Walrus The Walrus of the Bedschibaer [Cat 3 reveal: Sunday 22. July, 11pm gmt+2]

Bedschibaer

Bedschibaer

NAME = FUCK
is a Social Media Contributor Alumnusis a Forum Moderator Alumnus
Hi! I will make an attempt of actually finishing this walrus. We will all listen to some cool music and everyone has a good time, it will be nice!
About me, as a little hint on what I would enjoy. I have the opinion that there is good music out there in every genre or form and I am very capable of appreciating things for what they are, even if they don't fit my personal preference or taste. Things that I am looking for in the music I listen to are new ideas, interesting concepts or a very authentic way of transmitting emotion. I am always on the lookout for things that I have not heard before and due to the fact that I am dead inside I also like music that triggers an emotional or physical reaction from me. In terms of genres I fuck with a lot of jazz, funk, ambient, krautrock, noise, hip-hop and folk. Don't let this be an incentive to submit only those genres because again, I am looking for new and flashy things. If you want to check out my last.fm or rym (Bedschibaer in both) before that is fine, but keep in mind that I haven't actively used them in literal years

  • Grading works on a scale of 0 to 10, just like everyone's favorite melonheaded youtuber does it, but instead of letting you suck my strong 7 I will go into decimals.
  • I give out a bonus based on when I don't know the artist yet (0.5)
  • Songs especially fitting to a category get a bonus of 1, songs that generally fit a category get a bonus of 0.5, songs that are somewhat related get no bonus and if you meme me I will give out a penalty of up to -0.5
  • If you feel like giving me an explanation on why you chose a certain song, in case it's not obvious why it would fit the category, that will be appreciated and I will take that into consideration when grading
  • Please don't submit anything by the artists I put as category headers unless you really have no idea I guess, but please just don't. Don't submit all categories with the same artist either.
  • I reserve the right to bug you to submit and terrorize you when I want to do reveals. Submitting all your categories at once is preferred. If you change your submissions please give me a notification.
  • Please submit via Forum PM with the name of the artist, the title of the track and a youtube link (other media will be accepted if the bots support them, like bandcamp or soundcloud). A nice sample format would be this:
    Code: 
    Category #: [URL=YT or Soundcloud URL]Artist/Group Name - Song Name[/URL]
Onto the categories:
Category 1: Show me yours and I will show you mine
Submit a song or piece that describes you as a music listener the best. Show me what turns you up, what you are looking for when searching for music, just show me what "does it" for you.

Category 2: BORN TO DIE/ WORLD IS A FUCK/ Kill Em All 1989/ I am trash man/ 410,757,864,530 DEAD COPS
There are these days where all you do is look at memes on the internet, talk to your mates online on a pokemon website about how you have lost control of your life. Depression without actually being depressed, it's a thing for millennials like us who don't actually have problems so we produce them ourselves. Sometimes you just want to read Taipei by Tao Lin and turn up exactly this song that you submitted, the soundtrack for the generation Y. Something that encapsulates the feelings of self-loathing, boredom, depression and loss of control.

Examples:
Wreck and Reference - Powders
Have a Nice Life - Bloodhail

Category 3: High school literature class
Speaking of books, remember when your teacher in high school talked about how certain topics in literature have big impact on our culture. Send me a song or piece that references literature or is directly linked to literature (concept album based on a book, soundtrack to a play, etc). You might want to add what piece of literature is referenced, if it's not obvious.

Examples:
Tom Waits - All the World is Green
Urfaust - Der Freiwillige Bettler

Category 4: Beds' Head Bobbers and Funk Jobbers
I want something that basically gets you off your lazy ass when you listen to it, music that is so funky, groovy or has such a good beat that you just physically can't keep your head still. Regardless of genre, send me something that gets you jazzed up.

Examples:
Parliament - P-Funk
Herbie Hancock - Watermelon Man

Category 5: We No Speak Americano
Haha remember that song, it had an epic drop and shit. Anyways, submit something that has lyrics but not in english. I would appreciate if you dig down and send me something in "obscure" languages.

