current count has atomicllamas, blazade, DLE, Einto, Granny Pie, KoC, LG, Lil Bean, LW, Marth, Myzo, Rodan, sketchup, snype, vonFiedler, walrein, and yeti submitting. if you still want in, and think you have a good meme or a song that a dad would enjoy, send it to me here or on discord, and i'll fit you in. reveal is as i said above, going to be today in about 17.5 hours. may the odds be ever in your favor
atomicllamas - The Seed (2.0) (3.6/10) this song sounds like smth off of a rip off sports game. like, you didn’t have enough money to go out and buy Madden 2003 so you got Noll 2003 instead. none of the vocals or the instrumentals are hitting me, and the lyrics seem like it’s just?? vaguely about sex, but deniable enough to get on the radio back in the early 2000s. the beat is cool i guess, but looking at the youtube comments i’m going to get lynched for scoring this one low
vonFiedler - Someone Else’s Star (4/10) this is,, okay first of all, your videos all have varying gay anime things on them, so props. second of all, no parts of this song are the good parts, but there are certainly bad parts of it.
Sketchup - Weekender (5.2/10) there’s this one bit in the middle where the music goes back and forth w the vocalist just whining? @150 seconds in, he pretends his voice is a guitar for a while. that’s the biggest take away i have from this entire song. hope ur happy my guy. the conclusion to the whole song is kinda,,, yeah. definitely liked it more than the songs before this, but it wasn’t a Good Song
From Sketchup: Judging on what is usually considered 'dad rock' (alternative rock with the guitar being the most important instrument), I guessed this would fit the description pretty well. The bass is just awesome here.
Rodan - Double Vision (5.5) average song. shit i’d expect out of a 45 year old economics teacher who still thinks he’s cool and wants to get everyone involved in a class exercise. Incredibly deserving of this score imo
KoC - Sultans of Swing (5.7) another average song. this one is from a history professor who thinks that having a sit in at the school cafeteria is a cool way to get kids involved in the civil rights section. better than the last one, worse than anything else. it’s almost as tho that’s how scoring works
Kunclord - Free Bird (6.2/10) this song scores a 4/10 for the first 5 minutes, then a fucking 9/10 for the back 4. math’d it out, that’s a 6.2 on average. i’m prolly gonna end up skipping to the good shit, because damn if i’m gonna deal w stuff i don’t like on a middling song. (note: snype sent me this link ten minutes before header, and asked to play it instead of the link i’d been using if he doesn’t full play)
Snaquaza - Oya Lele (6.3) the fact that i recognize the sounds vaguely puts this song under the one that comes next. definitely doesn’t help that this band has a bunch of pervy dads in its fanbase,,, but the latin(?) influences help
Lil Bean - WEEB (6.4) ngl i don’t even care that i don’t understand a word said, the singer’s energy is obvious, and the entire song follows after him. fuck, a lot of the song absolutely tanks, but this guy just keeps on fucking going and it brings the whole thing together.
blazade - Whipping Post (6.5) there’s a decent guitar solo in the middle of this that i liked, but not enough to skip to it. feels like a country ballad, but without the twang or the banjo. fyi that’s a good thing,, and helped this song out score a few others. fell into the classic “had a decent stopping point earlier in the song, but we’re just gonna wail away on our instruments an extra two minutes. because we can, that’s why. closing was unsatisfying to me, but they sure can play those instruments well.
Einto - Photograph (6.7) i told u when u subbed this that it could’ve been a joke song too. it might’ve done better there, just out of beating the competition more, but sure. this also isn’t even nickelback’s best song, which i’m p sure i told u as well. o well.
LW - Hells Bells (6.8/10) i had this one scored higher initially bc this is exactly the shit my dad listens to, but now that i’m listening to it out of his car, the song is less hype than i remember. definitely deserving of a high score, but it’s not deserving of outscoring anything else here
From LW: I asked my DADDY, turns out he likes momrock, figures. At least he likes good momrock, not much to say here, a classic ACDC song.
DLE - Walrein Caught Creamy Handed (6.9/10) scoring this anything different seemed like a crime against humanity. as many points as the visual adventure of daddy masturbating deserves, it also doesn’t deserve to outdo any of the other submissions left.
From DLE: I figured this is more appropriate for the Walrein category. A top Circus meme, and funny both with and without context. Context is in the thread here, but essentially UncleSam is a great user that should be applauded for inspiring this gem of a post.
Myzozoa - Time Is On My SIde (7.4/10) i liked your other submission for this cat more, his vocals distracted less from the horns. the horns in this are good as fuck tho, not gonna lie. good shit from you all around, keep it up. also, time is not on my side, and is an allusion. fuck the rolling stones.
From mzyo: a cover of the rolling of the stones. more jazzy. dont think youll like it that much but maybe. I was gonna resubmit pink floyd or the doors, more something my dad would listen to, altho I got my dad listening to kanye. My dad's favs are pink floyd and the grateful dead.
I like trumpet, especially a the muted trumpet sound featured on this track. I love the lyrics and the way she sings the song, with composure and style. It is repetitive, but for me, it stays interesting.
