Serious What to do about Bullying?

[WaterBomb]

Now, I know I rustled a few jimmies in the other thread, so I don't want people to harp on what my opinions on these matters are. I'd expect everyone in this thread to be able to discuss their views in a healthy way without it degenerating into flaming.

I wanted this thread to touch on the issue of how Bullying is being combated in the US and elsewhere, and whether or not it's the correct defense. This thread is not about Bullying itself, but what we, as a society, should be doing about it. I know in the school systems I've been involved with they have a variety of programs going on to help educate people about, prevent, and support victims of bullying. Most schools have an Anti-Bullying specialist who helps victims of bullying confront their issues, and also helps to educate students and families about the problem at hand. Faculty and staff members are mandated to immediately report any instances of bullying they either directly witness or hear about from someone else. Outside organizations are occasionally brought in to give students further instruction and information on the issue. Celebrity and media involvement are bringing the spotlight to Bullying.

The questions I would pose to people in this thread are these:

• Is the current system, as a whole, working?
• If the current system is not working, what needs to change? All of it? Some of it?
• Should we be doing more? Less? Why?
• What should the roles of parents be? Teachers? Administration? Fellow students? The general public?

Obviously these questions are just a jumping off point, and I hope this thread is able to evolve into a much deeper discussion of the issue and how we can best fight it. I do believe that we, as a society, have a genuine desire to end the practice of bullying. The question at hand is...how?

Discuss away. Let me please remind you that I don't want flaming or insulting going on here, and such destructive posts will be removed.

 

[cookie]

the parents should rein in their demon spawn, it's as simple as that

there's only so much teachers can do 6 hours a day, especially when they have no real authority other the kids (nor anyone else for that matter)

of course, so many parents think their children are little angels and refuse to see the little shitcunts they turn into, and refuse to listen to teachers who tell them otherwise

it might help if teachers were actually respected members of society: *most* people don't dispute doctors when they tell them they have cancer. considering how the bar is set so low for teachers (in the UK at least) it's easy to dismiss what they're saying. Finland has an interesting school system where you can only become a teacher if you've got at least masters-level education, spent several years working as something else and generally done something with your life, so that you get the best minds teaching the future. If the people teaching your kids are successful and charismatic and more importantly had to go through stringent application processes you might be more inclined to give them the time of day - appeal to authority is a shitty cognitive bias but at least it can do some good here.

 

[kd24]

the problem with bullies is bullies are people too and understand how to avoid getting caught or avoid getting in trouble. when i did my student teaching i didn't see any bullies in the class but from my own history of high school i know there are bullies in every class so they were really fucking good at staying undetected. it's not even a thing to split up children in class ala the wire because some bullies prefer to be undetected in class or act as "friendly" class clowns.

i'd say the issue is there is no punishment for "bullies". some ways you could prevent it from happening from my experience though:

- gym teachers actually wait in the locker room while students change, as a lot of bullying happens here. a huge reason why is gym is usually the most diverse class, ranging from freshmen to seniors.

- always allow students to sit where they want in class, a lot of students will be less likely to bully someone who's seated with friends in a group rather than someone who's sitting alone with his head down

- have monitors in the cafeteria actually looking for signs of bullying - kids getting up to leave the cafeteria, one sided conversations where one kid isn't responding to the other (he might be ignoring a bully), etc...have them step in if so.

- never use assigned seating on the bus, just let the kids sit where they want. a kid making a mistake of sitting in the wrong place the first day could lead to him being stuck with some real asshole kids. i'd also suggest bus drivers play music in the bus as it's usually a way to get people involved with something other than another student

i dunno i could go on but like bullying is just such a difficult thing to actually stop because like it was said, parent's rarely ever will step in

 

[DHR-107]

of course, so many parents think their children are little angels and refuse to see the little shitcunts they turn into, and refuse to listen to teachers who tell them otherwise

This so hard. Parents never believe teachers.

When I was bullied at primary school it took most of a year for the teachers to actually realise it wasn't my fault or I wasn't provoking it. It was only when I got threatened with a metal cone (and then repeatedly hit with it) that the teachers actually did anything about it. Even then it was just a suspension and stuff (not like that is a punishment at all). Their parents were all "My little X didn't do anything like this!" and the teachers were kinda like "Well, we caught him doing it." It wasn't in my nature to fight back or anything like that (at that point), and they had me convinced I deserved it... So I just accepted it. That is something which has carried on throughout my life now, to the point where I've suffered from depression etc from lasting effects. That and several other things...

