie I am nervous as fuck typing this but I wasn't gonna keep it in much longer and the timing is appropriate soooooo

dm me if u wanna talk I guess idk fuck.

e

 

[Totomon]

First of all happy pride month y'all hope your day is going well :)

So this is a thing that I've been thinking about a lot but I haven't really talked about it with anyone so sorry if this comes out as a bit confusing, so to put into a bit of context I am male and I've always liked women, big fan of them really cool. So you could say that I am your standard cishet male and thats how everyone (including myself somewhat) considers me, but because of that my parents or anyone around me has never talked about LGBTQ+ related topics and this is where I question myself without having any kind of guidance.

For quite some time at this moment I have wanted to be a girl, but I really dont want to be trans. Personally I am not in an urge to transition as I feel fine enough with my body and continuing my lifestyle as is wouldn't be too bad, but sometimes I really wish that I was born a girl so that I wouldn't have to be going through this, and thats the thing I wish I was born a girl and idk if transitioning would make me feel fulfilled with myself, its a scary process and is it really worth it? That might've been the internalized transphobia speaking so...

I haven't told anyone (especially my parents) cus I haven't figured out myself what I want to be and while my parents aren't really homophobic/transphobic as they are fine with the concept of my sister being bi they still throw some pretty questionable jokes from time to time so there is also that, also I still really like women and ig that I would be a lesbian if I do transition and what are my friends going to think about it?
I found appropiate to post this here as thanks to the anonimity talking abt this kinds of things is always comfortable.

 

[Adeleine]

e

because I live in the boonies in the real world it will probably be a minute before I can transition so I ask that if you're someone that sees pics of me regularly you just kind of understand my situation and keep it pushing

For quite some time at this moment I have wanted to be a girl, but I really dont want to be trans. Personally I am not in an urge to transition as I feel fine enough with my body and continuing my lifestyle as is wouldn't be too bad, but sometimes I really wish that I was born a girl so that I wouldn't have to be going through this, and thats the thing I wish I was born a girl and idk if transitioning would make me feel fulfilled with myself, its a scary process and is it really worth it?

Wanted to stop by to say both of you should feel totally free to take your time on transitioning, or even not transition at all. You're both totally valid even though you aren't transitioned and even if you don't. Transitioning is difficult for me too; multiple years after I knew I was trans, reaching the internal state to even be ready to start took me several years. Totomon, remember that internalized transphobia isn't the only reason it can be hard to transition. Seeing yourself in a new light is hard! Determining what exactly that light is can be hard! Decades of inertia are hard to overcome! Zee, uh, you're gamer lol. And now you're gamer girl

 

[cityscapes]

First of all happy pride month y'all hope your day is going well :)

So this is a thing that I've been thinking about a lot but I haven't really talked about it with anyone so sorry if this comes out as a bit confusing, so to put into a bit of context I am male and I've always liked women, big fan of them really cool. So you could say that I am your standard cishet male and thats how everyone (including myself somewhat) considers me, but because of that my parents or anyone around me has never talked about LGBTQ+ related topics and this is where I question myself without having any kind of guidance.

For quite some time at this moment I have wanted to be a girl, but I really dont want to be trans. Personally I am not in an urge to transition as I feel fine enough with my body and continuing my lifestyle as is wouldn't be too bad, but sometimes I really wish that I was born a girl so that I wouldn't have to be going through this, and thats the thing I wish I was born a girl and idk if transitioning would make me feel fulfilled with myself, its a scary process and is it really worth it? That might've been the internalized transphobia speaking so...

I haven't told anyone (especially my parents) cus I haven't figured out myself what I want to be and while my parents aren't really homophobic/transphobic as they are fine with the concept of my sister being bi they still throw some pretty questionable jokes from time to time so there is also that, also I still really like women and ig that I would be a lesbian if I do transition and what are my friends going to think about it?
I found appropiate to post this here as thanks to the anonimity talking abt this kinds of things is always comfortable.

hey, im kind of in a similar spot actually! still very confused about which identity would be best for me but there is something that i've found pretty helpful so wanted to share.

the concept of being "out" to yourself has been a huge help for me. the basic idea is that at any point you can choose to start thinking of yourself as a woman (or nb person), even if you don't do anything on the outside or tell anyone else. there's not really any commitment involved and it's a pretty good way of experimenting with different identities.

don't feel like you have to pick a label and immediately conform to it! i think that even if i am trans, completely adopting that label right now and being out to everyone (even if they are completely accepting) would be a bit more than i'm ready for. this community isn't going anywhere and there's no rush to completely figure everything out.

gender is very difficult and scary!!!!!