Walrein - The Trees (8.6/10) FUCK man this FUCKING song,, it was one of those songs on Rock Band back when my brothers and i were fucking rock stars? fun ass song, and this is one that lives up to how i remember it. i’m nostalgic over these instrumentals, so maybe i’m overrating the song, but fuck u this is my walrus
From Walrein: I'm on the record as saying that Moving Pictures is my favorite Rush album, and I'm not about to reneg
on that. The thing about Rush is they have a lot of good albums, and Hemispheres is one of them, and The Trees is not only the best track off Hemispheres, but arguably one of the best (and certainly one of the most underrated) tracks in their entire discography. Showcases a lot of stuff that attracts me to Rush's music - vocals are en pointe, excellent and interesting drumming, a sick guitar solo, unusual time signatures, a bassline that keeps things moving, lyrics that may or may not actually mean anything.
And, I mean, come on. There's a fuckin wood block solo. How are you gonna argue with that?
Granny Pie - Sweet Child Of Mine (9.1/10) a classic dad song. i think my dad has a pandora station specifically for this song,,, i’ve definitely heard it a bunch and i enjoy nearly every part of this song. no pander cap, since i said i didn’t want one of those. pander all u want kids, it’ll win u categories.
The Scoreboard! You can see while Granny Pie had the best song, Walrein is in the lead! This is because he sent me a writeup, and I agreed with his writeup, netting him an entire point extra. Further down, you'll notice other people submitted writeups, but only got half a point. That's because I disagreed with their writeups. But! They still got an extra half a point, for submitting me anything. If you want easy points, send me writeups! and if you're one of LG, Yeti, or Marth, or you want to submit to me late, get me your Cat 2 submissions (covers) by this Monday, and you'll get points too. doesn't everyone want points? isn't that why we're on the internet these days? for arbitrary points?
LW (2.3/10) - Scooter “I Was Made For Loving You” there isn’t a single redeeming part of this song. maybe if this were part of my childhood, the stockholm syndrome would have worked for me, but neither this nor the original are actually any good in my books. his voice sucks, and i actively wish this song would end sooner.
From LW: Due to my German TV channel childhood, I was constantly exposed to Scooter. Classic Stockholm Syndrom stuff, making this the only DUBDUBDUB band I listen to. It is also nice to hear their vocalist sing for once, as I really like his voice. The song also takes up a new meaning in becoming dubdubdub dance song, if you catch my drift. Sadly I doubt it matches up to the original in the eyes of most
vonFiedler (3.5/10) - “Jesse” this video has 3 views on youtube, and i’m pretty sure i’m all three of them. there’s a DAMN good reason for that. this song is bad, and i’m under the impression that’s what you’re going for?
Yeti (4.0/10) - Future Bible Heroes “Don’t You Want Me” i told you i already have a favorite version of this song, and you told me i’d have a new one. she doesn’t hit the chorus well at all. the vocals on this are honestly hell. holy heck how did you think this would out do the neon trees version? did nobody listen to my examples? :,(
Marth (4.1/10) - Seether “Careless Whisper” this sounds like a bad version of 3 doors down, trying to make one of the best songs in history better. the problem is this one just doesn’t work with grit like others do. You also subbed this song latest of everyone in the category, so at least you got points.
LG (4.9/10) - Avenged Sevenfold “Retrovertigo” you submitted this late and it’s not an overly good song. It’s average at best, and i’m scoring it as such. once again, the most notable part of this song is the names behind it. Sorry kiddo
Snype (5.0/10)- The Qemists “Stompbox” generic electro is generic. there’s nothing distinct about the song, and it drags itself on way too long. just nothing going on with it. would’ve been a top scorer two years ago when i was super into house music, but now it’s just Okay
Einto (5.5/10) - Dr Dog “Heart It Races” this song bounced off of me. average in nearly every way. on successive listens through, it’s still bouncing. his voice, the support behind it, it’s not a bad song in any way, it just doesn’t stand out in the slightest. Boom dad daddadada makes like little spiders.
blazade (6.6/10) - Machinae Supremacy “Gerudo Valley” it’s a good cover, they perform it well, but its biggest distinguishing quality is that they covered a video game song. it was good yea, but again, it’s just good.
Rodan (7.2/10) - T.A.T.U. “How Soon Is Now” i can’t fully describe how i feel about this song,,, there’s something it’s reminding me of,, it’s like some sort of ‘90s movie that’s about the apocalypse but they don’t care about the apocalypse it’s actually just a romcom set during the apocalypse. and it fits that one niche really well, so points.
KoC (7.6/10)- Johnathan Young “Somebody That I Used To Know” i fucking love this kind of sound. growling, railing guitar, cymbal heavy drums,,, good shit. the original is also really good, but this is better in every way. as much as i enjoy washy vocals, gotye’s just piss me off to no end, while this guy’s are good while he’s still singing. ofc then at the end he starts to whine, and there’s one specific high note that he uh, honestly he does a good try. if this ends up full play, y’all can see what i mean by “while he’s still singing”
Myzozoa (7.7/10)- Bjork ft PJ Harvey “Satisfaction” this song isn’t good originally, and this version isn’t any better. definitely is more emotional? but the song doesn’t resonate with me, so those emotions don’t garner any points. sorry myzo. tbqh i forgot it was a live version until the crowd at the end, so props for that.
i lied. after a few listen throughs i don’t need any emotions to understand just how good these cats are at what they do. holy heck why was i sleeping on this
From myzo: I used this as a header for a reveal in my walrus. Obv only recording of Bjork and PJ Harvey together and it is just 2 of the most bad ass androgynes together and I just feel like this is the one of the rawest cuts of this song. Lots of anger. I can barely sing as low as PJ harvey growls out her parts and Bjork is as interesting as ever. my OTP.