Overall, No I don't think the system works. Especially when it involves Girls bullying boys etc. Cause girls never lie, ever. /eye roll. I know most schools (if not all) now have a 0 tolerance policy, but if the kid is too scared to tell anyone (much like I was) then how does that help? Teachers should be being active about stopping it rather than waiting for someone to come tell them. I used to get dragged out of the middle of it by the dinner lady etc and she always said it was my fault ("Don't pick fights with people older/bigger than you"). Bullying at that age (8~11) *really* can fuck you up. The problem is at that age is you're still really getting used to people/learning relationships/exploring yourself as a person (which again happens at puberty). A lot of it gets missed as "boys just fighting cause boys" etc etc.

From my experiences back then (and even up to my uni years), I can tell you it is almost impossible to get anyone to believe you (regardless of their status). It's even worse when the bullying leaves no physical marks, and its not like you can get them arrested or anything like that for what they are doing to you. It's hard to even say if we can do more or less, I think people are combating it as well as they can, but it's just overall a very difficult circumstance to deal with. Most kids LOVE a few days off school for suspension/exclusion etc. It's only a punishment if their parents don't let them go out/play xbox/lose their phone etc.

I don't even know where I am going with this post, all I know is it is bad and it really can ruin your life and leave you with a lot of problems. More should be done if its possible.

 

[Shinryu]

I am more inclined to agree work needs to be done better on the parental side instead of relying on the school system to fix it, as bullying is just as much a psychological issue as it is physical. Especially today with all the social media crap that didn't really exist when many of us were kids, back in the early 2000s you had chat rooms, maybe boards, but nothing on the scale Facebook and twitter are that links people unwillingly or not.

 

[Soul Fly]

of course, so many parents think their children are little angels and refuse to see the little shitcunts they turn into, and refuse to listen to teachers who tell them otherwise

Bam. Spot on.

 

[GCSChris]

I feel like the whole "stop bullying" campaign is total bull shit because like cookie said teachers really can't do shit and aren't listened to. Anyways, I just wanted to point out that you can't stop bullying truely, because the bullies, no matter how much they are punished, usually still do it for whatever reason they do it for. So, to stop bullying, you would need to "fix" (for lack of a better word) or remove the bullies. That's not that realistic in my head , and I think that some schools do enough already.

 

[Perfect Cell]

(My thought process may seem a little scrambled, I've had 4 days of no sleep, so I apologize)

I can't say the system works in my eyes because I've seen several victims get screwed over by it, as well as myself.

The first problem is well, parents. Like a few posters above have said, parents often deny that Billy could ever be that mean/physical against someone. While I can see why parents don't like hearing their child has done something wrong(Would you?), they have to realize that another kid was possibly(probably) hurt by Billy. Out-right denying that he did anything wrong teaches Billy that he can get away with anything by "crying" to Mommy and Daddy. And he'll keep doing it again and again.

The second problem is teachers. While it's true that teachers can't be everywhere at once, often enough they don't help out at all when they see something wrong. Usually someone has to go to a teacher and tell him/her about the problem, rather than having the teacher intervene before/during the problem. And at most, what does the bully get? A detention, maybe a suspension, but the bully also gets more anger against the victim, and does it again and again.

Another problem can be bias, and this personally is what pisses me off the most. I've got a story about it, which I'll put in spoilers.

Hide

When I was in grade 7, there was a kid who was a sports super-star, straight A student, you name it, he was it. Let's call him John for future reference. Now, to the teacher, this kid was a fucking saint! Through their eyes, he was perfect student. In reality, John was a jerk towards several people, usually the smaller students. He was 6ft at the time too(compared to everyone else being around 5'6-5'8, albeit I was 5'10), so he could be intimidating. Well, one day, John decided to pick on me, calling me several names for being autistic(I do have Aspergers).

As you can see, I wasn't really looking forward to his bullshit, at all. As soon as he left, I went to my teacher and told her what John had said. Now here's the bias part, the teacher adored John, as she knew him personally(I think they were next door neighbours or some shit) and said "Oh, he probably didn't mean it at all".