Examples:
Iva Bittová & Vladimír Václavek
めめ - さっきまで泣いてたのは誰だ

Category 6: Campfire Romance
I am a sucker for folky stuff, give me a song that makes me want to go camping, stare into the fire all night and enjoy the wilderness. Or give me something that I can play while I drink alone and regret my life decisions. You get the idea

Examples:
Death in June - Fall Apart
Mount Eerie - Mount Eerie Dances With Wolves

Category 7: Electroacoustic
I like the aesthetic of electronic music mixing in "real" instruments. Give me the best of both worlds, if it's electronic music with samples, an electro-acoustic orchestra, someone looping music or just a band fucking around with a synthesizer doesn't matter to me. I just want music that incorporates elements of both electronic music and traditionally made music on instruments.

Examples:
Fennesz - Before I Leave
Steve Reich - City Life I: Check it out

Category 8: The hardest pop shit known to man
I want a real banger. I am not actually too well-versed in pop, popular hip-hop, trap or any form of techno, dance, etc. Change my mind on this, I want to pop some pills and turn the fuck up. Give me something that's upbeat and makes me want to move.

Examples:
Ghanaian Stallion feat. Audio88, Yassin & Dexter - Gib ihn einfach
Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait

Category 9: He goin off
I want music that highlights the skill of one musician, solos that just make you scream "YES". Submit something that has a part in there where you just think a musician has been touched by the muse and he is just going off, completely in the zone and produces something unique. It can be technical skill or it can be something highly emotional or touching.

Examples:
Funkadelic - Maggot Brain
Shoji Aketagawa, Kan Mikami, Toshiaki Ishizuka - Daikanjyo

Category 10: Standing in the front row and filming the whole concert with your phone camera so you can relisten the whole thing the next day via your laptop's speakers
Submit a song of an artist you have seen live, know in person or anything like that. I also like anecdotes if they are cool. If you are not cool and do not actually have any experiences with artists, consider suicide. Or just send me something of a local artist and stop being so pathetic and go outside. No examples, I don't know what you have seen.

Signup list (Bolded means submitted):
Asek
Isa
Robert Alfons
Aladyyn
KnightsofCydonia
Lectrys
GGFan
eden's embrace
starry blanket
soviet
Triangles
Da Letter El
Old Gregg
MyNameIsNothing
Hitmonleet
 
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Uh I revealed n shiet

14: GGFan – Udo Jürgens – Ich war noch niemals in New York: 5
This one hits very close to home for me, just like you dear GGFan. Despite being considered Udo’s most acclaimed and best song it was originally merely a b-side on a different single. The more you know. The real beauty of this song is in the lyrics though, as those are well written for a German pop singer and have a very interesting topic. Escapism, midlife-crisis and the emptiness of everyday life. Interesting that you would pick that song :P. I also like the harmonica. As much love as I have for this song it is absolutely nothing special in terms of music quality.


13: Aladyyn – Deströyer 666 – Genesis to Genocide: 5.3 +0.5
Contrary to popular belief I am actually not a Nazi and putting an Umlaut into a name for literally no reason at all does not appeal to the German teacher inside of me. I feel like this band suffers from the incredibly stupid and edgy name quite a lot, hence why I haven’t given them a listen before, not even back when I was an edgy teen in high school. You gotta give it to them that this riff is dirty as fuck which I dig. Apart from that this song just doesn’t quite do it for me. I just feel like metal must bring something special to the table to really catch my interest nowadays. For a 10-minute song it transitions decently well, but overall none of the switches in tempo and neither the vocals really stick out to me as interesting.


12: MyNameIsNothing – Bayonne – Spectrolite: 6.3
The vocals are kind of Bon Iver if he wouldn’t have been kicked in the balls too much as a kid, but still received enough bullying to make faggy music like this. I feel like this works many interesting ideas into it, but it doesn’t quite get away enough from this generically bland post-rock vibe. The opening tunes are super neat, sadly the whole song can’t keep it up with actually cool ideas and just sounds like some weird poppy version of 65daysofstatic at some points.