Daddy Walrein (8.3/10) - The Muffs “Kids in America” I too grew up w jimmy neutron. i didn’t think this was the version they played tho,, bc i like this version a lot more. the singer’s voice has that tinge, it feels like they’re a smoker? or are intentionally dirtying it up. either way good shit walrein. looked it up, the jimmy neutron is from kim wilde.
From walrein: Like anyone who grew up with the Jimmy Neutron movie, I'm more than familiar with this song, and have heard pretty much every version in existence - though, ironically enough, I don't remember which one was used in the movie itself. I'm pretty sure this is the best one, though. I typically don't really like the Muffs, but this song is pretty perfectly suited to their vocal style, and indeed lends itself quite well to punk stylings in general. Shame it fades out, because it launches into some excellent drumrolls at the very end.
atomicllamas (8.9/10) - Bastille ft Gabrielle Aplin “Dreams” i’m not familiar enough with this song to judge bastille for covering it, but i know aplin is hitting those damn notes in a very uh,,, that’s just how she sings, okay. after listening to this song on repeat for like, ten minutes,,, the song is chill. it’s super chill. holy shit how did i ever think this song was anything but good.
DLE (9.0/10)- Sixpence “There She Goes” i thought this was the original,, but i was wrong. this is just the best version of the song, and damn it you found my weakness. floaty gay songs that are catchy and nostalgic but not down your throat nostalgic. fucking good showing dle
From DLE: I've always loved Sixpence; Kiss Me is the song that got me to want to play the guitar. This is one of their few songs that ended up getting much radio or MTV play, and her voice is just so soft and innocent aaaaa it's great
Sketchup (9.3/10) - Jim O’Rourke “Women of the World” this is such a fucking drug song, but i don’t even need to be high to enjoy this. sure it’s repetetive, and drags on for forever, but i enjoy every single part of this. my attention to it may ebb and flow, but that’s just the way it goes. i won’t full play a nearly 9 minute song, even though it is one of the top. sorry sketch.
From Sketchup: Jim O'Rourke takes the poetic spoken word of Ivor Cutler and blends it with Brazilian and American folk music. Never gets boring because the instruments all work really well together.
GrannyPie (9.5/10)- Save Ferris “Come On Eileen” good song, good horns, literally every part of this cover is good. Granny coming out of the gates incredibly strong. doesn’t hurt that this version is infinitely more gay than the original.
SCOREBOARD!! if you submitted for this most recent category, you got a decent amount of points, because none of those submissions were bad. The three of you who made it on the wall of shame, you get to share the bottom of the scoreboard. Enjoy!
atomicllamas (5.2/10) - Amy Winehouse “Rehab” go the fuck to rehab. please. I mean, this song is actually okay, but when i said disrespecting authority, that’s like, police telling you to stop drinking, or ur dad telling you to not be gay. this is people telling her to get help? idk my feelings towards rehabilitation seem to get in the way of enjoying this song.
blazade (5.5/10) - Metaler Potatoe “Insurrection” let me start by saying, 11 minutes??? this better be worth my time. okay early parts of it seem to indicate it’s a ballad, which i’m 100% cool with, EXCEPT the part where i can’t understand this guy’s voice, and it seems like a rip off of some other metal band. do i know which one? no. is that important? probably not. this is probably high quality, just doesn’t appeal to me. no need for this to be eleven and a half minutes, when it feels to be a lot of the same stuff after two.
go to 6:56 if you want the part i actually enjoyed
Einto (5.6/10) - alt-J “Hit Me Like That Snare” alt J is essentially a bad version of Arctic Monkeys, which is uh,, not where you want to be. altho i will give you the part where they just say “fuck you, i’ll do what i wanna do” because that is exactly what this category is about. not my taste in music at all tho.
Rodan (5.9/10) - Sex Pistols “Anarchy in the UK” this is the first thing that came to mind when i made this cat for me. the reason i didn’t make it an example song is because i don’t actually like it. it’s loud and it’s bad, which is 2/3rds of the way to the Dead Kennedys. just needed to have enough speed to be enjoyable, instead this song crawls through all three and half minutes.
Yeti (6.0/10) - Lonely Island ft Rihanna “Shy Ronnie 2” are you sure,,, this is the right category for this song? i like rihanna, but uh,,, andy samberg isn’t exactly what i think of when the category is Fuck Da Police. esp when his character in this one is a guy who’s shy of his partner in crime. lemme put it this way: i like half of what this song is doing. i’ll give it a little over half of what i would give rihanna
Walrein (6.5/10) - Van Halen "Hot for Teacher" Sorry for the late grade on this one.
this is just a lot of the same guitar over and over again
it just barely qualifies for disrespecting authority, but okay
Lil Bean (6.9/10) - WEEB “Fuck You PTA” the drums/guitars make up for what feels like really jerky lyrics. that might be bc i don’t speak japanese, but the middle of the song, where the video has a conversation going on. very fuck authority, but not the best song in this group.