 

[Stellar]

I posted in the old thread a few years ago, but I just got engaged to my now-fiancé on December 23rd.

As an update, we're finally getting married in a month!

 

[vonFiedler]

I currently have a very bad case of mono. At the same time, I'm troubled greatly by an immense sexual aversion im feeling. Like, I think about sex and it makes me near throw up. I try to tell myself that this is practical, as that kind of physical activity right now probably would make me throw up, but im not feeling bad thinking about working out, and the examples that keep popping into my head are very specific and gross.

I've been nothing but sex positive my whole life, but im drowning in overwhelming shame and naseau over it now. And im scared that this isn't temporary, like something traumatized me and I can't rationally figure out what it is.

Sorry if this is not an appropriate post, but I looked online and sex aversion always came back to LGBT

 

[Oglemi]

I currently have a very bad case of mono. At the same time, I'm troubled greatly by an immense sexual aversion im feeling. Like, I think about sex and it makes me near throw up. I try to tell myself that this is practical, as that kind of physical activity right now probably would make me throw up, but im not feeling bad thinking about working out, and the examples that keep popping into my head are very specific and gross.

I've been nothing but sex positive my whole life, but im drowning in overwhelming shame and naseau over it now. And im scared that this isn't temporary, like something traumatized me and I can't rationally figure out what it is.

Sorry if this is not an appropriate post, but I looked online and sex aversion always came back to LGBT

I mean I'm no doctor but EBV (mono) is a type of herpes, and sexually transmitted diseases usually affect the brain in some way, so it's probably not too farfetched to assume that mono is causing a chemical or hormonal imbalance leading to sexual aversion. Sexual aversion is often associated with low testosterone in men, so if this strain of mono is affecting you hormonally that may be a cause.

If you feel it is linked to something more traumatic you may have experienced I would consult a therapist or your doctor about it as if it's affecting you hormonally or chemically it may affect you in other ways that may require a medication to rebalance you.

 

[blank]

i'm sorry for what you're dealing with but this is just not the place to post about this lmao. this isn't anything personal since i'm sure you had the right intentions, and i do genuinely hope you get better. with that said, i think posts like this are symptomatic of a greater issue with this thread.

i don't blame vonFiedler for thinking this was the appropriate place to post this. this thread has slowly and steadily devolved over the last year to be the most hugboxy, "valid at all costs" environment imaginable to a point where critical queer discussions get drowned out or actively discouraged. instead the focus is on including EVERYONE in the smogon LGBT space, even white cis straight people in some cases (not saying that specifically applies here, idk for sure). hell, not that long ago you had a former admin talking about being pegged in this thread, as if it's an appropriate place to discuss that LOL?

the point: the specific brand of gay discourse that takes place in this thread, focused on pronouns, microidentities, "validity," and overly positive behavior is not doing anyone any good. i'm not saying that pronouns and labels aren't important or that being a welcoming and inclusive community is a bad thing, not at all. just that there's much more to queer experience than pronouns and labels, and there does need to be SOME degree of gatekeeping as to what's appropriate and inappropriate to post in queer spaces, even ones online on a pokemon forum.

also to tie all of this together, a lot of these posts i've read the last few months that fit into this sort of thing come from people i know for a fact are white. intersectionality is hardly brought up in this thread, so i urge those of you who are white and queer to consider how your whiteness awards you the ability to think of queerness in these radically online frameworks. most of us nonwhites aren't really able to fixate on labels and validity in the way whites are.

i hope this post isn't too inflammatory for this thread, and i don't intend to disregard or insult the real struggles of the young, white, and/or very online people who post here. i just think all of us LGBT people benefit from a more critical approach to these sorts of things.

