LC Onix (QC 1/1) (GP 1/1)

[Altariel von Sweep]

Onix @ Berry Juice
Ability: Sturdy
Level: 5
EVs: 76 HP / 236 Atk / 196 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Stealth Rock
- Rock Blast
- Earthquake
- Endure / Taunt

Onix has prevailed as the premier Stealth Rock user in the metagame due to the role compression it exerts, both checking Flying-types such as Vullaby and acting as a reliable and safe lead. Onix can choose whether to run Endure if Sturdy has been broken to act as a decent emergency check to Flying-types and other unprepared threats after restoring its health or Taunt to stop any type of setup sweeper or status-inducing attack, giving it more utility alongside Stealth Rock. Onix mustn't lose Berry Juice by Knock Off, being the only recovery it has, so Fairy-types such as Snubbull and Spritzee are good teammates that take it. Entry hazards can be annoying for Onix, as they break Sturdy, meaning that hazard removers such as Snivy and Staryu greatly support it. Fighting-types such as Mienfoo and Timburr appreciate Onix dealing with Flying-types due to its decent typing. Foongus helps to deal with Water- and Grass-types due to its typing and longevity.

 

[Altariel von Sweep]

QC please Coconut

 

[Coconut]

Onix has prevailed as the best Stealth Rock user in the metagame due to the role compression it exerts both checking Flying-types such as Vullaby and acting as a Electric inmunity thanks to its typing.

use the word premier instead of best. it sounds cooler. Electric types aren't really relevant to onix as both of them have options to beat him. If you're looking for role compression, use it's ability to be a safe and reliable lead or it's ability to be used as a panic button (sturdyjuice, endure, etc.)

Onix mustn't lose Berry Juice, being this the only recover it has, so Fairy-types such as Snubbull and Spritzee are good teammates.

Onix can lose Berry Juice, it should try not to. You should also make it clear that he does not want to take knock offs, so the fairies are good partners because they resist.

Looks good!

QC 1/1

 

[Altariel von Sweep]

Ready for GP.

 

[Fireflame]

Remove Add Comments (AC)= add comma (RC)= remove comma (AH)= add hyphen (RH)= remove hyphen

Hide

Onix @ Berry Juice
Ability: Sturdy
Level: 5
EVs: 76 HP / 236 Atk / 196 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Stealth Rock
- Rock Blast
- Earthquake
- Endure / Taunt

Onix has prevailed as the premier Stealth Rock user in the metagame due to the role compression it exerts,(AC) both checking Flying-types such as Vullaby and acting as a reliable and safe lead. Onix can choose whether to run Endure if Sturdy has been broken to act as a panic button and (don't really know what this means. I would just say "...been broken to act as a decent emergency check to Flying-types..." if that's the message you are trying to convey) keep checking Flying-types decently after estoring restoring its health,(RC) or Taunt to stop any type of setup sweeper or status-(AH)inducing attack, giving it more utility alongside Stealth Rock. Onix mustn't lose Berry Juice by Knock Off, being as (or say "being the only...". Your choice) this the only recovery it has, so Fairy-types such as Snubbull and Spritzee are good teammates that take it. Entry hazards can be annoying for Onix, as they break Sturdy, meaning that hazard removers such as Snivy and Staryu greatly support it. Fighting-types such as Mienfoo and Timburr appreciate Onix dealing with Flying-types due to its decent typing. Foongus helps to deal with Water- and Grass-types due to its typing and longevity.

GP 1/1

 

[Coconut]

(don't really know what this means. I would just say "...been broken to act as a decent emergency check to Flying-types..." if that's the message you are trying to convey)

When I said this it referred to set-up sweepers/things that you might be generally unprepared for.

 

[Fireflame]

"Onix can choose whether to run Endure if Sturdy has been broken to act as an emergency check to setup sweepers and unprepared Pokemon and keep checking Flying-types decently after restoring its health..."

Saying "panic button" doesn't really convey your meaning as clearly. Is the above good enough?

 

[Altariel von Sweep]

Edit: my bad, slopped things up, going to reword panic for emergency and apply the GP, as well as coco info about endure

 

[Altariel von Sweep]

Alright, this is done.

 

[Fireflame]

Alright, this is done.

Get rid of the word "decently" in that sentence. You already said "decent" before so the sentence sounds bad.