Those little things we don't talk about...

[DM]

George Carlin did a bit about this: those little things in life that happen to all of us that we never talk about. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and I wanted to share my short, but growing, list:

- When you're reading something and all of a sudden you can't understand what you're reading anymore. You know what I mean? Where all the letters stop looking like letters and start looking like hieroglyphics, and although you can still understand what it says you can't actually "read" it

- similarly, have you ever had one of those moments when other people's faces get all super fucked up? It's as if you're looking into the face of Sloth from The Goonies. "HOLY SHIT THEIR NOSE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOVE THEIR EYES". Please god tell me this shit happens to other people

- this one, I know we all share. How about those times when you wipe your ass about 19 times after a shit, but about 15 minutes later it STILL feels unclean? And you can't do anything about it so you have to walk around for the next few hours with that poopybutt feeling?

- Conversely, how about those hero shits? You know, those shits that come out completely cleanly and don't give you any problems at all, and you know you don't even have to wipe to see the clean TP but you do it anyway because you can't take that risk

- how about that terrifying moment when you KNOW you did something, but for some reason you feel the need to check on it again? And then when you get outside, you start to worry again even though you JUST fucking checked on it? I do this when I'm going to someplace and I'm carrying tickets in my pocket. I have this irrational fear that the tickets will somehow fall out of my pocket, no matter how physically impossible that is, so I will constantly stick my hand in the pocket to check





will post more as my weird life continues

 

[Mountain Dewgong]

Thought this thread was going to be about your penis.


I like this more though. Ghost shits are the best ever. Conversely the ones that you have to wipe like 30x times and there's still a little bit on the paper are the fucking worsssttt omg.


also when I stare at my hands for too long I feel like an alien ughhhhhhhhh

 

[Stratos]

When you say any word too many times in a conversation and it starts to sound funny.

When you know you forgot something but you don't know what. This one is the worst because that feeling is ALWAYS true and you find out when it's too late to correct it.

 

[MrIndigo]

George Carlin did a bit about this: those little things in life that happen to all of us that we never talk about. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and I wanted to share my short, but growing, list:

- When you're reading something and all of a sudden you can't understand what you're reading anymore. You know what I mean? Where all the letters stop looking like letters and start looking like hieroglyphics, and although you can still understand what it says you can't actually "read" it

No, but I do have moments where I'll read a line or a paragraph, then as I start the next one I think "Wait, something's missing?" and reread the previous because I completely forgot about the content in it a second after reading it.

- similarly, have you ever had one of those moments when other people's faces get all super fucked up? It's as if you're looking into the face of Sloth from The Goonies. "HOLY SHIT THEIR NOSE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOVE THEIR EYES". Please god tell me this shit happens to other people

Never.

- this one, I know we all share. How about those times when you wipe your ass about 19 times after a shit, but about 15 minutes later it STILL feels unclean? And you can't do anything about it so you have to walk around for the next few hours with that poopybutt feeling?

Nope.

- Conversely, how about those hero shits? You know, those shits that come out completely cleanly and don't give you any problems at all, and you know you don't even have to wipe to see the clean TP but you do it anyway because you can't take that risk

Absolutely.

- how about that terrifying moment when you KNOW you did something, but for some reason you feel the need to check on it again? And then when you get outside, you start to worry again even though you JUST fucking checked on it? I do this when I'm going to someplace and I'm carrying tickets in my pocket. I have this irrational fear that the tickets will somehow fall out of my pocket, no matter how physically impossible that is, so I will constantly stick my hand in the pocket to check

will post more as my weird life continues

Yeah, I do that a lot. Especially re locking things up. I do it so frequently (e.g. locking my car or house when I depart it) that it becomes automatic, and so I'm halfway down the road walking or whatever and I suddenly think "Wait... I'm sure I locked my car... but I don't remember doing so. Better check."