As soon as I heard that, I was immensely pissed. I thought "What the fuck do you mean he didn't mean it at all? Why else would he say it? How can you be so fucking oblivious?".

The next thing I did was tell the principal, and John got a stern "don't do it again". Of course, that wasn't effective at all. I had to deal with his bullshit until grade 8 when he apparently got tired of it.

Again, I apologize if this post seems scrambled, I've had no sleep for the past 4 days, but I guess that's what I have to say.

 

[X5Dragon]

IMO the bullying student should be summoned immediately to the principles office, investigated, and it he is found guilty of bullying and not falsely accused he should suspended from school, summon his guardian, make him sign a waiver stating he won't do it again or else the police would be summoned and possible criminal charges filed against him. He will never look in anyone's eyes ever gain.

As for cyber bullying, especially on social websites...well fuck. I guess all you can do is raise parent awareness to the dangers of the internet and make sure they keep an eye on their children well being, and possibly raise age requirements to above teenager age.

 

[faint]

IMO the bullying student should be summoned immediately to the principles office, investigated, and it he is found guilty of bullying and not falsely accused he should suspended from school, summon his guardian, make him sign a waiver stating he won't do it again or else the police would be summoned and possible criminal charges filed against him. He will never look in anyone's eyes ever gain.

As for cyber bullying, especially on social websites...well fuck. I guess all you can do is raise parent awareness to the dangers of the internet and make sure they keep an eye on their children well being, and possibly raise age requirements to above teenager age.

for something like that to occur you would need to have a clear definition of what bullying is. i've never witnessed that cliche bullshit where someone is publicly humiliated or tortured like you see in movies, so what about the more subtle bullying (i.e someone taking continuous jabs at someone)?

also raising an age gate is not going to prevent or lower cyber bullying. bullying is not something that occurs between the ages of 8-14 and suddenly stops. and if you really think a parent is going to successfully prevent their child from using the internet until they're a teenager, you are either extremely naive or they are incredible parents.

 

[Hulavuta]

Teachers should be being active about stopping it rather than waiting for someone to come tell them.

I agree completely.

I feel like the whole "stop bullying" campaign is total bull shit because like cookie said teachers really can't do shit and aren't listened to. Anyways, I just wanted to point out that you can't stop bullying truely, because the bullies, no matter how much they are punished, usually still do it for whatever reason they do it for. So, to stop bullying, you would need to "fix" (for lack of a better word) or remove the bullies. That's not that realistic in my head , and I think that some schools do enough already.

This seems like the only solution to me, at least so far. But yeah, it doesn't really seem possible.

Out of curiosity, what do you guys think about standing up to the bullies? I was bullied a lot in middle school and early High School, and one day I just got sick of it and beat up the guy who was bullying me...he kept telling me he was going to kick my ass later but never did; he was just all talk. It didn't really stop the bullying itself though...after a while he just went on insulting me as usual, until he moved to New York a few months later. This really depends on the bully though, you can't really fight all of them, and sometimes it can only serve to make him want to torment you more...so I dunno really.

EDIT: Faint posted as I was writing this up, and he brings up a great point. Most bullying is just teasing and insults, or sometimes hitting, nothing really flashy or dramatic. I can't even imagine in middle school telling a teacher that "These kids are teasing me because I like Bionicle" or "These guys are spreading a rumor that I have a crush on an intern" or something. When I thought about it, it just seemed like such a silly thing to be upset over, even though it did hurt.

 

[ceelan]

Parents are indeed a huge factor when it comes to bullying, but from what I've experienced it's definitely not just the parents' fault. People come to my school all the time and try to get people to see the effect of bullying and so on, but I think the main problem is that the bullies just are not interested in what others have to say. The simply don't care what other people feel, they don't care about the long-term effects on people they've bullied, and they don't want to lose the influence they have on the weaker. If we are to fix something to cut down the bullying, we need to focus more on making sure bullies don't develop in the first place. I mean, no one's going to have a fun and dandy time as a child all the time, bullies help people get used to the harsh reality that is our modern society. But for those bullies that have been bullying for awhile, I would suggest giving them a taste of their own medicine in some form. Separation from the bullied I think will help decrease the amount of bullying, and humiliation can be your best friend in some cases.

