The dismissive tone of this post comes across as uninformed at best and disingenuous and ignorant at worst. I'll try and address each of your points.
build better teams if you find yourself having trouble with SD hands. by the end of ape meta people were figuring out pretty decent ways to check him and that guy is like 20 times the pokemon hands will ever be.
You're right, at the end of the ape meta there were definitely a lot of good ways to beat ape. Not sure if I saved any replays from then, but there were a few teams I was testing back then and played against you and some others with that had a 70-30 ape matchup or better, where I needed to choke multiple times to lose to ape stuff. To make annihilape actually threatening, the entire team often needed to be significantly dedicated towards supporting ape, be it with screens, redirection, revival, intimidate, wisp, etc. Those teams were specifically annihilape teams, not just teams that happened to have annihilape on them. If you could handle annihilape itself well, the teams were still usable and functional bulky balance teams, but could be overrun a lot more easily than other standard team comps at the time. What made annihilape still bannable though was that it was a very specific set of mons and sets that did this and you needed to run multiple of them. In doing so, you sacrificed matchups against other very threatening team archetypes.
Iron hands teams are different. Unlike annihilape, you don't need to build the entire team around hands at all. It appreciates some support and can absolutely perform well if you build around it, but in itself it can fit on essentially every team comp and not only do well, but be oppressively good at setting up and winning. At the same time though, what makes it suspect-worthy is that it faces a similar problem annihilape did- having very specific checks, each of which mostly only check a specific set or tera type, and a lot of which are just not great pokemon to run.
"melmetal stats" is a lie because melmetal hits you with 120 base power no drawbacks stab. iron hands is a completely different pokemon because of the movepool and even the 'similar bulk' is overstated - melmetal's phys bulk is significantly more oppressive
252 Atk Great Tusk Headlong Rush vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Melmetal: 290-344 (70.5 - 83.6%)
disgusting pokemon
252 Atk Great Tusk Headlong Rush vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Iron Hands: 372-438 (82.8 - 97.5%)
bulky old guy but reasonable
I agree with your point here that Iron hands is a completely different pokemon, but not for the reason you posted here. This is a pretty disingenuous calc. Yes, melmetal's physical bulk is more oppressive, but by the same standards, Iron hands' special bulk is also more oppressive.
252 SpA Life Orb Sheer Force Landorus Earth Power vs. 0 HP / 252 SpD Assault Vest Melmetal: 315-374 (76.6 - 90.9%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
252 SpA Life Orb Sheer Force Landorus Earth Power vs. +1 0 HP / 252 SpD Iron Hands: 307-361 (68.3 - 80.4%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
The specific calc itself doesn't speak to anything since hands loses while melmetal clicks ice punch and wins, but landorus doesn't exist in this meta- mostly pointing towards the difference in bulk present here.
What makes this bulk actually oppressive, though, is that with melmetal its bulk was largely a 'one and done' thing. Yes, it traded really well, but trading was really all it did- eventually you chip it down and kill it and it's gone. Still insanely good at that of course, often taking multiple pokemon to just beat one melmetal. With iron hands, you want to deal large chunks of damage to it but also prevent it from just being able to recover back up with drain punch. This is very hard when most of the pokemon that are capable of dealing that kind of damage to hands are either weak to drain punch, neutral to it and lose anyway, or are bad/iffy pokemon to run in current meta. On top of all this, tera allows hands to bypass a majority of its would-be checks and end up with an even narrower set of potential answers.
but it really seems to me like people need to run a few more hands checks and they'll be fine. fire-type intimidates (arcanine tauros) both wonderful at slowing down the setup and having the willowisp threat, armarouge also happens to do fine (perhaps if you ban the blatantly broken fire type these alternatives would be easier to fit, wink wink nudge nudge)
These are not good answers. If hands got bulk up instead of swords dance I would agree, but intimidate is usually setup fodder for hands because it's just too slow. With wisp it's a similar problem- the amount of momentum you lose in actually sending in and trying to wisp with a very projected tauros or arcanine or anything else is far too much in this metagame with all of the strong threats that hands is usually paired with. Even when you do get a wisp off, generally you've just wisped a +2 hands into still being a major threat at functionally +0.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/gen9doublesou-1828465472
freezai has a ton of the mons you mentioned along with a lot of other great hands checks- amoong, wisp, intim, np farigiraf, wake. Doesn't matter when psyspam matchup is rough enough that you don't even get to hands.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/gen9doublesou-1824764254-ngtsauzbq5svv3w46fpaf8wxvav67nxpw
no hands here but illustrating that the same psyspam archetype gets shredded by chi-yu. Major matchup fish that can work in some cases and falls apart in others.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-685688
again no hands but you see how arcanine just doesn't come out at all- mizu's using 4 out of the top 6-7 mons and at no point is sending arcanine out actually worthwhile. Which isn't to say arcanine is useless, just really hard to run in this meta.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-683136
same here, ratpacker has intim, wisp, strong attackers, but the pokemon themselves are not great into the rest of the team. Ratpacker is forced to use up momentum weakening hands because otherwise hands wins, but it doesn't matter because too much is lost in the process.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-683116
Umbry misses wisp and the miss is unfortunate since it guarantees a loss, but it would've been a very uphill battle for umbry even with the burn. Nothing touches tera water hands bar bundle which is doing like 35% with freeze dry through screens.
