.

[crabnebula]

Heres what any sensible person at the age of 14 should be doing: studying. I was given this advice when I was 14 too and yes I resented it at that time. But now I understand the importance of it. There will be plenty of time to attend parties, go on dates, get girlfriends etc in life, but at 14 it is not it.

Now to improve the situation: do what you like. Doing things out of peer pressure is never a good idea and changing yourself is even worse. Half the world is introverted, you are not alone. You have just moved in a new neighbourhood, you do not know anyone. Everyone will have problems in making friends. This is why you do what you enjoy, even if you do not make friends, at least you'll have fun doing it.

And lastly, self-pity can give an enormous high in the beginning but it'll make your life worse in the longer run. Recognize and get out of it if you are able to. See a doctor if it continues as well.

 

[Acklow]

Uh, guys, he's 16, not 14. Check his profile.

 

[TaiCrunch]

All the suggestions still work whether he's 14 or 16 or 21 or 75.

 

[MofoAmbulance]

You get what you give, bro. I was like you, surprisingly at the same age, hardly any people who I could call genuine friends, going to a good school, moping around at home over the weekend over forums, desperately wanting a social life. Soon as summer 2008 started, though, things changed. I started making an effort to go out and meet new people (for me that was a local battle of the bands), and I met them in the dozens. It's surprising! 2 years on and I've got a great social life and some really good friends, although we're all heading off to uni now... still gonna stay in touch though!

You make the effort and they'll reciprocate it, that's how I see things. Best of luck, man!

 

[Curtains]

Talk to people, its not that hard there are many nerds out there that are in the same boat as you , your about to enter another portion of your life. Start with a clean slate and build your own life. Don't let the computer enslave your life. FInd a hobby, or start a club or join a club at school. Your young, so you have a lot of developing to do socially. Just chill and enjoy life.

 

[Pidge]

I would really focus on studying, and for heaven's sake if you're so distracted by the computer you need to keep yourself away from it.

Heres what any sensible person at the age of 14 should be doing: studying. I was given this advice when I was 14 too and yes I resented it at that time. But now I understand the importance of it. There will be plenty of time to attend parties, go on dates, get girlfriends etc in life, but at 14 it is not it.

Studying is important, but it seems like some of you are suggesting that all this guy should do is study in his free time. This is ridiculous, especially when you're only in high school. I think a little fun is required in life to be happy (and maybe to stay sane). If you want a tip on making friends, sports and clubs in your high school are a nice way to meet new people (and can help you a little when applying for college).

 

[cim]

I'll be the one to say it.

High school isn't that hard. You shouldn't be wasting your time studying more than you need to in order to get A's. It is much more valuable to learn to socialize than it ever could be to study excessively. If your grades are shit, then that's different, but studying isn't a blanket solution nor something you should spend all your time on in high school.

----

Anyway the rest of my post now that I've actually read the OP.

Parties? Girlfriend? You haven't even entered high school. Don't worry so much about people there because people in high school and middle school are rather different from the people you'll spend the best parts of your life with. Instead start by just socially interacting. Talk to some people, find some common interest, be awkward. It'll suck, you'll get shot down, but you'll get experience and you'll learn. If it gets tough or unbearable, just keep reminding yourself how little these people will matter for the rest of your life after school. You'll probably never see them again.

I'm a pretty normal person myself and I didn't date until I got to college. No relationship that happens in high school really ever lasts, and usually they're more trouble than they're worth despite what you might tell yourself. Trust me.

I would ignore most people telling you to use your computer to your benefit. It's a great tool and can help you start out socially but there is no substitute for face time.

Now about your high school choice, I'm curious. Why do you want to go there? Why do YOU want to go there? What do you plan to do there you can't do elsewhere? I'm not saying you don't have good reasons, but it's important to know what they are.

 

[Stylish Interval]

So uh

have you even attended the school yet? or are you going to go there and expect to have friends right away...

if it's the latter then, well, you're expecting *way* too much

also, a group of 10+ people going out isn't a date, nor is it a party. which is what i assume you mean when you say dates and parties. that's like a gathering of a bunch of friends who wanna hang out.

oh yeah one more thing

if all the people at the school you'll be going to will be similar to you, then you'll make friends and have a good time, don't worry about it.

 

[Miscellaneous]

I will go against what many people say on thsi topic: and actually say that you must not rush anything. People, especially girls, can sense if you are anxious or rushing or over-eager. Friends will come if you relax and be yourself. Girlfriends will come too. But if you charge around like a headless chicken into people demanding to be friends, you will be mainly faced with rejection.