Granny Pie (7.0/10) - Muse “Uprising” this is a classic, and the only problem with it is that i know there’s better out there. i’ve listened to this one enough that i don’t wanna full play it again. please oh please let me find 7 songs better than this
LW (7.4/10) - Persona5 “Rivers in the Desert” this song has a damn good intro. so good that i pre-emptively started to put this one in the top echelons. but the second verse drops it, and the instrumental is Basic, adding nothing to the song. also, she pronounces is dessert, and i can’t honestly give full points to a song that mispronounces its own fucking title. violins are nice, and the instrumentals are rad all around, but that mispronunciation….
From LW: Best song for me in P5. It was nearly guaranteed that in a fuck the police cat I go with the anti authority persona game. Really like the lyrics, which are, in case you don't get engrish, about standing up to oppression(it really becomes more obvious in the second verse). The beat gets me hyped, which is good as this be a boss theme. Personally the highlight are the spoken lyrics, but that is not to undersell chorus, nor the slow part before the end. Barely behind Burn my Bread in persona songs
KoC(7.9/10) - We are Scientists “Rules Don’t Stop” i could’ve sworn this is smallpools. it’s good alt, and i might look into this band to find some better stuff that’s got more than three phrases in the whole song.
DLE (8.1/10) - ScHoolboy Q “JoHn Muir” yeah i’m gonna have to listen to this again, bc it’s interesting, but i studied john muir in school? and idt this was what he sounded like. the beat behind this is good, i like how the video sound effects work within the song, and don’t sound like shit. i can get behind the lyrics enough to not deduct for it, and let the instrumentals carry it.
From DLE: 3. BELLIN THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKIN STREET JOHN
Q is a great rapper, the beat is hard and holy fuck the beat switch into the chorus with the horn and the crooning. This song has been on repeat for weeks since I came across it. The music video is heavy, the subject matter is blunt and harsh. Fuck this is my jam rn
vonFiedler (8.5/10) - “Son of a Preacher Man” this song is, actually a good submission??? it’s gay, and seems to be anti-church... goodness this is good gay gospel, i’m feeling all sorts of gay, and it’s not from ur icon of He-Man
Snype (8.6/10) - Lily Allen “Fuck You” this song was played in Pitch Perfect by the Sockapellas. i’m pretty sure this version is better, but it’s a close call. that’s not me digging at this song, Pitch Perfect is a REALLY good movie, and the Sockapellas got third place behind the two protagonists, so they did it well. also the lyrics pander to me, and i’m 100% okay with this.
Myzo (10/10) - Joan Jett “Bad Reputation” shrek is love. shrek is life.``
nah (9.6/10) actually, this is a Good song, and is everything i wanted. and god i wish i could pull off her style.
From Myzo Who doesn't love this song? I already mentioned by favorite verse:
"And I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation / The world's in trouble, there's no communication / An' everyone can say what they wanna to say / It never gets better anyway / So why should I care about a bad reputation anyway?"
the top 5 are all neck and neck, with the top 3 separated by a total of one tenth of a point. newcomer eagle4 makes some lengthy strides to overcoming the bottom feeders and Wall of Shame-ers, we'll see if he continues this strong performance.
Yeti (4.3/10) - “The Dickhead Song” i appreciate what this song is railing against, but in a classic example of Poe’s Law, by satirizing being a dickhead this song approaches being a dickhead. the song isn’t anything good, the vocals are annoying, and there’s nothing standing out about it to make me wish it were better.
LW (4.4/10) - Trocadero “Blood Gulch Blues” iconic as all hell guitar, and having listened to this literally hundreds of times before doesn’t hurt you. the problem is the rest of the song doesn’t have the same feeling towards it, and it feels like a shitty highschool band trying to be cool. i can picture The Replacements (my highschool’s shitty band) play this song, and **that** is where you lose points. those guys were bad, and this song is too.
KoC (5.4/10) - Talking Heads “Take Me To The River” there’s a sick backing to this, and i don’t know what other kind of voice would fit for this song, but i still hate his voice. i’m slowly growing to tolerate this song, but damn this really turned me off early and is having problems recovering
Myzozoa (5.6/10) - Blondie “I’m On E” yeah this isn’t,,, the best? there’s a lot going on that i don’t like, and essentially nothing going on that i do like. the whole thing is repeatedly flying over my head, and idk what to do about it. her voice isn’t helping anything, and the song feels like a shitty 1950s vacation movie.
From myzo: this song is super fun, seemingly making thinly veiled reference to the drug E (what i thought the first time i heard it), but it is actually about how she cant afford gas cause of the economy and has to sell her car and walk everywhere. short and sweet.
Lil Bean (5.7/10) - WEEB i liked ur other song more, and graded it before double checking your sub, so OOPS. this one feels similar to my example songs (excluding the weeb part) in that the vocals aren’t what you normally expect from a song. the round is interesting, but idk if it’s enough to make up for essentially every other part of the song.