11: Eden’s Embrace – Oasis – Don’t Look Back in Anger: 6.5
Unlike all the basic girls I know who really really really love the UK because they read Harry Potter or some shit and are super salty because of the Brexit now I personally don’t have any bad blood with the brits. I am a big fan of the whole footy culture, getting stupid drunk and their lingual peculiarities. Just like that I think Oasis are mad lads and I really dig the whole retroactive revival of britpop in the style of the Beatles. Gallagher has a beautiful voice, it’s catchy and something that I think you can’t actually hate even if you wanted to. Nevertheless I don’t think there is too much going on here in terms of music that really catches me, drives my interest and wants me to explore how far they go. Because they flat out don’t dig too deep in terms of their musical arsenal. It’s not a necessarily bad thing, it’s just neither a very exciting thing.


10: Old Gregg – Phil Collins – Against All Odds: 7
I am a firm believer that Phil Collins is a genius. This is also one of these songs that you just can’t actually hate. Emotional, great lyrics and composed by pretty much the prototype of what a good singer-songwriter should be. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it doesn’t need to be.


9: KnightsOfCydonia – Christopher Tin – Temen Oblak: 6.9 +0.5
It was a dangerous idea to submit this to me because in fact I regularly masturbate to Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana. It’s just hard for a piece like that not to just get compared to either that or some soyboy stuff like “Game of Thrones in Concert” where you can take the girl you orbit around to. Right off the bat the choir is amazing, mostly for the characteristically distinct style of singing. It’s actually a Bulgarian choir which appeals to me. Especially in the slower parts it feels rather weak though and the (((epic))) parts don’t quite pack the punch an Orff piece would. Nevertheless, I feel like this is a very interesting take on a niche of music that gets bastardized in popular culture right now which is very appreciated.


8: Triangles – Guster – Barrel of a Gun: 7 +0.5
This is poppy, catchy and goes over pretty quick. Just like I imagine girls would describe sex with you after you mixed Viagra with several libido-destroying substances. The vocals are putting me a bit off when he goes into higher ranges, because he can’t really. Apart from that I enjoy this quite a bit more than your average britpop-rock.


7: Isa – Elegi – Mat: 7.0 +0.5
I have a strange feeling that every submission of yours will have the unknown artist bonus in this. I like to imagine young Isa going to his first Swedish punk show at the age of 16 where he takes acid for the first time while Elegi plays in a basement bar. Isa brings the insane moves on the dancefloor and everyone applauds him, and the lead singer later takes him home because of what a cute boy he is. This perfectly describes Isa as a person, as we all know. I like the overall energy of the song, it has some weirdly forced bits in there that don’t really do anything, especially that one part where it slows down and there is some guitar and bass skämten. Overall a pretty neat listen though.


6: Starry - Sibylle Baier - Forget About: 7.3 +0.5
I have a soft spot for lo-fi female vocals just like I have a soft spot for you. This very much reminds me of the folky pieces of Natural Snow Buildings which is a very good thing. The vocals are very eerie, gloomy and almost haunting and while the lyrics aren’t exactly riveting it still leaves you open with the question of what stories this woman got to tell. Definitely an artist I will dig deeper into (pun intended, because it’s a roastie).


5: Lectrys - Schubert, Four Impromptus Op.142 D.935 No.4 in F Minor: 8.0
What a complex piece of music this is and a nice example of how much you can actually get out of a piano. It shows that you are a complex mind, nihilistic, intelligent and with a wicked sense of humor. I am actually a scrub in terms of classical music as I dropped out of my classical music education after a few years. I appreciate that the theme appears throughout the piece, I appreciate the structure and I obviously have to appreciate the skill involved in both writing and playing this. Thanks to the nice explanation on why you chose this exact piece you also get an eggplant emoji.


4: Robert Alfons – Oxbow – Lucky: 7.8 +0.5
This is the one I had to listen to most often before confidently giving it a grade. Just like you Robby, you look like trash from the outside but, yet you grow on people for some reason. There’s many things I really dig about this, namely the transition between the two parts forming some sort of catharsis, it is refreshingly weird and manages going from a high energy piece into something that encases desperation. This second part is also where I feel like the vocals work unlike in the first part. They just kill it for me and feel super annoying and distracting.