Out of curiosity, what do you guys think about standing up to the bullies? I was bullied a lot in middle school and early High School, and one day I just got sick of it and beat up the guy who was bullying me...he kept telling me he was going to kick my ass later but never did; he was just all talk. It didn't really stop the bullying itself though...after a while he just went on insulting me as usual, until he moved to New York a few months later. This really depends on the bully though, you can't really fight all of them, and sometimes it can only serve to make him want to torment you more...so I dunno really.

Standing up to bullies works sometimes, but you really have to know what your doing and know what to say. Life doesn't work the way you want it, and it's not going to change by telling it that it's hurting your feelings. If you're going to stand up to a bully you have to humiliate them as they've humiliated you, and if you don't they you're going to look like a tool. But also was you said standing up to a bully can also fuel their motivations; at least, this is just from what I've observed; it's different for everyone. I've always dealt with bullies by ignoring them completely, since attention is what they want pretty much 100% of the time.

 

[X5Dragon]

Well bullying should be defined legally and considered a crime, and students should be clearly aware that this is no laughing matter and could lead to academic suspension or even jail depending on the severity and occurrence of this crime. As for the age requirement yes bullying doesn't stop but teenagers are hit hardest by it given their emotional imbalances during that age so extra care should be spent on them during that period.

 

[faint]

Out of curiosity, what do you guys think about standing up to the bullies? I was bullied a lot in middle school and early High School, and one day I just got sick of it and beat up the guy who was bullying me...he kept telling me he was going to kick my ass later but never did; he was just all talk. It didn't really stop the bullying itself though...after a while he just went on insulting me as usual, until he moved to New York a few months later. This really depends on the bully though, you can't really fight all of them, and sometimes it can only serve to make him want to torment you more...so I dunno really.

while i don't think this is fact i wanna say that a lot of people that are bullied are chosen because they look like the sort of person that would do nothing back. so personally i think standing up for bullying is great, but i don't think it's for everyone. i remember in 8th grade on our final day of school (we had graduation that night) there was one student who always gave me shit for the past 3 years. i always held myself and just let his comments go but that day i didn't care. he made his usual snarky comment just to get laughs from others so i turned around grabbed his head and smashed it into a radiator. the teacher wasn't in the room and everyone went silent for a few seconds but then we continued playing smash bros brawl (it was like bring shit in day because why not). he was actually held back that year which was unfortunate for me because i would have loved to see him appear at our graduation. :)

now while i don't think violence is the answer to everything, i think it's a big help with bullying. if you are an easy target i believe proving to them that you're not going to take their shit is the best decision.

Well bullying should be defined legally and considered a crime, and students should be clearly aware that this is no laughing matter and could lead to academic suspension or even jail depending on the severity and occurrence of this crime. As for the age requirement yes bullying doesn't stop but teenagers are hit hardest by it given their emotional imbalances during that age so extra care should be spent on them during that period.

the thing is though, most of us have been bullies ourselves. even if you're some advocate for the prevention of bullying you were most likely involved in bullying at some point in your life. maybe you laughed at the student being bullied, or maybe you could have done something about it but didn't. hell, i used to love when someone else was the target just so that i could join in on the "fun". it was like a relief to know that i was no longer the joke, someone else was. at the end of the day it's the actions of others that cause bullying. there is no 1 step fix to the problem, so i personally don't believe bullying will ever seize. i think that's why it's important for parents to better educate their children on how to respect others.

 

[ceelan]

Well bullying should be defined legally and considered a crime, and students should be clearly aware that this is no laughing matter and could lead to academic suspension or even jail depending on the severity and occurrence of this crime. As for the age requirement yes bullying doesn't stop but teenagers are hit hardest by it given their emotional imbalances during that age so extra care should be spent on them during that period.

Honestly I've always thought that would give people more of a reason to bully, because not only are you making someone feel like shit, but you're also being a "rebel" and breaking the law; rules and regulations make people more likely to do the opposite of what is desired. Also have you ever heard of a case recently where someone got in legal trouble for bullying? Maybe you have, but I sure as hell haven't. The law doesn't mean jack shit until someone is hurt, and by that point it's already too late.

 

[Mack the Knife]

I always find it odd that when a grown man beats another grown man, it's called assault. When a kid attacks another kid, people just say, "Oh, their just being kids." I find that pretty ridiculous. People should stop saying all things kids do are inconsequential.

