Tournament Ubers Premier League IX - Commencement

MMII

MMII

In this post we are going to talk about why you lucky sack of shits never deserve any of the wins you get. Also, only a small percentage of people that read my posts are actually followers. So if you end up liking this post, consider following. It's free and you can always change your mind. Enjoy the post!

For those of you who don't know me, I'm widely recognized as the whiniest player in Ubers. There's no amount of hax, no matter how small, that I can't use to invalidate the losses of myself or my teammates. Also, if I ever get a bad matchup, I'll be sure to spend at least 20 minutes telling everybody about it. In many respects, you can consider me the Neymar of Pokemon.

I'm a strong player I'll have you know. Like anybody, I might sometimes load a team that has an almost unwinnable matchup against Stall. The emphasis is on "almost", though. If my opponent actually does happen to load the archetype, I just use the telekinetic powers from my massive brain to convince them that they shouldn't switch to Tyranitar against my Substitute Darkrai.

You see, I'm not just a strong player. I'm a strong player in a generation with only three other draftable players. Can you believe GSC needed a list of at least ten to get into UPL? What suckers. Anyways, you might think that being a high demand pick in a low supply format would make my price skyrocket, but that's not actually the case! I just tell all my former managers to not draft me so that my price stays below 12k for the team that I actually want to play for.

So you see, this is why my team should never lose a week of Pokemon. There's just no possible reason for it unless the opponent somehow gets any bit of hax. Like, just last week, my teammate lost their game to an Ice Beam freeze. Can you believe it? Do you know what the fucking odds are for that ever happening? Zero. Yet they cheated, did it anyways, and then said "gg" as if they weren't uniquely and fully guilty of a crime against humanity. Thankfully, our team won the week in spite of that. I have to give major props to one of my teammates who, in an absolutely dire matchup, (do these guys have a bot or something?) found their one possible route for victory and successfully maneuvered their Pokemon to create the only opportunity we could hope for.

That crit was so fucking clutch. What a god.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to say to you guys. I just had to release all this excess excitement from our team clinching the final playoffs slot. If you wanna see more from me, be sure to check out the UPL threads for a chance to find my super hot and insightful predictions, potential manager evaluations, and more! LETS FUCKING GO
 
Lasen

Lasen

smiling through it all
is a Site Content Manageris an official Team Rateris a Top Social Media Contributoris a Forum Moderatoris a Community Contributoris a CAP Contributoris a Tiering Contributoris a Top Contributor
MMII said:
In this post we are going to talk about why you lucky sack of shits never deserve any of the wins you get. Also, only a small percentage of people that read my posts are actually followers. So if you end up liking this post, consider following. It's free and you can always change your mind. Enjoy the post!

For those of you who don't know me, I'm widely recognized as the whiniest player in Ubers. There's no amount of hax, no matter how small, that I can't use to invalidate the losses of myself or my teammates. Also, if I ever get a bad matchup, I'll be sure to spend at least 20 minutes telling everybody about it. In many respects, you can consider me the Neymar of Pokemon.

I'm a strong player I'll have you know. Like anybody, I might sometimes load a team that has an almost unwinnable matchup against Stall. The emphasis is on "almost", though. If my opponent actually does happen to load the archetype, I just use the telekinetic powers from my massive brain to convince them that they shouldn't switch to Tyranitar against my Substitute Darkrai.

You see, I'm not just a strong player. I'm a strong player in a generation with only three other draftable players. Can you believe GSC needed a list of at least ten to get into UPL? What suckers. Anyways, you might think that being a high demand pick in a low supply format would make my price skyrocket, but that's not actually the case! I just tell all my former managers to not draft me so that my price stays below 12k for the team that I actually want to play for.

So you see, this is why my team should never lose a week of Pokemon. There's just no possible reason for it unless the opponent somehow gets any bit of hax. Like, just last week, my teammate lost their game to an Ice Beam freeze. Can you believe it? Do you know what the fucking odds are for that ever happening? Zero. Yet they cheated, did it anyways, and then said "gg" as if they weren't uniquely and fully guilty of a crime against humanity. Thankfully, our team won the week in spite of that. I have to give major props to one of my teammates who, in an absolutely dire matchup, (do these guys have a bot or something?) found their one possible route for victory and successfully maneuvered their Pokemon to create the only opportunity we could hope for.

That crit was so fucking clutch. What a god.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to say to you guys. I just had to release all this excess excitement from our team clinching the final playoffs slot. If you wanna see more from me, be sure to check out the UPL threads for a chance to find my super hot and insightful predictions, potential manager evaluations, and more! LETS FUCKING GO
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