3: Da Letter El – My Bloody Valentine – I Only Said: 8.3
You are trying to charm me, because this is actually my favorite song on Loveless. The Dee-doo-dee is just so fucking catchy and I love it, which kinda solves an issue with unrecognizability that most shoegaze has. Shoegaze as a whole is pretty uninteresting past the classics, but this is definitely up there.


2: Asek – Talking Heads – The Great Curve: 8.4
I was about to give you a rating of zero because you are doomed with the capital sin of sloth, but you did save yourself from eternal suffering. Unless you do not submit your other songs on time. Anyways, this is actually one of the stronger songs on one of the strongest post-punk (?) albums ever. It’s catchy but also creative and revolutionary for the time it was created in. The beat with the bongo-esque island drums is what’s pushing this song and the guitar solo of David Byrne would’ve been a good submission for the solo category too, so that’s pretty neat.


1: Soviet - Charlemagne Palestine - Strumming Music: 8.3 +0.5
There was a comment under this video saying this was better than Steve Reich. That’s wrong. It’s still good.

I decided to implement a completely pointless bonus system of handing out an Eggplant Emoji to someone who did something very appreciated every round. This round's eggplant emoji goes to Lectrys for his good description on why he chose his piece and why it described him as a music listener. These give you nothing just so you know. Maybe bragging rights and the good feeling of being appreciated.

There is no bonus column, if you are wondering how much bonus each participant got just read the thing above or join my reveal the next time you fuck
walrus standings 1.JPG
 
Category 2 reveal:

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15. Asek: no submission 0.0

Honestly Asek how hard can it be to submit a fucking youtube link. You incorporate the idea of this category quite well. You need help my man.




14. GGFan: Udo Jürgens – Vielen Dank für die Blumen: 3 - 0.5 = 2.5

This is actually one of the worse Udo songs and is not fitting for the category at all. It’s upbeat as fuck what is wrong with you? Is this a cry for help? Vielen Dank für die Memen.




13. KnightsOfCydonia: Say Anything – Hate Everyone. 4 + 0.5 = 4.5

Is it just me or is this basically Good Charlotte with a less faggy singer? I am sorry, but this is pretty cringy. I have read that this song was originally written as jokey which kinda sorta just seems like “I was only pretending” because of what a memey song they actually made. The thing about lyrical themes like hatred towards humanity is how hard it is to distinguish it from your regular teenage angst. I can’t fuck with pop-punk that has lyrics that basically just say “facebook angery react” in a slightly more elaborate way.




12. Hitmonleet: Imagine Dragons – Hopeless Opus. 4.5

There is a comment below the yt video saying “Imagine Dragons are so versatile. Give them a genre and they'll blow every other song out of the water.“ I don’t know what drugs this dude is on but I feel like an addict like him could make a more fitting song for this category. I mean you can make a stretch for this being somewhat fitting for the category with the lyrics? Idk I regret some things but the sad part is that this band will not regret their music. But they should.




11. Old Gregg: Staind – It’s Been Awhile. 4.8

Why the fuck do I keep imagining this song with the dude from Nickelback singing it? I mean overall it could be a Nickelback song, but the dude has a bit less of an annoying voice.




10. Eden’s Embrace: The Rolling Stones – Paint it, Black. 6.9

If a fairly high-energy song by the Stones is what you consider your soundtrack for depression, boredom and losing control of your life then kudos, your life is pretty basic and good. Which is boring as fuck. Only because you wear black it doesn’t make you an emo. I bet you own a Joy Division tshirt you fuck. Song’s decent.




9. MyNameIsNothing: Bright Eyes – Poison Oak. 6.2 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 7.2

So the pic of this band truly disgusts me. What the fuck is wrong with the singer. God fucking damn. Did you know that when I walk through the hipster district of Vienna in the hot-spots I like to play a game called “who do I hate the most here?” just from the physical appearance from the people. This dude would take the cake. I truly hate him. I also dislike the parts where his voice so weirdly cracks. I mean the vocals are still better than if it was a Bon Iver song so I’ll give it to em.




