Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread

[elcheeso]

How do you overcome jealousy?

Whoops I guess I should reply to this since it was technically directed at me. Then again, there's not a whole lot I can tell you that hasn't already been covered by other people. It's hard for me to give much advice considering I've only been in two relationships total and the first was a stupid high school one that I had less than zero interest in... but I'd say the only real way to overcome jealousy is with trust.

I don't know if I'm just not a naturally jealous person as it hasn't been an issue at all in this relationship, or it's just purely because we trust each other so much that no jealousy issues have been able to arise. Us starting off as friends (that became best friends before dating), along with the same general attitude towards sex helped a lot, of course. That being said, we're not romantically intimate with other people (that would be cheating as far as our relationship goes), so I can't give any advice there. I'm not really sure how poly people handle that sort of thing.

Also, for what it's worth, I'm a guy.

 

[smashlloyd20]

Okay I have a couple QUESTIONS!

First, what are some good places to ask a girl to for the first time? And what's a non-awkward way to bring it up?

Also, is there any way to break a friend zone if you're pretty sure you and one of your friends have feelings for each other without totally losing the girl if she doesn't? God screw friend zones~~I can never tell if she's just dropping hints or just being friendly...

 

[Manafii101]

Okay I have a couple QUESTIONS!

First, what are some good places to ask a girl to for the first time? And what's a non-awkward way to bring it up?

Also, is there any way to break a friend zone if you're pretty sure you and one of your friends have feelings for each other without totally losing the girl if she doesn't? God screw friend zones~~I can never tell if she's just dropping hints or just being friendly...

The first time I asked a girl out it was to the movies. It was pretty lame. Make sure that if you go to the cinema to choose a movie you'll actually enjoy instead of just going for the sake of a date. Then you'll have stuff to talk about afterwards, and you can even make snarky comments throughout the film. Parties can be good first dates sometimes, also lunch/ afternoon tea stuff works.

just ask her out sometime when you're alone together, get over the mental barrier and just do it. if she says no then so what? Laugh and go on being friends. If you don't do it when you get the opportunity, then you may never get to do it.

 

[Thorns]

just want to brag in this thread: i got over the idea of 'THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GIRL FOR ME' and i am much better off for it

hormones are really shitty, i was kind of dumb looking back on it and i assume a lot of people have been in my situation too

 

[Stallion]

just want to brag in this thread: i got over the idea of 'THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GIRL FOR ME' and i am much better off for it

hormones are really shitty, i was kind of dumb looking back on it and i assume a lot of people have been in my situation too

I'm so happy you have seen the light man ^_^

 

[WaterBomb]

Okay I have a couple QUESTIONS!

First, what are some good places to ask a girl to for the first time? And what's a non-awkward way to bring it up?

Read my post at the end of the previous page. It gives some detail about good ways to ask a girl out for the first time.

Manafii101 has a point though, if you do choose a venue like the movies, choose the movie carefully. Don't choose some uber masculine Action flick because she won't enjoy it. Don't go straight for the chick flick either, because she'll know you're just trying to impress her. Look for one of those in-between movies like a clever comedy (read: not Will Ferrell/Jonah Hill/Zach Galifinakis or any of those college humor type movies), or a non-romantic drama.

Remember, this is the first date, so don't try to jam everything into it or make it too complicated. Your sole goal of a first date is to get her to go on a second one, so lengthy conversation isn't necessarily a requirement. Just focus on doing something fun that she'll enjoy, and she'll want to go out with you again. The second date is where you choose a more personal setting so the two of you can have conversation and get to know each other.