- I never learned to touch-type, so I have to look at the keyboard and only use four fingers to do my typing. However, when I actually watch what my hands a re doing, rather than the keys themselves, I find that my fingers are actually pressing the keys faster than my brain can think-look-locate-move consciously, so it looks like my hands are acting of their own accord and I have no idea how they do it.

 

[Nix_Hex]

When you try to erase something then you realize the eraser on the pencil is really hard and worthless.

 

[Nastyjungle]

when i have something really awesome to say in my head and then i end up stuttering or fucking up when i try to actually say it and it ruins everything

 

[Starbuck]

I have never experienced item number two about the faces, but I can relate to everything else. Some of mine:

-I almost always happen to look at the clock at 9:11 PM. Literally around four times a week for the past several years.

-I'm sure we all know this one. When something (frequently the remote) disafuckingpears. One moment it's on the armrest and the next it's in the gap between dimensions.

-When I'm trying to fall asleep and my mind wanders onto some distant nonlinear tangent of brilliance and depth, then my "regular" mind comes back and I don't have a fucking dismal clue about what I was just thinking about.

-When I check my wallet to make sure none of the money has magically disappeared, put it back into my pocket, then take it out and check it again to make sure that I didn't lose any money when I checked it the first time.

 

[Phiddlesticks]

When youre listening to some hip hop on full blast on your mp3 player in a public place like the bus, and then shuffle decides to put on one of your guilty pleasure songs like hilary duff and you look around frantically to see if anyone heard it before you mashed the shit out of the 'next song' button

 

[Mountain Dewgong]

-I almost always happen to look at the clock at 9:11 PM. Literally around four times a week for the past several years.

I used to think I did this heaps too. But then I realised that my mind was just being a fuck. You look at the time so much that you don't remember. You see 3:27pm and think big whoop so you don't commit it to memory. You see 9:11 and you're like O____o conspiracy so you remember it, since it's really the only time you remember looking at, you think you see it all the time. When in reality you see other numbers just as much - you just don't remember.

 

[TheMantyke]

- Conversely, how about those hero shits? You know, those shits that come out completely cleanly and don't give you any problems at all, and you know you don't even have to wipe to see the clean TP but you do it anyway because you can't take that risk

I remember a thread in firebot about this about 3-4 years ago now that you mention it.

Does anyone else tend to start reading, then start thinking about an unrelated topic while you still follow the lines with your eyes only to realize where you are and go "Whoa, wait, what did I miss"?

 

[vonFiedler]

I can't go to the gas station without saying "I remember when you could get 8 gallons for 20 dollars".

 

[Stratos]

similarly to when you just "miss" a paragraph: when you flip to the next page and go "wtf" before realizing you stopped at the last full paragraph on the previous and there was still a half of a paragraph to go

when you dream up something totally awesome that you wish would happen in the real world and/or find some solution to a problem you've been having in a dream then you notice some small detail out of place and go "IT WAS A DREAM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

when your friend brings up cutting off your own penis with rusty pliers and you say you hope you never meet him again and leave and then wonder if that was over the line.

doesn't anybody else have that last one happen to them?

 

[Glen]

i am going to think long and hard about what to write here because this is a potent thread

 

[Danmire]

When I say a funny joke to my friends and they don't laugh and I realize it wasn't funny.

 

[bearsfan092]

When youre listening to some hip hop on full blast on your mp3 player in a public place like the bus, and then shuffle decides to put on one of your guilty pleasure songs like hilary duff and you look around frantically to see if anyone heard it before you mashed the shit out of the 'next song' button

This except with a stereo in a dorm. You can't go from something all "br00tal metalz" to "Stereo Love" without facing the repercussions.

Also how I have Stereo Love on my IPod...