8. Triangles: Cemeteries – Sodus. 6.3 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 7.3

My life is generic, nostalgic, and most important independent. Just like this is generic, nostalgic indie music. Did you know that indie stands for independent but it’s usually very dependent on dumb shit? I like the overall mood of the song though, the glockenspiel (I think? I hope it’s not some fucking sample but what do I know with all of these effect layers) fits in very well and gives it some touch of originality. Actually now that I listen to it closer it’s definitely not a real glockenspiel but I wrote it already and idk what else to say. Reveal is in a few minutes, ok? I have to get through these.




7. Aladyyn: Laura Stevenson – Journey to the Center of the Earth. 7 + 0.5 = 7.5

The lyrics to this are very good and are quite fitting for the category. I feel like some of the guitar tunes are very quirky and upbeat almost which I don’t know if I like or not yet. It’s certainly a quite interesting dichotomy and keeps the interest. So I guess I like it?




6. Lectrys: Franz Schubert – Moments Musicaux. No.6 D780. 7.7

It actually starts out fairly joy- and playful but it does spiral down quite a bit. Kinda surprised as there are many classical pieces that encapsulate depression so you would pick this one which is kind of a stretch tbf. Still, Schubert is mastery and despite being a pleb I have to appreciate the technical skill, the composition and the beauty of a piece like this.




5. Isa: Kjell Höglund - Man Vänjer Sig. 7.2+0.5 + 0.5 =8.2

You took the time to translate a bit of the lyrics for me and honestly, the lyrics probably encapsulate the idea of this category as well as it’s possible. I for one can relate to everything he (apparently) says apart from buying the porn on the weekend. Honestly who the fuck pays for porn these days. You can even get premium site subscriptions for free if you look hard enough. This makes me think that this artist is in fact not a millennial but a stupid ass fuck Swedish boomer. Turns out our made-up problems aren’t exclusive to our generation and old people have feelings too. The more you know. You took time to translate shit for me which is worthy of one (1) eggplant emoji though.




4. Da Letter El: Saba – Calligraphy. 7.3 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 8.3

I am actually surprised that this is the closest thing to Gucci Gang that got submitted. I have a very big boner for beats with piano samples. Lyrics are good and the brass sample at the break is fucking dope. Only things I don’t fuck too much with are the bassline in the chorus, that takes away the old school feel too much and the “RUN” adlibs towards the end feel pretty weird. Anyways, really good song.




3. Starry: Julien Baker- Appointments. 7.5 + 0.5 + 0.5 = 8.5

LMAO @ women actually having feelings. It’s bullshit, women are only sad for facebook so their friends and some stupid orbiters can comfort them and give them attention. Imagine lighting a candle in a white, well lit up room. Like you can even see the light coming in on the floor. What the actual fuck. This detail in the video made me so fucking furious. You can also see her nipple stick through her shirt at one point in the video. You seriously couldn’t put on a bra for this? God, I hate women. Anyways the song is very beautiful.




2. Soviet: Brian Eno – On Some Faraway Beach. 8.1 + 0.5 = 8.6

Have you ever looked at Brian Eno in the mid 70s? Seriously look up some of his pictures and tell me this hairline doesn’t make you depressed. The dude had to embrace he was balding, which is bigger than any problem millennials like us could ever have. Until we have it but then we are probably labelled as something else. Fuck if I look at my brother I should probably be careful washing my own hair, his hairline is messed up as fuck. Anyone know a good way to maintain strong hair roots? Only thing I can say about the song is that the abrupt end is gay.




1. Robert Alfons: Tuxedomoon – What use?. 8+0.5+0.5 = 9

This is stupid. I think I’ll go home.



OUTRO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdjXKwW_h1w

The Eggplant Emoji of appreciation goes to Isa this round for taking the time and translating the lyrics of his submission so I can understand them.

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The next reveal will be presumably next week on thursday again.
 
Huh, when's the next reveal? I don't go on Discord, so if the reveal was exclusively there then I've missed it, but it has been more than two Thursdays since the last reveal....
 
After spending weeks in trance of anime titty card games and being permanently high on codeine I have gotten my shit together and will continue this walrus with the reveal of category 3 on Sunday the 22., around 23:00 gmt+2. Sorry for the delay but compared to other walruses I am not even doing badly :mehowth:

I still need submissions from Asek and starry blanket and if you don't send them till sunday I will find you and fuck you up you lazy shits.
 
