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Serious Relationships and Sex Ed Thread
- Thread starter Gabe
- Start date
i wouldn't recommend it. you're at about adult size and you describe her as a late bloomer, presumably in other areas of her development as well - and she's thirteen. it sounds like you could hurt her if she did allow you to have sex with her.
[that said, around 14 for a first period isn't that late, honestly]
do you know her current boundaries? you need to start from there. doing too much will probably freak her out a little bit. warming up to that idea naturally takes time, especially since women tend not to be as sexually driven as men - not always, of course. if you know your current boundaries, work slowly from there - like, if she'll let you make out with her, feel her up a bit or something [probably around the upper half, since lower would probably feel more invasive to her]. i won't give a step-by-step analysis for it, as it's largely personal, but just use your head. you don't seem like an idiot. time also helps, too. if she's known you for a long time and trusts you, she's likely to be more willing to open up to you - in more ways than one.
but, please, for the love of god, don't be one of those people who expect sex from someone and if they don't get it bitch about how nice guys finish last. in the end it should be that you actually care about them - not just because you want a good fuck - in a romantic relationship. while "friends with benefits" and such do exist, if that's what you want it should be admitted up-front. don't sneak around or whatever. there are other people who want nothing aside from sex from a person, and that's fine, but let it be known. no need to lead anyone on or break any hearts if she's expecting something you're not gonna give her.
edit i omitted this part because it seemed obvious to me but maybe it's because i've been in my mother's custody since i was eight, and have thus had to deal with a lot of female!problems.
i really hope that you understand something; she's likely a virgin, right? giving it away is something that a lot of girls take very seriously and it means a lot to them - and if she'd consider it with you, it's not exactly a trifling matter. that's probably another reason why they're more cautious and conservative about the people they screw; it's more important to them [and they are stuck with the baby if you fuck up/don't abort]. for a lot of chicks it's about the emotional aspect of sex, rather than the physical, and they really need to trust you in order to really enjoy it. pressuring them will not help, which is what i've been trying to say. you can't just get your virginity back, and if you pressure her into it, she'll resent you for it and probably feel like shit. wait, though, and with her trust and love comes her willingness [and possibly eagerness] to please you. it's not like women are [necessarily] selfish bitches, it's just that they operate differently and have different needs.
so, yeah, consider everything.
[that said, around 14 for a first period isn't that late, honestly]
do you know her current boundaries? you need to start from there. doing too much will probably freak her out a little bit. warming up to that idea naturally takes time, especially since women tend not to be as sexually driven as men - not always, of course. if you know your current boundaries, work slowly from there - like, if she'll let you make out with her, feel her up a bit or something [probably around the upper half, since lower would probably feel more invasive to her]. i won't give a step-by-step analysis for it, as it's largely personal, but just use your head. you don't seem like an idiot. time also helps, too. if she's known you for a long time and trusts you, she's likely to be more willing to open up to you - in more ways than one.
but, please, for the love of god, don't be one of those people who expect sex from someone and if they don't get it bitch about how nice guys finish last. in the end it should be that you actually care about them - not just because you want a good fuck - in a romantic relationship. while "friends with benefits" and such do exist, if that's what you want it should be admitted up-front. don't sneak around or whatever. there are other people who want nothing aside from sex from a person, and that's fine, but let it be known. no need to lead anyone on or break any hearts if she's expecting something you're not gonna give her.
edit i omitted this part because it seemed obvious to me but maybe it's because i've been in my mother's custody since i was eight, and have thus had to deal with a lot of female!problems.
i really hope that you understand something; she's likely a virgin, right? giving it away is something that a lot of girls take very seriously and it means a lot to them - and if she'd consider it with you, it's not exactly a trifling matter. that's probably another reason why they're more cautious and conservative about the people they screw; it's more important to them [and they are stuck with the baby if you fuck up/don't abort]. for a lot of chicks it's about the emotional aspect of sex, rather than the physical, and they really need to trust you in order to really enjoy it. pressuring them will not help, which is what i've been trying to say. you can't just get your virginity back, and if you pressure her into it, she'll resent you for it and probably feel like shit. wait, though, and with her trust and love comes her willingness [and possibly eagerness] to please you. it's not like women are [necessarily] selfish bitches, it's just that they operate differently and have different needs.
so, yeah, consider everything.
a three year age gap is pretty significant at that age anyways
i wouldnt suggest pressuring her, fourteen is pretty young and i would imagine that shes not too keen to hop on a dick right away- just let your relationship develop emotionally first
i wouldnt suggest pressuring her, fourteen is pretty young and i would imagine that shes not too keen to hop on a dick right away- just let your relationship develop emotionally first
Wanting to have sex does not mean you are or aren't mature for your age.