 

[Wikey]

I'm mad I missed the friend zone discussion. I have a cousin who constantly complains about being friendzoned. He is the perfect example of the underlying problems and beliefs that cause this phenomenon. I have tried to explain to him this is a problem with him and his communication skills but he instead prefers to be misogynistic and blame it on the girls being deceitful bitches. He has a really screwed view on women. He had no girlfriends in high school and he blamed it on him being fat and girls being shallow. Now he's lost all the weight and is in way better shape than me and still hasn't had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. But since he has had a few dates since he lost weight he attributes this to girls being shallow and talking to him now that he's in shape. His mom asked if it couldn't be attributed to him being more confident and college girls being more forward than high school girls. He refused to see it that way. So yeah, before you accuse a girl of friend zoning you just remember my cousin and that you don't want to be compared to him. And if you want to avoid the friend zone just remember that girls are people not mythical creatures. They have the same thoughts and doubts and feelings and shyness as guys. Just be confident and communicate honestly with them. Honesty is the foundation of every strong relationship. Romantic, familial, friendship. Not work though. Most bosses need to be lied to. As do most employees.

As far as being friends first. My wife and I became best friends and fell in love at the same time kind of. We met our senior year of high school because we were friends with the same people. We instantly hit it off because we had a lot in common (music, life experiences, intelligence, sense of humour) and it wasn't long before I considered her my best friend and she did the same for me. Then I found out that the one thing we didn't have in common was that she had only seen like 1/10 of the movies I had. She hadn't seen things like Jurassic Park, The Matrix, The Shining, Sandlot, Die Hard, MIB, Independence Day, the list goes on. So I made it my goal to watch all those movies with her. Well, after some time sitting next to her in dark rooms I realized there was some serious mutual attraction. I was terrified at first of the prospect of losing my best friend in exchange for a romantic relationship since I had only had unsuccessful relationships at that point. The feeling was mutual but eventually we realized that it was stupid to not give something that could be perfect the chance just because of our past failures. And now seven years later we've been married for four years.


@WB: you should do an advice column for the Smog. Lord knows this demographic needs it.

 

[-Mind-]

The first thing to remember when you're meeting up with a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.

You're not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don't act like it.

So don't ask those questions:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"

Don't ask those.

I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.

Guys don't want to screw up first dates so most of them will play it safe. In case you didn't know, most girls are looking for a guy with confidence.
You have to stand out
However, you have to act natural, but you will have to be INTERESTING at the same time.

So Mind, what do I do when she starts about those topics?

Just bust her then.
Hey are we doing a job interview or what? or Can't you think of something interesting to talk about?

Also touching is very important. There are different levels of touching but I'll tell those later BYE

OH AND PUSH AND PULL DONT FORGET THIS

 

[junior]

for me jealousy is a sign of other problems in the relationship bubbling up in the form of possessiveness. if i'm feeling jealous something is very wrong!

so true. Jealousy stems from insecurity and insecurity stems from problems in a relationship or paranoia on your part.

I've never been in a relationship but I was very close to a boy I pretty much love, and we were completely fine; talked day in, day out, every day for the longest time. But then something happened between us and overnight everything changed, and even tho we still talked I always felt insecure if he'd "replace" me or something ridiculous and I got jealous of other guys he talked to (and mind you, this had never happened before).

And although jealousy wasn't the main reason for whatever we had went down the drain, it was a contributing factor to the final cause.

If you already have the girl/boy, and she's done nothing to evoke jealousness in you, then you have to chill a little; stop overthinking and appreciate what you have.

Tbh though, I think if you get jealous easily then you probably aren't ready for a relationship, because jealousy stems from insecurities and thinking you aren't good enough. You should always work on yourself and be happy with who you are before dating imo

edit: just read lees post

she started working out a few months ago and came to me for advice so we grew closer over that and it has gotten to the point where she rings me every night and we talk for hours at a time.

she probably likes you lol. That or she's very attached to you which is NOT GOOD for either party, even if you enjoy her company because at this rate you'll get attached to her too whether you like her in that way or not.

I'm sorry but friends don't talk every day even online chats, let alone on the phone and for hours at that. I think you're unintentionally leading her on by being so receptive of her nightly calls.

 

[Improbability]

Physical escalation is your greatest weapon. Chances are you won't go straight from small talk to getting hot and heavy, but playful touching is the fastest and easiest way to convey attraction and get there.

 

[WaterBomb]

Just bust her then.
Hey are we doing a job interview or what? or Can't you think of something interesting to talk about?