Einto (6.2/10) - “Everybody’s Circulation” this is a song that everyone has heard if they’re on the internet. definitely has parts that are enjoyable, but the majority of it is just overplayed and less than fun. late sub means i don’t have enough time to stockholm syndrome myself into liking this song again. sorry…
Granny Pie (7.4/10) - AC/DC ft Vanessa Carlton these two songs fit way too well together, and i hate you. how could you just drop this on me, and expect me to be okay afterwards. about two minutes in the guitar comes in and doesn’t fit with the rest of the song, so you lost a few points for that, and the song never fully recovers, it just ends.
From Granny Pie: Okay, so this was another song in an animation, one that really caught me off guard by how well it was put together. Anyways, I've listened to a lot of crappy mashups in my life, but I found this mashup to be all of well-timed, good-sounding, and funny.
Rodan (7.5/10) - Psy “Gangnam Style” i mean,, this isn’t really in the spirit of the walrus, to submit one of the most viewed videos on youtube that essentially everyone on the internet has seen,,, it’ll definitely get you points based off of me liking the song, even though it’s just about sex in a specific position. also i don’t think u listened to this as a joke initially, you’re exactly the kind of person who would enjoy this unironically at first.
DLE (7.6/10) - My Dick “Everybody My Dick Tonight” thank u for showing me ur dick DLE. i looked into it, bc i’ve heard smth similar to this before, and as it turns out, it’s a slightly adjusted version of Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung, which honestly is a MUCH better name for a band about penises. like, idt he even had to change his name, his name really just was a double euphemism for phallus.
From DLE: Rip yakety sax. I didn't think I liked comedy songs, but then remembered there was a parody album I still listen to regularly. As a bastion of maturity, yes, I am showing you My Dick. And it's still funny to me the 50th time I listen to this song. Enjoy My Dick.
Snype (7.7/10) - Kill The Noise “Dolphins on Wheels” i gotta say, a remix using a dolphin’s scream and a bunch of kids doesn’t sound appealing, but if you’re a good enough DJ, i guess it’s just gonna work. like, the music is good enough that i wouldn’t question this at a shitty club, and it’s funny enough that like i might actively seek this out. also doesn’t hurt that football is starting soon and i’m a miami fan.
From snype: The beginning just catches offguard and then it gets kinda freaky when you realize the deep soundin dude is basically the kid in a flashback. i need mdma to actually truly enjoy this song, but whatever rocks your boat
Eagle4 (7.8/10) - Everything Everything “No Reptiles” the intro and the synth-y thingy is really nice, but his voice is washy and i can’t tell if that’s a good thing... got a sick build to it, and the whole song might be repetitive, but the lyrics aren’t what you’re focused on.
Blazade (7.9/10) - To-Mera “The Illusionist” i get that metal has a lot of long songs, and thank you for submitting a short metal song for this one. her voice is really intriguing, and i like the rough guitar in this song. the stop and slow part around 2:53 is NICE good stuff 10/10, just a bunch of elevator music and i’ll chill the FUCK outta it. esp the build up that feels like the protag is getting back up after a big fight or smth, then it goes back to the kinda normal metal, until at 4:12 or so it distorts her voice and has a Bad discordant sound that kinda turns me off to the song. it definitely recovers
atomicllamas (8.1/10) - Ke$ha “Dinosaur” kesha is a gift to this world, and is a LOT of fun. this song is definitely a fun gift to this world, esp when u listen to it even a lil more, and realize it’s abt old dudes creeping on young girls just having fun. preach babe.
Walrein (9.1/10) - Men At Work “Who Could It Be Now” i listen to this band,,, too much. wayyyyyy too much. when u submitted this song, i had my first moment of “do i want to pandercap songs? or do i want to tell people when a song they’ve submitted is too close to what i already listened to?” and as we all saw in Cat 1, i don’t give a shit about pandering. and again in Cat 3…. i greatly appreciate all the new songs that people have submitted to me (We Are Scientists, Wire from Cat 3, PJ Harvey, Save Ferris from Cat 2) but uh,,, i’ll never have the same feelings when listening to a new song as when listening to a classic song that i already love.
From Walrein: Down Under would also qualify, except I always loved Down Under, whereas this was initially just "the one with the goofy sax riff". The more I listen to it, however, the more I realize the goofy sax riff is the foundation to a genuinely pretty good song. New Wave in general tends to get pretty memey at times, and I think it's occasionally at its best when it does so (see B-52s, The).
Marth (9.6/10) - The Lonely Island ft JTimberlake “Motherlover” this is 100% wrong, and i hate how much i like this song. don’t fuck ur friends’ moms, fuck their dads. but in more minutia: why do these sons know what their moms enjoy in the bedroom??? and why did they pair up the two food euphemisms “I’m gonna pork ur mom” “I’ma be the syrup she can be the waffle” there just is so much going on with this song, and the video 100% amplifies the experience.