252 SpA Iron Bundle Freeze-Dry vs. 0 HP / 252 SpD Tera Water Iron Hands through Light Screen: 148-176 (32.9 - 39.1%) -- guaranteed 3HKO after burn damage
Meanwhile if you predict wrong even once, iron hands just recovers all of it back even with the burn and you've just lost the only mon dealing significant damage to hands
+2 252+ Atk burned Tera Water Iron Hands Drain Punch vs. 0 HP / 0 Def Iron Bundle: 255-300 (100.7 - 118.5%) -- guaranteed OHKO
tinglu and especially tusk can both hit it for a lot and fear little, pretty much every special attacker can easily threaten huge chunks, amoonguss is a pain. it is genuinely almost comical how a vast majority of mons in the tier have very decent tools for it. you just can't rely on situational answers exclusively, and if you do, you have to position well to make sure the situations where they work are there.
a lot of these also do their job regardless of tera bc (1) burn and attack reductions always mess with it and (2) strong special attacks always mess with it, regardless of typing
if anything tera allows a lot of mons that would get owned by drainpunch, special attackers especially, to not do that and out trade. it goes both ways with tera.
The problem is that everything you just mentioned here are all immensely situational answers. It's almost comical how a vast majority of mons can deal a good hefty 30-50% to hands but then it'll just recover most of it back with drain punch because those moves didn't KO.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-679728
AV drain punch hands with howl stail instead of SD, functionally the same idea as psychic seed but less committal. Again, a ton of mons that can deal good damage to hands but the sheer amount of effort needed in killing it is insane since it keeps recovering all of its hp back and ends up 6-0ing the opposing team. We even see specs tera ground bundle here, which is a tech specifically intended for hands. It does 59% to hands while hands recovers a good chunk of it back by drain punch. Farigiraf does 46% with psychic, iron hands lives and recovers hp. AV chi yu overheat does 42%, still living. The entire game is centered around trying to beat just this one mon with none of it being enough.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/gen9doublesou-1829778746
A lot of what you mentioned, along with some other 'great' hands checks like sylveon and farigiraf on jomatoes' team here. None of it actually has the opportunity to click an attack against hands because any damage done would just be recovered immediately with drain punch, or is just not usable with trick room up since hands would outspeed and OHKO. In the end we even see tera grass revealed which would've rendered everything on jomatoes' team useless apart from the tera fire chi-yu. Even that doesn't ohko if madara had decided to tera against the chi-yu:
252 SpA Life Orb Beads of Ruin Tera Fire Chi-Yu Heat Wave vs. +1 0 HP / 252 SpD Tera Grass Iron Hands: 374-442 (83.2 - 98.4%) -- guaranteed 2HKO after burn damage
Neither would this, if jomatoes went for psychic on hands instead:
+2 252+ SpA Farigiraf Psychic vs. +1 0 HP / 252 SpD Iron Hands: 386-456 (85.9 - 101.5%) -- 12.5% chance to OHKO
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/gen9doublesou-1833546709
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-684816
We've seen almost no rain this dpl and for good reason. Tera grass/water hands pretty much single-handedly invalidates rain.
https://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/smogtours-gen9doublesou-685196
relicanth has a ton of great hands checks here. psychic fangs for screens, encore, great tusk, strong special attackers like chi-yu and wake. Successfully keeps hands from setting up too. But that doesn't matter, hands still functions as a regular fake out pivot and does enough with its bulk to win the game out at the end.
Hands is uniquely problematic not just because of how easy it is to set up with its bulk, but also because it's so non-committal in its usage while forcing very committal options from an opponent in response. You can fit hands on pretty much any team comp and it does well. Your opponent is more than forced to respect it in the teambuilder and on the field. When you do set up, which happens easily with hands' natural bulk, the opponent needs to spend very significant effort in stopping you. Often this effort means that the rest of your team has a lot more space to work with instead, also because of how easy it is to pair hands with any and all major threats. And in a lot of cases, you can simply just switch out and treat hands as a normal fake out pivot if you can't set up. Hands singlehandedly makes team archetypes viable or very sketchy depending on how they match into it. This is not to say that hands needs a quickban and should be voted on immediately by council. We also see several games where hands does indeed do very little because it gets burst down by strong attacks, or loses because of interesting techs. But its presence and influence over the meta is undeniable.
I appreciate this post, but I would also love to see more thoughts from people who build and play in current meta. A whole lot has changed in the 2-3 months since the ape ban.