I agree with Phantasia. She's (almost) 14, dunno if it's just because I'm five years older than that but that sounds so young to me, especially since you are an older boy; at 13 I barely knew anything about sex, at most it was just something I'd giggle about. If she's afraid of sex and not ready to think about it then let her have that rather than pushing her into moving forward. Just enjoy what you have now, get closer, let your relationship unfold.
ETA: Also there are plenty of reasons for 14-year-olds not to want to have sex. I don't see what her hormones have to do with it.
ETA2: That is a perfectly normal age to have your first period. She just hit puberty.
I agree with Phantasia. She's (almost) 14, dunno if it's just because I'm five years older than that but that sounds so young to me, especially since you are an older boy; at 13 I barely knew anything about sex, at most it was just something I'd giggle about. If she's afraid of sex and not ready to think about it then let her have that rather than pushing her into moving forward. Just enjoy what you have now, get closer, let your relationship unfold.
ETA: Also there are plenty of reasons for 14-year-olds not to want to have sex. I don't see what her hormones have to do with it.
ETA2: That is a perfectly normal age to have your first period. She just hit puberty.
I could sig most of the posts on this thread, but this one is probably the best.
didn't mean that at all. i meant physically/emotionally. my best friend was fully-grown when he was like 12, for example.
[he's 6'1]
i could point out about a million things wrong with that post but to name a few,
- the vagina does not produce hormones, the ovaries do (and other glands and organs but i assume you mean sexual hormones)
- not feeling comfortable with sex is 100% valid at that age (and any age), and she does not need to be warmed up to anything
- you should probably break up if all you want from her is sex (i have to assume that's all you want, since you clearly don't care about her being uncomfortable with being physically intimate, and people generally want their significant others to feel comfortable)
- manipulating people into sex is not ok
- stop
Naw, chill guys. She has expressed the interest in sex to me, and not a reluctant "going along with me because I am in a position of power" kind of agreeal, because a) our relationship is not like that (I'm not a douchebag, etc) and b) I could tell if it was. I do care about her beyond the sex, which may seem sketchy due to the age gap but to use the cliche, she really isn't a normal 14 year old girl maturity wise. The problem that I'm having is that she'll tell me she wants to and then leave me hanging.
The vagina hormones thing was a joke. Sorry if I came off like a dick guys!
The vagina hormones thing was a joke. Sorry if I came off like a dick guys!
Your signature probably aided the misconception.
Back on topic though, you 2 should probably wait it out if you can, because if you end up doing it while either of you (read: her) are still unsure about it then you have huge guilt trips later. 14 is a VERY impressionable age, so tread with caution.
Sounds like she is experiencing natural curiosity about sex but isn't actually committed to the idea? Since she's 13 and all and having sex for the first time is a big deal to a lot of people. It physically hurts for some girls and it's a fairly serious emotional decision for many. With something like this, especially considering her age, you should really, really not put ANY pressure on her or get impatient. She should make these decisions by herself and feel free to explore her own sexuality at her own pace without being concerned about your reaction or feeling like she is being hurried into anything she may not feel fully ready for. She literally just hit puberty, which is about when people start seriously considering sex and she is not remotely a late bloomer. 13 is a very typical age for menarche.
And if she is interested in sex hopefully she has some adults in her life who will provide her with educational resources and/or give her the talk (but its not a very easy discussion to have, my mother just shoved a book at me and let me figure it out myself).
yeah i still wouldnt push it, still seems VERY young to be having sex
but in the end its up to you, we dont know the situation etc etc
but in the end its up to you, we dont know the situation etc etc
so your girlfriend is afraid of sex
don't have sex with her until she's not afraid of sex
boom done
also 13-going-on-14 isn't that young to be banging. There's a catholic school in the west end that's jk-8 and rumor has it that not a girl graduates with her virginity in tact (hyperbole obviously, but you get the point, kids fuck (and are generally starting to fuck at a younger age (at least if you believe the cbc documentary sext up kids)))
Not that it's helped me get any! Where are the thirteenyearolds that want to fuck me?
Oh also watched some gay porn for the first time. Or I guess it wasn't the first time watching gay porn, first time watching guy-guy gay porn.
was pretty legit
don't have sex with her until she's not afraid of sex
boom done
also 13-going-on-14 isn't that young to be banging. There's a catholic school in the west end that's jk-8 and rumor has it that not a girl graduates with her virginity in tact (hyperbole obviously, but you get the point, kids fuck (and are generally starting to fuck at a younger age (at least if you believe the cbc documentary sext up kids)))
Not that it's helped me get any! Where are the thirteenyearolds that want to fuck me?
Oh also watched some gay porn for the first time. Or I guess it wasn't the first time watching gay porn, first time watching guy-guy gay porn.
was pretty legit
how do I fuck a girl
Beyond my last post, confession time: I have done this a couple times to see what it was like. 5/10, got the post-fap regret
Hey guys, just swinging by because I have a couple of questions that I hope I can get some help with. I don't know if this is the best place to turn for this, but hey why not give it a shot.