Lil Bean (2.3/10) - WEEB this song isn’t fun,, it’s just annoying. i actually had to skip it the first time i tried listening to it, just not a good song. like, at least with the other songs that have scored 2s they had some sort of comedic value behind them or smth, this doesn’t even have the comedically bad quality to it. sorry,,,
LW (3.1/10) - Ellen McLain “Cara Mia Addio” i,,, haven’t played Portal 2,,,,, so idk if the discordance and desynchronous sounds are intentional to convey a message or smth,,, but it’s another painful song to listen to. this one at least i can tell her voice is good enough to deserve a few points, but still not a good sub.
From LW: Robot orchestral opera has to be synth. Thanks was such a nice send-off to Portal 2, and what I'd consider the best twist in the game. I guess I tend to just like opera style songs(cough oratorio or my rap sub for Rodan). Funnily I find the singers normal voice singing this horrid, +1 point for robot overlords.
Marth (4.8/10) - Bach “The Well Tempered Clavier Book 2” thank you for making it easy for me to tell this is on a synthesizer, but something definitely feels lost on this piece when it’s all electronic and has no strings or soul.
vonFiedler (5.5/10) - Frankie Goes to Hollywood “Can’t Get Used to Losing You” this song feels like it’s intentionally bad and down bc of where he is in the musical, and it does that well, so i’ll give it points for doing what it tries to do. the synth in the song hurts it imo, and a different instrument would’ve been better suited, but
`Rodan (5.8/10) - Marina and the Diamonds “Froot” this sure is a song. it’s not good, it’s not bad, and her voice is vaguely distinct in that way that she spawned a generation of singers tryna imitate her. Just nothing standing out, but it’s better than the Average score, so here we are.
Eagle4 (6.0/10) - Vessel “Red Sex” the song feels over at 3 minutes, and if it had it would’ve scored lower. The back half thematically brings it back together, and while the entire piece is incredibly discordant, that’s the purpose of the piece, is to make you wonder where it’s going. i’m a lot more used to polished music, but i can get behind the occasional Where the Wild Things Live feel. this might’ve gotten more points last cat for Unironic songs, bc i can appreciate someone putting this out there on a limb.
From Eagle4: Okay well basically 1) Love the groove and how it's so different and non-linear yet still /works/, 2) Love the strands of noise that seems disconnected until they're pulled together and a tune is synthesised out of nothing basically and 3) Funky, musty atmosphere created is right up my alley
Also 4) This is music stripped down to its raw, essential core. Feels like something primeval`
Myzozoa (6.3/10) - Bjork “Big Time Sensuality” round two of “i liked your other sub, and then u changed it,,,” this song tries to be fun for the first part of it, and it doesn’t do a good job of that, and it feels like it tries too hard for that. but the back third of it recovers really well, feels more emotional, and feels more authentic. also, what the fuck is ur writeup supposed to mean? Lol it’s like,,, are u claiming to be the ruler of Synth City? idk my guy...
From myzo: lately ive been hearing amongst the people that 'myzozoa doesn't even live in Synth', that 'they live in an ivory tower on the hill outside of town, so that they can look down us regular folks living in the good community of Synth'.
Well, I'm here to demonstrate that nothing could be further than the truth; even if I don't live in synth, I know it well
Blazade (7.2/10) - Journey “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” this song is a fucking jam, classic in every way, and always makes me bop my head. overplayed a lil, but still a good song. a lot of the song feels unecessary, but there isn’t really a better stopping point for the song? i find myself tuning out of it every once in awhile, but it’s got good morals and the only real detractor of the song is its length/repetitiveness without being like, intentionally poppy
DLE (8.2/10) - Passion Pit “Little Secrets” this song is a jam, all about having a summer fling and not giving a hoot. i’ve heard it plenty before on pandora, and i love the falsetto+kids that passion pit seems to put out a lot of.
From DLE: I've seen Passion Pit live twice. Quite possibly my favorite Passion Pit song, it's super peppy and fun sounding. The chorus is infectious and makes me want to sing along every time it comes around.
KoC (8.3/10) - Freezepop “We Don’t Have Normal Lives” this song reminds me a lot of the one directly before it, only more relaxed and better backing. sure the lyrics are super Edgy and Middle School, but i’m still in that phase, so fuck it.
atomicllamas (8.6/10) - Chloe Howl “No String” i really like her voice throughout this, it’s disrespectful and knows what it wants to say. i hear just a little bit of queer goin on “Don't even know if I'm the right sex / You don't even know if I'm the right sex do ya?” so props to that, and it sounds like she’s railing on the guy she banged for never wearing condoms, so double props i guess. the sound is fun and disrespectful, both things i really like, points.
Granny Pie (8.7/10) - ELO “Prologue/Twilight” there’s a reason why a few people have pandercapped ELO, and it’s because they’ve got so many good songs. the essential ‘80s feel: choral sounds, space themes, and excessive synth.
From Granny Pie: My favorite synth song of all time. The intro pulls me in, and once the echoing synth rises in its wake, I'm just hooked. The whole piece rises together very well, and the synth flows with the lyrics very alluringly. I can just see twilight crawling into my room from my window, and it's totally not creepy.
