the new coin YOU should know: xzernbucks ($XZ) (HOW TO BUY)

are YOU tired of all these "shitcoins" and "blockchains" and "stocks" and other nonsense floating around, and you cant seem to get a hold on them? buying high, selling low? is the "free market" not feeling so free? are YOU tired of the latest scams, such as monkfish studios new nfps, or as i like to call them, "NON-FUNgible posts?" are you tired of the bogdanoff twins dumping the market the absolute second you go all in on roblox? tired of lines and nonsense that look like this?
1618453755010.png

pictured: a load of horse crap!!! (NOTE: THE RIGHTS TO THIS IMAGE-BASED NFP ARE OWNED BY USER: SHADE)

fear no more. the new "coin" has dropped: xzernbucks.

F.A.Q.

what are xzernbucks?

$XZ is the hottest new currency. it is distributed by me, personally, and as it stands i own every xzernbuck that will ever be minted. i mint xzernbucks through a meticulous process, that goes on in my mind palace, which i really do not have the time to detail right now. that being said, i am able to distribute them as i see fit.

what makes $XZ different? (important)
you see, my treasured reader, xzernbucks works off of a special new blockchain called a "monopoly." because i own all of them, i determine its value. no more guessing whether something will be worth more or less, whether you should buy or sell. why? because i will simply tell you.

thats insane. how do i get them.
im actually really glad you asked, because i was about to get to this point. i freely distribute xzernbucks to whoever i see fit. this way, i can control the "market" such that i can set the value to whatever i want.

for the ipo of $xz (now,) i will be awarding a positive quanitity of xzernbucks to anyone who can convince me to distribute to them, either in posting wit or in a no restrictions bare knuckle brawl fistfight.

in a manner similar to the nft thread you only need to request a xzernbuck. however, this is not without risk. if you make a post that i "Haha" react to, you owe me one xzernbuck. this also carries over if i beat you in the fistfight. the number of xzernbucks you will owe me is multiplied by the number of fists i had to use to win. this debt translates to whatever that buck is worth, in usd, at that given time. you also have to pay me immediately.

i wish you all good luck, my promising traders.
 
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hello, i am interested in investing in $XZ
I do not think it is investing, since xzern implies that since he controls the market totally, their value remains about the same.

That being said, I would like to solidify my savings into concrete, everlasting forms. Gold is a little too overzealous for me, so I would like to try out $XZ
Another reason I want to do this is because xzernbucks sounds like xenoblade, which is a good videogame franchise
 

Albatross

Loosely Resembling Some Variety Of Bird
is an Artist
You use a lot of fancy words, and I like that in a con man.

Speaking as a well known and trusted financial supervisor who definitely does not eat pennies they find on the floor, I appreciate the fine work you've put into this currency and the security in never having to guess whether I'm about to become a multi-millionaire or a crackpot living on street. Not that I need it, though, because I definitely have real life money in my real life bank that I am not barred from entering due to pissing up the wall in rage. I am willing to exchange this 100% legal, totally real money I own and possibly sell my remaining kidney in exchange for some of your finest coinage
 
hello, i am interested in investing in $XZ
excellent. you have been awarded one (1) xzernbuck. dont spend it all in one place.
I do not think it is investing, since xzern implies that since he controls the market totally, their value remains about the same.

That being said, I would like to solidify my savings into concrete, everlasting forms. Gold is a little too overzealous for me, so I would like to try out $XZ
Another reason I want to do this is because xzernbucks sounds like xenoblade, which is a good videogame franchise
i promise you that xzernbucks is to gold as the finest calzone is to pig shit. no manual labor is involved. its this easy: you have TWO xzernbucks, representing the two things parasect is 4x to.
You use a lot of fancy words, and I like that in a con man.

Speaking as a well known and trusted financial supervisor who definitely does not eat pennies they find on the floor, I appreciate the fine work you've put into this currency and the security in never having to guess whether I'm about to become a multi-millionaire or a crackpot living on street. Not that I need it, though, because I definitely have real life money in my real life bank that I am not barred from entering due to pissing up the wall in rage. I am willing to exchange this 100% legal, totally real money I own and possibly sell my remaining kidney in exchange for some of your finest coinage
keep that which remains of your kidneys, albatross. in fact, go ahead and buy a new set of kidneys with this freshly minted xzernbuck. congrats. they might even do a bogo.
 
excellent. you have been awarded one (1) xzernbuck. dont spend it all in one place.

i promise you that xzernbucks is to gold as the finest calzone is to pig shit. no manual labor is involved. its this easy: you have TWO xzernbucks, representing the two things parasect is 4x to.

keep that which remains of your kidneys, albatross. in fact, go ahead and buy a new set of kidneys with this freshly minted xzernbuck. congrats. they might even do a bogo.
Great! Thank you. Do you have a list of establishments that support the exchange of xzernbucks ($XZ)? I would like to be able to go there in an emergency, for example if my internet runs out. I may consider cashing in on one of my xzernbucks, too, after consideration of the exchange rate.
 
this will never catch on. i gift you this NFP in the hope that you will realise that you cannot compete with NFPs in the marketplace of ideas, or in the marketplace of imagined currency
what you dont know is that this specific "NFP" that you just gave me is: it is actually tied to the xzernbucks blockchain, now that i own it. uhh what does this mean in laymans terms, you ask, drool forming a puddle on the floor? it means that you just gave away a very valuable piece of a very valuable currency.
I'd like to trade for a copy of that graph

Friend code: 4562 2836 2846 1098
a good eye you have, shade. i ask nothing in return, because that graph is, in fact, also an nfp tied to the xzernbucks blockchain. the market with this thing fluctuates, but right now it is worth 1.37777777777 XZ. its all yours.
 
Great! Thank you. Do you have a list of establishments that support the exchange of xzernbucks ($XZ)? I would like to be able to go there in an emergency, for example if my internet runs out. I may consider cashing in on one of my xzernbucks, too, after consideration of the exchange rate.
the xzernbuck, like the noble bitcoin, is less of a currency and more of a commodity. think about it this way. say a xzernbuck goes for $300,000 usd on a given day. you go to the tesla dealership to exchange it for a car of the same value. before you buy, you take the car out for a 10 minute test drive. while you were out on that test drive, i changed the market value to $299,999 just to fuck with you specifically. of course this would never happen, but consider the risk.
I heard fistfight and I had to show up, gotta back up my nomination for physically strongest poster in a fight
for anyone wondering, the fight ended in both phoopes and i knocking eachother out at once with a simultaneous punch to the gallbladder. as a result no one gained or lost any money.
this does look awesome, i'll get 100 bucks, and if my calculations are correct that equals about $100 in us currency. thanks for ez money.
according to YOUR calculations??????? did you even READ the ORIGINAL POST?!
Looks like a good deal. Can I have one?
sounds like a good deal my friend. im on board. heres your receipt
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