Reveal happened:

INTRO:



16. Asek – no submission. 0.0




14. GGFan: Jupp Schmitz – Wer soll das bezahlen?: 4.0 – 1 = 3

What a truly epic submission by a truly epic user.




13. Hitmonleet: Bastille – Icarus: 5.5

I think it’s really cute how you wanted to add a description to this as if I wouldn’t get the literary reference here. But I guess that’s what you expect from people who also only have an American education. You know what really fucking triggers me about this song. When the hook goes like “this is how it feels to take a fall” and it’s some catchy pop shit in the background. Seriously you fucking French-named fucks? It’s a guy who is trying to escape from an inevitable death because of his father’s genius idea but he fucks up. Imagine how high he actually is that the temperature increases and his wings melt. Let’s just assume he is falling down on the ocean. Did you know that even 10-20 meters make water surface as hard as concrete if you free fall on it. The dude is probably falling a few thousand meters down. The last parts he is probably not even accelerating anymore because the friction of the air is stronger than his own weight. It takes a couple of moments until he actually hits and that is where he has enough time to contemplate that he is going to fucking die an incredibly painful death with all his bones shattering, cracking open his skull and depending on how he falls compressing his whole body to like half his size. That is not some Bastille pop shit goddamnit.




12. Isa: Kent – Romeo Återvänder Ensam: 5.8 + 0.5 = 6.3

When you think about it Romeo is actually a very cringey beta orbiter and Juliet is a turbothot who prolly had 20 other guys in her snatch this year alone. I have no idea why this cringemaster 3000 kept falling for her so hard. My personal theory is that he just merely is pretty faggy, which is perfectly encapsulated by that song. I am getting quite a few vibes of things I like in here except no really interesting execution. Like if I wanted a mix between hanl, hurts and the dude from god is an astronaut getting his shit together and singing a little bit more masculine then this would be the way to go. I have never really felt the urge of that musical exploration though.




11. Old Gregg: Stevie Wonder – The First Garden: 6.5

Did you know that once a reporter asked Stevie Wonder how he dealt with being blind and he answered “at least I am not black”. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Dude you know why pretzels are Stevie Wonder’s favorite food? Because they have the best jokes written on them LMFAO HAHAHHA man when Stevie Wonder was naughty as a kid his parents used to move the furniture in his room KEK ROFL MAO




10. MyNameIsNothing: Julia Holter – Try to Make Yourself a Work of Art: 6.4 + 0.5 = 6.9

If I would make myself into a work of art I would just can myself and be a piece by Piero Manzoni. That’s some really advanced joke and you probably have to google it to understand it but it’s really funny if you are smart. I swear. The music here is pretty weird, but I enjoy the percussions. It’s not as eerie as the artist probably wishes it to be but it’s just generally a chill but unsettling atmosphere. Almost like a mantra of some sort. It’s good but not exceptionally interesting either. BUT A WOMAN MADE IT SO IT’S REALLY IMPRESSIVE; RIGHT?! Fucking libtards.




9. Da Letter El: Alcest – Élevation: 7

Poems as lyrics is a pretty good call my dude, but a different user beat you (and everyone else tbh) to it by submitting one of the blueprints of how to do that medial cluster. I honestly never dug Alcest too much. And don’t get me wrong this sort of music is what I used to listen in my teenage years all the time. Maybe this is working against this submission because I know how this subgenre is done right (literally Gris and Skagos and like kinda Ash Borer if you make a stretch) and everything past those feels lackluster, faggy or uninnovative. This kinda has a bit of all of those. Don’t get me wrong it’s not bad by any means, I just don’t feel anything special here. The metal parts are fine, the instrumental at the start and the synth solo are going straight into my cringe compilation and some of the breaks are cool, some don’t hit at all. It’s a solid piece overall though.




8. Eden’s Embrace: Queen – The Invisible Man: 7.2

I am this big of a contrarian that I have to say I don’t even like Queen too much. Especially Bohemian Rhapsody. Really man it’s not that special. I’d say this song is even better than it because the electronics are funky as shit and remind me of actually good bands like Talkingheads. Freddie Mercury is just getting the XXXTentacion treatment because he died. Think about it. Song’s pretty good doe.