 

[Jorgen]

Bullying seems like such a weird thing to target to me. What constitutes bullying isn't a specifically defined action. Instead it seems to be defined by a pattern of actions that are harmful and characterized by a power imbalance between two individuals. The problem is, from the outside looking in, it can be difficult to tell what's just children being inconsiderate, not-yet-socially-developed children, and what constitutes bullying. You need to have social context to identify bullying according to that definition, but in order to get that context mom, dad, and teacher have to basically smother each individual child. It's not feasible and it's not advisable for social development to do that.

 

[Brambane]

As someone who was bullied in high school and who had a best friend who was bullied, threatened and sexually harassed to the point she feared for her life, I discovered that the simplest solution is go directly to the administration. Squawk loud enough in the vice principal's face and something will be done. For me, the kid who was bullying me was moved to another class, got detention and never bothered me again. My friend stopped getting harassed after the boy was suspended and received a police referral. She was upset with me putting myself in danger (so honestly considered him dangerous) by telling the administration, but I think many people overestimate how dangerous their bullies are. They are people too, and wave the threat of discipline, be it by the school or law, and many of them will back off. The worst thing a kid can do is keep quiet about it. Are you scared you are going to be judged a tattletale? Who gives a shit? If you keep quiet, you are basically bending over so they don't have to work so hard to kick your ass.

And if your friend is being bullied, like mine was, do something. If you are really a friend, you will help them. Either tell them to grow a backbone and get help or if they are really too scared do it yourself.

We say "it's the parent's responsibility" or "it's the teacher's responsibility." It is not the responsibility of a couple groups of people. It's our responsibility. Everyone should be responsible. It's the victim's responsibility to speak up. It's the bully's responsibility to back off. And it's the responsibility of those who know what's happening to help end it. It was MY responsibility to stop my bully and to help my friend. If you want something done or want something stopped, then start working to do it yourself. One of the wonderful things about human potential is anyone has the strength to stop the pain of bullying. All you need to do is take the initiative.

 

[Deoxymoron]

I've talked to my friends about this before, and what we've realized is that No Tolerance is the only policy that actually comes close to working. It's true that the punishments can be unnecessarily harsh, but it does its job. It's definitely not perfect, but as long as bullies and their parents are scared of expulsion, it provides a pseudo-safety net. Like DHR-107 said, it's still not enough to eliminate the problem.

What we really need is a cultural shift. Enough people have to realize that our society and the way we treat bullying is fucked up, and they need to start teaching their kids that hurting others is wrong. Eventually things will change, but it's gonna take a long time.

 

[kd24]

im just gonna say standing up to bullies is too hit or miss. some of them actually know how to fight very well and you'll just embarrass yourself and they won't respect you for it while sometimes the old adage "they always catch the one who hits back" is very real...you could land yourself into more trouble and people will be less likely to help in response to future cries about bullying. very rarely will standing up to a bully work, i found through high school the only one time it worked to talk back to a bully, i traded insults with a guy and eventually he just became my friend because we tried to be funny with our insults and made the other guy laugh. looking back and compared to other experiences, i don't even find that to be bullying in retrospect - it was teasing in a way that didn't cross the line for me. but i've dealt with people who have crossed the line and there really is nothing you can do which is why the school really should find ways like i pointed out in my above post to help out.

 

[ScarfGren]

I think the decisive matter is how to prevent bullying from spreading/continuing. Say someone was bullied, and somehow that ended. Great. But that doesnt mean the bully wont bully someone else...

I think, if anything, Parents are too blame. There are a wide range of parents. My parents are pretty strict but can cut me some slack sometimes. But then we have those parents that dont seem to give a crap what their child does.

Hell, i have a cousin who got caught dealing Weed. He still does it. He still goes to school. He still smokes. How is that in any way, good parenting? My dad wouldve murdered me on the spot. And another good point was what cookie said, parents refuse to see their demon children the way they are. So if you have a blind lenient parent that doesnt take parenting serious, well, shouldnt something about that be done?

 

[jumpluff]

I do think parents are an issue, and I strongly believe that a lot of this type of behaviour is stirred up at home (not in all cases though), but from experience none of the schools I attended did much to stop me from getting bullied either. Teachers were very hands-off at my schools and always busy and, other than the one teacher on duty, never supervised what was going on. Eventually I dropped out because I'd switched schools several times and been homeschooled and I was having a nervous breakdown. I was constantly verbally and sexually harassed throughout high school and taunted throughout primary school. One person, whom I was referred to the police over, was given a three-day suspension and served two of it. The fact she was informed any further incidents would lead to actual police involvement + a restraining order did convince her to stop, though. I was constantly blamed throughout primary school for being sensitive and told that boys will be boys, you know what kids are like, etc., and expected to be the smarter and wiser one.