Yeti (8.8/10) - Studio Killers “Jenny” this song is gay, fun, and a bop. Points, points, and points. it’s not the best out there tho, sorry yeti. still a good recovery after a few less than ideal submissions
Walrein (8.9/10) - M83 “Solitude” yeah this is incredibly off brand for u walrein, but it works like all hell. the lyrical parts kinda bounce off me, but i can feel so much coming from the instrumentals that i have to stop whatever i’m doing and just appreciate the song. the synth part is Good, but the song is Gr8.8/10
From Walrein Here's one that's a bit off-brand for Walrein: slow, mostly electronic, introspective. I wanted to send you a song that actually features the synth, rather than using it as background dressing, and what better way than to send you a soulful synth solo off an album that refuses to quit growing on me? I keep getting sent songs from this in my Walruses, and they're always slow growers, but they always wind up much better than my initial assessment. Eventually I gave up and finally listened to the whole damn thing, and it's great. The synth solo in this song is a great emotional peak about midway through the album (and the rest is no slouch, either!)
Sketchup (9.0/10) - Brian Eno “The Big Ship” when i hear big ship, i immediately think of like, a frigate or a corsair, smth like that. the feeling i get from this song tho is a car ride out of the small town you grew up in, running away with the love of your life, finding a new home that is only defined by who you’re with instead of where you are. yes, i do like introspective pieces, as you may be able to determine by my high scores for your two subs, and the top two for this cat being introspective songs…. oops
From Sketchup: I read you find it difficult to recognize a synthesizer, so to save you the trouble here's a song that's just a synth. The synths build and build and the end result is just beautiful
Walrein pulls ahead with a whopping three medals to his name, more than anyone else. Granny Pie's two gold medals keep him incredibly close though, and KoC keeps the title of Highest Ranked without medaling. Eagle4 beat out quite a few bottom feeders this round, and is swiftly closing in. Remember, there's 11 points out there for every submission, so send me some of that Good Shit.
Martin has overtaken last place Snaquaza in just two songs! his previous 4 will be graded in my off time, and deducted 10% for being late, but looking at the low scores in front of him, he certainly has a chance. Eagle4 has the option to also submit songs that he missed, at 10% deduction. the top five are beginning to drift into the top 2, but atomicllamas is trying his damnedest to be a contender after a subpar Cat 1. links coming up!
Martin (3/10) - Billy More “Running in the 90’s” low effort sub, this song has been played at least three times in the past week in various reveals, and has steadily dropped in quality. Is it a song? Yes, technically. I like it, kinda? But holy shit someone please find a new song
vonFiedler (3.8/10) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood “If You Gotta Make a Fool of Somebody” his voice doesn’t fit the backing, or the backing doesn’t fit his voice, and the entire song is a jumbled mess. his backup singers shouldn’t be here if this is an emotional song, and he shouldn’t be Dipping and Dropping his voice if this is supposed to be a serious song. also i’m getting a serious Scar from the Lion King feel from this song, and his were the worst from that soundtrack,,,
Snype (5.2/10) - TLC “It’s Sunny” this is a “fun” poppy song and it rips a sound bit from September by Earth Wind and Fire, but fails to make literally anything else happen. the vocals are generic, the rest of the backing is Okay, but it does get me tapping my foot so points for that i guess.
Rodan (6.2/10) - Madonna “4 Minutes” this is almost a bad song and almost a good song, and while i love both of these artists, this song isn’t exactly their best. intro is weak imo, and the back half isn’t everything it could be.
LW (6.8/10) - Ghost Trick “4 Minutes Before Death” sounds like an intro to a haunted house mission. gets your attention going haywire trying to consume everything in front of your eyes to make sure you’re not going to die, just like good vidya music will, and it doesn’t drag on like i fully expected it to (4 minutes of that would Not have scored as well probably) i’ll put this at bare minimum of a full play for ya LW.
From LW: Love the game, best looking most stylish gem on the DS(Available on IOS NOW). This the more hectic end game variation of the gameplay's theme. Perfect when you have 4 minutes of rewindable time to save someone's life. Same composer as the OG Ace Attorney stuff. Perfect for solving puzzles with a time limit. Okay fine it's not the most listenable at any time song, but I have heavy nostalgic ties to it, there are you happy now you monster?
Blazade (7.0/10) - Borealis “Finest Hour” thanks for sending another short metal song, just want you to know that’s not necessary. this one has some interesting duality vocals, where you’ve got some vaguely standard metal vocals (if that exists) with some underlying screams which come out to play every once in a while. kinda distracted me from the rest of the song, which on closer listen is pretty Standard. @ 2:48 it moves out of that kind into a soft, spoken set of vocals which i can’t understand but feels kinda ominous in a McEwan way.
Myzozoa (7.1/10) - Blondie “Parallel Lines Eleven Fifty Nine” i like her voice in this song a lot more than usual. her guitar/drums backing is kinda bland, but the keyboard is a good reprieve from that. the song drops off at 2:44 which is kinda where i expected it to end given it’s a myzo sub, but it comes back and decides to fade out in a normal way.
From Myzo: this is one of my fav blondie songs and a great song for driving. kind of manic and arrogant, like me.