7. KnightsOfCydonia: Iron Maiden - The Rime of the Ancient Mariner: 7.3

I think you gotta give it to Maiden for constructing decent song structures that can actually be maintained over 12 minutes without being incredibly stupid just how many of the bands they inspired do. While the ambient calmdown part is very weak compared to other meddl bands doing things like that I feel like this is just a pretty good song overall. It’s nothing that is too much up my alley but I certainly understand why fedoralords get into music because of metal like that. It’s just decently well written music if you look at it in a vacuum.




6. Robert Alfons: Pere Ubu – Heart of Darkness: 7.0 + 0.5 = 7.5

Now THAT’S what I call edgy. Seriously did a teenager write these lyrics? The drum beat is kinda funky which I like in my “post”-“”punk”” and it has some pretty neat vibes to it. The lyrics are exceptionally trash in my opinion. It’s alright if I turn off my brain and listen to it as if it was some jigaboo rap I guess. It’s just exceptionally cringe if you can’t hit themes like that right. You used to submit better shit my dude.




5. starry blanket: Kate Bush – Cloudbusting: 7.7

“it's abt some book or short story or something idk i don't read beds u idiot. i rly like this song though and it's from one of my fave albums so learning it's based off some literature is pretty cool i guess so thanks for that or whatever idiot.“ This, my fellow kings, is the absolute state of women and reading. I like young hot Kate Bush more than middle aged hag Kate Bush, both optically and music wise. (Spoiler for some higher ranked submission?!?!?!?!?!?!?)




4. Triangles: Sia – Paranoid Android: 7.9

There is only one reason why I haven’t lost my mind after all those female submissions of objectively inferiority and that’s the sexual encounter I had 2 nights ago. It was pretty cool because I downed a bottle of Black Rum with a mate so I was drunk to a point that my sciatica figuratively exploded but I somehow still picked up a woman but once she realized I was too drunk to properly put on a condom and fuck her she just sucked my dick and I fell asleep. At least I think that’s what happened. But do not frown for her, she got what she signed up for in the morning. This encounter is currently responsible for a very unusual low of misogyny on my part. I honestly don’t think Sia’s voice is too special and here she is kinda trying to do some guttural thing or idek, but she usually has good instrumentation in her music which is also the case here. I wonder if it’s men playing those instruments……




3. Aladyyn: Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights: 8.0

It seems that Kate Bush is the only woman who reads in music. I also looked a bit into the literary background and it’s basically twilight of the 19th century. What a recipe for disaster but it works.




2. Soviet: Scott Walker – The Old Man’s Back Again: 8.2

I honestly have no motivation to come up with a good comment on this. You got some of my better comments already so just take it.




1. Lectrys: Franz Schubert - Erlkönig, D. 328: 8.7 + 0.5 = 9.2

I feel like you cheated a bit with that submission because I am not only a nazi but I am also a high school literature teacher in a German-speaking country, so this is kinda a windmill slam pick. The bonus I gave here is the only positive cat bonus I gave out and I might want to explain this a bit. Unlike the other titles submitted this piece is all about the interplay of the poem and the music constructed around it. Several of the themes in the music are directly correlating to what’s going on in the poem. The deep repetitions of the piano for example represent the heartbeat of the child, becoming faster as the child is upset and ultimately stopping when it dies (spoiler?). You kinda had an unfair advantage because I actually know all the shit about this piece and therefor can give it a higher category bonus than things that are just mere references to literature. Schubert especially is a genius when it comes to music based on poems and it is pretty much the pinnacle of intermediality between those two genres. I also always had good grades in the formal analysis of poems, so I guess I always had a hardon for classical german poetry because of how formulaic it can be. The only thing negative I can say about this is the intonation of Bostridge triggering the shit out of me at certain words. This would’ve gotten closer to a 10 if you sent in an interpretation by a native speaker lmao.





OUTRO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvyn37HMyf4

Standings:

walrus standings 3.JPG

The arbitrary eggplant emoji of appreciation goes to Triangles this time for giving me an opportunity to make a very entertaining comment to his song. Next reveal will be announced soon because I will be on vacation for some time it might be "delayed".
 
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