Now just for reference I just graduated high school. I'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship. Having said that, please don't misinterpret that for desperation of any sort.
So this is the story: A few months ago, concurrent with when I started masturbating, I started watching porn while doing it pretty much every time. Nothing special here as most guys whether they say it or not masturbate like this. Because of this I really never saw a problem with doing it regularly to porn(mind you I'm not talking more than once or twice a day, on RARE occasion it was three times a day).
Everything was going well, until I spontaneously asked myself the most crucial question that led to my change in attitude regarding porn: "Have you tried masturbating WITHOUT porn?" I waited a day just for good measure and tried masturbating without porn, but it was a no go. I knew this wasn't normal, so I went ahead and did some research about what porn does to you and stumbled on yourbrainonporn.com. After reading the site pretty extensively and being able to relate to a lot of what was written there, I made my resolve to abstain from porn. Do note that I definitely do not have the level of addiction that the site describes, and I'm pretty damn lucky that I was able to realize this problem before it escalated.
I made that decision around a day ago. However, I'm not stupid enough to think that my willpower alone will carry me through the whole ordeal, because willpower peaks and dips and no matter how good our intentions are when we resolve to break an addiction, and I am especially prone to spontaneous dips in willpower courtesy of my ADHD. All I have to endure is the initial period of around 3 weeks. Any creative ideas for what I should do to safeguard myself? just need is something that can just pop a red flag in my brain, not an ironwall filter never allowing me to watch porn again. It can be a notification or just something I notice really.
Now just for reference I just graduated high school. I'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship. Having said that, please don't misinterpret that for desperation of any sort.
So this is the story: A few months ago, concurrent with when I started masturbating, I started watching porn while doing it pretty much every time. Nothing special here as most guys whether they say it or not masturbate like this. Because of this I really never saw a problem with doing it regularly to porn(mind you I'm not talking more than once or twice a day, on RARE occasion it was three times a day).
Everything was going well, until I spontaneously asked myself the most crucial question that led to my change in attitude regarding porn: "Have you tried masturbating WITHOUT porn?" I waited a day just for good measure and tried masturbating without porn, but it was a no go. I knew this wasn't normal, so I went ahead and did some research about what porn does to you and stumbled on yourbrainonporn.com. After reading the site pretty extensively and being able to relate to a lot of what was written there, I made my resolve to abstain from porn. Do note that I definitely do not have the level of addiction that the site describes, and I'm pretty damn lucky that I was able to realize this problem before it escalated.
I made that decision around a day ago. However, I'm not stupid enough to think that my willpower alone will carry me through the whole ordeal, because willpower peaks and dips and no matter how good our intentions are when we resolve to break an addiction, and I am especially prone to spontaneous dips in willpower courtesy of my ADHD. All I have to endure is the initial period of around 3 weeks. Any creative ideas for what I should do to safeguard myself? just need is something that can just pop a red flag in my brain, not an ironwall filter never allowing me to watch porn again. It can be a notification or just something I notice really.
put your dick in a girls vagina and THRUST!
@elcheeso and especially Soul Fly thanks for all the help :)
I haven't read the site you linked yet and am not an expert on addiction, but I'd very likely back you up on your decision anyways from what you've said. While I'm not speaking for all and everyone naturally has differing attitudes on sexuality, some guys seem to try to turn their cheek to the often inexorable two-way relation between emotions/attachment and, basically, getting hot. Porn is fiction and can be filled with innumerable unhealthy ideas when it comes to relationships, and even as a regular observer it can instill a harmful image of human interactions(not to mention body ideals). Just remember it's important to be capable of experiencing attraction without sexualizing others in real situations, and while arousal is natural and great, losing a hold of sexual idolatry isn't.
You'll have to figure out if that makes sense in context of your own situation or not, but good luck!
That's definitely one unhealthy aspect of porn addiction, because there's a lot of research supporting that porn changes the way you think and interact. However, the more important aspect of this addiction is neurological, which is described in much detail on this link: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-if-i-use-porn-without-orgasm. It also describes why edging is pretty bad for your sexual health as well. What's surprising to most people is that even though the problems associated with porn addiction are because of the changes in your brain, it's because of the physical changes in your brain, mainly your dopamine receptors.
I was real worried when I started masturbating that it be affecting me after noticing a few signs but everywhere on the Internet I went everyone was like, "no, masturbation is completely healthy even if you do it more than once a day." Only now did I realize after going to the site I linked, yourbrainonporn.com, that I realized that porn was the thing that was really affecting me, not really masturbating. Unfortunately, nowadays people automatically associate porn with masturbation so they often take people saying that masturbation is healthy the wrong way.
