True Unova Champion - Alder vs Cynthia

#26
5/10

Is it me or do themed battles seem pointless? The effort was good and the idea of using teams of the champs was unique. But the battle seemed lackluster. I couldn't read past turn 1 because it was so tedious.

Not bad formating. But the comments should be shorter. This would be 10/10 but the teams are just to boring.
Personally I find them way more amusing than the old "haha I'm sweeping with my *instert top tier threat*" threads.

As one who loves to play like this, I know how hard it is to adapt and build a good battle plan without your old bread butter fighters.



The comments was unnecessary long in some parts, could have been shorter. 9/10 and a Luvdisc.

*goes build a Green Oak team*
 
#27
I enjoyed the theme, battle between champions was cool. I lvoe Vanilluxe and I'm probably never going to see it in another war story, so thanks for that. ;D
However, there were a bunch oif awkward spelling & gramatical errors which made it kind of frustrating to read at times. You obviously put a lot of time into this, you really should have taken 10 more minutes to proofread it. :(
Also, every time Lucario blew the opportunity to Swords Dance, I wanted to put my head through a wall. Cynthia could have won by like turn 10. >_<
Also, I'm just curious what the sets on Spiritomb and Vanilluxe were? :)
Overall though, dispite my inner grammar nazi going berserk, and those few misplays, I certainly enjoyed the read, dual commentary is always awesome, and the moves were clearly thought out.
Definitely enjoyed, please write more. :)
BATTLE: 7/10
FORMAT: 9/10
COMMENTARY: 8/10
OVERALL: 24/30 = 8/10
 
#30
Another nitpick besides the Bouffalant one:
Braviary resists Megahorn, which Alder will likely choose to use, since it's the more powerful STAB move, and Iron Head is 4x resisted by Lucario.
Actually Megahorn is 4x resisted.
Overall, a good warstory. I liked seeing it from both perspectives.
 
#32
Themed teams are always interesting battles. The comments were good because showed the thought process, which makes every warstory better to read. That made the battle enjoyable until the very end.
Great job.
 

Stratos

Banned deucer.
#33
I enjoyed the theme, battle between champions was cool. I lvoe Vanilluxe and I'm probably never going to see it in another war story, so thanks for that. ;D
However, there were a bunch oif awkward spelling & gramatical errors which made it kind of frustrating to read at times. You obviously put a lot of time into this, you really should have taken 10 more minutes to proofread it. :(
Also, every time Lucario blew the opportunity to Swords Dance, I wanted to put my head through a wall. Cynthia could have won by like turn 10. >_<
Also, I'm just curious what the sets on Spiritomb and Vanilluxe were? :)
Overall though, dispite my inner grammar nazi going berserk, and those few misplays, I certainly enjoyed the read, dual commentary is always awesome, and the moves were clearly thought out.
Definitely enjoyed, please write more. :)
BATTLE: 7/10
FORMAT: 9/10
COMMENTARY: 8/10
OVERALL: 24/30 = 8/10
How can you have an inner grammar nazi while writing oif, gramatical, and dispite?
 
#36
I liked the theme and the creativity of this warstory. I agree with one the above posters that Lucario could have swept if it had gotten in an early SD. Unfortunately, theme teams such as these tend to be imbalanced and more prone to being swept than actual competitive teams.

Overall: 8/10
 
#38
Should have kept your Gastrodon, Cynthia.

Nonetheless, it was a fine battle and I enjoyed reading it (I just wish Druddigon and Electross would have done more) . The underlying theme made it that much more entertaining. I would like to see more like it in the future.
 
#39
Aside from a few grammatical & commentary errors this was well thought-out & written. Alder's comment's should be slightly shorter & more intuition based because that seems more his style.
Rating: 8/10
 
#41
Liked the warstory, the theme teams were nice. You probably don't have to say 'is holding the item ______' so many times though. It gets annoying after a while.
 

BTzz

spams overhand rights
is a Contributor Alumnus
#45
Man I'm a sucker for themed warstories. The commentary was good, nice presenation. The actual battle wasn't amazing, but entertaining nonetheless. Overall really nice job 8/10!
 

SJCrew

Believer, going on a journey...
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Server Moderator Alumnus
#46
I expected to see more of Cynthia's and Alder's personalities in the comments, especially since you went insofar as to assume their identities. You hit the beginning narrative spot-on, but lost sight of the mission statement the moment the battle started. Themed warstories need to be as flavorful as possible to keep the intrigue going. A turn-by-turn analysis of damage calculations and hold items just seemed entirely OOC for the characters you were meant to represent. As an earlier poster put it:

Alder's comment's should be slightly shorter & more intuition based because that seems more his style.
Think less like a competitive Pokemon player and more like your character.
 
#49
I loved the warstory, but a quick question - why does Druddigon not have Rough Skin? You didn't mention any moves which would get the Sheer Force boost, and Rough Skin would have made wearing down the Lucario much easier.

Still, wonderful, 9/10
 
#50
Very interesting.
It was really a great read. I enjoy these off-beat War stories quite a bit.
It was a real surprise to see Vaniluxe be so deadly. Perhaps you should have kept lucario a little longer.

Also I wonder how this battle would be with Cynthia's Sinnoh team.
 

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