Also, I'd limit your computer internet hours if you have problems with that - it's much better to talk to people irl. Humans aren't designed to sit behind a screen all day

Edit: At 14, you really shouldn't be worrying too much about all of this anyway. Dude you have loadsss of time. 15+ is the age where relationships tend to get worthwhile anyway, and not 1 week giggle fests. Chris is me has some excellent points too

 

[Nix_Hex]

I was a dorky kid until I picked up the bass at 16 (sophomore year). After that, I became a dorky kid who played cool music. Though usually I am shy, I have met some of the coolest people just by playing music with them. One of my best friends in high school, TM, was someone who I would never have thought I would talk to, being part of the "popular" crowd. One day after school I went to the back of the auditorium/chapel to get my bass, when I heard a guitarist and a drummer. The guitarist I had already met, but on drums was TM. Luckily, I had my amplifier at school too! I wheeled it into the room, plugged in, and started jamming with them. The session went something like this:

Now I don't know you you don't know me
But I can show you where's the beat
And you can do as you feel as long as you move
Two perfect strangers sharing a groove

I didn't even talk to TM the whole time, but the next day at school we crossed paths and exchanged a friendly "hey man!" We went on to become better friends by hanging out and/or jamming. We ended up playing talent shows, and the kids who worshiped him as a popular kid and talented drummer were now looking at me to and admiring my talent. Going back two years, I never would have envisioned myself playing Metallica songs in front of the whole school and receiving praise for it!

Also, high school is not what TV portrays it as. No one will be pinning you up against lockers, pounding you to the ground to get a couple of dollars of lunch money, throwing slushies in your face, beating you up for playing Pokémon, etc. Sure, people are generally assholes and you like anyone else will receive verbal flack from those who are even more insecure than you are, but stay away from people like that and you'll be fine.

Think of high school as a place to start anew. Freshman year will suck, guaranteed, but by sophomore year, a lot of the tension dies down and you'll find friends. Another trick is hanging out where people like you hang out. You make yourself out to be pretty dorky, so avoid the battlegrounds of the jocks, cheerleaders, and wannabes, and head to the library during lunch and hang out with dorks. Who cares if you become part of a nerd posse? If you find dorky friends who will be there for you and back you up, then you've gained much more than if you became a follower of kids more popular than you.

 

[Chou Toshio]

Just wondering, do the 29 luvdiscs for this thread say "sadistic" or "supportive" on our part? both? xD

shadenfroide baby (or however it is properly spelled in German)

Good Luck kid, you'll be fine.

 

[Alan]

So I was going to avoid posting in this because to be honest I have felt the same way as you/been in the same scenario before when I was in middle school. But then I realized I can probably give solid advice. I was also avoiding to post here because now I have to go delete another old post to make it so I still have 1337 posts but here goes.

So basically you feel alone/ignored for the most part is what I gather? Well good news is that its your last year at this school (unless its one of those middle schools that goes through grade 9 in which case sorry kid). Anyway I was really really shy in middle school (I still am in new settings but less so) and had like 3 friends I would always talk to/hang out with. Then in 9th grade I was pretty much the same way + stress out the wazoo because I severely underestimated the jump from middle school to high school. In my sophomore year of high school I started to "come out of my cage" an expression I am sure you are familiar with, but just in case, it means you become less introverted and start to try to "force" yourself (for lack of a better term) into a circle(s) of friends. I pretty much did it because I was like "yo this isn't cool I'm lonely but I shouldn't be because I am a rather hilarious (also modest) person." I started to crack jokes in class and I would make people laugh and then we would get to talking and stuff and I made friends. It was just dandy. It was all because I wanted to do it.

Now you're probably thinking to yourself, "Just one minute Alan, thats good advice and all, but I don't posess any of those qualities! What should I do?" Well fear not. Think of it in terms of pokemon. You didn't know the right people to talk to the first time through did you? You didn't know what kind of pokemon would be the best in game and odds are you probably traded your Spearow for that Farfetch'd in Vermillion not realizing that Farfetch'd's level up and TM movepool is God-awful in RBY. It took at least one playthrough to realize what is good, who you should talk to and the fastest way to beat the game. "Okay, Alan I'm completely lost, I though Farfetch'd was cool because it had a stick, what does this have to do with my introvertedness?" Well you probably talked to or fought every trainer in the game the first time through. Or if you didn't it means your psychological fear of encounter is far deeper than one posting in this thread could ever imagine. So just imagine that all those trainers you had to battle were real people and that life is one big pokemon journey, only there aren't any bad pokemon-jacking theives, you don't have to battle the elite four and you really shouldn't freak out and grab for your belt if you lock eyes with another human being.