I did not find standing up for myself was a good strategy. I talked back and that provoked something far worse and that led to the girl getting suspended and ever since then I took to saying nothing whenever I was bullied. That didn't really deter people though. People say if you ignore them they'll stop, but other kids just thought it was really funny that I said nothing and kept going on about that too. An issue with using violence to fight back is many schools will punish you for retaliating as well and may even treat you as the aggressor, especially if you can't really prove there's been a campaign of harassment against you.

I feel like there are many incidents teachers could not have prevented in my/most cases, because nobody is stupid enough to do something like that in front of a teacher; people wait until they can get you alone or walking to class (when there are lots of people and lots going on and no teachers) or just coming in the gates or whatever, and if you don't have close friends, that is very easy to do. Hall monitors and shit (we don't have them here, nowhere I went anyway) would help, but then they can just get you in the bathroom/changing rooms. But I also feel like I was dismissed often because of the innocent-before-proven-guilty thing and my school didn't really care about me. When I began skipping class whenever I felt like it and going off to sleep in the library, nobody noticed because the teacher just stopped checking my attendance. They only realised because the librarian noticed I was in the library way more than I should've been. I think at least schools should have somewhere students can go that isn't in the playground, i.e. the library should always be open and not close during lunch because that's where bullied kids tend to go and it's harder to hide bullying in the library.

I believe that children are not, on the whole, taught to respect others' boundaries or to be considerate, empathetic towards, and tolerant of others and this is a problem. But schools try to drum in messages of tolerance and standing up to bullying and it never works. It is just a social dynamic of humans. For attention, to make themselves better, for safety in numbers, because they just plain don't like a person and think it's funny and want to marginalise them. I think a lot of bullies are set terrible examples by their parents, who use violence or fight a lot to get their way, or even outright encourage it in their children (I've seen my aunt encourage her sons to beat people up and shit down their throats; needless to say one of my cousins had a stint in jail before cleaning up his act). These kids still deserve an education and probably need counselling.

 

[inanimate blob]

Well, I remember from all the bullying lectures at school how people would refuse to take it seriously, and would tend to laugh even at actions even they do.

This might reflect a discord in society, with (harmless) bullying shown a lot in TV shows, whether it be a razz or two, or maybe a playful snarky comment. What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that these are TV shows - a black kid in real life may not respond to casual racism as Darryl on the Office. Hell, some kids make fun of nerds jokingly because of the Big Bang Theory, and I'm sure they don't appreciate being categorized with these extreme stereotypes.

Really, the only times they show bullying on TV they always make it hyperrealistic, like when Kurt was bullied on Glee (don't judge me). The normal show is fairly upbeat, so when they showed this intense stuff, it kinda throws people off guard. But, then they end the show right back to the upbeat stuff, and you quickly forget about the bullying because it really doesn't have time to sink in. I get that it's for ratings and stuff, but sheesh. If you're trying to send a message, make sure it's going to sink in.

So really, a large part of bullying comes from society's view of it, in my opinion. It's popularized and even rationalized on TV shows, and remember - the hero (almost) always wins, even when they are the ones doing the bullying. It doesn't really set a great example to impressionable youth, teens, and adults.

 

[ceelan]

Well, I remember from all the bullying lectures at school how people would refuse to take it seriously, and would tend to laugh even at actions even they do.

This might reflect a discord in society, with (harmless) bullying shown a lot in TV shows, whether it be a razz or two, or maybe a playful snarky comment. What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that these are TV shows - a black kid in real life may not respond to casual racism as Darryl on the Office. Hell, some kids make fun of nerds jokingly because of the Big Bang Theory, and I'm sure they don't appreciate being categorized with these extreme stereotypes.

Really, the only times they show bullying on TV they always make it hyperrealistic, like when Kurt was bullied on Glee (don't judge me). The normal show is fairly upbeat, so when they showed this intense stuff, it kinda throws people off guard. But, then they end the show right back to the upbeat stuff, and you quickly forget about the bullying because it really doesn't have time to sink in. I get that it's for ratings and stuff, but sheesh. If you're trying to send a message, make sure it's going to sink in.

