What's poppin everyone,
Pujo and I will be returning this year after winning rbtt4 last year, this time to captain Team Deoxys! For those who don't know me, I've been in every iteration of rbtt and have never missed playoffs, having made finals 3/4 times and having won the tour twice (once as a player, once as a manager). If you would like to try out for the winning team, please dm me here on Smogon, find me on PS, or add me on discord at Fragments#6623.
All that aside, I have been thinking recently that it would be a good idea to acquaint everyone with the managers this year. And that's when it hit me, what better way to introduce everyone than manager power rankings? That said, a traditional power rankings would be far too boring, so I have decided the only other viable metric by which to rank each team:
How would each manager pair do in a fight with a grizzly bear?! Let me now commence the only rankings you'll need this rbtt season.
1. Team Rayquaza (
za and
LoSconosciuto)
While these 2 may be rookies to managing this year, they would undoubtedly do the best in this fight. Za's 6'7 stature will aid him well, as the bear will surely be stunned that he's fighting a real life sasquatch. I suspect the two will lock up in a traditional collar-and-elbow tie-up. This is where LoSco comes in. LoSco's experience with Yu-Gi-Oh comes into play here, as he knows the optimal strategies for dueling. As za attacks from the front, LoSco will jump on the bear's back into a rear naked choke. The bear will succumb under the Italian's impressive arm strength and eventually pass out.
2. Team Kyogre (
Roginald and
frostyicelad)
Despite the fact that Pujo and I hold an rbtt victory over these two, I believe they have the edge here. Rogi may only be 5'6 but the British beefcake has been on a bulk lately and ready for a throwdown. Rogi will use his small stature to evade attacks while diving at the bear's legs. Frosty and his 0.0001% body fat will assist by nimbly hopping from tree to tree, such that the bear has to contend with attacks from both above and below. The bear will quickly be overwhelmed by such a barrage and likely collapse in exhaustion.
3. Team Deoxys (
Fragments and
Pujo)
Despite the fact that I am also 5'6, my special ability comes from my unshakable belief that I can beat anything bigger than me and an incredible disregard for my own well-being. I will simply charge straight at the bear as it mumbles to itself, "who is this dumb fuck." As I have the bear confused, Pujo will utilize his superior French military tactics and
surrender flank the bear and deliver a devastating roundhouse kick. By the time I catch up it will be an all-out assault and the bear will run in fear.
4. Team Hoopa (
not a racist and
Irpachuza)
Hoopas have stood the test of time, and with that they have great combat experience. Nate will likely be drunk for this fight meaning he will feel no pain the bear may inflict. In fact the bear may need a drink of his own after this one. Irpa and his advanced use of psychology will remind the bear of its childhood, relating its violent temperament back to issues with its mother. The bear will now be drunk and depressed, and will simply waddle off into the sunset to turn its life around.
5. Team Darkrai (
Rage and
Aquaa)
This is an interesting one, as Rage and Aqua have very different builds. Rage is built like Paul Bunyan and thus will confuse the bear into thinking it has found its long lost brother. The bear will let its guard down, and that's where Aqua steps in. Aqua's best weapon here is his smarts; he will stay perched in a tree and hurl rocks at the bear from a safe distance. When the bear looks up, Rage will hit a superman punch knocking the bear back into the 4th dimension.
6. Team Skymin (
jasprose and
Perish Song)
Unfortunately, these last 3 teams will all struggle mightily with the bear. Jasprose will procrastinate fighting the bear, as he does with all his assignments, and leave Perish to start the fight alone. Perish will proceed to question the bear on its knowledge of smogtours history. The bear hates smogtours. I do not blame the bear. The bear proceeds to eat Perish as jasprose finally realizes he's supposed to be in a battle. Luckily he is nimble and will be able to escape, as Perish will continue his rant from inside the bear's stomach.
7. Team Yveltal (
pokeblade101 and
Quoise)
While blade is a good friend of mine, he would do dreadful in this fight. His skills in computer science will not prove to be of much use, and he will likely choke this fight as he does his tour games (I still love you blade). Quoise will have to contend with the bear alone. I fear I do not know much about Quoise, but any 1v1 situation would surely favor the bear, thus ending Yveltal's season before it got a chance to begin.
8. Team Arcanine (
RustySheriffBadge and
MaswoodShaheb)
The not-actually-a-legendary team comes in last place here. Mas is a pure human being who does not believe in harming other life forms. Mas will run away from the fight before it even begins so that he does not have to hurt anyone. Rusty will attempt advanced jiu-jitsu techniques by rolling in for a heel hook, but unfortunately the bear is a black belt. Rusty never stood a chance, and the doggos are sent to the pound.
If you disagree with where you were ranked, please leave your complaints in my complaint box and I will be sure to promplty throw them out. Thank you for your time ladies and gents.
Edit: by special request I am officially adding
A Cake Wearing A Hat and
sharpclaw as special contestants on this power rankings. While they may not be managing, they are hosting the tour as a whole and deserve representation in this epic fight.
Cake's knack for odd food choices including parmesean on strawberries and pencils frozen in Dr. Pepper (ig that's not technically a food?), along with his vast experience in MS paint show off his creative ingenuity. As such, he will not fight the bear head on, but rather approach in a zig-zag pattern like a majestic gazelle in the sahara. The bear, not being able to predict his movement patterns, will suddenly hear another bear and call for help. But it is not another bear, it is sharp claw using his voice acting skills to mimic a bear. The bear turns back to see cake now flying through the air with a perfectly executed wheel kick. The bear is defeated.