Lil Bean (7.3/10) - WEEB good piano leads into what’s a fairly Family Friendly version of music, after which someone else takes over and i like their voice, but the two don’t work Together. they work separately, and i wish there were more of that, since the vocals take away from what’s a pretty good instrumental. this song should’ve done so much better :(
Eagle4 (7.4/10) - Jamie T “Don’t You Find” this is giving off some strong murder vibes. like, casual cask of amontillado vibes. this song has too much power, it’s going to break out of youtube and possess some janitor in a hospital, causing an outbreak of the zombie virus.
Sketchup (7.4/10) - The Pop Group “We Are Time” part two of the murder duo. this one gave me much stronger vibes, but was the weaker song. this one feels almost like a ritual, but since no demons manifested in my living room while listening to this, i have to assume it isn’t. powerful feelings carried them both, so congrats on that.
From Sketchup: This might be my weirdest pick but I still chose it because not only does it have time in its title, the dub influence and the amazing guitar work also make this song timeless.
DLE (7.5/10) - Semisonic “Closing Time” this song is super cliche and exactly what i was going to use as a header. emotional enough to make me not feel bad for liking it, poppy enough for me to like it.
From DLE: In addition to just being a jam, I used to moderate for a pokemon podcast that would play this as an outro to every episode, so it's sort of a time stamp for me and those memories and people. On the song, it's really catchy and a great song to bust out at drunk karaoke nights with friends.
5th Walrein (8.3/10) - Vulfpeck “Wait For The Moment” his voice is beautiful and i’m gay. smooth backing keeps the focus on his voice, which is where i think it should be. listening to the lyrics is a bit of a mistake, but just hearing him is a treat. I like the drums more than i like the bass, but that’s okay, they’re all soft and good.
From Walrein: Continuing the chill groove, we have a song from Vulfpeck, the kings of chill grooves. Everything in this song is perfectly calculated to be as pleasant, peaceful, and nostalgic as possible. Antwaun Stanley's voice is liquid gold, and the backing instrumentals, as should be expected, are all completely fantastic (the bassline in particular is great; thanks, Joe Dart). Cat fit falters outside the title and first few lines but consider this: I don't really care, song's fucking great. Went on a mad Vulfpeck binge like 2 weeks ago and this may be my favorite of their songs - certainly my favorite with Antwaun.
Yeti (8.9/10) - Queen “Don’t Stop Me Now” basic sub is basic. there’s a reason people stopped submitting Queen, and it’s because like four different people did to you, and we realized we picked the most cliche and well known Queen songs. oh who the hell am i kidding, i’m gay for Freddie Mercury in leather. i was going to sub this to LG for party songs, so you’re lucky i changed my sub or you would’ve gotten the same score i did. (after confirming with LG, you would’ve gotten pandercapped at 8, so congrats)
LG (9.0/10) - Jeff Williams ft Casey Williams “This Will Be The Day” u submitted this to me like, four hours before reveal, but thankfully i’ve listened to this song a bajillion times before. show is great, and the fact that i’ve heard the first third of this before watching some badass fight scenes doesn’t hurt. what does hurt is that this is the third best song off of Vol. 1, keeping you in third best. Sorry trash panda. you didn’t do any writeups per se, but we’ve talked abt this stuff before
Granny Pie (9.4/10) - Hans Zimmer “Time” the rise on this is real. you’ve got nearly a minute of what seems like silence, to three minutes of HOOOOO boy, to once again soft and “what have i done” kinda thing.
From Granny Pie: This is… / Gonna be a header for one of my categories. Epic Orchestra. / Because it's simple. / But powerful. / Very powerful. / It gives me a profound sense of realizing loss, but that hope still comes back. / Hope always comes back. / Just as the sun always will rise again. / As will we all from the depths of our own despair
atomicllamas (10/10) - Lord Huron “The Night We Met” this is almost exactly what i’m looking for from a song. his voice is gay, the soft harmonies behind him, a constant guitar strumming along, thank u v much for this song. i’m going to listen to it for literally the rest of the day. enjoy ALL the points because i’m gay.
Randy Newman "You've Got A Friend in Me" (8/10) this is nostalgic in the supreme since i unironically listened to this throughout elementary school and met one of my best friends listening to this song. sue me.
Balenescu Quartet "Robots" (6.5/10) i found myself wandering a lot during this song, since the themes didn't bring me in, and there wasn't a whole lot of variance to the song. it's certainly well performed, i just didn't enjoy it, y'know?
Sex Pistols "God Save the Queen" (7.1/10) this song is a lot better than the other Sex Pistols that i got, faster + better garbage sound, just more of what i like out of bands. definitely enjoyable, but i'm not gonna go back to this song ever again probably.
The Coconut Song (5/10) i can't believe you unironically listen to this song now, but it's not offensive to listen to, and the chorus behind it is actually kinda enjoyable. i don't want to know this much about a coconut, or really any plants, especially since a lot of the information thrown at me is useless.
if you're wondering when my reveals are, i highly recommend joining the Walrus server! there's just been a reveal, and here is the updated Scoreboard!
if marth would do me and himself a favor, he'd keep on submitting, since he has gotten all three medals, and two zeroes. big shout out to atomicllamas for giving me a killer closer, and granny pie for getting a third first place, when nobody else even has two.