 

[the pugilist]

i'm sorry for what you're dealing with but this is just not the place to post about this lmao. this isn't anything personal since i'm sure you had the right intentions, and i do genuinely hope you get better. with that said, i think posts like this are symptomatic of a greater issue with this thread.

i don't blame vonFiedler for thinking this was the appropriate place to post this. this thread has slowly and steadily devolved over the last year to be the most hugboxy, "valid at all costs" environment imaginable to a point where critical queer discussions get drowned out or actively discouraged. instead the focus is on including EVERYONE in the smogon LGBT space, even white cis straight people in some cases (not saying that specifically applies here, idk for sure). hell, not that long ago you had a former admin talking about being pegged in this thread, as if it's an appropriate place to discuss that LOL?

the point: the specific brand of gay discourse that takes place in this thread, focused on pronouns, microidentities, "validity," and overly positive behavior is not doing anyone any good. i'm not saying that pronouns and labels aren't important or that being a welcoming and inclusive community is a bad thing, not at all. just that there's much more to queer experience than pronouns and labels, and there does need to be SOME degree of gatekeeping as to what's appropriate and inappropriate to post in queer spaces, even ones online on a pokemon forum.

also to tie all of this together, a lot of these posts i've read the last few months that fit into this sort of thing come from people i know for a fact are white. intersectionality is hardly brought up in this thread, so i urge those of you who are white and queer to consider how your whiteness awards you the ability to think of queerness in these radically online frameworks. most of us nonwhites aren't really able to fixate on labels and validity in the way whites are.

i hope this post isn't too inflammatory for this thread, and i don't intend to disregard or insult the real struggles of the young, white, and/or very online people who post here. i just think all of us LGBT people benefit from a more critical approach to these sorts of things.

stop being a queer gatekeeper

 

[Lily]

i agree that a more critical & intelligent approach to queer topics is necessary for the evolution of the lgbtq+ community as a whole. the thing is, in my case, i'm not really remotely educated on queer theory, and i don't think most people who actively post on this thread are either. to that extent you can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink; gatekeeping posts about coming out experiences, general happiness or whatever else will result in lower thread activity because like, let's be real, a lot of the people here are pretty young & still figuring themselves out - they're trying to decipher their own identity before getting into the political side of it and removing the one area on the site where they can do that would not be a good idea. smogon is supposed to be a safe space for lgbtq+ users but it's not really a place to find educated views on queer theory or lgbtq+ politics. we do of course have quite a few users who *are* very intelligent and understand these topics to a great degree but it's a small subset of individuals all things considered. like you mentioned, this is still a competitive pokemon site first and foremost, and while plenty of us are capable of having the bigger talks there isn't any inherent overlap between "competitive mons player" and "person who is very educated on lgbtq+ topics" so naturally the number is p low.

a thread labeled "lgbtq+" is just not really enough to broach an entire topic that's *extremely* relevant, personal and important in today's world. a lot of us who have posted here have dealt with the experience of wanting to talk about something but not being comfortable with it because of whatever ongoing discussion has been happening, whether that's someone coming out, speaking about their experiences with bigotry, having greater discussions or whatever else. at risk of getting clowned for a terrible analogy, it'd be like trying to make a post about the psychology behind suicide in the depression thread; it's the best place to put it, but the atmosphere in that thread is completely different and it'd be uncomfortable to put it there for that reason. so on that note i have a quick proposal - why not have a thread labeled "queer politics" or something similar? someone smarter than me can come up with the title.

i think it is incredibly important for this thread - or a different thread, who cares - to remain as a safe place for people to share things that are personal & take a lot of bravery. it's easy to forget that coming out at first can be Very Difficult depending on a lot of factors after you've been out for a while, diminishing that by taking it away or gatekeeping the discussion or whatever will cause just as many problems as it fixes if not more. it's clear that this thread isn't enough to house everything though. there are some completely valid counterarguments against a second thread; it could be seen as diminishing the idea of queer theory as secondary to the current state of the thread, or dismissive of the idea that daily life & politics aren't intertwined (ty termi for wording this better than i could) or maybe it's just putting a band aid over a bigger problem i don't actually understand. i dunno, it's hard to say, but it's a discussion worth having & an avenue worth pursuing imo. apologies if this isn't coming out right, i'm struggling to find the words i wanna use for this a lot but i'd be happy to talk more about it privately if ppl think it's worthwhile.

 

[Specs]

Nothing extremely new but I'm so much more comfortable with myself and being bi. I've been out for years now (coming up on 3 years now for Smogon :O) but as we all know just being out doesn't make you instantly proud, confident, or anything of the sort. So having this feeling is great. I'm proud to be bi.