So really, a large part of bullying comes from society's view of it, in my opinion. It's popularized and even rationalized on TV shows, and remember - the hero (almost) always wins, even when they are the ones doing the bullying. It doesn't really set a great example to impressionable youth, teens, and adults.

You make a very good point there; people do things for their own gain, they have a job so they can pay for shit, they eat healthy foods so they can live longer, they do things for others because helping makes them feel accomplished, and they socialize to get attention and recognition. They ways of which people socialize are determined based on what someone or some people held at high think is "cool," because everyone else wants to be noticed so they do what they do, and eventually other people feel pressured to do so. Media is kind of like a person in the sense that it has so much influence, so if people see the media romanticizing bullying then they're more likely to do it. If people actually cared about the prevention of bullying then they would stop being a bad influence.

 

[Gogeta]

Firstly, I really don't see how you can change the way parents raise children without reducing their reproductive rights, which is a whole separate argument to be having. So long as the child is not being raised in any imminent physical or emotional danger, then parents are free to raise their children in whatever way they please, teaching them whatever values they deem to be true. Liberal or conservative, Christian or atheist, passive or aggressive. It's simply not within the power of the state or the public to control what parents teach their children.

Then there's the education system. While it would be nice for teachers to actively prevent bullying, we must be realistic here. For one, bullies are not normally that stupid to bully someone when they can be caught by authority. They pick on people when they are isolated from help or are too afraid to ask for it. What can a teacher do if a student is showing no signs of being bullied and they haven't witnessed anything to suggest that one of their students might be a bully? Randomly interrogate them without evidence every so often? Teachers are also busy enough as it is, they don't have time to act as counselors as well (which is why most schools employ such people to deal with the student's issues). It's rare that a teacher will personally deal with students' emotional troubles, which while sad, is something that is to be expected when a teacher is paid to teach. It is my opinion that the onus lies on the victim to report bullying, not the teacher to seek it out. At the end of the day, most bullies do back down when threatened with severe action like exclusion, which is what happens if the victim makes their voice heard. It's just difficult for them to have the confidence to do that.

Which leads me to what I feel we as a society need to do in order to tackle bullying; make children confident in themselves. Bullies feed on the insecurities of their victims, but if they have no insecurities, then surely the bullying stops? I feel there's a number of ways we can do this. The first lies with the media. Mainstream media has a bad habit of normalising aesthetic extremities. By that I mean the external qualities of a person are valued in media far more than the internal qualities. Nice people with good values don't sell magazines or TV shows; sexy, good looking people with a liking for whatever the current fashion is is what sells. Seeing as this is what is shoved down our throats, it's natural to expect impressionable adolescents to want to be like that, and feel bad about themselves for not being like that. This is the very root of the problem; bullying would not be such a problem if our children were happy with who they were. As such, we need to campaign against airbrushed plastic girls in magazines, or TV shows that cast their stars based on their aesthetics and not their talent. If we do this, then perhaps the next generation will have role models that are genuine, not fake.

Then there's another part of this; not only do we need the media to value people's internal qualities over their external qualities, we as a society need to highlight people's internal qualities when they're around to appreciate it. In the long run, your eternal qualities are not what people are going to remember you by. No-one will say how sexy you were in your eulogy, but they will say how funny or kind or caring you were. If we're comfortable doing that when people are dead, why not when they're alive? It really puzzles me how reserved people are (boys more so than girls I would say, for various reasons) when it comes to being nice. If someone I know does something that I find impressive, I'll compliment them about it. You may not think you're saying much, but you may have just changed the way a person viewed themselves. These are just simple little changes to the way we act that I think could potentially solve the issue of bullying. Unfortunately I'm not sure how we would go about implementing this mindset without children realising it themselves. Schools could teach it, but doing it mandatorily is not how it should be done; it makes those kind words forced and meaningless.

To summarise, the best way to tackle bullying is to take away the weapon that bullies have rather than try to remove the bullies themselves. If our children are secure in who they are, then bullying simply can't be as effective. I apologise if this post makes little sense, it's late where I am and I've been trying to word this for like an hour now. I'll re-read it and edit it in the morning, so don't go too crazy if there's something nonsensical in here.