"Hmm, okay I think I got it, than--" HOLD ON SPORT, I'm not done yet. Your journey is filled with obstacles beyond mere communication with other people, it goes much deeper than that. You gotta talk to girls, you gotta talk to your boss, teachers, parents and a plethora of other encounters that you probably won't want to do. But guess what? Lifes a bitch and then you die. You only live once so you better try to make as big a social network as you possibly can.

ONE LAST POINT -- Naturally a Professor Oak cannot send you into the tall grass without a long-winded speech about his job that doesn't matter at all in the big scheme of things, I cannot send you out on a journey without this last bit of advice. You will not change anything about yourself, unless you want to change. You gotta say to yourself, "I don't want to trade away my Spearow and have a Farfetch'd, I want MY Fearow!" That is the only way any of this will ever happen. Your very own journey is about to unfold...

 

[mtr]

Just wodering, do the 29 luvdiscs for this thread say "sadistic" or "supportive" on our part? both? xD

shadenfroide baby (or however it is properly spelled in German)

Good Luck kid, you'll be fine.

*Schadenfreude

Also, it might be supportiveness because for a lot of us, this is the "story of our lives".

 

[Morm]

*Schadenfreude

Also, it might be supportiveness because for a lot of us, this is the "story of our lives".

That alone speaks leagues about this site and how it functions.

Another great way to get your social life going is to join a team or a club. That gives you an instant cohort and you'll be able to make friends easy since you already have something in common. That's why university is so prime for meeting friends and getting a girlfriend, you can find someone with stuff in common with you in virtually every class!! Sports teams are a good bet, I joined wrestling and became super ripped etc etc back in the day and had instant friends. If you don't like sports, you can always try chess club or some other school program like that. Failing that, look outside your school for a class appropriate to your age group.

 

[Tobes]

I don't really think you hate your life. I think you just resent yourself for not being what you think you can be. So, what you have to do is get better than yourself. Try harder at everything you do. Roll with the punches. Learn from your mistakes so you make less of them. I know this is easier said to done. I know I'm still trying to improve myself. And I've got quite a long way to go. But if you quit, nothing changes. You stay a social pariah. You keep on living a life you hate. So don't quit. Keep fighting until you beat yourself. You can't make the future come any faster. So don't worry about it. Focus on the now.

God that sounds so corny on a second read-through.

 

[cim]

While not in exactly the same context, I stumbled across a letter someone wrote in an advice column today that could be helpful to the OP. Source: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=4642012

Be aware the letter is somewhat sexual since it's a sex advice columnist.

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was a young teenager and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most young teenage boys are repulsive—that is, they are half-formed works in progress. Girls mature physically more quickly than boys, which means most girls your age already look like young women and they're generally attracted to (slightly) older boys—and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair, HUTB. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read about birth control and STIs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation—no more than 10 times a day—and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, HUTB, nor does a mouth, an anus, titty fucking, dry humping, or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, HUTB, you will vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls.

Good luck, kiddo.

 

[McGrrr]

Dear OP,

Make a list of the following:

1. 5 things that you believe would make you happy
2. the last 5 times you enjoyed yourself
3. 5 things (they could be abstract) you want to have
4. the 5 things you have that you value most

Now get a sense of perspective.

---

Life is hard, and each step is harder than the last. Everyone is fighting their own personal battle. Understand that you are not alone, but realise that what you make of life is down to you. Education is overvalued but you cannot take it for granted. There is more than one way to arrive at where you want to be, and it is ok to take the scenic route. However, you must be prepared to break a sweat at some point. In a vaccuum, hard work trumps talent almost every time.

As for girls... sort your other shit out and things will fall into place.

Be pragmatic, but be optimistic. Things have a way of working out.

Keep on truckin'.

 

[diinbong]

High School parties are shitty. High School dating is shitty. The people involved in these activities feel awkward 100% of the time. It is practically expected.

Just remember that you are always in control of whether you're having fun or not. Be your own leader... set some goals. Don't worry a lot. Seriously, everyone has a tendency to overthink things in social situations but if you chill you'll do a lot better (I promise). Just try to enjoy yourself!! Life is short and that's really the only thing you can do!