 

[comatthew6]

When you're about to tell a hilarious joke but someone says something and you forget your train of thought. Also DM I have that obsessive checking thing right now when I'm working on my xD gale project (see my sig). I try to check moves for all pokes at once but keep going back to check the same ones just to be sure :(

 

[Jebus McAzn]

- how about that terrifying moment when you KNOW you did something, but for some reason you feel the need to check on it again? And then when you get outside, you start to worry again even though you JUST fucking checked on it? I do this when I'm going to someplace and I'm carrying tickets in my pocket. I have this irrational fear that the tickets will somehow fall out of my pocket, no matter how physically impossible that is, so I will constantly stick my hand in the pocket to check

definitely this but also:

that terrifying moment when you KNOW you forgot to do something but you CAN'T FUCKING REMEMBER WHAT IT IS and you spend the next hour and a half freaking out as you go about your day trying to remember what it is that you forgot before you actually remember what it is and it actually wasn't that important in the first place.

alternatively: it was super important and now your son is missing/girlfriend broke up with you/house is reposessed/niece waiting at airport for five hours/rest of family very upset with you at your grandfather's funeral because you didn't come

 

[Mastadi]

When you're unsure about spelling of a word so you keep thinking about it and eventually you're at a point where you're not sure if such a word even exists

 

[ssbbm]

when you see a word and it doesn't even look right even though it's spelled correctly

kinda related to mastadi's post i guess

 

[Stratos]

similarly when you forget a character's name in a novel and you can't think of the right name and you're too lazy to just you know check so you spend the next half hour puzzling over what it was until you just give up.

when some idiot spells "definitely" as "defiantly" because they're too stupid to look over spell check to see if it even makes the tiniest bit of sense.

EDIT at ssbbm: the word "cushion" does that to me every time

 

[Feathers]

sometimes i will look at the clock but won't process what i'm seeing so i have to look at it 5-6 times in the next few seconds before i finally understand what time it is.

i hate when there is something i want to do but i have to do it tomorrow, so i think i should write it down but man I KNOW I WON'T FORGET THIS TIME and then i wake up the next day and remember that i was supposed to remember something but i can't remember what it is.

i recently discovered that some friends of mine thought the exact same thing when they were younger- you're sitting on the toilet and sometimes you're worried that a hand will come up.

you watch a whole bunch of freaky stuff on youtube (for me it's usually slender man, amnesia, fear, scary games etc) and then when you go to bed you keep imagining all the different ways that they are under your blanket and how you can't let your hand hang over the side of the bed. but YOU'RE A GROWN UP STOP BEING IRRATIONAL but you keep thinking about it anyway.

 

[Starbuck]

I used to think I did this heaps too. But then I realised that my mind was just being a fuck. You look at the time so much that you don't remember. You see 3:27pm and think big whoop so you don't commit it to memory. You see 9:11 and you're like O____o conspiracy so you remember it, since it's really the only time you remember looking at, you think you see it all the time. When in reality you see other numbers just as much - you just don't remember.

Yes probably...but there's no fun in that.

 

[Stratos]

@Feathers: WHEN YOU CAN'T GET TO SLEEP BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES AND THEN YOU DON'T HAVE NIGHTMARES

i hate when i wake up the next morning and realize i just did this i mean on the one hand yay no nightmares but on the other hand i antagonized myself for NO REASON UGH

i like this thread

 

[NatGeo]

my name change

also whenever there's an overly long awkward silence for no reason

 

[DM]

i am going to think long and hard about what to write here because this is a potent thread

amen brother, I had you in mind when I made it. I enjoy the posts so far, but I don't think people are digging DEEP enough




like how about when you're having a nocturnal emission (wet dream for all you noobteens) and you always wake up right before the explosion, but you don't want to do it because you don't want the mess so you fight it BUT THERE IS NO FIGHTING IT BITCH THAT IS HAPPENING and then you lay there all pissed off even though you just experienced a moment of pure ecstasy
except for me, I'm 20 fucking 8 years old now and I don't give a shit, so when I wake up and I'm milliseconds away from crisis I just go for broke and let it happen with reckless abandon, then go back to sleep because that's how a baller grown-ass man does it