Boys and girls, please don't ever say this on a first date. Insulting your date tends not to end well!

 

[-Mind-]

Boys and girls, please don't ever say this on a first date. Insulting your date tends not to end well!

This is false, you´re just going for the hey look i´m a nice guy tactic. I have to agree that certain things work on different types of girls though.

Also with this I don´t mean you should be a jerk, however there is a difference between insulting and teasing. You obviously shouldn´t say it with the wtf is wrong with you thing on your face, but with a nice smile and a ´touch´

 

[elcheeso]

This is false, you´re just going for the hey look i´m a nice guy tactic. I have to agree that certain things work on different types of girls though.

Also with this I don´t mean you should be a jerk, however there is a difference between insulting and teasing. You obviously shouldn´t say it with the wtf is wrong with you thing on your face, but with a nice smile and a ´touch´

I don't really think straight up saying that someone is boring you with their questions can be taken as anything other than insulting, dude. Also, for someone who realises that first dates aren't supposed to play out according to a set interview process, you sure as hell are acting as if there's a set way for dates to go in order for them to succeed.

 

[-Mind-]

I don't really think straight up saying that someone is boring you with their questions can be taken as anything other than insulting, dude. Also, for someone who realises that first dates aren't supposed to play out according to a set interview process, you sure as hell are acting as if there's a set way for dates to go in order for them to succeed.

You´re so right about that, there is a set way. Every girl is different, but have you ever heard about a girl who likes a guy with no confidence? It's mostly about your value being higher than hers dude.

 

[WaterBomb]

First dates, as I said (in bold, in fact) have only one purpose: To reach a second date. The second date is where the conversation happens and you get to know them. The first date is simply there to initiate contact and see if the two of you are comfortable around one another or awkward. You can usually tell just by the vibes on a first date if things are going to work out. There's an intangible "spark" or chemistry that you won't be able to miss. If it feels awkward, it probably is. If you have to focus too hard on being yourself or saying the right thing, you're probably not compatible. If things just flow and you're able to be natural and comfortable without fear, then you have something.

 

[-Mind-]

Okay guys, I've had a short conversation with the mighty waterbomb and we've (or he) actually came to the conclusion that you JUST HAVE TO BE YOURSELF IN ORDER TO SUCCEED. You can look at others but for everyone it works differently. Just stay yourself, and 'eventually' great stuff will happen.

If you need advice with particular stuff, you can always ask it of course.

 

[Lanturn314]

Well, if you're not yourself when you're on a date, it won't end well regardless. Either the girl will see right through you (we're not STUPID, you know!), she won't like the person you're pretending to be, or she WILL like the person you're pretending to be. But if it's the third option, if you actually want a long-lasting relationship it won't work, because the facade will eventually crumble and she'll see who you really are. It's far more efficient to just be yourself and see what happens-- if she doesn't like you for you, it wasn't going to work out anyway, so what's the point?

 

[kittenmay]

Guize if you want gurlz uze dis!!!!

http://www.pickupguide.com/layguide/p_door.htm

misogynist assholes.

 

[Trax]

misogynist assholes.

Well you look at the acrobatics these clowns have to perform to get themselves laid and it's not really surprising.

 

[junior]

why is it so hard to find someone who completely sweeps you off your feet?

 

[Improbability]

Well how much do you weigh?

 

[Ouro]

why is it so hard to find someone who completely sweeps you off your feet?

You're probably judging every girl/guy you meet to determine whether or not they fit the qualifications for what you think you want in a partner and systematically rejecting them.

 

[X5Dragon]

That's because you don't know what you want junior, if you do you'd prolly be swept off your feet many times by now.

 

[heartsonfire]

That's because you don't know what you want junior, if you do you'd prolly be swept off your feet many times by now.

A little condescending. I'd say rather Junior isn't keeping himself open. You never know who will come along and leave you breathless.

 

[gorgie]

Also, for someone who realises that first dates aren't supposed to play out according to a set interview process, you sure as hell are acting as if there's a set way for dates to go in order for them to succeed.

You´re so right about that, there is a set way.

Lol really? Please, elaborate.