S/o to literally every single person I talk to on here cuz this place is a big part of my life, and it really has helped me. Hope you're all staying safe and keeping well! :D

 

[Cheryl.]

i'm sorry for what you're dealing with but this is just not the place to post about this lmao. this isn't anything personal since i'm sure you had the right intentions, and i do genuinely hope you get better. with that said, i think posts like this are symptomatic of a greater issue with this thread.

i don't blame vonFiedler for thinking this was the appropriate place to post this. this thread has slowly and steadily devolved over the last year to be the most hugboxy, "valid at all costs" environment imaginable to a point where critical queer discussions get drowned out or actively discouraged. instead the focus is on including EVERYONE in the smogon LGBT space, even white cis straight people in some cases (not saying that specifically applies here, idk for sure). hell, not that long ago you had a former admin talking about being pegged in this thread, as if it's an appropriate place to discuss that LOL?

the point: the specific brand of gay discourse that takes place in this thread, focused on pronouns, microidentities, "validity," and overly positive behavior is not doing anyone any good. i'm not saying that pronouns and labels aren't important or that being a welcoming and inclusive community is a bad thing, not at all. just that there's much more to queer experience than pronouns and labels, and there does need to be SOME degree of gatekeeping as to what's appropriate and inappropriate to post in queer spaces, even ones online on a pokemon forum.

also to tie all of this together, a lot of these posts i've read the last few months that fit into this sort of thing come from people i know for a fact are white. intersectionality is hardly brought up in this thread, so i urge those of you who are white and queer to consider how your whiteness awards you the ability to think of queerness in these radically online frameworks. most of us nonwhites aren't really able to fixate on labels and validity in the way whites are.

i hope this post isn't too inflammatory for this thread, and i don't intend to disregard or insult the real struggles of the young, white, and/or very online people who post here. i just think all of us LGBT people benefit from a more critical approach to these sorts of things.

nah but for real, what is the actual reason for posting the second half of this post. I get that the mod talking about getting pegged is definitely not fit for the thread, but then you go out on an escapade attacking all the nice people talking about their LGBTQ+ experiences, coming out, finding out who they are, just because YOU don't feel comfortable discussing more important topics? I don't think anyone would mind more serious discussion, it's not going to derail the thread. Nobody actually cares if it's too "positive", and if you do, how about you just post anyways?! We are literally all a team here, we want the same goal of equality that you do. Its not gonna make people butthurt to discuss serious LGBTQ+ topics in the thread along with the more positive posts. Like, if you really think we can't lead a serious discussion here, then why even post lmao

not even gonna talk about the race/intersectionality talk, it's a wonderful topic to bring up but the way you put it is definitely too targetful and just trying to strawman your argument

tl;dr: nobody minds serious topics here, it's part of the thread's purpose, but also nobody, and I mean NOBODY, except yourself, minds the positive parts, they can coexist. (and if there are others who mind, how about you speak up instead of sitting there and letting this happen with one lousy post)

 

[blank]

claiming that my post was referencing coming out posts is bad faith and silly. also, to try and claim i’m the only one who thinks this thread has devolved in quality is crazy considering just a couple pages back you had people complaining about the exact same thing I’m complaining about.

bringing up race is not a straw man. race comes before every other identifier whether we like it or not. the reality is, the way “discussion” is framed in this thread is very similar to the way queer discussion happens in a lot of other online communities. this specific issue largely stems from white LGBT people who don’t have the life experience to fathom that things go beyond “being valid” lol.

also stop suggesting we make two threads. this thread is marked as serious. let serious discussion happen here. my whole issue is that you have people who actively discourage serious discussion because it can sometimes get heated.

 

[TheValkyries]

Calling all the blog posts "Positive Parts" is a stretch. I think there is value to posts of people grappling with identity and having conversations about shared identities, but when this thread is nothing but people treating it like a personal journal and just posting updates while paying no attention to anything else happening, that blows. That's not community that's just attention seeking behavior. And even that's okay to be honest because we are historically a community starved of caring and sympathetic attention, but jesus some amount of awareness and self moderation would be so great.

Honestly this thread has felt more like a bad AA meeting as of late with "hi everyone I'm so and so, and I'm a [unspecified queer identity], it all started when..." and then no one engages beyond a few luvdiscs. I think a community is more than just that we all happen to wear the same hat, I think fostering relationships and empathy with each other and actually interacting would do a lot of good here.