 

[Chou Toshio]

*Schadenfreude

Also, it might be supportiveness because for a lot of us, this is the "story of our lives".

:(

That alone speaks leagues about this site and how it functions.

Another great way to get your social life going is to join a team or a club. That gives you an instant cohort and you'll be able to make friends easy since you already have something in common. That's why university is so prime for meeting friends and getting a girlfriend, you can find someone with stuff in common with you in virtually every class!! Sports teams are a good bet, I joined wrestling and became super ripped etc etc back in the day and had instant friends. If you don't like sports, you can always try chess club or some other school program like that. Failing that, look outside your school for a class appropriate to your age group.

I definitely support the wrestling. :)

Aside from my wrestling career, through middle and early high school I was totally classified "pokemon nerd" socially, and all my friends were gamers (though I never had the attention span to be one myself).

I got a lot of ridicule and crap from my teammates, but the thing is that people keep getting older-- they keep getting more mature. You and those around you usually grow more and more accepting and comfortable with yourselves and others.

And the thing about wrestling (or sports, especially if you are a guy), all you have to do is keep winning. Destroy your opponents and those who would challenge you for a spot, and you will command everyone's respect. Even if you can't do that, as long as you show you are working harder than everyone else, you will again, command their respect. Once you have respect, a little bit of humor and humility will put you straight into the "popular crowd."

That's how I did it anyway . . .

Though this doesn't work too much if you are a girl . . . they have a way of hating you even if you do bring in wins for the team . . .

 

[Morm]

but the thing is that people keep getting older-- they keep getting more mature. You and those around you usually grow more and more accepting and comfortable with yourselves and others.

I can agree with this, actually. As I get older, I appreciate teenage girls more and more.

I was the dinosaur nerd. Everyone woulda made fun of me if I wasn't a national wrestling champ. High school was a pile of crap, but university was amazing.

 

[Acura]

Ah high school! Try the complete series of Daria on dvd... I'm sure it's still as relevant as it was 10 years ago. It portrays the different kind of guys and the kind of girls they end up with. Also, find a good friend who you know you'll want to keep for a long time. You'll appreciate having a strong friendship when times are tough...

 

[cim]

Ah high school! Try the complete series of Daria on dvd... I'm sure it's still as relevant as it was 10 years ago. It portrays the different kind of guys and the kind of girls they end up with. Also, find a good friend who you know you'll want to keep for a long time. You'll appreciate having a strong friendship when times are tough...

Daria is a great television program and it's required viewing for any outcast in high school.

 

[WeGotTheJazz]

You much of a music person, OP?
Listening to music takes very little effort, makes you more interesting with every new track you hear and is very very enjoyable. Developing your music knowledge and then talking about it with others is a great way to make friends.

EDIT: If you're feeling a little more adventurous (sp?) then take up a musical instrument as well. +1000 cool points as well as a very fulfilling hobby.

I don't think "improving yourself" should be all about widening your social circle. You should have a genuinely fun time while doing so.

 

[OGsloane]

Yo dude, whoever let "not getting the invite" stop them from going to parties? Crash that shit lol. long as you got an 18 rack, can fight or scrap at least, and a friend/girl with you, you're set. I was never really an outgoing socialite, but at least have that I don't give a fuck attitude if you're going to be quiet and stuff. Even when I got put on the spot and was nervous and red in the face, I was never giving a fuck and did what I wanted. Not like you'll die anyways. Feign confidence, it's hard, but you'll eventually turn into a real badass. The times when people call your bluff, you might be in fighting situations, but thats the cool shit right there. You'll eventually get good at it anyways lol. Anyways, that's my advice. Do what you want dude.

 

[Bad Ass]

Yo dude, whoever let "not getting the invite" stop them from going to parties? Crash that shit lol. long as you got an 18 rack, can fight or scrap at least, and a friend/girl with you, you're set. I was never really an outgoing socialite, but at least have that I don't give a fuck attitude if you're going to be quiet and stuff. Even when I got put on the spot and was nervous and red in the face, I was never giving a fuck and did what I wanted. Not like you'll die anyways. Feign confidence, it's hard, but you'll eventually turn into a real badass. The times when people call your bluff, you might be in fighting situations, but thats the cool shit right there. You'll eventually get good at it anyways lol. Anyways, that's my advice. Do what you want dude.

my advice is don't do this.