That said: what won't do a lot of good is just older "more read" queers dunking on young kids still learning and navigating this shit. That would suck worse. Save that for your intelligentsia group chats.

 

[KM]

piggybacking off of starry blanket 's post about whiteness and how concepts like "coming out" and "validity" aren't necessarily universal LGBTQ+ concepts nor the only valid goals, I wanted to share this toolkit from the National Black Justice Coalition about "inviting in" -- an alternative framework to coming out that decenters acceptance from mainstream / cishet society and gives the power to LGBTQ+ people to allow people to know about their identity on their own terms.

https://nbjc.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/INviting-In-Toolkit-web.pdf

if coming out is important to you -- that's great, and i'm glad for anyone who's felt validation or comfort or community from opening up about their identity or struggles on this thread. that said, I think it's super important to stress that being out doesn't NEED to be a goal. there are narratives and implications within the community that being "closeted" or not sharing every aspect of ones identity is akin to shame, a lack of authenticity, or some sort of growth or progress that needs to occur. none of that is true. you are under no obligation to tell anyone your sexuality or gender identity, and you are no less than or less worthy if you choose not to, aren't comfortable to, or if you're in a situation where it isn't safe for you to.

I say this as someone who is VERY publicly gay and gnc/nb (like, my livelihood and career revolves around it type beat). There are still members of my extended family who don't know i'm lgbt (not tryna get written out of any wills for no reason) -- I still code-switch every time I get into an Uber or order food or go to the dentist -- in an emergency situation with my boyfriend I've referred to him as my friend/roommate to avoid bias when he was being treated. None of that is wrong, or shameful, or indication that I'm ashamed of myself or my identity -- and it applies to all sorts of situations and identities in different ways. Visibility for the sake of visibility is a scam, and your safety is infinitely more important than representation.

I don't want this to come across as dissuading anyone from opening up or telling people they're close with if they feel it'd be important for their relationships or life -- but I do think it's important to recognize that "coming out" is, as starry blanket said, a framework that doesn't operate the same way across lines of race (especially), class, or other types of privilege, and I think it's important that we make sure to highlight and lift up experiences that might not align with the narratives we see a lot of in this thread. For anyone interested in reading more about this, here's another great article about how the experience and framework of "coming out" differs for white and nonwhite LGBTQ+ people - https://archermagazine.com.au/2017/07/culture-coming-out/

 

[Milak]

I'm definitely not involved in this thread as much as I would love to, and I'm probably the least person who can offer his perspective on more delicate issues such as the ones that have been brought up recently, but I've read the ongoing discussion and the latest posts and I wanted to give my 2 cents.
starry blanket I agree with you on some things and disagree with you on others.
First of all, I agree that the post you were calling out wasn't exactly appropriate, sometimes people might take the opportunity to vent here even when it's not entirely related to LGBTQ+ issues & isn't about sharing a personal experience that might touch others, encourage them to come forward, or simply offer a new discussion topic. I think this is more of an issue of "people seeing this as a safe place to vent their emotions because of the overwhelming support everyone receives when talking about their issues", which is, like you said in a different way, misleading. So yeah, I definitely wouldn't have posted something about that nature here.
I don't agree with the fact that people acknowledging their pronouns and coming to terms with their identities while sharing it here isn't doing any good, it's a strictly negative way of seeing things and I feel like it might even discourage people to comment further about it, thinking it may not be helpful to anybody, when in reality it is, and dare I say more than anyone could possibly imagine. What you're doing here is trying to define the queer experience based on your own queer experience, which looks like, and forgive me for the lack of a better word, a rather self-centered view. There's definitely issues, stories, experiences that are in no way comparable to someone simply realizing they're more comfortable with "they/them" pronouns, but the process that person might go through, the struggle they might face when facing the reality, the path leading to the acceptance are no less important than any other experience being shared here. Basically, my view is that pronouns and labels are just as relevant as anything else. It will always be a matter of identity, of being comfortable in your own skin and nature, of being able to tell your friends and family, there is just so much going on behind the "Hello I would like She/Her pronouns now" message that you're calling out here, and just because someone isn't sharing an impactful (and sometimes even painful) experience with lots of struggle that doesn't mean it's of less relevance. Hell, this might even mean that everyone might be having an easier time coming to terms with their identity and that progress is being made.
I hope I made myself clear enough, and by no means this is an attack to you or anyone who has been involved in the discussion, just felt like posting